I woke up, which I hadn’t expected. That was nice.

What wasn’t nice was the extreme amount of pain I was in. My side was afire with a throbbing ache of broken bones, but so was my other side, my head and my hips. Apparently someone had given me a beating while I was out of it. I doubt it was Mr. Rasp, unless I got a completely incorrect read on his character.

“Just let me cut a piece off him!” A voice muffed by a wall said, which I recognized as the crazy Australian.

I tried to move and found I was bound by manacles, a discovery that came with small jabs of pain as they dug into my wrists. I attempted to open my eyes and was puzzled to find that there was nothing to open. Oh, right, the tentacle transformation thing. I guess I was blindfolded? I moved my head a bit and felt a blindfold on my face. Weird that a piece of cloth could blind me when I always assumed that my lack of eyes in this form meant that I didn’t actually see by light. I also noticed that aside from the blindfold, I was naked.

A little more experimentation showed that my tentacles were similarly bound, even the injured one. I lay on my back on a raised platform, probably a table, with my arms and tentacles stretched off its surface and anchored to various parts of the room. My legs were pulled to the side of the table so that my feet hung off and were bound together under the table in way that made my hips hurt like a motherfucker. But, considering, it was just another loud noise in a cacophony of pain.

Another voice, a deeper, calmer one replied, though it wasn’t as loud so I couldn’t make it out.

“He set me on fire, Terrance!” Aussie yelled. “I want him to suffer.”

Laughter preceded doors opening to the room I was in. “I’m sure nothing you can do will compare to what awaits him,” Terrance said.

I debated biting my tongue and trying to bleed to death, but knew the opportunity had passed. I needed them to leave before I would try that. I just needed—

A fist landed right in the place Mr. Rasp had punched and I screamed in pain. The shock of the blow made it come out as a breathy hiss.

“Oh, he’s awake,” Terrance said from the other side of the table. “I’m rather impressed.”

I tried to reply but all I managed to do was flap my lips and spittle a bit. It was too bad, because I had something really witty to say.

“You’re going to pay, fuckface,” the Aussie said from right next to my ear.

I started to laugh. I couldn’t help it! The laughing sent waves of pain through my torso and hips but it was just fucking hilarious. Aussie punched my face which just made it all the funnier.

“What’s so fucking funny?!” Aussie roared, deranged.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. I bet if I had eyes right now I’d be crying. “You are!” I wheezed. “You’re going to sacrifice me to the Doorman, and you think your limp-dick threats are going to scare me!” I started laughing harder, until I felt something shift in my chest and my laugh turned into a grown of pain. “You act like me burning you is some great crime,” I said, chuckling through the pain. “Like you assholes aren’t the ones who started it. It’s HILARIOUS.”

The Aussie started beating me, which is what I’d hoped for. Maybe he’d use one of his many knives and kill me. Unfortunately there was a pulse of pain from somewhere and the crazy Australian cried out and backed away from me.

“Enough, Stephan,” Terrance said. “He’s goading you.”

I heard Stephan snarl and stomp away. Fuck.

“You ruin everything,” I muttered, spitting blood to the side.

“So I’ve been told,” Terrance said with irony. “Though I must say I am impressed with you, it’s not every day someone manages to get the best of not one, but three of my compatriots. It’s no wonder my patron desires you to such a degree.”

“I’ve always wanted to be popular,” I said.

Terrance laughed. I hated how pleasing it sounded. “I really am regretful of this, but He—“ I could hear the capitol H. “—really drove a hard bargain for us to come and get you. Seems you have something he wants.”

If I had eyes I’d roll them. “Ha! He’s shit out of luck.”

I got the sense that Terrance shrugged. “It makes no difference to me,” he said. There was a noise of a lighter being struck, followed by the smell of tobacco smoke. “I’m being compsated for your delivery, not whatever items you may or may not possess.”

Stomping footsteps announced the arrival of another person. “My contract is complete, and I am collecting payment,” Mr. Rasp said, his voice tired and breathy.

“We haven’t delivered—“

“You did not hire me to deliver,” Mr. Rasp interrupted. “You hired to—“ there was a rustling of paper, which I assumed Mr. Rasp began reading from. “’To aid in the capture of the sacrifice indicated in the description listed on page six.’” I heard the paper being lowered. “Sacrifice captured, contract complete. Payment. Now.”

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

There was a long paused before Terrance sighed. “Fine,” he said at length. “Follow me.”

I was alone again. I debated biting my tongue but I didn’t think I had the strength to do it now. It’s really hard hurting yourself and I think Stephan dislocated my jaw. It wasn’t working right.

“Colm.”

I startled, rattling my chains. I recognized that voice.

“Alish?” I rolled my jaw painfully. “Alice?”

“Shhh,” she replied. “Keep your voice low. Is there anyone with you?”

I was about to answer affirmative when I paused. I lay back for a moment and concentrated, using my enhanced hearing. I couldn’t hear anyone other than myself breathing. How the fuck was Alice talking to me?

“I don’t think so,” I murmured. “I’m blindfolded but I can’t hear anyone.”

She didn’t reply, but a few moments later I heard a door slowly open followed by quiet footsteps. “Oh, Jesus,” I heard Alice say above me.

“You should see the other guy,” I muttered.

“Why do you have tentacles?!” She hissed as she began fiddling with my restraints.

“Oh, they’re terribly useful,” I said, a slight slur in my speech. “I think everyone will be wanting them in the future.”

“Are you quoting the Princess Bride? Now?” She asked in exasperation.

“Not like I have a lot else to do,” I replied.

There was a click and the manacle on my right arm fell off my wrist and to the floor. I groaned and my arm seemed to curl up against my chest of it’s own accord, the stretched muscles burning like crazy. I felt Alice move to the tentacle closest to her.

