“You know, Kat,” Arnold said, “technically we’re sleeping together right now.”

“...No, Arnold, no we’re not.”

“Uh, yeah we are. I’m sleeping, you’re sleeping, and we’re together. We’re sleeping together!”

“Ugh, ew.”

“What? You don’t think it’s funny? It’s called a pun, Kat.”

“It’s... not funny.”

“We’re sleeping together, Kat! Sleeping together!”

“Arnold, please stop. You’re being a creep.”

Arnold held up his sword in a cool action pose. “Oh yeah? I’m a creep? We’ll I guess you’re just PMSing and bleeding all out of your clitoris or whatever.”

“That is anatomically incorrect, and also screw you. You’re being a total dick and I don’t even know why.”

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

“Oh, so you’re not PMSing? You’re just being a BITCH?”

Kat held up her pseudopod in an action pose. “I’m going to kick your ass if you say another sexist, demeaning thing about me. Let’s just find Dorrik and--”

“We aren’t waiting for your boyfriend,” Arnold said with great dignity. “Yeah, I know about you and him.”

“Them!” she shouted. “And I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“What, you didn’t think I knew you two would be having wild sex every single time I wasn’t around with you? Why do you think I have to escort you everywhere? Because you’re always opening up your legs to every person who passes you by. You’re just like Anna.”

“Anna is a great person, and just because the two of us didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean she’s a bad person. And I won’t stand for your insults anymore.”

“That’s not what Anna told me,” he said. “Anna hates your guts. She’s heartbroken because you’re a bitch, and she’s a bitch but not as much a bitch as your bitch-ass self. Bitch.”

“I don’t know what that word means,” a deep, masculine voice said offscreen, “but I don’t like it. Get away from the girl.”

It was Dorrik.

“I hate you!!!!!!” Arnold shouted.

Immediately, he charged at the stupid, hunky, beautiful lizard with his fully-erect sword aimed right at the lizard’s weak point.

This was going to be his moment for honor and glory. This would be the moment he won Kat over.

Then Dorrik back-handed Arnold so hard he flew into the air and fell off a cliff.