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Allison

Some parts of me never entertained the thought that he could return, yet deep down, another part always anticipated his inevitable reappearance. It's a cycle I never wished for, never opted into, but here we are, trapped in this predator-prey dance that has defined much of my existence. The specter of the unknown has haunted me throughout my life—present in my moments of triumph, like graduation from high school or college, and lurking in the shadows during my darkest hours.

Especially when my mother dies. He helped me. He brought me back to life. Once I cut myself too deep and thought this was the end he called the ambulance, saying that he was not letting me go that fast. Maybe my life will be better if that day I finally end my life and stop existing.

Each time he resurfaces, it's as if a heavy weight settles on my shoulders, burdening me with exhaustion. It's a weariness that seeps into my bones, born from years of dodging his advances and bracing for his inevitable return. The constant vigilance, the never-ending game of cat and mouse, has left me drained and longing for respite. But even in my fatigue, I know there's no escape from this relentless cycle, no reprieve from the ever-present threat that lurks just beyond the horizon.

Often, I feel like a burden to my family. They always want more from me, without considering how I feel. It's a constant pressure to excel, to meet their high standards in everything I do. My worth seems to be based solely on my achievements and how I look. There's little thought given to my emotions or what I need. It's exhausting, always trying to meet their expectations, always feeling like I fall short.

The weird thing is that while I constantly attempted to match my parents' expectations, Emily never did, and yet she was the one I should mirror. She never tried to show that she cared, but she always got everything. At school, she's everyone's fantasy; at home, she's a dream daughter; and here, only my mother who cares about me. But then her mental health worsened, and dad refused to allow us spend time with her, claiming she may injure us or worse. Until the day she ends her life.

Perhaps if we had been with her at the time, she would not have ended her life, leaving us with her dead body and a note stating that she can no longer do this. I assumed Aiden's family was cursed, yet we are really similar.

Speaking of Aiden, His confession affected me. I simply cannot believe he admitted to me. He loves me. I've heard things about him, and he never says he loves or even likes his present partners. He is getting tired with relationships and is simply breaking up with them. Some even claimed that he is gay, using the playboy appearance to conceal his identity.

Not going to lie. I considered whether that was true, but the manner he stated it revealed it was different. I feel something with him that I never had with anyone else. I feel vulnerable. He is my peace and quiet, my anchor, and my new beginning.

Suddenly heard my phone ring, and if it's the unknown again, I'm not sure what I'd do. This is so sick, I can't do it anymore. To my amazement, it was Rob. Should I even respond to his call? He simply cannot crush my heart and contact me as if nothing happened. "Time heals," I say to myself. Once I fall in love with Aiden, I will live happily ever after and forget about him as if nothing happened.

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"Allison, thank God, I thought something happened to you. When that bastard told me that you two were getting married, I was furious. He is lying, isn’t he?” Of course, the only thing he cares about is that his brother is getting married to me. And there is no. I’m so sorry, Allison, that I did this to you. I did not want to hurt you. Maybe if he told me this, I would consider breaking things with Aiden, but Rob is just Rob; he cares about something only if it involves his brother. Maybe I should have broken up with him earlier.

“He is not lying, Rob; we are getting married,” I said with a calm voice.

"Allison, no, you can't; you don't know how it will end up. Listen to me, please. The old man will never let you two get married unless Aiden gives him something in return, and it won’t be pretty. He will ruin both of you. Don’t get married to me, but Richard Miller would rather kill you than let Aiden marry you.” Is he fucking kidding? For a second, I consider this manipulation, but they never love Richard because that man is sick.

“Don’t you dare, Rob. You can’t just do whatever you want and act all innocent. I will marry him; at least he loves me." I yelled the moment I said these words. I understand the mistake I just made.

“Al I...” silence; he's silent as always. “Listen, I knew it but always tried to act like it’s nothing, but Richard won't. Please don’t say this to him. I am sorry, Al. When we first met, I thought that this was the fresh start we needed. I suppose our paths should have been separate. Al I love you, but never the way you wanted, never enough. I am so sorry for what I did. Please take care of that bastard.” He ended the call and didn’t give me a chance to say anything. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. Why does it hurt so much? Why I can’t stop loving you, Rob. Why the hell are you that important to me?

Loving someone who doesn't share what you're feeling is like pouring your heart into an empty well. It's an agony that eats at your soul, a constant remider of unfulfilled love. You long for their love and attention, but all you get in return are fragile moments of affection that never seem to be enough.

It's terrible to accept that no matter how much you love someone, they will never love you back in the same manner. You can see their disinterest and lack of dedication, and it feels like a knife to the heart every time. Despite the suffering, you stay on, hoping against hope that one day they'll see your worth and return your love with equal passion.

But deep down, you know that holding on on simply causes the pain. You know you deserve someone who loves you unconditionally, who values you as much as you value them. And, as painful as it is, you realize that sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself is to let them go.(Daily reminder for my readers)

Letting go is never easy, but it is essential for your own well-being. It's about regaining your authority, acknowledging your value, and prioritizing yourself over anything else. So, despite the anguish in your heart, you find the courage to walk away, knowing that doing so will open the door to a love that is truly worthy of you.

Feeling overwhelmed by the weight of those remarks, I decided to gather my thoughts. I headed to the bathroom, desiring the comfort of a long, hot shower. The warm water streaming over me provided a little relief from the confusion spinning inside my head.

As the steam surrounded me, I let my thoughts to wander, considering my next steps. It was time to take control of my own fate and create a path forward that reflected my needs and ambitions. With each passing instant, clarity began to break through the cloud of uncertainty.

I came out of the shower with a renewed sense of purpose. It was time to face the upcoming challenges with courage and commitment. Armed with newfound solve, I went out to face the challenges that lay ahead, determined to take charge of my own future.