Shifra sat cross-legged by the juvenile giganotos, scratching their feathers and watching them play in a recession in the ground, their watchful parents nearby. She should have been afraid, but she’d spent so much time with these over the last while, she’d grown comfortable with them, and they with her.

She was still tired from her ordeal on Jebuthar’s ship. Her father hadn’t really spoken to her apart from to find out if she’d been hurt or abused. And she knew why.

He was going to let her die.

The fate of Ateya had hung in the balance, if her father had just surrendered, Narazoth would have conquered the world. Her father had done the right thing. It made sense.

So why did it hurt so much?

These thoughts had brewed in her mind day and night, and she couldn’t get them out. They came as a constant assault and barrage. She’d been living in a constant state of inner turmoil, trying all at once to let it go, to understand, to be upset, and to talk to her father. It was exhausting. Kaiato had been supportive, but she didn’t speak to him about this. Kaiato wasn’t with her father or with her when Jebuthar had laid down his sadistic choice.

She stopped scratching the giganotos’ feathers and put her forehead in her hands, massaging her brow.

“Shifra.”

Her father stood above her, looking solemn.

She tried to think of what to say, but nothing came. She turned her gaze back to the giganotos. Trying to reign in her emotions.

He sat on the stone next to her, and for a while, they sat in silence.

Shifra’s discomfort grew into annoyance. How could he just sit, his emotions a boiling confusion. Her annoyance boiled into frustration until she stood up and let it burst forth.

“You were going to let me die!”

“I didn’t have much of a choice!” he said, almost at the same time.

Shifra realized her gift was active. She paused, concentrating to shut it off. It was hard, but ever since she learned she could she’d practiced. She hated having it off, she felt deaf. She’d always thought people were easy to read, but now she understood that so many of her social interactions were based on her empathic knowledge of other people’s emotions.

Now, when dealing with her father, she had to learn to understand others’ emotion like everyone else in the world did.

By listening.

She looked at her father and he relaxed visibly as well. They gave each other tired smiles.

“I’m sorry,” Omrai said.

“I’m sorry too, I should have remembered to shut it off as soon as you got here.”

“No, I’m sorry for the choice I made… about you.”

She looked down. “You were in a hard position; I shouldn’t judge you for that.”

“Look at me,” Omrai said.

She did so.

His eyes were pained. “I love you, your siblings, and your mother, more than anything in this world, including Ateya.”

His knuckles whitened in tension, “A man should never have to make that choice, but the choice I made was for all the fathers out there. If I had, you but made it so other families suffered loss… I would never forgive myself… Your mother wanted you safe… and I failed.”

They were quiet. She wanted to be angry with him, but she couldn’t. What he said made sense. And when she thought of the emotions of other families, emotions that would be her own if she stood near them… she knew she wouldn’t want that. She wouldn’t want her own life to be the cost avoided in exchange for the pain of thousands.

“It’s not your fault,” Shifra said, “Narazoth is the one to blame… he put you in that situation. He’s to blame for everything.”

She put her hand on her father’s.

Omrai nodded, smiling. “Thank you.”

He pulled her into an embrace, a good solid embrace. A tear rolled down her face.

“And,” Shifra said, “we’re never telling mother how bad this got.”

“Certainly not,” Omrai said, letting her go as they laughed.

“How are they?” Shifra said, “Have you heard from them after you sent them east?”

Omrai nodded. “A messenger just arrived, they’re safe and sound. We will join them soon.”

Omrai looked solemn. Shifra expected some shift in emotion but remembered again that she couldn’t use her power to understand what her father was feeling.

“What is it?”

“Your uncle is coming,” Omrai said. “He’ll have a great many demands when he arrives.”

Shifra nodded.

They were quiet, much unspoken.

“Now I have to apologize to you.”

Omrai looked at her again, “What for?”

“For trying so many times to force you to change this country during a war. Especially this one.” She shook her head, “I almost died . Many have. I was wrong to push so hard.”

