Chapter 66 – Me, Myself & I

Jack cast [Storm Step].

He quickly realized the instant the technique activated and launched him a hundred feet in the air that something was different.

He wasn’t the one in control.

We should run, Jack thought to himself, scanning the world around him for the best direction to make a quick escape.

Where the fuck are we supposed to run off to? Killer Jack screamed at him, We’re fighting. He said, cutting off all conversation.

Jack felt the air turn electric as the second part of the ability activated and he slammed back to the ground in a devastating battering ram of lightning right between Onem and Halldis. He grimaced in pain, feeling his legs crack and his channels burning as he hit his mark with pinpoint accuracy. As his vision began to return he blinked in surprise at a black barrier erected around Onem and Halldis. Whatever this protection was, Jack had shattered it halfway through and it had deep cracks running across its remaining half.

The protection didn’t end there. Onem had called forth ablack armor that hung on by shadowy threads. The few pieces remaining shared the same deep cracks of the black barrier. He grimaced as pieces fell away, revealing burnt, dead flesh. Onem had managed to throw up this protection in an instant, completely shielding Halldis and himself from the brunt of Jack's attack. The surrounding draugr, though, were far less lucky. They weren’t burnt or dismembered; they had been completely evaporated.

Well, so much for an easy fight, Jack mused.

Either the shock of the attack or the realization that Onem had survived rattled Killer Jack. He could feel the power over his body give way and he launched himself back and away, seemingly having gained control of his body again. He pulled a health potion out of his void sack, chugging it down in one go, and made quick work of several approaching draugr who had been outside the range of his [Storm Step]. Most of the soldiers seemed too stunned to make a move on Jack, opting to do nothing unless ordered otherwise. They may be undead soldiers, but they seemed to value whatever semblance of life they had.

Onem dismissed the shattered barrier and his shadow armor each evaporating like smoke, but not before healing his wounds. He took a tentative step forward towards Jack and then stopped as he seemed to notice something Jack had missed. He turned and squinted into the distance. Jack followed his gaze. It was just more soldiers, more encampment, and the surrounding forest.

That’s when he heard horns echo out throughout the valley.

“An attack? But who? How?” Halldis hissed in confusion.

“The queen and her little pets have returned.” Onem said, scowling at something only he could see. “Take the troops and prepare for an assault.”

Onem turned back to Jack and leveled him with an accusing gaze.

“You are smarter than I initially gave you credit for. You infiltrated my encampment and pretended to serve me all while I made you more powerful. You have planned this all perfectly but you forget that you are still no match for me.”

“You caught me! This has all been an elaborate ruse to get close to you and assassinate your inner circle! Been planning it for years, but you… you’re just toooooo good.” Jack said.

Onem looked at him confused for a moment, and Jack took that split moment to run away. Only his feet wouldn’t move. He looked down expecting to see some shadowy tentacles or draugr hand, but saw nothing.

Nothing was holding him down.

We’re not running, he heard in a savage growl from inside his head.

Jack paused. Normally these newfound voices resided in a comfortable spot in the back of his head. Separate and apart from his cognitive functions, but something was different. It felt like a door had opened up and Killer Jack was no longer riding shotgun in the back of his mind but had gone full on “Jesus take the wheel”. Not only his voice, but his anger, rage, sadness, and absolute killer instinct could be felt and heard, not from a distant island, but at its core. Jack could hardly tell the difference from his own internal voice or the voice in his head.

“Well, in case you forgot, asshole, we don’t have any mana drops left.” Jack said to the disembodied voice of Killer Jack.

“Whatever, just let me handle it.” Killer Jack snapped back.

Then something new happened. Jack could feel it as he lost control of his body. It had the same sensation as when you feel like you fall in a dream. He could feel his stomach rush, there was a sense of weightlessness, and suddenly Jack was the one standing on an island watching as Killer Jack took over and launched himself at Onem.

