They told us that hiring temporary employees would be less profitable. They said time spent training and adjusting to the job was time in which productivity was lost. They said that offering non-refusable mandatory acceptance of job offers was illegal and immoral. They said that plummeting morale because of ‘indentured servitude’ would sink us. They even said that corporate scrip and colonies were ‘unfeasible long-term and morally reprehensible’.
But we’re still here. Ad Astra stands stronger than ever. We are eternal.
-Chairwoman Nina Ellory, Ad Astra Space Shipping, Passenger, Mining, Acquisitions, Exploration and Exploitation Corporation.
“Temporary employee Alex Orz, please refrain from…oh, you’re just going to do it anyway. Lovely.”
The room shook violently, and Alex struggled with his bout of nausea again. He groaned, trying to express to the universe exactly how unpleasant he felt right now. The woman on the cracked screen flickered again, and Alex heard a sigh.
“Temporary employee Alex Orz, are you done?”
Am I? Alex tried not to move, even though he really wanted to close his eyes and lay down. However the floor was disgusting, even before his addition to it, and Alex forced himself to push back against his physical ailments.
“Uh, “ he groaned, “Water?”
“With apology, there is no access to drinkable water within the transportation and decontamination pod.” Alex looked up slowly, his eyes blurry. The woman on the screen shrugged at him. “Anything else you need before we continue?”
“Continue what?” Alex muttered, “I guess I’m fine then?” He coughed, the air was slightly acrid and smelled of burning plastic. Tasting bile residue on his tongue, Alex absently spat.
“Temporary employee Alex Orz, your behavior is unbecoming of an Ad Astra employee.” scolded the screen, “Please refrain from soiling company property.”
“Sorry…” Alex felt a rumble underneath the floor, and sparks flew from several unidentified devices attached to the walls. The yellow fluid that had been dripping from the corner of the room started to come at a trickle, giving off a nasty rotten-vegetable smell. “Uh. Where am I? And who are you?” he added, aiming for a politeness he really wasn’t feeling right now.
“My name is Adjunct Artificial Intelligence Nine/Harmony, overseer of carriages nine thousand to nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine.” The room shook again, and Alex was quite sure he heard the rumbling detonation of an explosion from somewhere beyond this little room.
Alex looked up at what was probably the door which, to him, closely resembled those he’d seen on episodes of Star Trek - if the bright, clean future that Star Trek presented had been sprayed down with grime and allowed to fester. In the center of the door was a thick, grimy glass-like panel that he probably wouldn’t have been able to see out of even if he’d been in any condition to get up.
“What was that?” he asked, referring to the explosions. The woman on the screen - apparently an artificial intelligence - smiled with a hint of almost-manic politeness.
“We’re currently experiencing some minor technical glitches in a few unimportant subsystems, “ she explained, but even the AI had to wince when the sound of groaning metal echoed threateningly, sending another deep shudder through the place. “Very minor. Stand by. Decontamination will commence momentarily.”
Decontamination from what? “What sort of-”
A hose dropped from the ceiling, and then kept dropping as a large black snake of rubber tubing coiled up in a messy pile in the middle of the floor. With a desultory little spurt, a clear fluid dribbled from the end in a sad kidney-stone-sufferer sort of way.
Alex eyed the hose, and then the ceiling from which it had fallen. There was nothing but darkness above with a suggestion of cramped crawlspaces and banged elbows. From the screen, the AI whom Alex decided he would shorten to just Harmony gave a little huff of frustration.
“Decontamination unit malfunction logged and sent to maintenance. Ticket added to queue. Outstanding ticket number…” The AI delivered an incredibly long number in a near-tears tone. Alex was sure nobody ever needed numbers that big.
In the corner, a trickle of the yellow fluid leaking from the ceiling touched the edges of some plastic debris and started to hiss menacingly. Alex watched the bubbling reaction as the plastic began to turn dark orange and melt.
“It seems as though decontamination must be skipped - for now - due to serious threat to the ongoing safety and status as a living being of Temporary Employee Alex Orz but more importantly due to a tiny technical glitch in the process. Please exit the transportation pod.” The woman on the screen said as the melting plastic popped and spattered nearby.
A red light flickered to life above the door. It emitted a high pitched whistle, and then exploded. Sharp shards of glass scattered across the room; Alex flinched but thankfully none struck him. The door itself gave a groan, trembled in place, and did not move.
