Ryan was silent for a long moment. Perhaps it was because he had never expected Hawkins to trust him, but he hadn’t even noticed when she had started to. Telling him about Blake, that had been harder for her than she made it seem at the time. And this was how he repaid her? He was being an ass and he had no excuse for it, other than that he really didn’t want to talk about this, not to her, not to anyone. But perhaps that was the problem. Treating like a dark secret, like something he should be ashamed of, only made it worse. Maybe it was time.

“My father was a trust fund kid, you know?” he sighed heavily. “When he met my mother, he was living off a large inheritance from his mother. The family had been in textiles or something, no one ever really bothered to explain it to me. He wasn’t the suave, playboy rich kid from Hollywood movies, though. He had been so coddled and sheltered by his mother that he could barely function in society. Shortly after she died, he met my mother in a bar. She knew an easy mark when she saw one. He told her all about his inheritance that first night. After that, my mother took quite a shine to him, shockingly. My father was naïve man and my mother pursued him aggressively. By all accounts, he fell madly in love with her. They were married after only 3 months.”

He stopped and took a long breath. Steeling himself, he continued.

“It went about as well as you would expect. My father could never bring himself to deny her anything. She was basically his only human relationship, and she had replaced his mother in controlling his life. He couldn’t bear to make her unhappy. His young bride, for her part, dedicated herself to spending every dime of his substantial inheritance, as fast as she could. It took ten years, but she managed it. In the meantime, they had two children. Not that they even seemed to notice. They never really spent any time with us. Usually, we were in boarding schools, or with nannies. Then, when I was about 8, the money finally ran out. My mother had been borrowing heavily, and all the properties were mortgaged several times over. She had hidden it from my father as long as she could, but the banks had cut her off, and the payments were coming due. I heard them arguing about it that night; not that I understood what it meant at the time. Early the next morning, I got up to get a drink of water. I could hear my father snoring in his bedroom as I walked past the door. I went into the kitchen, and that’s when I saw my mother. She had a suitcase in her hand, and she was just opening the front door to leave. It was a long time ago, and my memory is a little hazy, but I am sure I asked her where she was going, and all she said was that she was bound for greener pastures. Then she was gone. Didn’t even say goodbye. I didn’t think much of it. My mother was always coming and going, meeting her bookie, other men, whatever. So, I went back to bed.

The next day, when my father woke up, I learned what had really happened: my mother had stolen everything that they had left and taken off. She even left a note telling him not to look for her. My father was devastated. Somehow, he had truly loved her, and now she was gone, and he was ruined. She had only ever been interested in the money. She didn’t care about him, and she certainly didn’t care about my brother and I. Evidently, my father didn’t care much about us either, because when we arrived home from school the next day, we found him in the living room. He’d put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. His brains were misted all over the wall behind the couch. He didn’t even bother to make sure that his 7- and 8-year-old sons weren’t the ones who found him. The bastard couldn’t even spare us that much thought. We never saw my mother again, not even at my father’s funeral. And after that, my brother and I were shipped off to separate foster homes and we lost touch.”

He rubbed his face with his hands.

“It’s been a long time, and I thought I was past it, but everything from Martin’s house is so familiar… I don’t know,” Ryan sighed. “It didn’t really hit me until I got to some of the records of his gambling debts, his failed business ventures. All that stuff could have belonged to my mother. He’s just like she was. A two-bit con artist. Pathetic. She didn’t give a damn about her family or who got hurt in her schemes. In the end, Martin left his family, just like she did, and now his wife and his kid are all alone, left to pick up the pieces. And I could have handled that, really, I could have. But it was 25 years yesterday, since my mother left. 25 years today since my father killed himself. Every year, I think it will be easier, but the anniversaries have always been tough. I let it get to me, and I shouldn’t have. I apologize.”

The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

Hawkins listened quietly to his story, waiting for him to get everything off of his chest. Finally, after he had been silent for a time, she spoke,

“I am sorry, Stone” she said softly. “Losing a parent is… well, I understand how hard that can be.”

“Some parents,” he snorted. “My father was a pathetic coward, and my mother was a thief and a sociopath. Sometimes, I wonder what that says about me,” he sighed.

“Nothing,” she replied firmly. “You aren’t your parents. And you may be many things, but you certainly aren’t a coward. Or a sociopath.”

“I know that. Most of the time. But part of me can’t help but wonder…” he shook his head slowly.

Hawkins nodded, sympathetic.

“I really am sorry about today,” Ryan rubbed his hands across his face. “I should have dealt with this better. After all these years, it shouldn’t surprise me.”

“I think I can understand why you didn’t. I apologize if I was a bit harsh, just now. Do you need to take today off, try again tomorrow?” she asked.

“I think I’m alright,” he said slowly. “I just need to… take care of one thing. I’ll be back in an hour, and then I promise I will get some work done.”

“Are you going somewhere?”

“Yeah. I won’t be long.”

“Alright. Just tell me where you need to go. I’ll drive.”

“I’m fine, Hawkins. Really.”

“You do remember that we are in law enforcement, right? You are in no shape to be driving anywhere. I’ll give you your privacy, just let me drop you off.”

“Alright, alright,” he relented.

She was probably right, he reflected. He had taken a cab in today for that very reason, so a ride would be nice. What the hell, he’d already told her everything, might as well let her tag along, if that was what she wanted.

“Let’s go,” he motioned for her to follow him.

Hawkins pulled the car into the graveyard and parked. Ryan got out the passenger side and left the car and Hawkins behind. She’d agreed to wait until he was ready to go. After a moment of searching, he found his father’s grave and placed flowers on the headstone. He brought flowers here every year, more out of a feeling of obligation than any filial love. He wasn’t really that upset about his father’s death. After all, he had barely known the man. He supposed what really bothered him was the legacy; for 25 years, he had wondered, was this really the man he was destined to become? And maybe he came here because part of him still regretted never having a father that cared, thought that if he went through the motions of caring himself, it would mean that they had been a real family. But he wasn’t going to find closure from a corpse, no matter how many years he came back here. So maybe it was finally time to let it go. That man in the grave wasn’t worth the time and energy Ryan had wasted on him. He decided then and there that this would be his final trip to the graveyard. There was nothing for him here. That resolution would have felt more freeing, Ryan reflected, if hadn’t made that same promise to himself every year. Still, maybe this time it would stick. Ryan turned away from the tombstone and headed back towards the car, suddenly he didn’t want to spend even another moment here. As he walked, he saw Hawkins a short distance away, standing between two graves. He stopped, watching for a moment, unsure if he should approach. Her head was down, and there was a sadness on her face that told him these were not simply the graves of strangers. He stole a glance at the names: Grace and Gerald Hawkins. Noticing him standing there, she looked up.

“Sorry, did I keep you waiting?” she asked. “I just thought I’d pay my folks a visit, while we were here. It’s only polite.”

“Please, take all of the time you need,” Ryan stammered. “I can go wait by the car, if you want.”

“No, I’m done, let’s head back. Ready to get some work done?” she asked.

“Yeah. I’m good. Let’s find this guy already,” he nodded. “He’s been a free man for too long.”

They walked back to the car, and Ryan tried his best to leave his past behind with the graves. He had better things to do than think of his family, they weren’t worth it.