Chapter 110 - What do you want?

Jack stood there for a moment stupefied, his mind trying, and failing, to figure out what the hell had just happened. He had been walking through the city with Hannah, and then out of nowhere, they found themselves staring at the stupid fucking dungeon entrance. It was obvious the Tower had pulled some of its trademark bullshit. What wasn’t obvious was why everyone else seemed to be here.

He glanced over at a rapidly approaching party. Devin led the group making a beeline towards Jack, his angry stride well matched to the furious glint in his eye. As he came to a stop in front of the duo, he drew his sword and leveled it at them. A cacophony of weapons being drawn rang out around Jack. The magnitude of the noise startled Jack, drawing his attention to his broader surroundings. Slowly he realized they were surrounded by dozens of U.F.E. soldiers, all of whom pointed weapons AT him and Hannah.

Jack threw an involuntary glance down at the ground where he had, surprised by the sudden scenery shift, dropped his daggers.

“Don’t even think about it.” Devin jeered, inching his blade closer to Jack’s neck. “I’m glad to see you aren’t completely devoid of a conscience, the guilt of running away too much to bear?”

Jack took another measured look around the assembled mob, his eyes lingering over the angry faces in front of him and landing on Sarah, who was looking at him with a hurt look in her eyes.

Why did she look so upset?

“Mind telling me what the fuck is going on here?” Hannah snarled, bringing Jack back to the present.

“You go missing for two days and ignorance is your only answer?” Devin asked, cocking his head slightly to the side.

Jack and Hannah exchanged a glance, confusion plain on both of their faces.

“We haven’t been missing,” Jack started. "We were just in a meeting with you guys like an hour ago. I can’t be on a milk carton already. Again–what the hell is going on?”

Devin didn’t respond. Instead, he only seemed to grow angrier, and his sword began to shake in frustration at Jack's neck. Gideon stepped forward at that moment, placing a steadying hand on Devin’s blade and pushing it down, away from Jack's throat.

“I told you this might be the case. Let me question them,” he said.

Devin’s eyes darted back and forth indecisively between Jack and Gideon before he finally lowered his weapon and took a step back.

“Tell me what happened,” Gideon said as he crossed his arms and fixed Jack with a studious look. Despite the serious faces around him, Gideon seemed more curious than upset.

“Literally what I just said. We were scouring the town for a bar that hadn’t been burned to the ground by overzealous U.F.E. dill-holes,” Jack started, throwing an accusing glance towards Devin, “but apparently the bar I found was the ‘good time ruiner bar of shitty teleportation’ because now I’m here dealing with you guys. What the hell do you mean we’ve been missing for two days?”

“Hmm…” Gideon said, scratching at his chin and ignoring Jack’s question completely, “So you weren’t testing any new power or some ability you’ve unlocked?”

“No.” Jack said flatly.

“No new magic item or weapon you were playing with? Maybe a new quest from the Tower that pulled you away?”

“Nope.”

“You weren’t making any plans to break your soul oath and run away, were you?” Gideon finally asked in an overly exaggerated tone.

“No.” Jack lied, suddenly aware of the dragons' tactics.

Gideon narrowed his eyes.

“Ok, maybe it came up in conversation,” he corrected, “but that’s it, just talk. We didn’t actually do anything.” Jack took note of Sarah’s face changing from hurt to angry in a flash. He winced slightly at that. “Are you telling me the Tower went full-blown Minority Report on us?”

“You’ve seen that movie?” Sam asked, jumping into the conversation.

“I’ve seen every Tom Cruise movie,” Jack said, crossing his arms, a note of pride in his voice.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand. Who is Tom Cruise?” Gideon asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“Closest thing to a real life hero the world has. Come to think of it… He might actually be around here somewhere.” Jack eyed the soldiers surrounding him, studying their faces with a renewed interest.

“Don’t listen to these idiots,” Hannah chimed in. “What Jack is trying to ask is why is the Tower punishing us for oaths we haven’t even broken yet?”

“Well, that’s where things get complicated,” Gideon said as he sucked air through his teeth. “How many soul oaths have you sworn in relation to the dungeon at this point?”

“I honestly don’t even know anymore; it seems I can’t take one step without some asshole making me swear something to him.” Jack said with an accusing glare aimed at Devin, who glared at him in return.

“Exactly. And how many soul oaths have you broken thus far?”

“Just the one, I think. What’s your point?”

“My point is that you’ve more or less bound yourself to this place through soul oaths, not to mention the fact that you’ve broken a soul oath before – and survived the consequences of doing such a thing. The Tower doesn’t appreciate when adventurers circumnavigate the consequences of their transgressions, of that you can be certain. Jack, Hannah,” Gideon said, suddenly serious, “You don’t seem to realize you have a Tower sized target painted on your back.”

“That doesn’t make sense, though. Why would the Tower put me in timeout and force me here? If I break the soul oath, doesn’t that mean it gets another chance to kill me?”