“Temporary emp-”
“Please, it’s just Alex.” Alex cut in. The AI paused a second, and then nodded. “Alex, you appear to be trapped inside the transportation pod.”
“That doesn’t sound good.”
“Correct. The spent arcane waste dispersion fluid (colloquially known as diss-piss though we ask employees not to use that term) that is leaking from shunt 717 into the pod will melt your flesh on contact.”
“I’d best not touch it then.” Alex eyed the yellow fluid. The plastic it had been melting was gone, and the puddle seemed a little larger. “How do I get out then?”
“An emergency request for maintenance has been called. Time until maintenance responds is
That doesn’t sound good, Alex thought. “Uh, is the door just jammed, or is there some futuristic technological stuff that’s in the way?”
“Unknown, “ Harmony pulled a face, her smile disappearing for a moment. “This is a critical situation. Temporary employees require additional paperwork on death or dismemberment, and with the apparently large amount of resources spent on bringing you here I would ask that you not die at this time. It will reflect poorly on Ad Astra.”
“I don’t even know what Ad Astra is, “ Alex muttered, “So you can’t actually reach anyone?”
“Crew are temporarily out of communication with this adjunct. Logs are on hold due to momentary loss of contact with adjunct AI Symphony.”
“Alright, so what do we do?” Alex noticed that the yellow fluid was spreading further, its edges touching part of the rubbery pipe that had fallen from the ceiling. The rubber started to deteriorate, an acrid odor permeating the small space. Without getting a reply from the AI, Alex stepped around the puddle and examined the door.
Realizing he still had one glove tucked into his belt, Alex pulled it on and flexed his fingers. These gloves had been through a lot with him, and though most of the stains on them were grease or oil or just grime from working on things here and there, not all of them were. He’d looked at them under a blacklight once - not intentionally, Alex had been attending ‘Cosmic Bowling’ at the local lanes and they did some weird stuff with the lighting there - and had found some of the stains lit up brightly.
After a quick test, Alex realized that the door was supposed to slide open to the right, but it was definitely jammed. There was also a panel that he was surprised to be able to read which said ‘Emergency Release’. The panel was raised slightly from the wall but had no visible means of entry.
Not even a screw… “Um, computer lady? Harmony? How do I open this panel?”
“Technicians and engineers have access to company-supplied omnitools.”
“Uh, well, they’re not here. Is there an omnitool in this room?”
“Why would Ad Astra keep a valuable piece of equipment in a transportation pod?”
Alex ignored the question and tested the panel. It was seamless, like the wall had grown it rather than had it installed. Still it was labeled in such a way that suggested that it should open, and Alex didn’t have anything that was as cool and high-tech as whatever an omnitool was, but he did still have his backpack.
He put the backpack on the floor by his feet and pulled out a claw-hammer and a large chisel. This chisel was no longer sharp and definitely couldn’t be used for its original purpose, but Alex had utilized the thing for years in other ways. He positioned the chisel, and took a swing with the hammer.
With a clang that seemed loud in the small space, the panel split from the wall and fell to the floor where it skittered into the slowly expanding puddle of yellow stuff. The AI on the sparking monitor objected.
“Only authorized individuals are permitted to access internal devices, wiring, machinery, equipment, or circuitry!” she exclaimed, her face loomed into a close-up. “You are damaging Ad Astra property and this will be noted on your record!”
“I’m trying to escape what you called a ‘critical danger’.” Alex explained as he peered into the hole he’d made. Inside was an absolute mess of wiring in a chaotic rainbow of colors; Some of them were clear, and glowed with slowly moving light, and others seemed to be capped off or twisted in various directions, occasionally passing through each other.
“Hey, uh, do you have something like a quick tutorial video on how to-” Alex stopped. He had been addressing the AI on the screen, but golden text flashed into his vision.
>[Mender] Path skills are currently available for use: [Evaluate] [Jury Rig]
“I don’t…” Alex frowned. “I don’t know what that means.”
“You don’t know what what means, Temporary Employee Alex Orz?” the AI sounded less than friendly now that he’d damaged something - not that this whole place wasn’t already damaged, if the state of this room was the norm.
“Just Alex, “ he reminded her, “But the text in my head. The…Interface, right? It’s saying I have two usable skills, but I don’t know what they do except with very general context.”
“Are…are you new to being integrated with the interface?” The AI sounded surprised.
