Money and power are everything. Everything. With money and power you can do whatever you like. With enough money and power you can even avoid the consequences....for a time.
-Chairwoman Nina Ellory, Ad Astra Space Shipping, Passenger, Mining, Acquisitions, Exploration and Exploitation Corporation.
The universe was a blur of speed and light. It’s easy to forget when you look up at the night sky that everything is in a constant frenzy of motion. Galaxies rocket away from each other, stars flee from their celestial brethren, and planets zip around like nobody’s business. The so-called ‘Dance of the Spheres’ was more the frantic, frenzied scattering of partying teenagers when the cops burst in.
So when Alex found himself hurtling through the void of space, the stars looked a little like the hyperspace visual effect of a Star Wars film and a lot like a mad blur of motion that hurt his eyes to look at.
I’m going very fast, he thought, witnessing entire galaxies zooming past as if they were late to work and on their final warning for attendance. A moment later his brain added I also seem to be alive, not suffocating or suffering explosive decompression.
“...” he tried to say something, but the sound smeared into nothingness. That made sense, since the speed of sound was probably still back home putting its shoes on in this mad blast across space. He wondered exactly how fast he was going, and if it even mattered.
Let’s fix that, something echoed in his head, making Alex shiver. His vision flickered and a shimmery, transparent mist formed around him.
“You’re sort of wrong, actually, but I can’t blame you for that particular ignorance.” A voice spoke behind his left shoulder. Alex tried to speak and found that he could now do so.
“If I turn around, what am I going to see?”
“Just me.” the voice said in a cheerful way. That’s entirely unhelpful, Alex thought. “But I just needed to repeat that you’re wrong, so wrong, incredibly wrong and I would be embarrassed if I were you. You’re not moving at all.”
Alex gestured at the blurring light show in the void. The voice giggled - a very feminine sound. “You’re staying still. Reality is moving around you.”
“That’s-”
“I know, it sounds awfully egocentric, but for this brief speck of a moment in time, you can actually say that the universe and beyond are revolving around you. Or, rather, rushing about like crazy. Feel special, Alex. Not too special though, because this is just to get you to your destination in relative safety.”
It was with great effort that Alex bit down on several questions, such as ‘what the hell is going on?’, and ‘what do you mean by relative safety?’ and asked the question he deemed most polite rather than pertinent.
“Who are you?” Because you seem to know who I am…
From over Alex’s left shoulder a presence zipped into view. He looked at what appeared to be a baseball-sized glowing sphere of blue and white light that bobbed and danced with excited energy. Alex was reminded of a sugar-high child being told to sit still.
“Hi!” the ball said, though it had no obvious way of conveying sound. “You can call me Sparkles!”
“Of course. Nice to meet you, Sparkles.” Alex replied as evenly as he could. The high, feminine voice that came from the ball of light was practically frantic in its enthusiasm and Alex felt that he needed to balance that out or be carried away and right now he was already being carried far, far away.
“I’m a Helper!” Sparkles replied. “That’s an official title, too, not just a word. Though it is a word, obviously. I help!”
“And what do you help?”
“Oh all sorts of things, but right now I’m here to help you, Alex, and I’m super excited about that!”
I’d noticed, Alex said drily in his mind. The little ball of light snickered. “I can also hear your thoughts, just in case you didn’t want to completely embarrass yourself. Not that you should - we’ve seen everything.”
“Good to know.” Alex said slowly, trying to order his thoughts. “This whole situation is a few steps beyond the weirdest things I’ve experienced. And I’ve experienced a lot.”
“Oh you have no idea, “ laughed the glowball, bobbing around in apparent mirth. Beyond it, the galaxies continued to smear and smudge across the dark void of space. “If it wasn’t for the overlay - which took some work, let me tell you! - your brain would be a mushy soup right now!”
“The overlay.” Alex echoed. He had a feeling that there would be a learning curve on this event and hoped he didn’t have to do anything as mentally taxing as memorizing and reciting for an audience the execrable love poems written by a third world country despot again. That had been one of the more tiresome events, but he’d actually been paid for it.
Sparkles gestured in the way only a sphere of light with no extremities really couldn’t, but Alex found that he was able to get a general impression of gesturing anyway.