“I’m glad, Shifra,” Omrai said, “That you see the truth of it. It’s hard to argue freedoms when lives are at stake.”

“So now, what are you going to say to Yishai?” Shifra said, looking hopeful.

“I’ll tell him the truth, most of it,” Omrai said.

“About Revin?”

Omrai nodded, “Revin wants to practice his own rituals, and after what he’s done for us, he shouldn’t be forced to do ours.”

“No one should be forced, ” Shifra said.

Omrai paused and nodded. “You’re right,” Omrai said, “But you know how severe he is, how forceful his personality is.”

“You can talk to him, maybe convince him to remove some of those laws, to take some of the burden off the people.”

“I’ve never argued against him,” Omrai said, “I don’t know how well it would go. I always find myself agreeing with him.”

“Turn off your power,” Shifra said.

Omrai raised an eyebrow, like he had never thought of that before. “Then how do I know what he’s feeling?”

“Ignore him and tell him what you’re feeling,” Shifra said, “You’ve been following him without question for too long.”

Omrai was silent again.

“The only way anything is going to change for the better,” Shifra said, “is if you convince him. That’s it. No committee or mob or protest is going to work.”

Something Revin said came to her mind. We all have strength of our own, and we all have something important to say. Everyone has a right to their own opinions and their own beliefs. She repeated the same to her father.

He nodded again, in agreement. “Yes,” Omrai said, he smiled and turned to her. “Thank you,” he said and embraced her again. He released and looked into the distance, toward the city.

Omrai turned to Shifra. “So... have you been to see her yet?

Shifra frowned. She’d been avoiding it. “I’ve learned that she’s alive. And apart from being half-blind, she’s ok.”

“Why don’t you go see her?”

“Because…” Shifra said, “I… it’s my fault.”

“Did you know that, after a battle, I often visit the wounded?”

Shifra turned to her father. “Really? With our gift, how can you even handle it?”

“It’s important. One must personally witness the consequences of ones actions. One that eats a stego meat should slit one of the creature’s throats at least once. One who sits atop a massive fortress, should try to mine at least one brick from a quarry.”

His eyes turned firm. “You must go, and you must feel. Only then will you have the strength to make the decisions you must. Too many kings learn to make tactical decisions without considering the pain of a widow or a mother who’s lost a child. Not only that, those who pay for your decisions deserve every gift you can bestow on them.”

He took a deep breath. “Now, I’m off to tell my brother what I think,” Omrai said with a smirk. “It’ll be a new experience for him.”

With a final smile he left her. To decide on her own to visit her friend.

✦✦✦

Shifra took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. The sight that met her eyes filled her with guilt again. Better than she feared, worse than she hoped.

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The bandages covered the top corner of Qadi’s head, covering her eye. The bandages were white, not blood-red like when Shifra had had to leave her best friend behind.

Qadi still slept, her other undamaged eye still closed. With her ability off, Shifra didn’t know what her friend was feeling.

But Shifra could clearly sense her own emotions. A rushing mixture of relief and guilt. She was alive. Alive and safe. The wound on her eye and face didn’t appear to be bleeding, and the medicist had told Shifra that Qadi had done a lot of sleeping but didn’t appear to be suffering any major long-term mental damages.

Shifra saw Qadi’s hand lying flat over her sheets, calm and unmoving. Shifra wanted to reach out, touch those hands, to beg forgiveness. To thank Father God that her dearest and closest friend was alive. She was not only alive, but apart from her eye, she apparently was fully functional.

Shifra collapsed into the small, cushioned chair at Qadi’s side. She rubbed the bridge of her nose and her eyes, trying to push away the tears of relief. Tears of joy.

She sent up a silent prayer of gratitude. After all her errors, Shifra didn’t deserve to have her best friend spared. But here she was, alive and… mostly well.

Shifra closed her eyes and looked down. Breathing deeply.

“Shifra?” a soft voice said.

Shifra jerked upright. Qadi’s unbandaged eye was open, and her head was tilted toward Shifra. She still didn’t get up from the pillow.