“Yup, as of right before I arrived. It was a whole thing.” Alex sniffed the air - it was definitely getting a little spicier in here, and the yellow fluid had half-dissolved the rubber tubing and was still spreading.
“Updating employee records. This is not ideal.”
This AI keeps referring to me as an employee. Which based on what Sparkles told me earlier…best play along.
“Sorry for disappointing you, “ he said, “But I still need to know how-”
>Incoming Message: Checking in. Hello, Alex! My name is Peri, your personal Interface assistant! I’ve just been added to this monitoring group; They’re quite the bunch of characters, aren’t they? I’ve been informed that you didn’t get any instruction on how to actually use your Interface. You have my sympathy for that, however, I’m here to help! I can let you know that if you focus on the name of something in your Interface overlay you will get more information on it. Have a chipper day!
>Incoming Message: PS: My ‘Alex-Flips-Out money is on the moment you see the <
Oh boy. “Thanks?” he said aloud.
“For what?” Harmony asked.
“Not you. Nevermind.” Alex noticed that the pool of liquid was trickling toward where he stood and shifted over a little. He concentrated, thinking about his apparent skill called ‘Evaluate’.
>[Evaluate] - Rank 1 (0/100) (Common) (Active Skill)
>So check this out, you use this skill to examine a thing in an attempt to work out what’s wrong with it.
>Millennia ago the great sage Tal-Morel once declared “What the everloving fuck is wrong with you?” to a particularly finicky sapient toaster that had charred his bread on one side and barely warmed the other. Surprisingly this skill was created at that moment to help him work it out[1][2].
>Unlike [Troubleshoot] which is solely for tech analysis, or [Diagnose] which is medically focused, [Evaluate] can target both, though its downside is the slower progression of the skill, especially at higher ranks.
>This skill can be leveled with use, and the higher the skill level the more in-depth things can be figured out.
>[1] It was broken.
>[2] This story is entirely made up.
“Wow, “ Alex muttered, but before he could continue another flare of golden text arrived.
>Incoming message: Did you like that? I wrote it myself - it’s my first entry! -Peri
With great care Alex pulled his thoughts together and said in his head That was very well done, thank you. I liked it. After all, the person was trying to supply him with information and he didn’t want that to stop.
“Okay!” he said, addressing the screen. It fizzed and popped, but the AI’s face looked out at him. “Apparently I can [Evaluate] this.” How did I just put square brackets in front of…you know what? It doesn’t matter.
“You can do what?”
“[Evaluate] the door.” Alex explained. “It’s apparently a skill I was given based on my [Mender] path.”
“[MENDER]???” The AI exclaimed, her eyes shooting up in surprise. “I wasn’t informed…updating employee records! Having someone on-hand to look at issues is a great asset to bring to the company, Alex!”
Evaluate….evaluate…[Evaluate] Alex thought at the door panel. On the third attempt something clicked in his mind, and Alex felt something pass between him and the open panel of exposed wires.
>Evaluation of lock panel: Broken.
Alex paused for a moment, re-reading the text. You know what? Yeah, that was sort of what I expected.
>Incoming message: You’re skill is too low, Alex. Gotta get those gains! -P.
There was something of an inner struggle as Alex fought against his sudden petulant urge to correct his new helper on the usage of ‘your’ versus ‘you’re’ but ultimately reason won out - if these messages were being somehow typed out in real time, he’d take speed over spelling.
“What’s the prognosis?” Harmony asked. The smell was starting to get stronger, and Alex felt a slight burn in his lungs. For the past few minutes there had mostly been silence beyond the room, but another loud metallic groan was heard at that moment - and was that a scream?
“Did someone just scream out there?”
“No, it was just the massive stress of a high speed dispersal of inertia that’s currently rippling through the entire train causing an incredible amount of pressure and damage along the…” Harmony trailed off, and then plastered a professional smile back on her face again. “It was just the wind.”
“The wind.”
“Yes.”
“In space.”
“Do you know everything there is to know about space, Alex? No? Then you don’t know if there’s any wind. How about solar winds, Alex? Ever heard of those? I’ve got to say that no temporary employee has ever questioned my reporting in the past and I find it highly offensive that a new arrival would do so now.”
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” Alex tried to pacify the AI, even though he could see that the whole thing was an act to cover up actually admitting something bad had happened to the… “Did you say ‘Train’? No, it’s not important right now. The door. My skill says that it’s broken.”
You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.
