Jean-luc struggled with the notification. Doubt growing in his mind as he pondered what it meant.
Hey, Satharis, what does it mean to level up?
The housecat sized dragon blinked twice. Apparently stumped by the simple question. A moment passed as he removed what little remained of his beetle breakfast, pinning it under his foot.
“Dungeon, when were you born?” Asked Satharis.
I don’t see why that matters but I was born in 1998 in Napa Valley. My parents liked the vineyards, they always said it reminded them of their home, France.
Satharis’ tail swished through the air.
“Hephestus you imbicile. I warned you not to steal any more souls!” Grumbled Satharis to no one.
Raising his voice, he directed his next comment to Tantalus. “No, I mean how long have you been in this dungeon, without a body.”
Uhm, a few hours I guess… A dream can only last until I wake up.
“You are dead."
Satharis paused, letting his words find a rare wrinkle in Tantalus' brain.
"Hephestus borrowed your soul and stuck it inside this dungeon core. Any chance of returning to that world relies on you ascending. Bah, I bet you have no idea what ascension means.” Hissed Satharis, swishing his tail more vigorously now.
So... Leveling up is... Good?
“AH! Leveling up is everything! It is how you grow, how we mold our minds and bodies. How we become what we wish to be! A level boosts your abilities, increases your stats. Does that make sense?”
Yeah, that’s like a video game. Number goes up and you get uhm... cooler.
Satharis crushed the beetle underfoot. Crunching the exoskeleton repeatedly before he kicked it off the tree branch.
“Hephestus owes me for this. Dumping a blithering newborn on me and making me the dungeon sage. Hey you! Elaborate on this dungeon, how many floors are there? I can not be the only sensible being here!” asked a furious Satharis.
I can’t see any other floors so no, and if we exclude you… Do goblins count as intelligent?
The blue dragon squeaked. Repeating the sound in a rhythmic pattern several more times. Jean-luc jolted in surprise, realizing the lizard was laughing at him.
“HA! Hahahaha! Goblins, intelligent! Follow me, what was your profession before you passed onto this life?” Asked Satharis, taking to the air and flying into a distant tunnel.
Jean-luc tried to sprint after him. Quickly discovering that his disembodied form had no trouble keeping up with the nimble dragon. Though he somehow felt like a ten gallon octopus squeezing through a keyhole.
What was I? I am a priest of God. I will always be a disciple of Christ.
“A disciple of Christ? Sounds like a tree. Ole Heph must have been in a hurry if he snatched a human soul and fused it with the dungeon. Listen up human! Your goal is to reach level one hundred then do it nine more times. That is ascension.”
Why would I want to do that much work? Actually, level one was pretty easy. I guess we can chat until I reach level one thousand. If you can you handle my intellect.
Satharis banked in the air, weaving around a bend in the tunnel.
“Stop vomiting stupidity child. You leveled up from the goblins killing each other. If you manage to ascend then you would surpass Hephestus, or reach parity. Then you could return your soul to the world it came from by reversing the process that brought you here. Buy more goblins you can do that with your mana. Think of the option and it should appear.” Explained Satharis, banking in air to fly down another worm tunnel.
None of this makes sense. Fine whatever. Nothing matters in a dream. Let's go goblin shopping at goblins-R-US with our little dragon professor.
Several options appeared in Jean-luc’s mind as well as the ten respawn timers. Each possessed a separate MP cost written next to them.
Spawn goblin 100,000 MP
Respawn goblin
501s 45,000 MP
501s 45,000 MP
500s 45,000 MP
482s 40,000 MP
481s 40,000 MP
481s 40,000 MP
457s 40,000 MP
457s 40,000 MP
456s 40,000 MP
455s 40,000 MP
Jean-luc could not guess what the difference was between spawning and respawning so as an experiment, he mentally clicked on both options. His MP bar drained the appropriate amount leaving him with 865,000 MP left. A number that quickly began increasing, rising a hundred points as he watched.
A few seconds later he felt a new presence in his dungeon, an eleventh goblin. Gurk also rejoined the living for a few seconds. Only to have two 600s respawn timers to appear.
“Don’t bother respawning them, something is killing them at they appear. Buy as many goblins as you can then accept the level up. Hurry up! We are almost there.” Ordered Satharis.
Almost where? Asked Jean-luc, spamming the command to purchase new goblins.
Eight new minions were added to his roster. Tickling his incorporeal cerebellum as they spawned. Again they lasted a few seconds before succumbing to the invaders. Jean-luc ignored the cascade of timers, he focused on accepting the level up.
Name: “Jean-luc Delance”
Class: Dungeon
Rank: 1 > 2
HP -/-
MP 48,942/1,000,000 > 1,010,000
Strength: -/-
Agility: -/-
Intelligence: 75 > 80
Talents: -/-
Spells:
Curse of Stubbed toe
Talent steal
If Jean-luc still had eyebrows, they would have disappeared into his hair when his MP refilled completely, allowing him to spawn nine more goblins. He considered spawning a tenth goblin, but his curiosity surpassed Satharis' lecturing.
