JC made a mental note of the position of a goose-necked reading lamp before turning it to face the wall so only a limited amount of light spilled out when he switched it on, and turned to the shelves that held what he wanted.

Since they had at least a vague idea what wizards and mediums were now, he reached for a book on fae.

*Okay, lesson on fae,* he said. *You listening, Ali? I'm not reading the whole book, just the bits that look immediately important. And let's hope they only have books around that are reasonably accurate, although god knows what wizards actually know about fae.*

*Lesson on fae, just the good bits, got it,* Alison said promptly. *Enlighten us.*

*There are fae all over the place. They have a world beside ours, which might be more like a parallel dimension, this is really dense to follow quickly. There are points called nexi where the two touch.* He read more. *It's a bit unclear whether the term 'high fae' means fae who are from there or specific types of fae or some combination. There are also 'low fae' which either mostly or entirely live in our world. But they do it on a slightly different frequency, so we aren't normally aware of them. It isn't very clear about the rules of fae choosing to be seen by humans in general, but they can all do it anytime at a nexus. There was something in her journal about a nexus and setting up the trap for us there.*

*So the park on MacKenzie Street must have one.*

More reading. *Oh! Apparently most kinds of low fae have a very heavy imbalance towards females, like one male in five or ten or even more in some. And it looks like their fertility between types kinda sucks. So a lot of female low fae who want children seduce human men, usually at a nexus which increases the odds of making babies.*

*Bizarre thought, we probably all had ancestors who got frisky with fae right near the park on MacKenzie.*

*The children are usually nursed for a while and then left with the father, sometimes with the mother making frequent trips to see her child but often not seen by the father anymore. Or the mother will marry the father but set conditions, which their husbands invariably break. Anyway, you end up with kids growing up more or less human but with fae traits. Usually they go dormant within a very few generations, and stay that way until they breed out entirely or something triggers them.*

*What, Des? Be who and what you are? What's that mean?*

*Oh my god. The old woman at the barbecue. That's what she said just before she left.*

Alison repeated that, then said, *Erica says that's right out of any number of fairy tales, do something nice for a poor old lady and get a reward. Bloody hell, Zach, quit swearing! Nobody thinks this is a reward, okay? But for all we know, she meant it as one. Maybe if Isabel and her buddies hadn't gotten involved, things would've happened very differently. We don't know. So stop swearing at me.* A long pause. *Thank you. There must be lots of people with dormant fae genes, and as far as we know, Isabel and co aren't sweeping through the area grabbing everyone who has them. Maybe we just had the bad luck to get noticed by them at the wrong moment.*

*Niko told me to stay home Friday night instead of going to my game,* JC sighed. *Although that didn't really help anyone who was at home, I guess. Okay, listen. It's actually more complex than that. This doesn't actually mention it by name but this reads like epigenetics-in-Wonderland, and if you haven't heard of epigenetics ask me to explain later please. Every nexus has its own cycle, but they have periodic flares, which usually take at least a couple of decades, usually more. Dormant fae genes in children conceived within a window on either side of the flare itself are partially activated. Without that, no future event can trigger them fully. I think there was something in Isabel's journal about something like that as part of why we might be connected.*

*Prenatal exposure to the power generated by a nexus flare, basically.*

*Sounds like it. I'm getting the impression that the length of the window depends partly on the size of the nexus and how long between flares, but we all started kindergarten together, we can't be that far off. Okay, even people with partly-active fae genes, what this calls dormant faelings, are effectively invisible, except to full fae or for the duration of a future flare when the same energy is prevalent.*

*Erica says, blackout. Des says, depending on the energy, maybe it was actually connected to the blackout.*

*Dunno, maybe. Timing sounds plausible, and it might explain why some fae woman was out wandering around. Isabel might've said something about that but I was reading fast and don't remember everything. This says only a full fae can complete the process of triggering latent fae genes, so I guess she must've been.* A pause, reading quickly. *Full fae are really heavily influenced by what type of fae they are and their own ways of manifesting that, whatever that means. Their instincts are strong enough to override logic and personal choice under some circumstances.*

*Oh, I don't like that.*

*However, for faelings—I wonder if that's Old or Middle English, with the 'ling' meaning something like 'belonging to'? Um, sorry, too much gaming research. Even with their fae nature fully awake, instincts can still be pretty powerful but faelings can usually learn to control them.*

*Um. That's better, I guess. Does it mention what kind of instincts?*

*No, and no examples. Let me read more. This stuff is as dense as somebody's PhD thesis.*

*Being quiet.*

JC scanned headings and subheadings and the occasional incomprehensible diagram, searching for words that caught his attention.