“You think all of this is what’s actually happening?” Sparkles laughed, “Oh no, this is just a projection that your poor brain can process. If you saw what this sort of physics-shanking transportation method was really doing you’d shit kittens. And then die insane. Horribly!”
The little glowball sounded far too enthused about that prospect and Alex decided to pick another direction for the conversation.
“Okay. So what exactly is going on here? I’m obviously being abducted again.”
“Not an abduction! The requester was very specific about that. It’s more of a mandatory employment offer.” Sparkles explained, adding “But it’s definitely not abduction or, more importantly, slavery despite what it may look like on the surface.”
“Do I get paid?”
“Of course! The requester has offered a compensation package that includes wages, opportunities for advancement, and a place to stay.”
“Forced labor, even compensated, can still be considered-”
>Welcome, Alex Orz.
>Syntropic Integration Tool Installation Commencing.
>Current Progress: 0.1%
Alex closed his eyes. He still saw it. The words were bright gold and floated in his vision like an obtrusive advertisement. Opening his eyes again, the text remained front and center in his vision even when he turned his head. Sparkles let out a little ‘whoop’ of apparent triumph.
“Yes!” the glowball crowed, “Perfect timing!”
“I would very much like an explanation now please, Miss Sparkles.” Alex said evenly. The words in his vision faded away slowly but in the bottom left corner a small percentage number was rising.
“Okay so let’s talk about Syntropy, the Interface, and what the whole purpose of reality actually is.” Sparkles said. “It sounds like a complicated topic, but it’s really not. Ready?”
“I have a choice?” Alex asked aloud, shaking his head. “Go ahead. It’s not as if I’m going anywhere, right?”
“Right! Everything else is going somewhere. Well remembered!” congratulated Sparkles. “Soooo….oh, wow, I was supposed to have a script for this. I’ve really gotta talk to Jal, she’s in charge of that but nevermind. Um.”
Alex got the impression that the little glowing sphere was rummaging through stacks of paper even though it simply bobbed in place for a while. Then it shimmered brighter.
“Okay! We’re going to have to wing it. Honestly, it could be worse.” Sparkles enthused, “So it’s simple - the only purpose of reality in all its forms is to advance.”
“Uh, okay?” Alex shrugged. It wasn’t as if he had any better theories.
“To advance, to grow, to progress…it’s what everything was made for. And before you ask, no, we don’t know who or what made reality and if we did we’d have a whole lot of questions for it to answer. Anyway - forward progress is the key, but things sort of don’t always like to advance, and sometimes even go backward.”
Alex just nodded wordlessly. The little counter in his vision had reached two percent and was slowly rising.
“To assist in the progression of, well, everything, the Interface was brought into being by a…concept? Yeah. A concept called Syntropy. The Interface is a hands-on, real-time tool for feedback and guidance that allows its users to see, track, and plan their advancement in their lives.”
“I know the word syntropy. It’s the opposite of-”
“We’ll get there! Don’t make me lose my place please, I’m sort of scattered today.”
“Sorry, Sparkles.”
“Right, so the Interface, “ Sparkles continued, “Gives you access to a whole bunch of information about you, your potential, and the ways you can make yourself better. Earth isn’t a planet with Syntropy’s Interface just yet, but you kinda sorta need it to fix some personal problems along with getting through this whole thing that’s going on right now.”
>Interface installation has reached 5.00%. Scanning for Karmic influence…found!
>Two Soul Upgrades found active. Integrating…
“What’s a soul upgrade? And ‘karmic influence?’”
“Ooh, that was quick!” Sparkles exclaimed, “I thought it would start with your baseline, but no problem! It’s….” There was a sudden fanfare of music that burst into existence all around Alex that quickly faded away again. “Exposition time!”
Oh boy, Alex thought.
“Yes! Oh boy indeed!” Sparkles gushed, taking his resigned thought for excitement. “Karma! It’s a thing. It’s a concept. It’s currency! It’s something you currently have practically none of!”
“You could say, “ Sparkles added unnecessarily in Alex’s mind, “You’re practically destitute on the Karma balance. Sucks to be you when you die!”
“I’ve tried to be a not-horrible person, “ Alex ventured carefully. “The concept of Karma being-”
“Completely and utterly different to the philosophical guilt-trip your spiritual systems like to play with. It’s not what you think - except in a fundamentally basic way. Everyone everywhere always seems to think Karma is all about good versus bad and balancing out stuff and leaving the world in a better state blah blah blah.”