He selected the “Talent steal” spell. A single target appeared in his mind, a teen with vibrant orange hair and a talent labeled “Curiosity”.
That’s ironic. May as well test this out! He thought, activating the spell.
Satharis yelped in surprise, folding his wings and crashing into the tunnel floor abruptly. His body shook, convulsing as the new talent applied itself to every creature in the dungeon.
“You idiot! You bumbling maniacal-” Began Satharis, shouting at his dungeon core.
A prompt appeared in Satharis’ eyes, one that cut off any further outbursts as he read.
“You’re the dumbest genius I've ever known. In my 100,000 years there has never been a talent this strong.” Grumbled Satharis.
He rolled onto his belly and struggled to rise to his feet. One of his wings refused to fold against his body. Jutting out at an acute angle that told Jean-luc it was broken.
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I can try and help you set the bone- Ah! Stop!
Satharis ignored Jean-luc, biting through the joint that connected his wing to his body. Teeth alone proved insufficient and Satharis raised his hind leg to slash through the bone. Severing the broken wing with a few strokes of his talons.
Why would you do that? We could have set the bone and healed you! Demanded Jean-luc.
“Hush human. When I am killed I will respawn and the the wing will be repaired. My pain will pass, if and only if the dungeon core persists.”
Taking off at a sprint the dragon continued on foot, unperturbed by his amputated wing. Despite his wound, his mobility did not diminish and the dragon reached the goblin village in short order. Jean-luc could sense the tunnel growing wider as it transitioned from a worm tunnel into the village chamber.
Satharis ducked. Tucking himself behind a stalagmite. Without the sunlight of dawn his blue scales blended into the darkness. Becoming one with the stones around him. Jean-luc followed suit, ducking behind a stalagmite and phasing halfway through the stone.
Oh… Uhm… Do I need to hide? He wondered.
“Arg! You newborn nitwit. You can talk to me from anywhere in the dungeon! Go scout the enemy! You can’t leave humans alone or they will try to dominate core.” Hissed Satharis.
Dominate my core? I... Do not like the sound of that. Seems like something Sister Candy would say during confessional... Thought Jean-luc.
Rising into the air he zipped across the chamber, covering the distance between the humans and his dragon in seconds. The first being he noticed was the most voluptuous woman he had ever seen. Perched atop one of the felt tents she watched over the goblin spawns. Her pants clung to her curves, seeming as though they might burst at the seams. Impure thoughts from another life sprang to his mind unbidden and unwelcome. In an attempt to drive them away he looked for the goblins, knowing their obnoxious mugs would cure him of his sins.
One goblin strolled out of the nearest hut, hooting with excitement as he ran forward. Jean-luc saw the trap, and tried to shout a warning to his minion.
Look out!
His cry came too late. Not that it mattered, the suicidal goblin shrieked a warcry. Racing to meet his opponent’s axe with a fearless zeal in his eyes. Jean-luc watched on in horror as the goblin’s head rolled across the stone floor. An instant later a ruddy coin appeared where it’s corpse had been. The axe wielder chortled at it, picking it up before calling to his compatriots.
“A single copper coin and not enough XP to notice. This is older than baloney! Piper, how much time do we want to waste here?” Complained the muscular axe man to the curvy woman.
“Keep farming your bonus Eric. Or did you forget that we leave when the diviner says so.” Taunted Piper.
Chapter 18 Party wipe
Eric sighed, grumbling to himself about the worthless 'bonus'. Still, he tucked the ruddy coin into his backpack. Glancing towards the mouth of the chamber they found an older man gesturing emphatically to an orange haired girl. Jean-luc did a double take on the girl. While the three other humans seemed normal enough, well, as normal as a chap wearing beauty and an axe carrying gymrat could look. The redheaded girl was glowing. Light visibly emanated from her, like the stained glass depictions of angels in churches.
“Maybe you should go talk to her. Ya know, woman to woman.” Suggested Eric.
Piper twisted to view the odd family. Her heart skipping a beat as she remembered her own children lecturing her. They had grown old and bent, withering to dust whilst she remained youthful.
She bit her tongue. Jaw clamping down until her tongue began to bleed.
Pain drove the memory away, and Piper swallowed her blood. Pausing, she took a moment to tuck her hair behind her ears, revealing their oblong shape.
Whoa, is that an elf? I- what?
“I hate it when you’re right.” Sneered Piper.
She stood, then walked along one of the tent’s wooden supports. Balancing on the beam and traipsed down it’s length. Moving as naturally as if the beam were a stone highway, sturdy enough for a hundred wagons. Piper ducked behind a tent, her outline fading as she moved through the shadows on her way towards the glowing redhead.
Her snark gave Jean-luc an idea. He focused on the elf woman, concentrating his will on the spell known as “stub toe.”
“Don’t even think about it!” Snapped Satharis.
You don’t even know what I was planning on doing!
