The room was full to the brim with children who had been told to sit in a circle. Like with most children this simple instruction went on deaf ears and naturally there was chaos. Some kids had wandered off to find some pencils or crayons that they could use to draw on the silly-looking posters on the wall, not caring if they would hinder the sales of Miss McLaughlin’s Home Bakery by scribbling over top of her ad. Others decided they would amuse themselves by playing hide and seek with each other, it was a good thought but with there only being one accessible room the game was highly balanced in the seeker's favor. Then there were the kids who had actually listened to their instructions and sat perfectly still in a circle, painfully bored and teetering on the brink of sleep.
Christian was one of these children and at the moment was fully regretting her decision to not get up and join the fun. Then again, there was some slight joy in watching Mr. Davis, the poor unfortunate soul who was tasked with handling Sunday School, run around in a panic trying to get the children to read about Daniel and his encounter with some lions. Christian’s dazed observation of the scattered teacher was interrupted by a tug on her shoulder.
“Will you be my wife?” A voice beside her asked.
Christian turned her head to see Jeremiah, a fellow student who had made the bad choice of listening to directions, looking up at her with a shy expression. He was a little younger than her, about 9 or 10, and had the naïve look of sincerity that only a child could muster.
“Ew, no!” Chris said instinctually.
Neither Christian nor Jeremiah were old enough to know what marriage actually was. They had heard about it from their parents or from the occasional movie or tv show they were allowed to watch from time to time. Jeremiah assumed that marriage was when a man handed a shiny ring to a girl, and they lived happily ever after, then presumably they walked into the sunset and the credits would start rolling. Christian assumed that marriage was a thing you did when you were in love, and she certainly was not in love with Jeremiah.
“I’m not getting married, not ever!” She said crossing her arms indignantly.
Jeremiah, sad about being rejected, snapped back. “Yes, you are! My daddy says that a woman’s job is to get married and have kids! That’s what he said!”
Christian shook her head, “Nuh-uh!”
Jeremiah shook his head back at her, slightly too aggressively. “It’s true! He says, ‘A man’s job is to provide for his family and a woman’s job is to take care of the kids.’ You calling my dad a liar?”
In truth Christian had heard that same thing before, her mother had told her it many times before, but it never really stuck until now. “I guess you’re right.”
“Ha!” Jeremiah was ecstatic over his sweet victory. From his back pocket, he produced an old, small rubber band and held it out in front of him like a hunter showing off his prized kill. “Now you’ve gotta marry me!”
“No!” Christian slapped the homemade ring out of the boy’s hand defiantly. So what if he was right, that didn’t mean she had to marry him.
...
Chris was no longer in the Super-Super Market, it seemed like she wasn’t even in her body anymore. Chris was deep within the well of her head, swimming in the murky waters of what was happening to her at this very moment. No, she can’t be here! She thought to herself. How did she find me?
Chris had thrown off her tame tag as well as her custom-friendly demeanor, no job was worth being in the same room as that woman. Chris surveyed her surroundings and a feeling of hopelessness suddenly dawned on her. She was in a huge empty parking lot, save for one or two stray cars, with no one around. No one except her mother who at this moment was walking toward her.
“Christian, I need to speak to you.” Said Maria clutching her purse to her side to keep it from swinging as she walked.
Chris was having none of it and broke out into a sprint. So what if she didn’t have a car, surely she could outrun an old woman? She wasn’t the greatest runner in the world, but her legs seemed to do the trick just fine. She reached the end of the giant parking lot and looked behind her, the woman was just a speck in the distance now and Chris decided to stop and take a breath. But as she did, she realized that slowly her mother was getting closer to her.
I can just outrun her again; she won’t even be able to catch me. But as she looked around at the big empty streets and a seemingly emptier city, she realized the truth. Run all she’d like; her mother knew where she was. She could call a car, wait for the bus, or run all the way back to her apartment but the woman knew where she was and likely where she lived. The thought of picking up everything and moving to someplace else came zipping through her mind, but she knew she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t expect Jess to get up instantly one day and hightail it some other place, not to mention the cost she simply couldn’t afford to pay in a million years. Oh shit, I have to talk to her.