Alex watched the smearing galaxies for a while as Sparkles went on about how wrong everyone always was about everything. Eventually he cleared his throat and the glowing ball realized that it had gone off track.
“Sorry! Karma! It’s about-”
>Interface installation has reached 25.00%.
>Analyzing species baseline…complete.
>Analyzing individual current state…complete.
>Attributes assigned. Think ‘Status’ for real-time feedback of attributes.
“Uh, Sparkles? Sorry to interrupt, but the weird text is telling me I have attributes assigned?”
“Right. Yes. Syntropy has created the Interface to both measure and provide opportunity for growth - after all, what gets measured gets addressed. Or something. Um, let’s see…the best way I can explain that is to treat the entire Interface like a role playing game from your world but-” The glowing ball cautioned, “Never think that this isn’t real. It’s real, and dangerous, and you need to think about your progression as you strive for it.”
“A role playing game.” Alex echoed, thinking. He’d never actually played any, but had picked up several rulebooks at second hand bookstores to have a read through them. It sounded fun, but something that would also require committing to at least a vaguely set schedule with other people and that meant he’d never bothered.
“Right. Your attributes - or ‘stats’ as most people call them - along with their respective substats - give you a measured indicator of where you currently stand with things like strength and perception and all that stuff. You can advance them - get faster and stronger and the like, but you can look it all over once you arrive which is starting to get a little closer. We were talking about Karma.”
“Okay…” Alex let it go for now.
“Karma is about advancement. It’s always about advancement. Progression, striving, moving forward…Karma is the currency and scoreboard of Syntropy’s Interface. And do you know what?”
“Oh please do tell me.” Alex said, only very slightly sarcastic.
“You’ve sucked at all that so far in this life.” Sparkle giggled. “You didn’t strive or push, you just reacted to things and were content to just…be.”
Alex considered this for a moment. It sounded about right, but at the same time there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with that sort of life. He may not have impacted the world in any significant way, but Alex was sure that he’d done his best to help those who he could.
“That’s a valid life choice, I feel.” he argued mildly.
“Oh it is! It’s absolutely fine! And if you didn’t have all these fun events and occurrences happening all the time, you’d live a quiet and inoffensive life and die in obscurity. But you barely advanced.”
“If you mean learning things, I’ve attended classes and courses, and picked up a whole bunch of different skills. I’m pretty good at fixing stuff for example.”
“Ye-es, “ Sparkles allowed, the word drawn out and tentative, “But on the cosmic scale, you’re poking stuff with a stick. You started learning, but stopped and moved on. I don’t make the rules - hell, I don’t even know all the rules! You’re absolutely one hundred percent allowed to live your life that way though, just understand that it’s not in alignment with Syntropy. That doesn’t make it bad, it’s just not going to win you any favors - or much Karma.”
“So this Syntropy thing wants everyone to just…what, continually improve?”
“Themselves, others, and reality in general - but also no! Syntropy doesn’t experience want. It’s not sapient. It simply is. Syntropy has no dreams or hopes or desires or fears - just purpose. And everything - everything - is geared to encourage that purpose.
“Advancement.”
“Advancement of everything!” Sparkles gushed. “It’s so awesome, you know? People mope about wondering what the meaning of life is and their reason for being; it’s to live, to grow, to learn, and to keep things moving forward. That’s it! No big secret, no grand philosophical debate. Exist - Learn - Grow - Change! It’s the only way to beat out Entropy.”
Aha. I think I get it now, Alex thought when Sparkles said the word ‘entropy’. He could practically hear the significant capitalization. There’s entropy, which is the gradual decline and cessation of things, and the concept of ‘Entropy’, an opposing force to ‘Syntropy’. So that means-
“Right!” Sparkles congratulated Alex’s silent musing. “Entropy - significant ‘E’ - is the opposing concept of Syntropy. It exists as a concept with a purpose diametrically opposed to Syntropy. Cessation. Reversal. Stagnation.
“Does it have an Interface as well?”
“Don’t be silly.” Sparkles laughed. Alex felt it had been a reasonable question. “The Interface tool is to help you progress and keep track - and push you forward! Entropy couldn’t make something like that.”
“Okay, okay, whatever.”
