Stepping into my apartment after my interaction with Aiden, a weird calm washed over me. It was kind of strange and surprising, especially for someone like me who's used to feeling anxious all the time. Aiden's company had this calming effect, totally different from my experiences with Rob, my ex-boyfriend. With Aiden, it felt safe, like he could make all the anxious stuff disappear.

Thinking back on times with Rob, it was never really that safe feeling. Sure, we knew each other, but there was always this tension that kept real safety away. Aiden, though, seemed to bring a kind of peace—a surprising source of comfort I didn't expect.

So, here I was, realizing that maybe Aiden and I had a different kind of connection. His presence had this way of making things calm, making me rethink what feeling safe really meant. It was like he stirred up a peaceful feeling, shaking up my usual emotional world and making me wonder if there was something more to explore.

Twisting the doorknob, a swirl of nerves and curiosity gripped my stomach. As the door creaked open, there stood Rob, a canvas of confusion painted across his face. The confusion swiftly transformed into an unsettling blend of jealousy and possessiveness, casting an immediate shadow over the room.

The air itself felt charged with unspoken tension, creating an atmosphere thick with anticipation.Each breath seemed to carry a weight, signaling the start of a tricky conversation looming ahead. Stepping into that room felt a bit like entering the quiet center of a storm—uncertain of what might come next but getting ready for a wave of emotions that seemed ready to crash over me.

The air buzzed with feelings left unsaid, and in that charged moment, I prepared myself for the emotional rollercoaster about to unfold.

I was furious with him. Our previous encounter was a mess, him trying to blame me for supposedly flirting with his brother when all I wanted was to ask for help to get to THE ALOHA club and bake his favorite cake. That request turned out to be a mistake. I gave him everything; he was always my first choice,my first love, my first everything. Yet, here we are , feeling like total strangers. We've been together for the past three years, meeting at a time when we both needed someone to love and be loved. We both needed someone to heal our wounds. Even when I discovered he had been with my sister, I chose to give us a chance because I loved him—he was the one I kept choosing over and over again.

Through the highs and lows, I stood by him during his toughest moments, even when he didn't choose himself. However, it wasn't without its cost. I endured pain, grappling with panic attacks, anxiety, and domestic abuse, all while being forced to maintain a facade of strength. My sister, acknowledging my choice to stay with my father for the trust fund, often called me strong, contrasting it with her decision to leave.

I couldn't blame her, though. I contemplated leaving too, but circumstances took a darker turn. After the incident with my father and her assistant, my dad decided to teach me a lesson. And he beat the shit out of me. It doesn't last long though. I managed to capture his actions on video and took him to court. The old man was furious, but I felt a sense of triumph. Emily and I secured our financial freedom. I believed life was taking a positive turn, only to be greeted by the relentless cycle of panic attacks and anxiety, painting a grim picture of a never-ending story.

What stings the most is the realization that it's his older brother, Aiden, who's pursuing me, not him, Rob. I often find myself pondering why I'm not enough for Rob. Why can't he move on from my sister, Emily, and truly see me for who I am, instead of just her lingering shadow? It's like I'm always cast as the bride but never the wife in this intricate game of relationships. The weariness has settled in as I grew tired of maintaining this facade, pretending not to notice the way Rob talks about Emily or that he still clings to her belongings at his place.

The truth unfolded after the first time we were intimate, a harsh revelation that one would prefer not to face after giving someone their virginity. At that moment, the facade shattered, and the weight of reality pressed upon me.

Yet, in a desperate attempt to salvage the fragments of our relationship, I convinced myself that these details didn't matter. He's with me now, he loves me, and we'll eventually get married. However, that's where I made a mistake. While he may love me, it's an entirely different kind of love, one that can't match the depth of his feelings for Emily. Ignoring this undeniable reality won't lead to the solution I'm desperately seeking. The journey ahead appears daunting, filled with complexities and uncertainties, but it's a path I must traverse to find the genuine love and fulfillment that have eluded me for far too long.

Rob is looking remorseful " Allison, I... I didn't mean for things to escalate like that. I let jealousy get the best of me."

I was looking at him, a mix of frustration and hurt in my eyes '' Rob, this jealousy, possessiveness – it's suffocating..I can't breathe with you constantly hovering over me. I feel anxious all the time because of the way you act.

"I know, and I'm sorry. It's just... I'm scared, Allison. Scared that you'll choose Aiden over me." Why am I not surprised I need to fight the urge to roll my eyes.

" Rob, you can't keep using your fear as an excuse to control me. I can't live like this. And about your feelings for Emily you know right that I can practically feel that." I said my voice was filled with hurt like my heart.

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"That's different. It's in the past." Maybe I was blind in the past but now I can't play his therapist all my life.

" Is it, though? Every time you bring her up, it feels like I'm living in her shadow. I don't want to be your second choice." As always I wanted to say but my pride can't bear that.

"You're not my second choice, Allison. I... love you." That's a lie and you could tell it by the way he said that. He wasn't even sure about that.

My voice was breaking "Do you love me the way you love her? Am I just a consolation prize because you can't have her?"

Rob was silent, trying to avoid eye contact. I am just his consolation prize.

