Life, in general, is a series of awkward moments, bad moments and terrible decisions, and I had a monopoly on all of them. I'm Kael Draven, a 23-year-old man with a special skill: ruining everything I touch. If you ever needed someone to make a plan fall apart in the most spectacular way possible, I was your man. Not that I had bad intentions. I just had an innate talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. All the time.
A good example of this was the dinner I had prepared that night. Or, rather, the dinner I had “prepared”. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total disaster in the kitchen. Well, maybe a little. But when it says on the rice package that it's “non-stick” and the rice sticks so much that it seems to be making a pact with the fire, it's not my fault, is it? The real problem was when, in a desperate attempt to save the situation, I added too much soy sauce. My rice didn't just sit there, but soaked in sauce, as if the poor grain of rice had fallen into a puddle of sodium. “Delicious,” thought my brain, as my stomach begged for mercy.
Sofia, my little sister, didn't look at me reproachfully. Well, not at all. She gave me that look reserved for little kids who say things they shouldn't say, like when I told her I couldn't find the remote control because, and I quote, “the universe was conspiring against me.” What can I say, my life was a comedy movie that even the audience didn't take seriously.
“Kael, why don't we better order something,” suggested Sofia, who, for some reason, has a supernatural ability to keep her cool even when everything around her is about to explode. Which, of course, is ironic because, despite being the least unlucky person on the planet, she had the worst sense of direction. If he ever gets lost in a supermarket, I'm convinced he could get lost in the potato French fry aisle.
I was about to stand up to get my phone and order food, but before I could do so, the unthinkable happened. A blinding light, as if someone had thrown a giant flash directly into my eyes, invaded the room. The kind of light that makes you think the sun has decided to make its big comeback rather dramatically. The light shone so brightly that it knocked me backwards onto the couch, as Sofia clutched the table, clearly startled.
“Kael, what the hell...!” shouts Sofia, but before I could explain to her that we were probably the victims of some kind of interdimensional teleportation experiment, we were swallowed up by the void. Well, not in a way as exciting as the movies, rather it was as if reality had decided to disintegrate and then reassemble itself with us inside it.
I'd like to say that this was an epic moment, but it wasn't. Instead of feeling like the protagonist of an action movie, all I could do was stand there with my mouth open as I fell. My brain didn't understand what was going on. Maybe at that moment, someone should have hit me in the head with a piece of wood, because I wasn't going to assimilate what was happening anyway.
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The next second, we found ourselves on the ground, not smoothly or magically, but with the same kind of disastrous falls I normally have. We fell as if we were participating in a failed stunt competition, and worst of all, we ended up in some sort of giant stone circle, surrounded by... things. No, they weren't monsters or strange creatures, although that would have been better. They were statues. Giant statues with a “I'm going to crush you” face that made me want to run for help. But there was nowhere to run, just endless emptiness all around, and, of course, the terrifying voice that spoke to us from the heavens.
“Welcome, mortals! You have been selected to participate in the Great Game. Here, your skills will be put to the test... or, in your case, the lack thereof. Have fun, survive, and, if you can, try not to die too quickly!”
You know the worst thing about all this? That at the time I wasn't all that surprised. In my life, weird and bad things happened all the time, but this seemed... normal. Some kind of interdimensional catastrophe and all they do is announce us like we're part of some stupid game show. And if there's one thing I know well, it's that I'm not up for anything that involves competition or challenges. I'm all about doing easy things. Things like not dying.
Before I could respond, a floating panel appeared before us. “Welcome to the System,” the message said in gold lettering. At first I thought it might be some kind of gimmick, like those fake ads on the internet that promise you something spectacular and then offer you a useless product. But no. This panel went on:
“Welcome to the System! Level 0: Survive the first day. Reward: rusty frying pan and hat with +1 charisma.”
“Rusty frying pan?”, I blurted out, watching as the ‘reward’ appeared in front of us. Was this for real? They were giving us a rusty frying pan as a welcome gift? I mean, in what world was this a useful thing? Was this the reward for doing things like...not dying? Did this system think I would become some kind of battle chef?
Sofia, of course, reacted better than I did. “This is a joke, right?” she said as she looked around, looking for any sign that this was some kind of trick. But the only response we got was a malevolent chuckle coming from the sky, as if this was all part of a joke that I didn't understand.
“Of course not, Sofia,” I replied, letting out a sigh and rubbing my temples. “What other kind of disaster could happen in my life? My luck is so good that even a game system is going to punish me with kitchen utensils.”
But then I understood. This wasn't just a normal disaster. No, this was a level of cosmic chaos that even I couldn't have anticipated. We were trapped in some kind of absurd survival game, where we had nothing but a rusty frying pan and a ridiculous hat. The only question that remained was: how the hell were we going to get out of here? And even more important: how were we going to survive without losing our sanity?