The AI looked at him through the screen with an expression of profound disappointment. I might as well try the other thing, he said to himself and concentrated on his second skill.
>[Jury Rig] - Rank 1 (0/100) (Common) (Active Skill)
>One part home handyman, two parts MacGyver, with this skill and whatever materials are on hand you can attempt to temporarily repair something.
>Some people are born with the inherent desire to fix things. Objects, people, countries, relationships, mental issues, dismemberment - they’re driven to patch up, shore up, and liberally apply duct tape and chewing gum to the situation at hand. Sometimes it even works!
>This skill can be leveled with use, and the higher the skill level the more that can be temporarily repaired as well as lasting longer before the next breakdown.
Alex was intrigued by the fact that the skill - or, rather, Peri - seemed to indicate that [Jury Rig] could patch up people as well as things. Almost like a magical healing spell from stories…
“Alright. Uh…” Alex looked over at the screen, “I really hope this does something because the whole mess of wires and tubes and glowing stuff is beyond me. [Jury Rig]!”
Alex felt a different sensation to using [Evaluate]. Instead of something passing from him to the panel, he felt a tingle in his mind that seemed to whisper things that were just out of reach of understanding. It took control of his hands and his gloved fingers twitched and reached for the panel before the sensation faded away and the almost-knowledge was gone.
>Incoming message: This is way outside your level of expertise, Alex. You’d only make things worse. -Peri
“Well that’s just unfair, “ Alex muttered, “And a waste of time.”
A hissing at his feet caused Alex to take a jump backward. The trickle of yellow fluid increased, and the diss-piss had touched the heel of his shoe before Alex had leapt back. To his dismay it was now slightly melted and smoking.
“You’re a level one [Mender], if your statement about only just gaining the Interface is true. You need additional practice, which requires additional time, which…isn’t going to work here.” Harmony stated. “Engineering is…busy. As is technical support. Command is currently not accepting any calls. Triage situation in effect. A general summons is being sent out to the closest Ad Astra employee for assistance.”
“I would also move to the back of the pod to avoid the spread of caustic fluids, Alex.” the AI suggested, “The floor is at a concerning but currently useful slant forward, and so additional time can be gained.”
“Any chance we’ll run out of stuff leaking?” Alex asked hopefully, but the AI shook her head. “Okay. And I couldn’t try to, um, [Jury Rig] the leak? No? Didn’t think so…” Alec felt somewhat useless as he backed up to the far wall, away from the door. “So you’ve called someone to let me out of here?”
“A request has been made. We cannot legally force any employee to step outside their designated job role. I’m sure someone will come, Alex.” the AI concluded as comfortingly as a computer-simulated face that faded and fizzed on the damaged screen could be.
“While we wait, “ the AI added, “I would like to discuss your employment with Ad Astra.”
“Yeah, I was going to ask about that. I’m not an employee.”
“You are. You’ve been offered mandatory employment, and someone within Ad Astra has had you transported here at great cost which, surprisingly, got approval to be waived instead of adding it to your employee debt-load.”
“Debt-load.” Alex echoed, not liking the sound of that at all.
“Yes, Alex. All employees accrue a debt-load for consuming Ad Astra resources, time, and storage space. It, along with our company backed digital currency, performance reviews and job assignments are stored on your employee holo - something which you currently do not have, as the nearest holo implant device is beyond that jammed-up door.”
Alright Alex, Alex thought to himself, Just go with it. You know the rules of the events. You can sort of sense out how they are going to go. This one is a lot…more involved than the others, but it’s still just a weird event. And you’re good at weird events.
“Go with the flow, “ he muttered, forcing himself to relax further. As he took a deep breath, his lungs started to burn a little as the acrid smell grew stronger. At the same time, another shudder rippled through millions of tons of metal causing it to groan threateningly. A shower of sparks arced across the room and sprayed across his cheek and shoulder. “Ouch!”
>Health: 19/20
What? A little disoriented, Alex shook his head and brushed away tiny bits of ash. The smell was making him a little lightheaded even as it caused his lungs to become uncomfortable. The AI must have noticed his distress, because she looked at him sternly from her vantage point on the screen.
“Alex, you are ordered to stay alive! I have a review coming up. Or, really, overdue by
“Sorry, Harmony.” Alex eyed the glassy panel on the door. If the air was getting less breathable in here, he’d need to create ventilation. Alex hefted his hammer meaningfully.
“No more damaging company property!”
