image [https://cdn.midjourney.com/ed40e1cc-ad85-4ea9-8c0d-8e215e9b0bbe/0_1.png]
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New Reality: 15 March 2025, The Balkans: somewhere in the no man's land contested by the Hungarian Kingdom and the Ottoman Empire
They exited Trieste telling the guards their destination was Vienna, but a mile later, Ardent and his group darted southeast, on the road between the mountains. A mounted patrol observed them but kept their distance. The Māoris had abandoned the disguising cloaks, and ten tall and muscular half-naked tattooed warriors going as fast as a horse was an intimidating sight.
They ran for the rest of the day and most of the night, until they entered the no man's land, somewhere in Herzegovina, and stopped for two hours of sleep. It was due time after one hundred and fifty miles in one go. Waking up, they washed in the spring nearby, and led by Ardent, they took a tortuous path up a small mountain. Without a guide, the track would have been all but invisible.
An hour later, a woman's voice thundered ahead. "Who goes there?"
"Myrtle?" Ardent exclaimed.
"…Pussy?" the voice gulped, then a young and tall brunette woman appeared from behind a rock, holding an arquebus in her hands. "Pussy, you're back!"
"HAHAHA!" The Māori roared in a simultaneous choir.
"It means cat, you bastards. Gah!" Ardent almost fell backward as the woman threw her weapon on the ground and rushed to hug him, tears gathering in her eyes.
"I missed you so much… Thank goodness you're here…"
"Help… Take her off me…" Ardent pleaded, but the Māoris stood their ground, grinning as the woman was covering his face in kisses. "Fine, fine, I missed you too, happy now?"
"Happy!" After deposing a last smack on his lips, Myrtle's shoulders sagged. "You heard about father, right? That's why you're here?"
Ardent shook his head, taking his time to breathe. He had at least a bruised rib. He applied Minor Healing to himself and grabbed the young woman by the shoulders. "What's up with Popa?"
"He lost his mind," Myrtle sighed. "Three weeks ago, strange words appeared in our heads… for him, it's voices—"
"He can't read," Ardent explained to the Māori. "So, he got the System, right?"
"Yes, both of us," Myrtle nodded. "The text said it's because of you… papa thinks you cursed him…"
Leaning his head back to better read the text, Ardent Inspected her. Barbarian Sharpsword, Epic Rank, Melee Damage Dealer, level 5. There was a flash with her stats too. Her Strength was in the high twenties.
No wonder my ribs are hurting… Ardent grimaced, massaging his torso. Nevertheless, she didn't appear bulky, Myrtle's silhouette had remained just… shapely. Some memories flashed, bringing tingling sensations in some parts of his body.
"Glad you're happy to see me," she giggled.
"It's a coin roll," he hurried to cover the front of his pants with his hat. "Take me to Popa. And you guys, if you want to live, don't do anything that looks menacing, blinking included. Popa's dangerous."
After his companions nodded, the group proceeded on, with Myrtle leading the way. The nearby village was atop the hill and surrounded by forests in bloom. The middle march had already made the apples flower and leaves buds open, the fresh scent extremely pleasant. The few people on the streets hurried to run away, hiding in their huts or houses, snatching with them the kids that were playing in the dirt, ignoring their objections.
In the northern corner of the village stood a larger house, with a massive anvil in front of it. A giant of a man, with a long salt-and-pepper beard sat on a tree stump nearby, a black robe hung loosely on him, showing a hairy chest and impressive muscles. He was in the process of finishing a jug of some drink, the stench of bad and strong alcohol reaching Ardent's nostrils.
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Rivulets of saliva and liquid poured liberally over the man's beard and body. After emptying the jug, the man smashed it on the ground, then headbutted the anvil, without any hesitation. The anvil broke in two, and the Māori gasped in a perfect choir.
"It's the third he breaks," Myrtle sighed. "He has to be put down, he's become a danger for himself and the village. I shot him in the head while he was asleep, but the bullet didn't even scratch him… maybe together we have a better chance."
Juggernaut, Hybrid Tank, Supreme Rank, level 5. STR 50, DEX 12, CON 50, WIL 10, INT 10, CHA 1.
Reading the result of the Inspect, Ardent swallowed a lump. A fight didn't look promising. He was considering waiting for the giant to get completely drunk before approaching. Then the man raised his eyes and noticed him.