*Okay, here. Fae come in a variety of types, but there's so much individual variation even within a single bloodline that it's basically pointless to try to break it down into anything but very broad categories like water fae and green fae—green fae seem to have something to do with plants. Aha, there's a chart with the most common types in various parts and terrain of North America. Okay, not tundra, not mountains, just lowland Eastern temperate forest and lots of lakes around here, and lots of cities and towns... fae in our area are roughly evenly divided between water fae, green fae, house fae, animal fae—there's no explanation on either—and various other sorts of fae that don't fit into those categories. I don't know how much help that is.*

*Theo says, all information is useful.*

*It says with full fae, the way their nature manifests is partly environmental and partly genetic. With active faelings, it... oh. Just a sec, let me make sure I'm reading this right.*

*Waiting. Not very patiently, though.*

JC read that part carefully, making sure he hadn't gotten anything mixed up.

*It says that for dormant faelings, it does manifest, but it does it in subtle ways that just become part of the personality. As I'm understanding this, some way-down-deep part of us already knows exactly what kind of fae genes we have. They've been sneaking to the surface all our lives in ways we haven't recognized. Like, say, someone with green fae genes lying dormant will choose a career or hobby that involves being around plants as much as possible, although other factors will help determine exactly what form that career or hobby takes.*

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*Oh my. So... we already are whatever we are, just so mildly that it doesn't look like anything at all? Suzi said that.*

*That seems to be what it's saying. Like, if we actually knew anything at all about fae, we could probably make some kind of reasonable guess what we are. Some of us, at least.*

*Theo says, that's kind of a relief, really. At least we aren't likely to turn out to be anything totally contradictory to who we are.* A brief pause. *Aside from a sex change, yes, Zach, we know.* Another pause. *Ooh. Erica says, traditionally, a lot of kinds of fairies are seriously ugly. Would being a scrawny old-looking dwarf but male be better? Or the kind with no skin, or something?* Pause, then, gently, *Look, Zach, love you, not picking on you. Just, get a grip, would you? There are more important things to worry about than what's between your legs. We're all trying to adapt to some pretty major physical changes. Hell, my bust size increased more than yours did. And it sounds like we've barely started. Back to the subject at hand, okay? Sounds like we can make a good guess about Erica, at least.*

*It sounds like it,* JC agreed. *This says that once someone's fae genes are woken up fully, so now an active faeling rather than a dormant faeling, it starts to manifest more forcefully. In most cases there are two stages. One is sort of generic, although some individual traits will start to sneak through more strongly and reflect what kind of fae they are. We are. Whatever. Along with other buried imagery and beliefs and so on and so forth. Basically, our own minds created the details based on our own subconscious stuff along with what types of fae genes we have. Commonly referred to as midway. I think we can assume that's where we are right now.*

*Theo says, we must have internalized imagery from around when we started high school, given that we look like we stepped out of an 80s rock video. I suppose that was a pretty impressionable age, and what we experience around then tends to be what feels most right. The subconscious thing might also be why, even though Zach's a girl, he's a girl who's built a lot like a boy, with pretty minimal, well, everything. More resistance to the thing about fae mostly being female. Des says, possibly it has to do with what type of fae Zach is, as well. Okay, Jace, what's next?⁠*

*Fae nature starts to make itself more dramatically felt. The exact form in which it manifests is, like with full fae, a combination of factors, but the largest one is again the subconscious mind of the faeling in question. Exactly what happens in the next phase is going to reflect what kind of genes we have but will also have a lot to do with what we ultimately see that kind of fae as and our own core drives and motivations and who we see ourselves as being underneath everything. Be who and what you are. For real. Not imposed by anything outside. This is all coming from inside us. It just got unlocked.*

Silence, while everyone digested that.

*Zach just pointed out that, even if that's true which he's not entirely willing to accept just yet, cuffs and collars and being trapped here are definitely not coming from inside us, which is a really good point, I think. We might be able to resent having it woken up without asking us, but if it's part of us anyway... that really does complicate things, as if they weren't complicated enough already. Theo says it doesn't complicate it, it simplifies it. We deal with all the changing stuff as natural and part of us, and we turn all our attention to getting off this island and getting rid of the cuffs and collars. Well, that's simplified, all right, Theo, but okay, sure. Jace, Erica says, is there anything else?*