I was angry and hurt " I deserve more, Rob. I deserve to be someone's first choice, not just a placeholder."

"I messed up, Allison. I should've been honest about my feelings." he said like it will change something.

"That's all I ask for. I can't keep pretending everything is okay when it's not."

"It's because I care about you, damn it! I can't stand the thought of losing you to Aiden." He was mad and his actions are giving me anxiety and a common feeling:panic attack.

"That's not an excuse, Rob. You can't use your fears to control my life. And you know what? I can't keep playing therapist about your unresolved feelings for Emily."

"This isn't fair. I admitted my mistakes. Can't we just move past this?" Move past this? Hell no WE FUCKING CAN'T

"No, Rob." I said my voice was calm. " I can't keep doing this. I deserve someone who sees me for who I am, not as a replacement for someone else."

Rob is getting angrier and I was scared " So, what? You're just going to throw everything away because of this?" He is acting like it's nothing. Am I a joke to him?

"I'm not throwing anything away. I'm choosing myself over this toxic cycle. I can't be with someone who can't let go of the past." Which is true, I am done.

"You're making a mistake, Allison. You'll regret this." he said, raising his voice. That was the first time I was actually scared that he could harm me.

"Maybe, but I'd rather regret leaving than stay and regret not valuing myself enough. It's over, Rob." I said, trying not to sound as scared as I was. I thought he would leave but that's not what happened after.

After that, Rob unexpectedly grabbed me, his fingers digging into my arm, and forcefully kissed me. It didn't like the way it was. Loved kissing him but this time was different. He promised me that he would never do something against my will and now he is kissing me harshly and I feel like throwing up. I struggled to free myself, tears streaming down my face. Rob eventually backed away, apologizing. I saw the way he looked at me then at his hands. He was scared as much as I was.

"Allison I am sorry I am so so sorry I didn't mean to.. shit Allison" he tried to come closer but I moved back. I can't trust him anymore. I didn't feel safe around him. And the only thing I want is him to get the hell out of my apartment.

"You're a monster, Rob, just like my father.You promise you will never do something I didn't like but you break your promise. I don't want to see you ever again" I managed to say, my voice shaking. With that, I threw our engagement ring at him. " Get the hell out of my apartment and never try to touch me again". Rob said that he is sorry and left my apartment.

The world around me blurred into a disorienting haze as Rob's forceful kiss left me gasping for air. The sudden violation of my personal space unleashed a torrent of emotions, triggering a panic attack that gripped me with merciless intensity.

My chest tightened, every breath feeling like a struggle against an invisible vice. The room seemed to close in, its walls closing around me as if I were trapped in a confined space. My heartbeat thundered in my ears, drowning out any semblance of rational thought. The onslaught of irrational fears flooded my mind, each one more suffocating than the last.

My body quivered with heightened sensitivity, every nerve on edge. The once-familiar surroundings warped into a nightmarish landscape, distorted by the overwhelming surge of anxiety. The seconds stretched into an eternity, and I felt suspended in a harrowing void where time itself lost its meaning.

Tears welled in my eyes, blurring my vision, as a profound sense of helplessness washed over me. Adrenaline surged through my veins, intensifying the feelings of panic. It was as if I were caught in a cyclone of emotions, spiraling out of control with no respite in sight.

In that moment, I desperately sought an anchor, something to tether me to reality. The aftermath of the forced kiss left me shaken and vulnerable, the remnants of a storm that had ravaged my emotional landscape. As I struggled to regain control, the echoes of the traumatic encounter lingered, and the battle between my mind and the anxiety continued to unfold.

I heard my phone buzzling. Someone was calling me. Suddenly I felt better. That was Aiden. He dropped me off after our earlier encounter and I didn't expect him to call me .Now seeing him calling me was the best thing ever. Usually when I was having panic attacks Rob was with me this time was different because he was the reason for my panic attack.I picked up the phone.

" Allison, are you okay?" Aiden said worried

My voice is shaky "I... I don't know, Aiden. It's been a nightmare."

"Why are you crying Lis ?. What happened?" Knowing he was the one scared at some point his words made me feel better. I knew he cared about me and he would protect me from his brother .

I take a deep breath "Rob... come to my house he broke in I didn't know about it. He tried to apologize and I just.. I said that it's over, this is too much for me. Then he told me that I will regret this and kissed me, Aiden. I couldn't stop him. I felt horrified and awful. I didn't let him kiss me and it's just make me panic and..." I felt like I can't talk again. That's too much to handle.Funny how I handled one year of abuse but my ex fiance not loving me and kissing me against my will did draw me into having a panic attack.

Aiden's voice grows tense'' What? Where are you right now?''

"I'm home. I threw him out, but I'm so scared, Aiden." That was half true but I knew if I stay alone for a moment longer I will do the things I regret doing.

"I'm coming over. Just stay where you are, okay?I promise to not touch you. I will be here to just support you okay? And then I will make this little fucker regret his life choices because I am going to kill my brother for what he did. I will be here in five minutes please stay with me Lis I am coming" Aiden's voice provides a sense of security I desperately need in this moment of vulnerability. And I was grateful for that.