“The Tower doesn’t want to kill us, Jack. Its goal is to make us climb. As for why the Tower is so insistent upon holding up a soul oath… it’s complicated, to say the least. Just know that there are forces even beyond the Towers control – soul oaths being one of them – and the Tower hates not being in control. What does matter is that fate is coalescing all around us. The signs are clear as day. The Tower wants you here – so I suggest you quit fighting against it less you drag us all down with the consequences of your actions.”

Jack chewed on that information for a second, honestly unsure what to make of it. He was still reeling from the fact that the Tower robbed him of two days of his life…not to mention several beers at that tavern, for even considering breaking his soul oath. He felt a shadow fall across his vision and looked to his left, his eyes falling on Rodeo, who was of course there to witness this public shaming, a wolf-like grin painted across his face. Jack had been all but ready to kill Rodeo, consequences be damned, but now he wasn’t sure. He didn’t like these forces out of his control dictating his every move. He grit his teeth in frustration and glanced around at the weapons still trained on him.

Fucking tower bullshit.

“Are we done yet?” He demanded. “We’re here now. We obviously didn’t run away, so I think you can stop treating us like criminals. Unless, of course, you plan on being the kind of person who kills people for crimes they haven’t committed yet,” Jack finished, cocking an eyebrow at Devin.

“Stand down,” Devin called out after a brief standoff. He gave a small wave of his hand, signaling the rest of his soldiers to lower their weapons. “I take it you're ready to enter the dungeon now, then?”

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Jack took a moment to check his core. Three drops of mana held steady inside, with a fourth on the precipice of forming. He also felt relatively well rested, likely the Tower’s doing. He was technically good to go, but he still felt like dragging his feet a bit. He hadn’t even gotten that drink yet.

“We could use a moment to freshen up,” Jack smiled at the man.

“One hour.” Devin turned and stomped off towards a table with a group of soldiers surrounding it, all studying a map laid out atop it.

Jack watched Devin a moment before turning to Gideon who was still eyeing him with curiosity, as if he was some kind of anomaly to be studied. Jack decided he wasn’t a fan.

“How did you know we’d end up here?” Jack asked Gideon, interrupting whatever train of thought he was on.

“Well, when you’ve been studying the rivers of fate as long-“

“Yea, never mind, I don’t care,” Jack cut off the dragon and walked over to Sarah, ignoring whatever monologue he was about to go on.

“You look angry,” Jack said with a smirk,feeling Gideon’s shock on his back. Sarah turned on her heels and stalked away from him in a huff. Jack let out a sigh and chased after her. “Wait a second!”

“Why Jack? So you can explain to me how you were going to run away? How you were going to abandon me again?” she finished with an accusatory glare.

“Wait, that’s what you're mad about? Because I didn’t include you in on the plans to run away from the thing that you are making me do? Like I told Gideon, it was very early days in the conversation. No solid plans had been made yet. It wasn’t official and if it did become solid I was going to loop you in…eventually. Probably.”

“Liar.”

“Ok – what was I supposed to do? You pulled me into a meeting knowing full well I was about to get trapped into some Tower bullshit that I’ve been pretty adamant about being a bad idea.”

“I don’t know. Did you ever think of talking to me about it?”

“Were you not paying attention to the whole ‘Tower robbed me of two days of my life’ conversation we just had? I can’t tell you anything if the moment I have the idea I’m dropped in Satan’s space-time butthole. When was I supposed to broach the subject with you? You seem to have it in your head that I’m some sort of good guy, Sarah. That I can be this Hero that you’ve crafted in your head. The hero Gideon pretends to be, but I’m not. I don’t like to play by the rules. I don’t tend to behave like people expect. I cause chaos and destruction and leave a trail of bodies wherever I go – but since you and I met way back on Earth I’ve been doing things I would never do, getting myself involved in situations no man in my position wants to be in. And I don’t know how I feel about that myself, much less how to talk about it. So tell me, how the hell was I supposed to talk to you about any of this?” Jack said, panting a little. He had gotten more worked up than he expected, but to be fair, the pressure between the two of them had been building for a while.

Sarah stared back at him for a long moment. Jack searched her eyes for a response but found nothing.

“Devin said we have some time.” Sarah finally said, breaking the tension. “How about we talk now?”

“A little late, don’t you think?” Jack said with a glance towards the entrance to the dungeon.

“Better late than never,” she said with a small smile.

Jack nodded slowly, and the two of them walked to the edge of the verdant clearing at the mouth of the dungeon’s mammoth entrance, weaving through dozens of U.F.E. onlookers in an attempt to find somewhere quiet to talk. Sarah sat down on a rock that looked like it might have been a piece of castle architecture at one point. Jack settled in next to her. The two sat in silence for a long moment, watching the room as U.F.E. soldiers talked and joked and prepared for the quest ahead.

“What is it you want, Jack?” Sarah finally asked, looking towards him with earnest eyes.

The question caught Jack off guard.

It was a question he found himself constantly asking himself, and he always came up short for an answer. He stared back at Sarah and was instantly trapped in her eyes. They were safe and loving and generous and most importantly, not the eyes of an insane psychopathic killer like him. He told himself a hundred, a thousand times over that she was what he wanted. He was going to stop all this; he was going to quit climbing and retire on the first floor and be with her.