Chris crossed her arms and waited, she didn’t want to talk to her mother, and she was quite sure she didn’t want to walk to her either. Instead, she waited as the old woman made her way across the lot to finally stand before her. There was a moment of silence before anything was said, both eyeing each other like two samurai before the final strike.
“Well?” Chris said, her voice as cold and uncaring as she could make it.
Maria took her time before speaking, what she had to say was important and she did her best to find the words. “I’m… glad to see that you are alright.” She said, her words coming out strong but slightly hesitant. “I had begun to worry that you had gotten yourself killed.”
“You always were worried about that, huh?” Chris said plainly. The lot seemed larger than it was before, and the breeze gently blew through Chris’s neon green uniform.
Maria took a step forward; Chris took a step back. “How have you been?” Maria asked.
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“Fine, now.”
Maria nodded. “Good.”
Silence. Chris’s cold uncaring demeanor was challenged by the quiet awkwardness of the situation, but she kept it together. “So, you found me. What now? Come to try and convince me to come back to you?”
“No, that is not why I’m here.” Maria looked away from her daughter for a moment and down at her feet, it was a slight gesture, but it caught Chris off guard. Never in her life had her mother shown any sign of weakness, let alone discomfort, it disturbed her to her very core. “Have you... have you courted anyone?”
Chris felt these words like they were a tidal wave washing over her. The mask of her uncaring behavior fell off entirely as she let out a surprised laugh. “Courted? Have I courted anyone?” Chris turned away and began laughing again, it sounded almost painful. “You can’t be serious? Four years since I ran away from you and that’s the thing you ask me about?”
“It’s important.”
Chris pushed Maria aside and started walking back to the store. “I can’t fucking believe this!” Maria followed closely behind her daughter; Chris felt her behind her as if she were a creeping shadow. “Well, yes, mother. I have courted someone. In fact, I’m currently dating someone right now. But I doubt that she would qualify in your eyes.”
Maria stopped walking. “She?”
Chris laughed; this was absurd. “Yes, mom. Don’t clutch your pearls too hard- they might break.”
Chris reached the store and headed directly towards the counter. The urge to just pretend like this situation wasn’t happening was strong inside her, but she had other plans. From her pocket, she produced a wrinkled five-dollar bill that she quickly slid into the register before bending down to the cigarette station. She plucked out a packet of Marlboro’s and ripped it open. Maria followed her in soon after.
“Daughter, you must listen to me, your soul depends on it.”
Chris wanted to laugh again but couldn’t find the energy. She slid a cigarette out of the case and put it to her lips, she would need something to get her through whatever religious speech was about to come. “Yeah, yeah, I know. My soul is going to hell cause yada-yada. Believe me, mom, I figured myself out a long time ago. It took a very supportive girlfriend and a couple of years of unpacking the shocking amount of internalized hatred I had for myself, but I got there. Nothing you say to me now is going to change that fact.” Chris felt her pocket realizing that she didn’t have a lighter on her anymore and rolled her eyes at herself.
“You do not understand, that is not what I meant.” Maria was winded from the amount of walking she had done and did her best not to show it. “If you do not act quickly your soul will be doomed to hell.”
“Yeah, I think I understand what you’re saying.” Chris turned and headed down the walking into one of the isles. She had remembered stocking some cheap lighters a week ago. “So, are we done? Got that off your chest now?”
Suddenly Chris felt her arm being tugged backwards and she nearly lost her footing. In a flash, all her childhood memories flooded back to her, all the time her mom had grabbed her just like this replayed themselves in her head. “Listen to me, Christian.” Said Maria, her voice the stern, rock-solid tone it had always been. “You need to listen to me, now!”
“Well… go on. Say it.” Chris’s voice wobbled, for a moment she felt like she was her younger self again being scolded for doing something wrong. Only this time she wasn’t a little girl, and she pulled her arm out of the grip of Maria’s hand.