It’s like he was in two places at once. Killer Jack and Onem were fighting in the empty field in a dungeon in the tower, but also they were fighting on an island in Jack's mind. As they fought, both realities were true as Jack was able to move to see the ongoing fight from better angles. It’s like Jack was a ghost in the real world, but also watching a holographic video in his mind.

Jack was stunned. Both by the complete fucking weirdness of the situation, and the fact that Killer Jack was fucking skilled. It wasn’t like he didn’t know all the same moves but having a front-row seat provided a different perspective. Jack watched as he ducked and dodged and delivered dangerous thrusts and cuts and slashes. Onem was obviously still gauging his ability, but so was Killer Jack.

“He can’t handle this by himself, ya know.” Came another voice. Jack glanced over to see happy Jack in a pink Hawaiian shirt and several floral leis sipping from a flask.

He’s awesome, Jack thought, ignoring Happy Jack and watching as Killer Jack and Onem exchanged blows.

Wait, he’s me. So doesn’t that make me awesome?

“And that’s the fucking heart of the problem now, isn’t it?” Happy Jack said, reading his mind.

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“What the hell does that mean?” Jack asked.

“It means you don’t know who the fuck you are and you created these personalities, us, to deal with your shit. That maniac over there is the result of Rodeo and his... Unique tactics in raising a teenage assassin.” Happy Jack said, pointing as Killer Jack absorbed a blow from Onem and spun around him delivering a flurry of attacks.

Jack watched the exchange, taking in the situation, but a thought kept distracting him.

“Ya know what's been bugging the hell out of me. He’s Killer Jack, which makes sense.” Jack said, “But I’m happy Jack, not you.”

Happy Jack just scoffed at him. “You aren’t happy. And neither am I. I have no idea why you call me that.”

“Then who are you supposed to be?”

“I don’t know? You created me. I’m here because you thought you needed to stop killing to live a normal and happy life. I was born when you decided to shove that killer instinct into a little tiny corner of your mind and lock it up. I am compartmentalization made real. I exist to keep him in line.” He said, throwing a thumb back at Killer Jack. “But all that effort didn’t really make us happy, now did it? I’m the Sad Clown Jack, maybe?” He offered.

Jack said nothing as he continued to watch Killer Jack duke it out with Onem. The fight wasn’t going well.

“So what’s that make me, then?” He finally voiced to no one in particular.

Happy Jack, or whoever the hell he was supposed to be, sighed. He stared as Killer Jack exchanged more blows with Onem, an almost pitying look on his face, then back at Jack.

“You’re the Jack who gets to decide. The Jack who’s in control. You’re just Jack. We aren’t one thing or another here. We’re both parts of you, yet you lock us up and throw away the key whenever it’s convenient.”

“Ya know, I don’t ever remember being this… astute? Are you sure you aren’t some random tower bullshit that’s wormed its way into my head and is giving me a free therapy session for some reason?”

“I think the Tower made me a real manifestation. Or maybe the pressures of the dungeon finally made you snap. I don’t know if we would have had a conversation like this back on Earth, but then again, you were always a bit of a psychopath, so who knows.” Happy Jack laughed. “So, what’s the decision? You going to spiral deeper into insanity while you try, and fail, to keep us locked away at your convenience? Or are you going to learn to accept who you really are?”

“And who am I?”

“A fighter? A killer? A joker? Who do you want to be? You’re a friend to some people, a good one at that You’re also loved by someone we both know is very special. You’re a lot of things, really, which is what you need to understand. You don’t have to be just one thing. You don’t have to lock away parts of yourself to fit into some box of what you are supposed to be. If you haven’t noticed, we aren’t in fucking Kansas anymore. Earth’s rules on decorum don’t mean anything here. If anything, I’d say the Tower has given you the opportunity to figure out who you really are. So what do you want? Who do you want to be, Jack?”

Jack nodded along, watching as Killer Jack earned himself more and more wounds in his fight with Onem. If this kept going, Killer Jack, and Jack by proxy, wouldn’t survive the fight. Killer Jack was good, but he was missing something. Jack couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he had an idea.