At least, that’s what he tried to convince himself he wanted. No matter how many times he said it though, the answer always rang hollow.

As much as he pleaded with the universe he knew it wasn’t true. Deep down it wasn’t what he really wanted. Not anymore. It had been what he wanted back on Earth. At least he thought it was what he wanted – he never really got the chance to see it through. Maybe things would have gotten just as messed up had humanity not been sucked up into this new reality. But here? In The Tower? Where everything was such a chaotic mess? The more he told himself he wasn’t going to get involved with the Tower and its bullshit, the less true it felt. The more the Tower threw at him the more it pulled at his soul.

“I don’t know…” Jack trailed off, unsure how to answer her.

“You’re lying again.”

Jack looked to Sarah, and she was staring back at him with a mischievous smile.

“It’s obvious what you want, Jack.”

“Oh really? Please enlighten me.”

“You want to climb the Tower-“

“That’s the last thing I want.” Jack interrupted, a little surprised at her answer.

“Oh shut up,” she said with an eye roll, “literally every single person can see it clear as day. You love it in here. Constant fighting, magical powers, dangerous quests and monsters. I haven’t seen you in a single fight where you weren’t smiling ear to ear. You don’t just survive life in the Tower Jack, you live for it. You were practically tailor made to climb the Tower and you know it.

Sarah looked at Jack and despite his growing unease at the conversation, she pressed on.

“You know, there are actually people out there who don’t like climbing the Tower. You know what they aren’t doing? They aren’t questing. They aren’t killing monsters. They definitely aren’t fighting wars or raiding dungeons. Yet you’re doing every single one of those things on a daily basis.” She finished, poking him in the chest.

“ I was doing all those things for you-“

“Quit making me your excuse, Jack. I’ve asked Hannah and Sam aaaaalllllll about you because you refuse to show me what you’re really like – and don’t deny it because I know you’ve been holding back. If I’ve learned anything from them, it’s that Jack Atlas doesn’t do a single thing he doesn’t want to do.”

Jack squinted at Sarah, working his jaw as he searched for a response. He had been doing a lot of things he didn’t want to do lately. Before he could reply, though, she continued on.

“What I’m telling you, Jack, is I can’t be your reason to exist. That’s not fair to me and it isn’t fair to you. Despite all that’s happened, despite all you’ve done, I still care about you. Now, I want to get to know you – the real you. I think there might be a future where we can be together, Jack, but none of that can happen while you’re lying to yourself.”

Sarah finally stopped and silence hung heavy between them. Jack stared into the distance, letting the weight of her words roll over him, unsure of what to say.

“Think about it.” She finished with a small smile. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently before walking back towards the group, leaving Jack to stew in his own thoughts.

Jack watched as she walked away, thinking through everything she just said. She was right. Well. Half right, at least.

The truth stung when hearing it said out loud, and Jack wondered how Sarah knew his heart when Jack had done everything in his power to deny it. She said she didn’t know him, yet when it came down to the truth of things, she knew exactly what made his heart race. What made him tick. Jack wondered if that was why he loved her.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to climb the Tower. He knew almost instantly that the Tower was precisely where he belonged in the universe, whether he admitted it or not. This place resonated with him in ways he couldn’t quite comprehend. But he had denied that truth as hard as he could. Instead, he doubled down on wanting to be with Sarah and quit climbing entirely. He clung to his old life, denying the reality of the situation completely.

Jack grit his teeth, his thoughts wandering back to his time in the dungeon of Gurthok when he had lost his mind, his thoughts scattered. Hadn’t he made a promise that he wasn’t going to continue lying to himself and bottling up the parts of himself that he didn’t think the world could handle? He had found some sort of resolve in there. Then the second he escaped, found Sarah, he had immediately reverted back to old habits. Trying to be the person he thought she wanted. Not the person he really was.

What do you want, Jack? The question rang out in his mind over and over again, forcing him to confront the truth of things. He glanced up, past the ceiling, past the nineteen floors above, past the stars and beyond the heavens themselves.

He wanted to climb.

His eyes fell back to Sarah, who rejoined Devin’s side. He glanced at Sam and Gideon who were both throwing their hands up in lively conversation, and Hannah on the outskirts – glaring daggers at Sam.

Jack had to confront the true horror of his desires.

Despite everyone's strength, he knew if he started to climb the Tower in earnest that they would never be able to keep up with him.

No one would be able to keep up with him.

It wasn’t a question of skill, or even power. Before long, Jack would inevitably be the one who dragged them all to their deaths.

He didn’t want them to die. He didn’t want to be the reason they died. Unfortunately, that didn’t outweigh his desire to climb the Tower, and that truth was making him absolutely miserable.

So, he denied it. Ignored it. Buried it down with everything else.

That would be enough.

It had to be.

“...”

“God you sound like such a dramatic idiot,” Jack mumbled under his breath, making his way back to the group.