“Because both of these things are just concepts - though incredibly powerful ones that span the multiverse - they’re very ‘big picture’. Which leads us to me and others like me. The assistants and advisors, administrators and helpers. We’re here to sort of manage the day to day stuff for, well, everyone.”
“Syntropy is the big idea, the Interface is the tool, and people like me are the ones that keep it greased up and shiny.” Sparkles added. “Though I only do it part time as I’m pursuing a broadcasting career and just needed to pay the bills.”
“A glowing ball of light has bills?”
Sparkles cackled at this - a full on laugh that made the little ball bob around erratically. “This is just a projection into your personal experience of reality. I could just as easily be humanoid. Or a cow.”
Alex pictured a cow rocketing through space and snorted. Sparkles gasped. “Oh! This one’s really neat. Ready?”
Before Alex could reply, the glowing sphere had been replaced with a gargantuan rainbow-scaled space dragon.
>Interface installation has reached 45.00%.
>Analyzing primary talents, skills, and interests…complete.
>Starting skills have been chosen and assigned.
The fact that Alex had just been arbitrarily assigned something was completely lost on him because he was distracted by the massive shimmering space dragon in front of him. To say it was big would be like saying to an ant that the sun was big - there was no way the word would have been enough. Sparkles grinned, flashing golden teeth and claws with a little wave. Then, without any hint of effort, the Helper was back to being a small glowing blue-white ball.
“Awesome, right?” Sparkles asked. Alex had to nod - it was awesome - but the sight of a dragon in space was just a lot. “I’m projecting here just like this whole special effect of travel. I’m here, but I’m not. You know how it is.”
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“I really don’t, but okay.”
Sparkles laughed. “That’s one of the things I love about you, Alex! You’re so chill about stuff! The team and I have been placing bets on when you’d finally lose your shit and so far I’m still in the running for a whole lot of cash.”
“You’ve been watching me?”
“We watch everyone. Well, not just my team but so many of us that I couldn’t give you a number without it sounding like nonsense. There are infinite people across impossible amounts of space, time, and reality, and some of us watch all of you.
“That’s a lot.”
“‘That’s a lot’, he says.” chuckled Sparkles. “Oh.” The little glowball shimmered distractedly. “Sorry. What was I saying?”
“You watch me.”
“Right! We do, and we all like to share interesting bits and pieces with other helpers in our downtime and make bets on different things. With you and your…thing…we’re betting on two things primarily - what’s going to finally break you, and then there’s a super fun game where we take a drink whenever you’re in an event and say the word ‘okay’.”
That was very strange. I don’t say it that often, do I?
“Seven in the event we’re labeling ‘Sweet Assassin’, and so far six since we started talking.” Sparkles replied. “Which means at this point the whole team is kind of not exactly one hundred percent sober. Which is awesome!”
“Oka-argh! Now I’m going to be thinking about that.” Alex complained. Sparkles giggled. “Back to why you watch?”
“Even though Earth doesn’t have the interface, Syntropy still has a metaphorical hand there. We gather data, store it, and eventually use it when a world finally gets access to the Interface. Which for Earth will be in…hang on, let me check…Liluur, what’s Earth’s estimated integration year? Thanks babes! Seven thousand one hundred and twelve years. So it’s not exactly compelling work a lot of the time, but we do our best.”
“Hence the betting.”
“And the narcotics! I almost lost a couple of years ago - you know, that one time when you were in that restaurant bathroom down in Topeka and the escaped wolf from the zoo jumped through the window just as you were about to use the urinal?”
Alex remembered. Dear God did he remember. He very nearly screamed at that one. “I couldn’t pee for a couple of days afterward, thinking something else would jump out at me.”
“Yeah but Alex, I think we all cheered when you took out that baggie of hot wings from your jacket pocket. The ones you’d stuffed in there to save for later? You made that wolf just, like, submit to you because it was so spiced up and it’s eyes watered so badly it couldn’t see to attack.” Snowball giggled and then gushed “That won my admiration, Alex! There’s not many people who can do that with their pants down, no matter what species they are!”
“Thanks, I think?”
“We’re off track again though! You’re super close to either reaching your destination or splitting apart into your component atoms - sorry, “ Sparkles added when Alex shot her a look, “It’s a TINY chance, but it’s there. So let’s talk.”
“We’ve been talking.”
“That was chatter. We need to talk seriously.”
