[Log 3.14]

[Powerwolf]

The Feral’s voice was like the bass of a dozen faulty speakers. His fur was black wires and warning tape and patches in the dried-blood color of rust. His eyes glowed red with thousands of lines of code writing and deleting themselves as he stalked toward Zephyro.

I couldn’t stop the memories.

A campfire. Confidence blown away like lies written in ash. A torch. Hubris making way for fear. The endless, eternal, omnipotent fear.

My God.

Dark fur.

The howl was so loud and I couldn’t hear anything else. The hot breath against my exposed skin where the robe had been ripped to shreds. Raising my hand. My screaming. The bells. The pressure in my core. My wish shooting out of me and into the wolf. All the blood draining from my face and limbs when the hideous beast grew. And grew. And grew. Its tortured screams. The uncountable mouths.

Branches snapping against my face, leaving a scar on my chin as skin ruptured and blood flowed. The shameful relief when the wolves didn’t follow.

The guilt when I saw the village burning. The endless grief on Chris’ face as he came stumbling out, bleeding, dying. They are all dead, Samantha. It was the wolf, it—. So large! Gods, so large. And the teeth, I— Gods, why are you punishing us so?

And then, that look on his face that I will never forget, switching from grief to sympathy in the time it takes for a butterfly to flap its wings. Don’t blame yourself, Sam. It was massive. No one could have killed that. Shhh. Shh… We should have believed the old tales. Eth should never have sent you after it. Shhh, Samantha. You’re good. There was nothing you could have done. You’re good. You’re good. Don’t cry. You’re good.

My heartbeat pulsed in my head. I was moving, dashing toward the wolf, pulling the torch from its loop, pushing Zephyro aside, jumping in a leaping strike towards the wolf’s snarling face before I could fit in another thought. The world was a blur, and I heard nothing but my pulse roaring in my ears and the faint sound of a bell tolling in my soul.

With the press of a button, the torch came alive a split second before it hit the wolf’s face. The beast snarled, widened its stance, and howled, piercing through the sanguine haze that echoed in my head. I stumbled backward, teeth clattering against each other as I hit the ground. I did not stay down long, rolled, narrowly dodged a claw that sliced into the solid brick below me like it was hot butter. I got to my feet, brought up the torch just in time to slam it into something soft and wet. Only after it had already howled and pulled back did I realize I had rammed the Torch deep into the roof of the wolf’s mouth.

It set its feet and snarled, electronic fur bristling with red lighting.

I stopped screaming and panted. I had been screaming? My pulse pounded in my throat, making it hard to breathe. When had I started? I flicked my free hand over my eyes, clearing them of tears. My ears popped.

“—ere is it, Sultana? By Allah, let me help!”

‘It’s right there!’ I tried to say, but my throat was too dry and the words didn’t come out. The wolf rushed forward, I wheezed a rasping breath that should have been a scream, and then something dark and stinking of machine oil hit me in the stomach. The world halted for a second. Red lighting crackled over massive fur. Then the paw shrunk and the floor moved underneath me until something large and hard hit my back and the world tilted and I faced the alley down below and emptiness.

I spun as I fell, idly noticing a spiderweb of cracks far above me where I had slammed into a neighboring house’s wall, and then the floor hit my side and head and stars exploded in my vision.

{CPU Load: 99%}

{Core Temp: 88° C}

{[Arx, Saint's Embrace] HAS BEEN DISABLED.}

Everything hurt.

Breathing hurt, moving hurt, thinking hurt, and everything was so hot and felt so hard…

The ground shook behind me. I weakly moved my head and saw the wolf approaching at an almost leisurely pace.

“FEAST.” It said, staring me down along its wire-covered, wicked snout.

I whimpered. I actually whimpered. I couldn’t do anything. I was hopeless. There was nothing I could do. There was nothing— Nothing but rage.

I slammed my hand against the ground to get up and screamed in pain and anger because the damn hand was broken and the pain held me back. My stupid, fucking body was betraying me again. I rolled to my other side and pushed myself up against a wall. The wolf didn’t seem to mind. Its languid movements spoke to me like a disappointed parent. The wolf was in no hurry. The wolf was inevitable. It was my end and my doom. I read a mocking suggestion written by its sizzling red lighting. I should run. Make it fun.

No... No no, no no NO!

I took a step forward, facing the beast. The torch burned. I would not run again. A voice deep within me asked if the anger was still helping, if it still gave good advice.