“Qadi,” Shifra said, the tears filling her anew at the sound of her voice. “I…”

The lump grew in her throat, and her chin trembled. She gave Qadi her best smile. She wanted to embrace her, but wasn’t sure if that would hurt, and she was unsure if she deserved to.

Qadi’s single visible eye also filled with tears. “What the nether are you doing all the way over there?”

She lifted her opposite arm slowly, beckoning Shifra into a hug.

Careful not to crush her friend, Shifra leaned over the bed and embraced her. “I’m so relieved you’re ok.”

“As ok as someone with one eyes can be,” Qadi said into Shifra’s shoulder, not releasing the hold. It was stronger than Shifra expected. Shifra took that moment to accept her father’s counsel. She activated her gift.

A rush of pain hit her, numbed somewhat by medicine. But the echoes of lancing pain reverberated through Shifra’s mind. This was the pain that Shifra had left, this is what her arrogance had cost her best friend. If this was her pain now, what must it have been while she lay in bed attempting to recover? The agony of losing access to half your face, trying to see but with nothing there?

Shifra let go and looked at her friend. “This is all my fault,” Shifra said. “I’m so sorry.”

Qadi held up a silencing hand. “Shifra, could you do me a favor?” Her voice was soft.

“What’s that?”

“Stop putting the whole nethered world on your shoulders,” Qadi’s voice rang with her customary sharpness.

Shifra felt a rush of… love? Qadi wasn’t angry, not completely. There was a vague notion of frustration, impatience, but not anger.

Qadi continued. “I chose to stand and watch. Don’t tell me you’ve been blaming yourself this whole time?”

Shifra frowned. “Of course, I have. If I hadn’t-”

“No,” Qadi said, wincing. “If I hadn’t stared at that battle like a starstruck arkey then I wouldn’t be here now. You do not get to claim responsibility for my own actions.” Qadi’s face was firm, almost angry. “Now, sit down, Shifra.”

Shifra sat.

“Now, tell me,” Qadi said, “what’s happened?”

Shifra told her everything. The journeys. The battles. The magics. Even her own newly discovered abilities. Relationship confusion with Revin and Kaiato, then their ultimate resolution.

“So, what about your father?” Qadi said. “What did he say?”

Shifra shrugged. “Qadi. He…” She paused for a moment, unsure how she wanted to respond. “He was half-right.”

Qadi frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, he fights to keep what happened to… you… from happening to others. But… your father’s right too. He can’t just ignore what happens. He can’t just let Yishai make policy unchecked.”

Shifra looked at Qadi. “Once, I wanted to be a politician, not a warrior. But now? I want to be both. Both are necessary. And we aren’t going to be able to clap our hands and change the government. For Nether’s sake, Qadi, do you know how lucky we are to have my father? He’s only interested in defense, where other rulers are only interested in abusing their own people.”

The room went quiet. Until after a time, Qadi spoke. “I had some of the same thoughts.”

Shifra’s brows went up in interest. “What do you mean?”

Qadi shook her head, “I saw that army. I saw that fight. Some people… some enemies… can be negotiated with. Others… you need to fight.”

Qadi looked at Shifra with her remaining eye. “I don’t know where the line is, but I want your help in finding it. Whether our fathers agree or not.”

Shifra smiled and held on to her hand, squeezing tightly. For a great while, they only sat in silence. Enjoying the almost-lost joy of just being in each other’s company.

✦✦✦

“What the Nether are you doing here?”

Senator Thersha stood at the door, with Zeki, Qadi’s fiancé. The look on the Senator’s face bespoke a great deal of rage. “Get out. Now.”

“Dad,” Shifra said.

Senator Thersha ignored her.

“You deliberately disobeyed my commands,” he said, “and look what your disobedience has cost us.” He motioned to Shifra.

Shifra’s fists tightened. “While you’ve been watching her recovery, I’ve been fighting a war and wondering if she were alive.”

“A situation you created!” His voice grew louder. “Did you at least try to convince him of our position? Or was the entire trip a waste?”