“Oka-argh-alright.” Alex nodded. They were interrupted by golden text once more.
>Interface installation has reached 65.00%.
>Path assignment based on current user proclivities: complete.
>Path assigned - [Mender]
>Way selection available. Please choose from the following Ways pre-selected based on the life lived so far:
>1. Way of the Technician
>2. Way of the Caregiver
>3. Way of the Creator
>4. Way of the Guardian
>5. Way of Reason
“Sparkles…Paths and Ways?”
“Oh dear, we’re definitely behind now. I shouldn’t have shown off with the space dragon but they’re so freaking awesome aren’t they? Right - Paths! Paths are, uh…back to referencing things from your world, a Path is like a ‘class’ from your roleplaying games. Fighters and mages and rogues and all that silly stuff.”
“I was given something called Mender? Is that good?”
“It’s fine, I guess? [Mender] is a common Path, nothing incredibly special.” Sparkles said with a suggestion that she was shrugging. Alex heard something weird in her voice as she said the word ‘Mender’ but couldn’t quite place what it was. “[Mender] is a hands-on ‘fix stuff’ Path - repairing and restoring things. Its only real claim to being a dynamic Path is that ‘things’ is a word applied very liberally - you can repair a chair, a computer, a sixty-foot-high battle mech, shattered bones, sucking chest wounds, broken hearts, emotional trauma…”
Alex raised an eyebrow at this. “I’m some sort of a, uh…” he racked his brains for a reference, “A sort of healer-slash-engineer?”
“That works.” Sparkles said. “It’s not fun, but it’s useful I guess. Not great for the highlight reels we like to send out to friends and family, but we can work with it.”
“Okay, so what about these Ways?” Alex asked, and then cursed. He’d said the word again.
“Ways are directions your Path can take. They give bonuses to your actions, but you can only be going one Way at a time. You can, of course, go a different Way on your Path any time you like. With a small cool-down timer of around twenty seven hours, by your measure of time.”
“The Interface is asking me to pick one. Can you help?”
“I can’t tell you what to do, but…if I were in your immediate-future shoes…”
“Yes?”
“They’re all helpful.”
“Thanks awfully, “ Alex sighed. The glowing ball giggled at him.
“Then I guess…Reason? That sounds good for now?”
>Way of Reason selected. Installation continuing…
“Where were we?” Alex asked. There seemed to be rather a lot going on, and he was starting to get almost as distracted and flighty as Sparkles.
“Serious talk.” Sparkles reminded him. “You’ve been alive twice before. Two other lives, that is. Reliving the same one is impossible.”
This was a revelation, but not a world-shaking one. Reincarnation as a concept wasn’t new, and Alex hadn’t subscribed to any particular belief system since at age seven he’d been shouted at after Confession for telling the priest about the large black dog with orange eyebrows that had said ‘good morning!’ and then dispersed into a cloud of mist.
“That means that this is my third life?” Alex queried. He felt a little unsettled by this, but quickly realized that it didn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things. Whatever lives he’d lived before were no business of his now. Until Sparkles corrected his thinking,
“Alex, in each of your past lives - in which you might or might not be interested to know that neither entity was human or even anywhere near Earth spatially or temporally - you earned a number of Karma points like we talked about before. And then you spent them at the Karma Store between each life.”
“Seriously?” Alex felt his lips twist in distaste. Reincarnation had a currency system. “So people buy new lives?”
“Oh hell no!” Sparkles exclaimed, “You get the life you’re given, there’s no way to buy your way to a better one. What you buy with Karma are soul upgrades.”
“Of which I have two, according to the Interface.” Alex remembered. “What do they do?”
“Soul upgrades are things that are meant to assist you in your next life and beyond, even if you don’t know what that next life is going to be.”
“Okay.” Alex sighed. It wasn’t that he was morally compelled to object, but it still stank of the rich getting richer - after all, wouldn't that mean the more Karma you spend on these upgrades, the more Karma you could earn on the next go-around?
Sparkles let Alex stew for a minute or so before continuing. “So, “ the glowing ball ventured, “We already touched on the fact that you’re super chill a lot of the time, right?”
“I’m sort of close to the edge right now, “ Alex assured Sparkles, “So if you want to put in some more bets or whatever…”
“Nah, you’re fine! You might be close to the edge, but it’s incredibly hard to make you jump. That’s because you purchased a soul upgrade after your first life called [Unflappable].”