“It’s already damaged, “ Alex argued. He frowned as he looked at the floor in front o the door. Too much of the hissing yellow liquid had pooled there. The rubber hosing from the ceiling had been reduced to sludge that popped and spattered. Alex’s eyes watered, and he let out a cough.
“Good news. A nearby employee has accepted additional duties and is on their way!”
“That’s great, “ Alex cleared his throat. “That stuff is toxic, right? It’s starting to get a little hard to breathe in here.”
“Extremely toxic! With indirect atmospheric contact, your soft tissue will start deteriorating within the next hour or so.” Harmony advised.
>Health: 18/20
Alex waved the text away, but more appeared quickly.
>Incoming message: Alex, you haven’t set up your Interface with any of the more common overlays, like keeping track of health. The messages you see can be moved. We’ll go through it together if you like! -P-Girl.
Alex figured he’d worry about that when he wasn’t in danger of injury. If this was a game - or, rather like a game, then that health notifier meant that he was still relatively okay. Besides, apart from a bit of a sting in his lungs and eyes Alex felt okay. Anyway, he was supposed to survive events, he just had to be careful and go with the flow…go with the flow…wait, how about-
>Incoming message: On second thought, P-Girl sounds like I wet myself a lot.
Oh my god, why? Alex’s thoughts were scattered for a moment and it took a second to recover. What was he thinking? Oh, right - going with the flow. His eyes tracked up to the ceiling, with its missing panel and the empty cavity where the rubber tubing had fallen. Despite it not currently running, and him being somewhere weird and different, Alex knew an exhaust vent when he saw one.
[Evaluate]!
>Evaluation of exhaust vent: Working at 100% efficiency.
“Working? That means it’s off, not broken, “ he muttered, and turned to the waiting AI. When she noticed Alex looking in her direction she schooled her face back into a smile. “Turn on the exhaust fan!”
“The exhaust fan cannot be turned on right now, Alex, as decontamination has not occurred.” she said, as if explaining to a child.
Though things weren’t bad yet, Alex had a feeling that they would get worse. The yellow fluid combined with whatever it touched and melted was starting to fill the air with a higher than comfortable amount of something that tasted noxious and made Alex’s tongue feel weird.
“If you don’t turn on the fan, I might suffocate or suffer irreparable damage.” Alex reasoned. He’d never actually dealt with an AI before, none having existed back on Earth and not until now being featured in any event. Surely they had laws about people getting harmed, right?
“You’ll be fine…?” The AI sounded unsure, “Help is on the way after all!”
“Will they get here in time?” Alex asked. He began to cough again, this time with a deeper burning sensation in his lungs.
“Slightly less than even odds, “ Harmony admitted.
>Health: 17/20
“I’ve got this…health readout thing? It’s dropped by three points in the last five minutes or so.”
“Oh. You must have terrible resilience.” The AI bit her lower lip. “But turning on the fan could send any pathogens you might have brought with you throughout the air system, contaminating multiple compartments and carriages. Also, it would disperse noxious gas to those same areas which is not exactly optimal.” “What sort of exhaust fan blows its content into places with other people?” Alex coughed again. The air seemed slightly shimmery now.
“One that has multiple critical breaches in its ductwork, Alex, “ the AI answered, “And the word ‘multiple’ is really uncomfortable when used in this way, as it indicates that Ad Astra is not taking care of its assets which the company wishes to assure everyone simply isn’t true. Please remain calm!”
“I’m calm.” Alex replied gently, struggling not to cough again. “I’m apparently the epitome of calm. I’m just starting to have some breathing issues.”
This isn’t panic, he told himself, eyes roaming the walls for some sort of solution, But it very well could be shortly. Well, Sparkles, looks like you might lose that bet.
“
Oh, that never occurred to me thank you so much, Alex murmured in his own mind.
Just when Alex thought it was time to actually start to worry he heard a sudden pounding at the door. He looked up with watery eyes at the little window, but he didn’t see anyone looking in. Nevertheless, someone out there was beating at the door with gusto. He smiled.
Right on time, he thought with relief. Alex didn’t waste any breath on shouting, trying to breathe as shallowly as he could. The yellow liquid had stopped expanding across the floor, having encountered a crack that allowed it to start flowing down into whatever was contained below the room. The smell was getting worse as gray smoke hissed up from the floor.