“Don’t bother,” I said. “Do my legs.”

I probably should have thought of it earlier, but to be fair to myself I had been beaten pretty thoroughly. While she moved to my legs I focused on the knowledge I had gained earlier and my tentacles shifted, the manacles sliding off them as they became less in line with this reality. If I get a moment later I’ll have to fiddle with them at length and figure out if there was more I can do with the strange knowledge.

I flexed my tentacles, feeling the weight coming off my shoulders as they became semi-insubstantial and with my newly freed hand yanked my blindfold off. Just then Alice removed the restraints on my legs, stood up, caught sight of me and nearly screamed.

“Colmwhatthefuckiswrongwithyourface!?”

She said the sentence so fast the words ran together and I motioned at my other wrist which was still manacled. “It’s not permanent,” I said, my urging her forward. “Let’s focus on getting out of here?”

She took a deep breath and circled the table to my other arm and began to unlock it. Now that my... eyes, for lack of a better term, were uncovered, I could see she had one of those automatic lock picks where you stuck them in a lock and pulled the lever, the law of averages doing the work for you. Several clicks later and the manacle released my wrist. I put my feet on the floor and tried to stand, which was a mistake. Pain flared up my hips, ribs and back and I collapsed to the ground, weak as a kitten.

“Jesus, Colm, they worked you over,” she said, putting my arm over her shoulder and lifting me up. I hissed as the motion sent pain through fucking everything. She was surprisingly strong, hefting me up with barely a grunt and moving towards the back of the room, practically dragging me as my feet were still mostly numb from the odd binding I’d been in.

I heard footsteps approaching.

“They’re coming,” I hissed, drawing an alarmed look from Alice. She glanced back—no, dammit, keep moving!—cursed, then began to move with less concern for my comfort and more for speed. Under the circumstances I forgave her. I focused on the knowledge again and made my tentacles solid again, using them to support more of my weight. I noted, pleased, that my injured tentacle had healed somehow during the transitions. That was handy.

We were out of the room, moving into the big game room that Alice had played poker in. There were hundreds of passengers and crew sitting on every available surface, with a half dozen guards at the entrances and exits. No one paid us much notice.

“Alice, what the fuck is going on?” I hissed at Alice.

“Shut up!” She hissed back, effort layered in her voice. “Can you do something about your tentacles? It’s making it a lot harder to maintain my spell.”

Spell? Oh right, if she can summon Trix she probably had other magic she can do. God, I’m so used to being the only asshole who can do magic. I stopped helping with the tentacles and moved them behind me as much as possible. As we walked, I caught a couple of the passengers squinting their eyes at us. Shit. Uhhhhh. I thought back to the knowledge Other Me gave me and used it to "shove" the tentacles in a metaphyisical direction they usually are, part insubstantial, part physical, part otherworldly. I focused on the insubstantial and shoved more in line with that.

It felt weird. But something happened. I glanced over my shoulder and… couldn’t see them. At all. My shoulders even looked normal. I felt my eyes and—Ow! My eyes were back!

You and me are going to have a talk when this is over, I said to Other Me. Other Me, characteristically, didn’t respond.

“Whatever you did, it’s working,” Alice said, her voice half grunt. Sweat was dripped down her forehead.

I could still feel them though. Even those the tentacles were invisible, I could still feel them. We were passing along the back of the room, making a bee line to a servants door that was only being guarded by a single, dim looking guard. As we approached, he blinked slowly, opened the door and stood aside as we hobbled by.

“Did you ensorcell him?!” I asked when the guard closed the door behind us.

“Oh shut up,” Alice said, clearly releasing whatever spell she’d been holding. “You sound like my nana.” She threw me a glance. “At least your eyes are back to normal.”

She took me down various corridors but it was mostly a blur to me. It was all I could do to not collapse out of exhaustion and pain. Finally she got me into a place and set me to lie down on a cot of some kind.

“Mère de Dieu,” a familiar voice said. “What did they do to him?”

“Hi Ida,” I said. Or at least, I tried to. I think the actual thing I said was “hiza.”

“I need to get a healing spell on him,” Alice said. “I’m pretty sure he heals well on his own, given how much he’s been through in the last two weeks, but he’ll need help if he’s going to be any use.”

Healing magic?! I perked up. “Helling?” I asked. I think my wounds were catching up to me. My jaw ached like crazy and I was sure it was dislocated. Did it come loose on the way down? I probably just didn’t have the strength to talk through the pain anymore.

“Yes, healing,” Alice said, pulling out a jar and a paintbrush from a bag under the cot. She unscrewed the lid and a singularly pungent smell filled the room, making Ida cough. It was like concentrated Vick’s Vapor Rub and gasoline. Cleared my sinuses, at the very least.

As Alice began drawing symbols on my face and chest—which was it’s own little torture, as the thing tickled—Ida placed a towel over my nethers to which I gave her a weak thumbs up. Ida gave me a pained smile and turned to listen at the door.

While Alice worked I studied the room. It looked like another service room, but there was dust on most of the surfaces. Some rust on some of the fastenings. What was strange was the sink and two faucets in the corner. What was this room?

Finally Alice put away the brush and grabbed my face, forcing me to look at her. “Colm, this is going to hurt. Okay? I’m going to be sending my magic through your body and it’s going to accelerate healing, but it’s also going to just move broken bones back into place and a bunch of other shit that’s going to be very unpleasant. I need you not to fight me and not struggle.”

I sighed. “Kay,” I said, resigned.

Alice tried to give me a reassuring smile. She moved her hands to my torso, one over my heart and one over my belly. I felt her gather up power and then… nothing. One minute passed. Then two. I was about to ask if anything was happening when sudden, electrifying pain shot through me.

Fuck it, I’m out.

Wake me up when it’s over.