He heard it again. That strange twist of the tones that made a word sound different. Then it somehow occurred to him. “Did I just hear a pair of square brackets around the word ‘unflappable’?”
“You did! Good - it means the Interface is getting closer to completion. [Unflappable] is a soul upgrade that makes you less prone to freaking out, giving in to panic, stressing, or coming undone during high-pressure moments.”
“Huh, “ Alex thought about this. “That explains a lot.”
“A word of warning though, it's not infallible - hence the fun times we have gambling on you. You have a limit, but nothing that’s happened so far in your life has reached it.”
“Even this?” Alex gestured at the vastness of space around them both.
“Are you shrieking in terror and breaking down in a sobbing heap?”
“Point, “ Alex allowed begrudgingly.
“You may never actually encounter your freak-out limit in this life. Or you might. It’s a big multiverse out there and you’ve only just begun to flail about in it.”
That ominously suggests not going back home once all this is over, he thought darkly.
“We - that is, my team and I - are all eager to see what it is that makes you break down. It’s gonna be spectacular, all those years of pent up freaking out just erupting like a supervolcano.”
“You sound awfully excited about that.”
“Oh man, I’m jazzed just thinking about it.” Sparkles giggled. “No offense. I mean, it won’t kill you or anything, but oh my gosh that’s awesome I said that just now because it’s a smooth segue into the super-serious part of what I have to tell you.”
“It’s really good that you have [Unflappable] because this next thing is kinda sorta really awful for you, and I’m sorry in advance!” the glowing light concluded cheerfully.
“Your tone is more enthusiastic than sorry.”
“Yeah, see, sorry - the thing is, well, look, we’ve got the ‘okays’ which are keeping us a little tipsy but we also imported this Talarian fungus that’s, like, semi sentient and tastes like frosted rainbow butts. It helps us get through the busier eons, and I’m so on fire right now. Literally.” The helper paused and then added “It causes this pleasurable sort of high-energy flame to burn inside your reproduc-”
“The bad news please.” Alex interrupted. He didn’t know what this demented little helper actually was species-wise, but he really didn’t need to hear about how she got her metaphorical rocks off.
“Oh right! Yup. So you’re dying.”
>Interface installation has reached 85.00%. Visual Interf-
“Not now, Interface!” Sparkles scolded the text in Alex’s vision. The words flickered as if startled and vanished. “You totally killed the dramatic vibe of the moment! Unbelievable! It’s like a ska band showing up in the sad part of a film! Uh…I’ve lost my place again now.”
“Death.” Alex replied shortly.
“Right! You’re totally heading toward, like, the worst kind of death.”
There was a very significant and lengthy pause in the conversation. Alex studied a passing star cluster that blurred with orange and green light. Eventually he spoke.
“I feel there could have been a better way to deliver that news, but…go on.” Alex replied with a slight hint of a tremor in his voice. His stomach felt strangely empty and a dull roar was just on the edge of hearing. The [Unflappable] upgrade thing was still hard at work though, he supposed, because that was as far as his reaction went to the news.
“Right! The great thing to know is that it’s totally fixable. Not death in general, of course, but the particular one that was creeping up on you; That’s something you can work against. See, it’s all to do with what happened after your second life.” Sparkles practically bounced around in front of him again.
Sparkles quickly went on to explain that Alex’s second life had been incredibly boring for whoever he’d been. Where his first life had been filled with so much danger and stress that he’d purchased [Unflappable], the second had been so mind-numbingly dull that when he’d died Alex (or whatever he’d been called at the time) had immediately purchased a soul upgrade called [Interesting Times].
“It’s a temporary upgrade - not something people usually buy because it only lasts for one life, but you hadn’t earned much Karma in that life and it was a cheap buy.” Sparkles explained. Alex didn’t really care about that, but let Sparkles talk in the hopes that she would get to the important part soon.
[Interesting Times], Sparkles told him, wasn’t a bad upgrade, but his former life-self hadn’t read the fine print which included the issues that came along with it - the main one being that it was legitimately life-threatening if the holder of the upgrade was reborn on a non-magical world.