Yes. Anger was literally all that held me together. Just like it had for so very, very long. It would give me strength. It was the only thing that protected me, the only thing I could always rely on. I’d never let it go again. Never give into fear and be helpless. I took another step and my leg just gave in. It was broken. How did that even work? The Feral hadn’t pulled any essence from me as far as I could tell. How could I be hurt? Sure, my CPU ran a bit hot, but why would that make everything hurt? It hurt so much. Oh god, it hurt so much. I just wanted it to stop. No! No…

Something landed behind me, and a blue shield sprung up between myself and the Feral. The beast snarled, frustrated, and rammed into the barrier with all its might. The shield flashed brightly at the impact. When the light faded, a few cracks showed in its swirling surface.

“Sultana!” Zephyro screamed. He looked terrible, all scared and weak and panicked. He was by my side. When had that happened?

“…hurts…” I said.

“You are overheating. This exertion is too much for you to handle! You can’t keep your Essence stable anymore!”

“…how…?”

{memOS - currently consuming: 3 LKB Memory, 90% CPU}

{Current task: Restoring: Samantha_v1//personality_matrix.mp25 - 15%}

{SAINTECH DPM v0.1 - WAITING - currently consuming: 2 LKB Memory, 8% CPU (-12%!)}

{drivers_sensory_Sam_v_0.1 - WAITING - currently consuming: 2 LKB, 2% CPU (-8%!)}

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

“…what…?”

“Use your blessing, Sultana. You need more qua! More vigor! More errr—CPU!”

I tried to focus. It hurt so much. The wolf slammed into the barrier again. There were more cracks now. I felt for the hottest part inside me, somewhere between my heart and my head, maybe both, and exhaled.

{CONSUMED LOGIC - 60 LB}

{AVAILABLE LOGIC - 82 LB}

{Processor: SAINTECH Alpha 2 1400X 1-Core Processor

IS NOW

Processor: SAINTECH Alpha 2 1700X 1-Core Processor}

{CPU Load: 98%}

{Core Temp: 85° C}

Immediately, everything hurt less. I tried to stand, but winced in pain and stopped. My arm and leg were still broken.

“Fuck!” I hissed. The wolf slammed against the field again. It creaked and sizzled, the stench of ozone filled the air. When the animal landed, I could feel the earth shuddering under its paws.

Breathing was still far harder than it had any business to be. It made me wonder if I had some internal damage, too. I blinked. Broken Bones, internal damage… How can that even be possible? Isn’t this just a simulation? Who the fuck would code something like this into a simulation? I knew for a fact it hadn’t been Chris. They might be a stupid bonehead sometimes, but they weren’t a sadistic asshole.

Frantically, with all the focus my sluggish mind could muster, I went over the recent notifications again. Probably had something to do with those. My thoughts kept wandering. I thought about work, and Chris and all our friends and how I missed them. I barely registered the giant wolf nearby as a threat, and that worried me on some level. No, I should stay and think. In order to lead, I needed to understand. In order to lead others, you need to lead yourself first.

Urgh. Not again. Shut up, you died.

Are you leading, or are you being led?

“I said shut up.”

Zephyro cringed. “But Sultana, we must…”

“Shhhh…” I said. I just wanted to sleep. Everything was so warm.

Idly I pondered that the price in LB had gone up for my most recent upgrade, and I suspected it had something to do with how often I upgraded something. Back when…. When I was still in my real body, I had to spend more of my Wish to advance an item the more complex it already was. Heh, oh yeah, I remembered that. Turning a stick into a torch had been easy after a bit of RnD, but turning a cruddy homemade Abacus into a mechanical calculator had taken me a days’ worth of Wishpower, and turning that into an electronic calculator had—

With a howl muffled by the shield, the wolf tried to power through it again. The blue dome flashed bright white and when the light faded, more cracks than solid surface remained. That was worrisome, wasn’t it? Yes, I… needed to do something.

I lay with my back to a crate, facing the breadth of a main thoroughfare. There were no people around anymore, probably all already fled to the palace. A quick look at the stars above revealed that about two-thirds of them were already gone, swallowed by the void.

“FEAST,” the wolf said in its broken-bass-speaker voice. It hurt my ears, rattled in my head, shook my bones.

“Sultana?” Zephyro asked. “What is it? What are we facing?”

“Wolf, approximately three meters ground to shoulder, red electricity, razor claws,” I said as I tried to get up again. My broken arm and leg were definitely an impediment to that endeavor. I collapsed, suppressing a cry of pain.

Zephyro’s face stuttered between frown and concern. “Though I can feel my dire—my shield— weakening, it is not revealed to me. I believe my cameras are broken in the Real, so I can not see their physical forms. But without seeing them in the Real, my senses here in my Domain can be easily fooled, showing me nothing where beasts should be.” The wolf sniffed at the barrier, pacing on its perimeter.