Maria steadied herself before speaking, giving Chris enough time to question if she should run again and think better of it. “Christian, you have to know what I am telling you is true. I have no proof that my words are not lies only that I swear to you, on all that I believe, that they are the truth and nothing more. You are 19 years of age, am I correct?” Chris gave a lazy nod. “Soon, in a few days, you will turn twenty. When that day comes you will no longer be on this earth unless you do as I tell you.”
“What are you on?”
Maria raised a finger to her lips. “Do you remember what I told you when you were younger? Two people in this world are always watching you- the Lord and the Devil. I did not lie when I told you this and know now that the Devil has their eye on you now more than ever. The time is coming, Christian, time for hell to finally claim you as its own.”
Chris took a step back; she was aware that her mother was a strictly religious person- her entire childhood was proof of that. But she had never seen her mother so unhinged before, had this side of her always been there?
“You have until you are twenty years old to save your soul.” For the first time in many years, Maria’s voice was somewhat shaky. “You must conceive a child, that is the only way.”
“Mom, you sound absolutely crazy right now, okay?” Chris took more steps back. “What the hell are you even talking about? Where did this come from?”
Maria shook her head. “That… That is not important. Three days is a short amount of time, but it is not impossible. You must be married and have a child, Christian, it is the only way for you to be forgiven.” Chris didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry, she felt like doing both as her mother grabbed her again and pulled her close to her face. Their eyes locked as Maria looked deep into her daughter’s soul. “Christian, in all the years that you lived with me as your mother, in all that time have I once ever lied to you?”
Chris thought about all the things her mother ever did for her. She remembered being locked in her room for days with no one to see or talk to, she remembered the prayers and the lessons, she remembered wishing that she could go out and make friends, and she remembered all the crap that her mother forced her through, and she despised every second of it. But deep down she knew one thing, crap as it may be her mother believed in every single word and action that she did with all of her heart- and now was no different.
“You need to go,” Chris said gesturing towards the door.
Maria straightened herself up and let go of Chris’s arm. She had an expression on her face that indicated that this brief outburst was something that had never happened to her, at least not in a very long time. “You will listen to me? Have you understood what I have said?”
“Yes, I have.”
“Good, then will you do as I told you to?”
Chris managed to laugh this time. “I don’t know how you got this strange idea inside your head, but I know that you believe what you’re saying. But there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that I’m getting married and conceiving a child just because you told me to! I can promise you that, mom.”
Maria stepped back silently then after a short pause took a deep breath. “Christian, I have done all that I can for you. I hope in my heart you will do as I have told you, I do not wish for…” For a second Chris could have sworn that her mother looked sad. “I do not wish for this fate to befall you. I thought that twenty years would be enough time for you to fulfil your duty, but it seems I was wrong.” With a reverent turn, Maria walked out of the store.
Chris felt sick, she had endured years of priests and teachers telling her that she needed to ‘fulfil her duty as a woman’ and she hated hearing it again. She thought that after she ran away, she would never have to hear anything like that again, apparently, she was wrong.
Chris headed over to where she had stored the lighters and decided that since she was going to hell, she could surely add shoplifting to the list. She grabbed a cheap pink one and lit up. “What the hell, Chris?” Said Jake from behind her. Chris would’ve jumped but she wasn’t in a state to care at the moment.
“Oh, sorry.” Said Chris, not bothering to turn and look at him.
“You are going to pay for that, right?”
“Of course, I already put the money in the register don’t worry.” Chris was good at lying when she didn’t care if she got caught.
“Get back to work, okay? You’ve spent like half an hour talking to that woman who looks like she just got back from a funeral. Not to mention the guy who has been standing in line holding a box of margarita mix for a good ten minutes.” Jake felt like he needed to sound upset, but with his looming divorce and personal financial crisis, he truly didn’t care.
“I gotcha, Jake. No problem.” Chris waved her cigarette as she headed back to the register. What a shit day.