“Earth is so barren of actual magical energies that your population instinctively reaches for something they can only imagine. It’s sad, really.” Sparkles mused, her voice chipper and at odds with her words once again. “You see, Alex, [Interesting Times] guarantees that over the course of your lifetime it will generate spontaneous events and occurrences to keep your life from getting dull. The temporary version is extremely random, and so the events could be any type, size, or danger level but they would never be boring.”
“Your former self was really adamant about wanting a more exciting go-around.” Sparkles confided.
“I see. Am I allowed to somehow meet and/or punch my former self?” Alex asked mildly. “I feel as if my life still could have been good without a lot of the weirdness.”
“Sorry. Only forward, Alex. Only forward. Oh hey, did you know that even though it’s theorized and imagined and talked about that time magic doesn’t exist anywhere? It goes against the purpose of the universe.”
“That’s interesting, but…my death? I’m sort of stuck on that particular point right now.”
“Oh yeah, right. The weirdness and your life being less stable and all that isn’t the bad part obviously. I mean, you had a lot of fun, and you still will. After all, reality is hurtling around you to get you to an event right now and man is it a doozy! It’s the biggest one you’ve experienced to date, and that’s because your soul upgrade knows there’s a problem and is trying to fix itself.”
“And the problem is…?” Alex asked, thinking please for the love of God get to the point.
“[Interesting Times] generates the events and rearranges reality to make them at least semi-plausible. Sort of. It slightly adjusts the weave of the multiverse and allows things that normally wouldn’t happen to occur. Void, Alex, your world is so mundane that it hurts.” Sparkles complained, “No magic, and only one sapient species - although there’s a half dozen others on the cusp of it. That doesn’t matter though. Your world doesn’t normally have-”
“Elves.” Alex said aloud, thinking back. “Sasquatches. That tentacle-thing that paid me six thousand dollars in lost change to teach it how to hug without crushing people.”
“That sort of thing, yes. It’s funny that everything that doesn’t exist in your world but does in the wider multiverse makes itself known through your people’s dreams and stories. Anyway, the upgrade uses magic to make the events happen and, when done, tidies things up again afterward mostly.”
“Okay.” Alex sighed. He didn’t care if Sparkles and her friends/crew/team drank themselves into oblivion, it was a normal word and it was okay to use. “And this has what to do with my upcoming death?
“The upgrade uses magic, which doesn’t exist otherwise in your world as I said. But it leaves a…er…residue? A buildup. You like tech stuff, right? You build and fix things? It’s like that. Things get a buildup of inert magical waste and when I say things I mean your soul, since all of the events are generated from you.”
In a world with magic this was generally no big deal, Sparkles explained. Standard meditation and mana manipulation techniques were as common as dirt, and so cleaning out the mystical gunk was part of the everyday routine. On Earth however, there was no way to cleanse Alex’s soul and so with every event the residue had been slowly building up.
“One day soon it’s gonna calcify around your soul and boom! No more Alex in this or any other life.” Sparkles said. The glowball hovered in front of his face for a moment as if peering closely at Alex’s expression. “Hot damn, Alex. Still not freaking out. I love it! Yar’tel just lost a wad of cash and he’s pissed.”
Alex ignored the comment and the following giggles as he processed the strange information that he’d been given.
“Just to make sure I understand, “ Alex said carefully, “My life has been strange because of choices my former past-life selves made, and I’m dying because of it.”
“Awful, right?” Sparkles said joyfully. “But here’s the good bit; Your soul upgrade knows that it’s a problem. Not on a conscious level, of course, because it’s just part of you and not its own separate thing, but now that things are close to critical in your soul [Interesting Times] has generated a supermassive event that will give you a way to cleanse yourself of the problem.”
“But you said making these events is what’s causing the issue. I’m assuming one that’s ‘supermassive’ is going to make things worse?”
“Yeah, kind of.” chuckled Sparkles. “Sorry, I know this isn’t funny but it’s gonna make great entertainment for us. And, you know, you’re being given tools to help.”
“...” Alex shook his head again. On his personal scale of one to one hundred, this particular set of weirdness was probably somewhere over nine thousand. But if it was going to somehow help him well, fine. He gave Sparkles a thumbs up. “Okay then.”
Sparkles giggled again and then hiccupped, which caused the glowing ball to momentarily turn into a tiny pink panda and then back again. “Man, I love this. Just ‘Okay then’. Thumbs up and all, too.”