“Probably some sort of IP-masking,” I said, remembering a DevSecOps talk one of my teams had forced me to attend half a lifetime ago. The thought seemed less and less funny as my thoughts returned to a halfway normal state.

“Your wisdom is unparalleled,” Zephyro said, and this time I could almost make out a hint of snark. “But perhaps you should use your Blessing to repair the damage done to you, so we can leave, yes?”

I scoffed. I couldn’t use my Wish to heal people. Not unless I wanted them to mutate into— So many eyes they are all around us and see everything you have to come and see see see see see see Torchbearer join us, WITNESS!

I exhaled sharply, burying that memory as fast and deep as I could. For a second, I felt cold despite the heat and exhaustion. Everything snapped back into focus.

I couldn’t use my Wish on humans. We were too complex. Too many concepts, too much flesh, a soul, and even more systems I didn’t even know existed. I paused, backtracking a bit. My body was gone. Most of those problems weren’t problems anymore, were they? I was just a mind stuck on a piece of hardware, and hardware could be understood…

“Are you sure? Using Logic on myself? Are you sure it would work?” I asked, unable to hide the slight tremor in my voice.

“Of course, Sultana. I have done it before. Besides,—” the Wolf howled over his next few words. I felt it vibrating deep in my solar plexus “—time anymore. We need to leave!”

I looked at the wolf.

It leered back, lips pulled into a hideous, toothy grin.

I closed my eyes, searched for the eternal bell inside me.

{AVAILABLE LOGIC - 82 LB}

Grimacing, I willed a tiny bit of it into my digital avatar, focusing on the concept of stability, presence, and strength. Come on, let this work, let this work…

{CONSUMED LOGIC - 2 LB}

{AVAILABLE LOGIC - 80 LB}

A jet of blue rushed down my arm, and my mangled fingers reset themselves with a wet crunching sound that nearly made me throw up. I winced, closing my eyes and…

{memOS - currently consuming: 3 LKB Memory, 72% CPU}

{Current task: Restoring: Samantha_v1//personality_matrix.mp25 - 45%}

It works! Oh god, it actually works! The pain in my hand receded. It felt like it had been freezing, and I had stuck it into pleasantly warm water. Okay, think about the how and why later, focus on the now… Projecting confidence I didn’t fully feel, I breathed more Logic into my body, directing it where I hurt the most: my leg, arm, my torso.

{CONSUMED LOGIC - 15 LB}

{AVAILABLE LOGIC - 65 LB}

{memOS - currently consuming: 3 LKB Memory, 75% CPU}

{Current task: Restoring: Samantha_v1//personality_matrix.mp25 - 75%}

I got to my feet and stretched, flicking the torch back on. It sputtered a few times, but as the pain receded inside me, the flames dancing in the golden brazier became more stable.

“FEAST,” said the wolf, pressing its head against the cracked shield. There was a loud snap, but it held. Barely.

I looked at the weapon in my hand. The flames streamed a steady blue, just like before. Just like before, when it hadn’t been enough. I glanced at the feral. It didn’t look any worse for wear. No blood or scar, or even a bruise remained where I had hit it in the face.

Zephyro had already run a few steps, away from the wolf and deeper into the alleys. He wanted me to hide again. I could see it in his frantic motions as he waved for me to follow him, to move. “Quickly, Sultana. Follow me. We will take another path.”

{memOS - idle: 3 LKB Memory, 10% CPU}

{Last task: Restoring: Samantha_v1//personality_matrix.mp25 - 100%}

{CPU Load: 21%}

{Core Temp: 79° C}

{[Arx, Saint's Embrace] IS NOW ACTIVE.}

The wolf howled again, the boom of its broken bass shaking me to the core.

My anger boiled, spilling over my damned cowardice. I’d run before. I’d tried submission and peace before. And what had it gotten me, besides dead friends and shattered dreams?

I closed my eyes, willed my breath into a steady rhythm. My thoughts set on that cool, dark path that would get me where I needed to go. Towards revenge. Towards retribution.

“I am done taking another path,” I said, and opened my eyes.

I held the torch up high, framing it with dying stars consumed by an endless void. Blue flames danced before the stygian backdrop, and for a brief moment, I almost believed they could hold back the darkness on their own.

The wolf charged.

The Torch flickered, flames wafting away from the beast as it gathered its power.

I focused on the concept of light, direction, guidance, and showing.

The Feral’s claws ripped into the shield.

I exhaled.

The shield shattered.

A bell tolled.