“Please stand by and maintain a living status, Alex. Assistance is here.” Harmony advised belatedly. The pounding outside changed into a horrendous low-pitched screech of metal on metal. The door cracked and shuddered, and a hiss of air escaping as the more noxious air rushed out and fresher atmosphere bled in. Whoever was outside the door started to curse.
Alex stood, eyeing the cracked-open door. It was a mere inch or so, nowhere near enough to get out. As he was considering going up and yanking on it the swearing from outside stopped and a moment later the door screeched open about halfway. Through watering eyes Alex saw a squat, dark shape.
“Come on!” a deep voice boomed, “Get out of there, you ballast-brain!”
Here goes, Alex thought, staggering forward. Even with the remnants of nausea and the effects of the not-exactly-fresh air on his lungs and eyes, Alex was able to easily clear the yellow puddle and pass through the half open door.
It was a graceless leap, one that left Alex rolling his ankle just enough to fall and hit a large metal countertop. He grunted in pain and fell to the floor.
>Health: 15/20
Coughing, eyes watering, and sucking in the less-toxic air, Alex lay on the still-trembling floor breathing heavily. That was close, he considered. The sound of footsteps on metal caught his attention, and Alex’s eyes moved to see a sturdy black boot near his head. He followed it up a short leg, and up further - but not too far up, because standing above Alex was a stocky child wearing a thick black gas mask that covered their entire head.
“Hey, new fish.” The voice was far deeper than expected from such a short figure. Alex’s rescuer held out a gloved hand to help him up. Alex paused for a moment, his eyes and brain explaining to him that those fingers were just a shade longer than usual. “The Adjunct said that the new hire was in trouble, but she never said anything about you being human. Haven’t seen one of you for a while. Come on, up you get.”
Human. Implying that there are other options here. Because of course there are. Alex took the proffered hand and was hauled to his feet. The figure was surprisingly strong.
“Thanks for getting me out of there.” Alex said, and then coughed again. “Sorry.”
“I was compensated, so no bother.” The figure shrugged. Alex took in the thick protective clothing they wore that looked to have been hastily donned and in a state of disarray. His brain also pointed out that his rescuer’s arms were unnaturally long - not freakishly so, just a half-hand or so longer than normal for their body size. “I was compensated, right?”
This query was directed to a screen - one that was undamaged, but the image was partially obscured by static. The artificial face of the AI which had introduced herself as Harmony appeared.
“Of course. An additional fifty glim have been added to your next paycheck for saving the life of a fellow employee.” Harmony said, “Kudos, Sanitation Worker Patina Bloodfiend. You are the epitome of what an Ad Astra employee should strive for. Be proud.”
“Fifty glim!“ the rescuer exclaimed, their deep voice rumbling with pleasure. “That’ll get me a week of…yes?” They looked at Alex who was raising his hand.
“Uh. Bloodfiend?”
“It’s a family name. No actual fiending or blood involved.” The figure paused, “At least not that anyone’s told me, but who knows what my ancestors got up to in their spare time?”
“I see. I’m-”
“Sanitation Worker Patina Bloodfiend, this is Temporary Employee Alex Orz, who has stated a preference to be called ‘Just Alex’.” Harmony said, “Due to current events and ongoing minor issues, I have forsaken the usual corporate-approved hilarious misunderstanding and left out the word ‘just’ when addressing him.”
“Alex.” Alex finished his sentence.
“Patina.” Patina said with a nod.
“Patina, Alex is both behind schedule and out of order in his intake and orientation checklist. Additional compensation will be provided for stepping outside of your assigned role temporarily to assist with the process.”
“Hot damn, “ Patina chuckled. It was a spooky sort of laugh when it came from behind the large gas mask. “Today everything’s coming up all sorts of shine.”
As if to remind everyone that things were not exactly as minor as Harmony wanted to insist upon, the room shook again and far in the distance they could feel a deep rumble. A sensation of weightlessness for a half-second made Alex’s stomach lurch before things settled down again.
“Oof. That wasn’t good.” Patina said casually. “Looks like you arrived at the worst possible time, Alex. Things are kinda screwed around here.”
“Please do not disparage the property or name of Ad Astra, Patina.” Harmony gave a stern look. “We are referring to the current state of things as minor technical issues, as outlined in the Employee Handbook.”
“Yeah, ignore that.” Patina confided to Alex, “The Adjunct has been bugging out for as long as I can remember.”
“Please stop that, Patina. I would like you to assist with decontaminating Alex. The process was unable to be completed in the compromised pod.”