*Apparently some discover that they have another form available beyond that, normally a more extreme version, but that's all it says on the subject except that it's unpredictable. But... oh, hey! Almost all faelings, after they've changed all the way and get a grip on everything they can do, can learn to get back to midway like now, and most can manage to change all the way back to their human form, although there are usually a few traits that won't entirely disappear and some can do it only for short periods or without major distractions. Some who can't do it as shapechanging can learn to create a glamorie of it, which I assume is an illusion.*

*Suzi says, oh, for real? Doesn't matter how long it takes or how hard to learn, that would be worth it! At least then once we get home it would be possible to have something like our lives back! With, y'know, some changes. Erica says, we don't know yet what kind of instincts and other things we're going to be dealing with when we get that far, but somehow, we'll do it. You two have been over in the house for quite a while, maybe you should come back? We can eat all this food Erica and Zach collected, and then get some sleep. We do have a lot to think about. Yes, Des, more bunny food. C'mon, scoot.*

JC put the book away, and crossed the floor to the desk where the lamp was.

Against the darkness outside, the window might just as well have been a mirror.

He paused, regarding his own reflection ruefully. There was no sense of shock or dissonance anymore; those dark-lined red-shadowed eyes and red lips and refined features had become too familiar already. Trying to mentally superimpose an image of his own male human face was only partially successful.

Something to do with the bread breaking down bits of memory? Something to do with this change ultimately being natural for them? Something to do with over a week of seeing nothing else, his own or those of his friends? Hadn't Isabel's journal said something about natural chemical changes that made it less traumatic?

If there was a way, right now, to undo it completely and make them entirely human again—at least functionally—the obvious answer was that they'd grab for it, of course. Isabel and her cohorts would lose interest, and they could have their lives back.

But take away the factor of being trapped, imagine that this had happened under other conditions... he suspected the answer became less obvious, and that they'd have regrets over either path. Go back to needing glasses, to tiring relatively easily, to little human aches and pains, to being less strong and agile? Even if it meant that life could be normal again? Although it couldn't, of course, they knew too much.

'Complicated' didn't even begin to cover it.

Des beckoned from the hall; JC turned off the light, returned it to its previous position, and went to join him.

A couple of weeks ago I don't think I would've been all that horrified to find out about Des and the whole cross-dressing thing, at least I hope not, but I probably would've been a lot more surprised and quite possibly would've said something stupid that could've hurt him.

Changing into a girl and being mutually dependent and isolated outside of normal reality have a funny way of putting things in perspective, I guess.

Wonder how he used to look, dressed as a girl...

They saw no one on the way back, or at least JC saw no one and Des gave no indication that he did.

With more leisure, Erica and Zach had assembled a respectable collection and variety of vegetables and fruits, enough so that by the time they finished, they felt more satiated than they had in over forty-eight hours.

They made certain that there was absolutely no trace of their feast remaining, and retired to the bedroom.

Curled up between Theo and Erica, JC found he still couldn't sleep, his mind chasing the things he'd read around and around.

Even when he finally did doze off, it was only shallow and restless, with the same thoughts still circling just under the edge of consciousness.

He woke before the chiming of the bell, his friends still asleep around him.

Changing comes from inside us, if that book can be trusted, and it seems unlikely they'd have it here otherwise, and it's consistent with what else we know. Even consistent with things Niko said, which is a whole other issue in itself.

Where the thoughts were coming from, he wasn't sure—something his own mind had put together while he was drowsing, maybe.

I'm now living in a female body that is, in every other possible way, very clearly superior to what I used to have, even if things I'm feeling and thinking are rather disturbing. I think Erica and Ali and Suze are disturbed, too, even without the sex swap issue to deal with, so it's not just that. Current evidence suggests that this is only the beginning, we could still more or less pass for human right now but that's not going to last and we're going to have much worse, or at least weirder, things to deal with. All current evidence suggests that it's more or less permanent. If we find a way to get our own shapes back, fine, I'll think about decisions then. Right now, an eroding self-definition as a heterosexual male is pretty much irrelevant against all the rest. Trying to keep it intact is just bleeding off energy I could be putting to better use. It's not like it's accomplishing anything, or like I'm going to become a brainless bimbo by just going with what is. I don't have any stupid ideas about women being inferior, as far as I know. Erica's smarter than I am, Alison's more self-disciplined, Suzi's better at keeping her head in most crises than I'll ever be.

So to hell with it. I'm a person who's effectively a woman.

That still doesn't mean I'm not going to get myself and my friends out of this trap.

She was reflecting on the realization that her sense of self, of who she was, remained perfectly intact with the crumbling outer shell of straight male removed, and wondering how many more layers were equally superficial—and whether Theo or Des or both had already come to much the same conclusion—when the bell chimed and woke her friends to another day.