“I mean, would arguing actually help?”
“Some people would like to think so, Alex! Anyway, all of this is happening to give you access to a way to scrub that soul of yours all shiny again. And that means magic, and that means you’re having the entirety of everything shifted around to where you are so that you can actually use Syntropy’s Interface.”
“The game thing that will help me to ‘advance’.” Alex slipped some quotes around the word.
“Gamelike. It’s real - it’s just a tool, remember? Measurable metrics, focused progression, real time feedback and actual directions for growth.”
“And the Interface is going to clean out my soul with magic.”
“No, it’s going to give you access to be able to use magic so that you can clean out your soul.” corrected the Helper.
“I…get to use magic.” Alex smiled. “That sounds awesome, honestly.”
“It is awesome! Fist bump!” Alex managed to raise his fist just in time for the glowing ball of light to run into it with a tiny ‘dink!’ sound. “But you’re gonna have to figure out a lot of that yourself along the way. Where you’re headed is going to be a lot of quick thinking on your feet.”
“Dangerous?” Alex asked warily.
“Oh yes!”
“Survivable?”
“...generally? Oh, I’m sure you’ll be fine! You’ve had experience with enough weird stuff that this is gonna be like a walk in the park. If, you know, it was the most dangerous park you could find and all that but don’t worry! Buck up, Sunshine! You’re in space!”
Alex just stared at the Helper for a long moment and then nodded. “Whee.” he replied, deadpan. His mind was racing through what was going on, and why. “Just to make absolutely certain, this is one of the things I call an ‘event’, which by the end of my life generally returns to a relative baseline. Which means not only will I get cured of this stupid past-life choice’s problem, but I should be able to pick up back home where I left off.”
“Nnnnnyeah? Sort of? Maybe.” Sparkles hedged, “It’s certainly an end result. It’s possible.”
Of everything so far, including the apparent threat to his existence which still didn’t quite feel real, the thought of not going back to Earth again was actually upsetting. Alex steadied himself and let out a long breath.
>Interface installation complete!
>Personal advancement tasks updated.
>Full Interface access available.
>Welcome!
“Looks like we’re nearly done just in time. We can’t go over everything to do with the Interface right now but the word ‘STATUS’ is pretty much the only important thing you need to know.” Sparkles said. “When you get to your destination, just do what you do best and things should all work out just fine. Plus, it’ll make great viewing for my team and I.”
“Thanks. I think.” Alex shook his head. “If this were a book or a movie, you know most of this stuff would be secreted away from me and I’d have surprise reveals for my mysterious soul upgrades and upcoming death later on, right?”
“These aren’t the grand secrets of the universe, Alex, “ Sparkles laughed, “This is just basic bullshit that most Interface users would know. Well, we’re out of time for now. Alex, it’s been awesome. You’re gonna get one of my team as a real-time advisor, but don’t lean on her too much, she’s totes new at all of this. Maybe we’ll speak again, maybe not, but we’ll be watching. And laughing. And probably getting super wasted.”
“That’s very professional of you, “ Alex said. Sparkles giggled.
“Whatever gets us through the millennia, right? Okay, ready?”
“Not really.”
“Well this is probably gonna suck.” Sparkles cackled now. “Have fun!”
Alex felt a sudden sensation of everything stopping in place, but at the same time continuing to move as it always had. It was difficult to describe, as when the sensation occurred the blurry star-smears vanished and were replaced with a small metal-walled room. Also, because he was struck with a powerful nausea that made Alex vomit all over an already-filthy metal floor as physics and magic politely discussed how inappropriate that kind of sudden stop was to the wellbeing of the fabric of reality.
Physics won.
As Alex vomited up things he couldn’t remember eating, a ripple of excess energy rushed out from his arrival point. Sparks flew as panels dropped from the walls, glass pipework shattered, and some sort of viscous yellow liquid began to leak from the corner of the ceiling. In the distance, screeching metal and small explosions would have been heard if Alex hadn’t been preoccupied.
A cracked screen flickered to life, and a static-filled image showed a woman’s face glitching across the display. “Welcome, Temporary Employee Alex Orz to…” the smile the woman had been displaying quickly turned to a grimace of concern as she noticed the violently sick man. “Oh dear. That’s not an ideal start to your employment at all.”
Alex, nauseated and on his knees groaning, was inclined to agree.