"Morlako!" The roar was so loud it made all the birds in the trees around fly in panic. "You put a demon in my mind? I'll fuck your mother's dead ancestors' corpses today and tomorrow!"
"He's pissed," Ardent blurted. "Don't intervene, whatever happens. Popo, calm down, I just want to ta—"
Running at him with giant steps, making the earth tremble, the man threw his hands ahead, trying to get hold of Ardent. The condottiere wasn't going to wait and see what a fifty-strength giant could do to his body, so he duck-rolled. Unsheathing his sword, he slashed the bearded man's legs, trying to hamstring him, but the cut only grazed the thickened skin.
"Shit!" Now he had to run on all fours to avoid a foot stomp that would have blown his head to smithereens. Jumping up, he started to do evasive maneuvers.
"Stop, you coward! I won't kill you. I'll just fuck you in the ass while you'd screw your mother!" Myrtle's father yelled.
"My mother is dead, you bastard!" Ardent yelled, his vision turning into a red tunnel. Until recently, it would have meant a fight to the death, his or the opponent, but now, his INT stat was higher, and he was more considerate. A flicker of the hand and here was Meanwood, appearing out of thin air, smashing itself directly into the giant's face. The Mimic wrapped its tongue around his opponent's neck, starting to squeeze.
"Don't kill him!" Ardent screamed.
"Kill me? Hahaha!" The giant headbutted the Mimic with all his force. His bloodthirsty expression changed into one of befuddlement, as a line of red started to run from his forehead. He raised a hand to check his wound, looking at the blood on his fingers with incredulity.
"I'm made of Holy Groove Wood, asshole. That's what put the tough in toughness. My turn!" the Mimic yelled. Pulling himself with the tongue, he clashed with the bearded man's face with tremendous speed. After a moment of hesitation, the giant collapsed backward like a cut tree, making a cloud of dust erupt up in the air and the ground tremble.
For beating the strongest man on Earth ATM, your father-in-law, peacefully, you have leveled up x3. You are now level 15. 90% progress made toward the next level. For achieving this feat in conjunction with your Main Quest, you have gained two Fate Points.
"Rengi!" Ardent called, postponing investing his free Attribute Points or checking on his stats.
Coming from behind a hut, the Māori Priest approached the downed giant, checking his pulse at the neck. "He's breathing… just stunned… Should I heal him?" The rest of the Māoris and the local folks started to reappear as well.
"Nah, he'll be all right. Let him wake up by him—"
"I missed you too much!" Interrupting Ardent with a kiss, Myrtle pulled him by a hand, and they started running. A minute later, they arrived in a clearing, then behind a bush, where she tore his shirt open in a single try, making the buttons jump all over.
"I missed you two, little bear cub," he said, caressing her neck. Then words became unnecessary.
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Half an hour later, they returned to the village, both with their clothes a mess and avoiding making eye contact with anyone. Meanwood was sulking, pulling its tongue at the two.
"Good job, boy," Ardent patted its lid.
"I'm an it, not a boy," the Mimic protested. "Where have you been? I'm exhausted, I need to recharge my batteries in the Storage Dimension."
"Sure, just spit out the prototype weapons before you do that," the young man said. "Hey, I didn't mean it literally!" Ardent blurted, trying to catch ten slim rifles and as many revolvers ejected by the monster, alike a clay pigeon thrower. After two misses and eighteen successful catches, he sent the monster to the storage and redirected his attention to his father-in-law.
The bear of a man was still lying on the ground, trying to get up, only to fall on his back, like a turned turtle. The two largest Māori were trying to help him on his feet but with no success.
"How much does he weigh?" one of the warriors complained.
"Six hundred pounds last time I checked," Ardent said.
"Must be over one thousand now," Myrtle said. "He grew two feet in height and width in the last weeks."
"Pussy!" the giant yelled. "I'll fuck you in the ass while you screw your mother!"
"Relax. Now it means hello," Ardent said, putting a hand on Rengi's arm because the Priest was on the brink of running away. "It's all in the intonation. And pussy means cat, are we clear on that?" he frowned at the others. "How're you feeling, pops?"
"Never better," Myrtle's father said.
"Good. We're going hunting."