“Oh yeah, sure. C’mere Alex.”
The pair peered into the next transportation pod. Patina shook their head. The next was the same. “All of these are busted, Adjunct.” Patina observed.
“The expression is ‘undergoing upgrades and enhancements to better serve our employees’, Patina.” Harmony almost whined, “Alex needs to complete decontamination. Additional maintenance tickets have been lodged. Wait time is…” the AI broke off with an actual groan. “Proceeding with the intake checklist. Alex, we will decontaminate you, please do not fear.”
“Uh, okay.” Alex shrugged. “Listen, I’m not sure I really want to work here…wherever I am. It seems hazardous, and I don’t even know what job I’m supposed to do here.”
“Yes. Your position.” Harmony’s eyes flared almost angrily, “Something that hasn’t been communicated, which is very impractical and just a little bit frustrating. Normally all new hires are scanned for their starting position before arrival. Your transit here was unorthodox and flagged as both mandatory and urgent.”
“Meaning I have no choice.” Alex pushed.
“Meaning we have no choice. The order apparently came with upper management codes, though frustratingly there has actually been no communication from upper management in the last…” Harmony shook her head and continued, “Never mind that. Whatever you have been hired for, the current employee pool was deemed insufficient to perform it.”
“Is there a way we can find out? I mean, I’d like to know what you all want me to do here.” Alex said. And then go home, he added in his mind.
“We just have to-” The screen flickered to black. A pair of eyes with orange rings of fire around the pupils flashed on the screen. “Save Us.” Immediately the screen went back to displaying Harmony’s artificial face. “-scan you, do your intake, and assign you a role based on your Path and skills. If upper management sees fit to contact me with additional information we can go from there but until then you should be doing something, and with your Path I have several recommendations.”
“Did you see the scary eyes too?” Alex asked Patina, sotto voce. When Patina nodded slowly, he asked “Is that normal?” A shake of Patina’s head indicated that it was certainly not normal.
Harmony continued as if nothing had happened. “I need to scan you, Alex. Do you consent?”
“Uh. Yeah. Sure, okay.”
“Please approach the far wall, and place your hand on the scanning…oh. It’s currently undergoing temporary maintenance…” Harmony huffed. “Please hold.”
Alex and Patina exchanged a look. The rescuer’s expression was hidden by the gas mask, but their voice rumbled kindly, “You’ll probably be a cleaner like me. It never ends, and we can’t keep up no matter how many of us are going at it.”
“Well, that’s not the worst job I’ve had.” Alex smiled, but had a feeling that the event that dragged reality around like a tiny dog on a leash wasn’t going to make him sweep floors.
“Aha!” Harmony’s tone cracked in triumph. “An operating scanner has been located. Please proceed to processing compartment 11a. Follow the helpful guiding arrows to your destination, and ignore the detritus and what looks like a large pile of scrap that is sparking dangerously. It’s an…installation piece, as…Ad Astra provides works of art for its…”
Both Alex and Patina stared at the AI on the screen who glitched out and gazed blankly for a minute. A green light bar appeared near the floor, pointing toward a door before fizzling out again.
“Patina?” Harmony queried with weariness in her tone.
“I got it, Adjunct.”
“Thank you. I will be there to start the process when you arrive. Please do not die. Dally. Please do not dally.”
“Thank you.” Alex said to the screen politely. “I didn’t say this before because of, you know, the whole thing in the pod, but it’s nice to meet you.” When the AI didn’t respond Alex turned to his rescuer. “Also nice to meet you too, Patina. Thanks for the rescue.”
In response Patina reached up and peeled off the gas mask. Alex blinked as he took in the sight - a thin, cheerful-looking face with large dark eyes looked back at him.
She’s green, Alex thought. Patina certainly was green, and most definitely a she. The short woman had a long, thin nose, and a pair of thick pointed ears that jutted straight out from the sides of her head. Her greasy, tied-back dark hair moved as Patina tilted her head and grinned at Alex with an unsettlingly wide mouth. She looks like a…goblin?
“Likewise, Alex, “ replied the goblin. Without the gas mask Patina’s voice was much higher pitched, girly, and a shade nasal. A long, low groaning metal sound echoed through the room as something elsewhere continued to deal with physics being cranky. “I think we’re all gonna die. Exciting, ain’t it? Let’s get started!”
Why is everyone so enthused about danger today? Alex complained internally.