Shifra had spoken to her father, but there had been so much to worry about. Her father and Revin had been right. The war was more urgent. But it was over now. They’d won.

Since her power was off, Shifra didn’t directly feel the senator’s rage. She only felt her own shame. Her own guilt. Qadi looked up at her father with pleading eyes but said nothing.

She decided she wanted a bit of his anger-fuel for herself, and so activated her ability again. In a rush, she felt the frustration rising from the senator like heat. She let it fuel her own words.

“I wouldn’t say defending the nation from an impending conquest is a waste!” Shifra said, snapping. “And I did speak to him! We just had bigger issues to resolve.”

Senator Thersha let out a curse that caused everyone else in the room to flinch. “Now you sound like him , refusing to deal with problems at home under the guise of dealing with problems abroad.”

Shifra frowned. “He wasn’t entirely wrong.”

“Father,” Qadi said quietly.

“You know, I had hope for you,” Senator Thersha said, “But it appears that the bloodlust of the Abbadons runs true with you. Just another fighter who refuses to deal with an issue until it needs a sword.”

Shifra glared. “Now that is an oversimplification.”

“Holy nether, Shifra,” the senator said, “why are you here? Qadi could have died because of you!”

“Dad!” Qadi shouted, sitting up in her bed.

The unexpected noise caused the room to go quiet.

Qadi trembled, her hands tight in her sheets. “Stop letting your anger control you,” she said, almost glaring at her father. “Remember what you taught me about emotion’s proper place in argument. One factor of many. You’re being a hypocrite.”

Senator Thersha looked concerned, angry, and taken aback all at the same time.

“You need to lay-”

“I need you to listen!” she snapped.

The senator shut his mouth. Looking down at his daughter.

“Shifra wants to do what is right, and that’s far more important than agreeing with you on every point. You’re not the font of all wisdom, father.”

Senator Thersha blinked. Giving his daughter an analyzing stare. Then, after taking a slow breath, he nodded.

“It seems I have been put in my place,” Senator Thersha said. He turned to Qadi and spoke in a calm voice. “Now, please, lay down.”

He took her hand and guided her back to her bed. He turned to Shifra. “If you are still willing, I would have you begin your studies with me on the first of the week.”

Now it was Shifra’s turn to blink. “Uh, yes. I am!”

Senator Thersha nodded. “Good. I expect to see you at my home, at the break of the tenth hour.” He bent over Qadi and kissed her forehead. “You’re too smart for your own good.”

“I’ll pass you up if you don’t keep thinking, old man.” Qadi smiled at her father.

Senator Thersha turned to the silent Ezekiah. “Mr. Shamor. I’ll leave you to your fiancé.” He began to walk towards the door.

“I do still plan on talking to him,” Shifra said in a rush.

Senator Thersha stopped before he stepped out of the room. He looked over his shoulder. “I trust you’ll do the right thing.” He glanced at his daughter. “You’ve got the wisest of advisors.”

After the door had closed, Zeki turned his stare at Shifra. “So… you’re back.”

Shifra nodded.

“And… you stopped that conqueror from taking the city.”

Shifra nodded again. “Myself and a few others.”

Zeki turned his gaze to Qadi. He extended a hand and cupped her left cheek with his right hand.

“I wanted to hate you,” he said.

“I’d deserve it,” Shifra said.

His gaze snapped at her. “Let me talk.” His voice was sharp.

Shifra remained quiet. Trying to look as attentive as possible.

“If Qadi had died, this likely would have been a different story,” Zeki said. “But she didn’t. And you saved the city. News has been going around that you fought the tyrant in single combat.”

Shifra wanted to correct him but held her tongue. She didn’t want to interrupt again.

Zeki took a deep breath. “I figure, if I’m going to blame anyone for all that’s happened. It shouldn’t be you. It should be him. So… thank you.”

Shifra nodded.

Qadi smiled and took each of their hands and lay back on her pillow with a long exhalation. Shifra turned her power off once more and let out her own breath of relief.