He reached out to Killer Jack, placing a hand on his shoulder, the effect was mirrored in his mind and in the world. “Hey, let me help you out.”

Killer Jack turned to look at him, like actually turned to see who was talking to him, an annoyed and angry look on his face. Onem took that opportunity to slam his staff into the body of Jack and send it sailing into the woods.

Jack winced, walking up to Killer Jack and kneeling down next to him. “I don’t think you can kill him alone.”

“Fuck off.” Was the only thing Killer Jack said, wincing in pain as he cradled his ribs.

“Was I always this hard to work with?” Jack asked over his shoulder to Happy Jack.

“Wouldn’t you be pissed if someone locked you up and threw away the key? Also…. yes.”

Jack looked at Killer Jack, cradled on the ground, trying and failing to fight back the fear that comes with knowing you're fighting a losing battle. He needed to say something.

“I’m…uh….sorry?” Jack said to the hurt copy of himself laying on the ground.

Killer Jack sharply turned his head and gave Jack an angry glare. Jack just stared back through the angry glare into the soul of this killer. Into the soul of himself. He looked sad. He looked alone.

“I’m sorry...” Jack found himself saying again, but this time he meant it.

Killer jack pushed himself up off the ground and leaned back against the tree, jaw tightening as Onem approached..

“Promise me…” Killer Jack started to say, his eyes no longer filled with madness, but a surprising clarity. “Promise me it’ll be different this time. Don’t deny who you are. Who we are.”

Jack stared at him for a long moment. “I promise.”

“Soooo lammmmeee. Get a room, you two.” He heard happy Jack jeering from behind him.

“Was I always this annoying?”

“You have no idea.” Killer Jack said in an eye-roll.

With that, Jack found himself back in control of his body, no longer an outside observer. He winced in pain as he tried to breathe through broken ribs that were trying and failing to repair themselves.

Despite the damage to his body, Jack felt calm. He felt the cool air on his skin, he heard the sounds of war raging around him, but more importantly, he could feel the two sides of himself standing by in support. Like a tiny angel and demon on his shoulder

He tightened his grip on his daggers.

“Who am I…” Jack mused, rhythmically tapping the flat of his blade against his thigh.

Onem, sensing his distraction, charged him again. Jack lashed out with dangerous speed, severing the man’s arm off. Onem jumped back in surprise, the shadows quickly leaking out of his body to grab his arm and reattach it.

“Do you mind?” Jack said, an annoyed look on his face. “I’m trying to have a conversation here.”

Onem stared at him. “A conversation? ” He said, confused but still sparing glances for anyone Jack might be talking to.

“Who do I want to be…” Jack asked himself, ignoring Onem, taking a slow deliberate step in his direction.

Seeing no one, Onem lashed out again with his staff. Jack sidestepped the attack, sending his daggers flying at Onem’s neck. The draugr stopped himself and launched back again, taking a defensive stance as he stared at Jack in confusion.

“Somethings changed…” he said slowly.

Who do I want to be, Jack wondered again to himself. I don’t know… but maybe that’s ok. I just want to be free to do whatever I want to do.

And what is it you want to do? Came Happy Jack's voice from the back of his head.

Right now? Jack thought, leveling his gaze at Onem. Right now, I really want to kill this guy.

Sounds like a good as plan as any.

“You aren’t Happy Jack… You’re the restrained Jack. The Jack with self-control. Thanks for keeping me in check all those years.” Jack found himself saying out loud.

There wasn’t a response this time. But Jack felt a… calmness wash over him. His body hurt, his ribs cried out in pain with every heavy breath, his muscles ached, but for the first time he felt… Jack didn’t know what he felt. Complete maybe?

It felt good.

He stared at Onem and felt a smile slide onto his face. It wasn’t a manic smile… Well, maybe a little manic, but he was always a little manic. He was a lot of things. Jack took another step forward. This time Onem stepped back, an unsure look on his face.

Jack launched himself at Onem, the small smile growing more confident by the second. For the first time in his life, Jack felt in control of himself.

He felt truly dangerous…

He felt good.