“Planning? You weren’t planning at all! You were going to blow your mana for nothing! Who is going to kill her if your spell succeeds? Do you think I can get past the axe murder and rip out her throat before she recovers? Idiot. Make a plan, use your discretion!” Screamed Satharis, berating his master.
I have plenty of mana for one little spell! Retorted Jean-luc. Acting surly despite knowing Satharis was right.
“Stop mewling. Make a plan then execute it. Fortunately for you, I can respawn and get another chance. If your core is destroyed then we all go back to Hades' pit.” Ordered Satharis, sounding like the dungeon sage he was supposed to be.
Hades' pit? That sounds like Hell? Whoa, really? I wouldn't dream of sending people to hell...
A memory rose in Jean-luc's mind, the echo of splintering wood and three gunshots.
I'm really dead aren't I?
Reality bore down on him. Vermiculating through his mind at an unstopable pace.
No dream had ever lasted this long. Dreams were fleeting, gone before he could pick up a pen and write them down. Little more than transient neurons firing in his sleep. What he felt now had weight. A mass that settled in his mind, dictating his path forward.
Okay a plan… Plans start with a goal. I want to get back home. There are things I need to set right. Sins I need to make amends for. Not-god, hmm… Can’t call him that. He isn’t a figment of my imagination, he has a name. Hephner? No it was hairier. Hepatitis? Ew no.
“Hephestus.” Chimed in Satharis.
Yes! Hephestus! He gave me a road back to earth. I just need to level up and evolve… Ten evolutions is required so I need to level up 998 more times. Satharis, math isn’t my strongest suit, how many goblins would have to die for me to do that?
Satharis’ sigh was so complete that Jean-luc felt it despite his lack of a body. The blue dragon huffed at the naïve question but answered him all the same.
“Level up costs increase along a simple pattern.
100 XP for level 1,
100 XP for level 2,
200 XP for level 3,
300 XP for level 4,
500 XP for level 5.
After that you take the previous two level costs and add them together to get the cost of leveling up.”
This sounds familiar, like something from middle school. Pythagorean number? Tessellation function? Ah! Got it! Fibonacci theorem!
“Did you really have to come up for a name for the impossible?” Drawled Satharis, entirely unimpressed by his lack of mathematical knowledge.
Hey! I leveled up pretty quick with the goblins and now we all have the XP boosting talent. You asked for a plan and here it is blueberry! Let’s bust out some levels right now! How much XP would it take to evolve once? Asked Jean-luc, brimming with confidence.
“Hephestus, do not respawn me. Recycle my soul or send me back to Hades. I'm catching the stupid from this dungeon core. Send me to a half baked dungeon over this imbecile.” Prayed Satharis.
Slithering around his stalagmite he rushed the axe wielder. His small legs flailing as he bounded towards the man. Flames appeared in his mouth, erupting forward towards the axe wielder. They caught him unawares and landed the fireball in his lower back, catapulting him into a nearby tent. Neglected wood buckled under the man’s weight, collapsing inward and entangling him. Satharis took no chances, spewing a geyser of fire across the tent. Setting it ablaze with the man tangled in it’s broken beams.
Satharis tried to take flight, his draconic reflexes flapping a wing that no longer existed. An arrow landed where Satharis should have been. Missing him only because his remaining wing threw him sideways. Piper knocked two arrows, pulling them back faster than Jean-luc could follow. He sensed the flow of MP and felt talents activate within his dungeon.
His omniscience ended as the the elf vanished. Her incredible figure disappearing from sight. Satharis cursed, his fire fading as he activated his own talents.
Arrows pummeled his side, tearing through his wing and shattering against his blue scales. Jean-luc wanted could not stand to watch. Satharis was about to kill the only humans he had met in this world. There had to be a better way, if they all sat down and talked they could resolve-
Stop fighting! He demanded.
Satharis ignored him. Selecting the elf and Satharis he brought his spell list into his forebrain. Casting the spell called “stub toe” he prayed it would bring them to their senses.
Satharis’ front talons caught on a stalagmite mid stride. Momentum carrying him forward and wrapping him around the rocky outcropping. His snout collided with the stone, skull fracturing as it cracked the stalagmite. Satharis' small form went limp.
Piper could not believe her luck. A baby dragon had appeared out of nowhere and rid her of the annoying human. Then to top it off, the dragon had tripped and knocked itself out. Setting up the perfect opportunity for a rare drop.
She knocked an arrow, activating the deadeye talent in tandem with the lethal shot talent as she aimed. Drawing the string back to her eye she activated the quickshot talent, hastening her draw. She would not allow the dragon to have even a millisecond more to recover.
Her bowstring snapped. Bursting an inch from the top of her bow and sending the string buzzing through the air. With the tension in her bow released, her knuckles yanked backwards into her face. Guiding the string directly into her eyeball. Piper could only watch as the string connected with her iris. The impact happening so quickly that she could not even scream. A nanosecond of pain followed by her vision blurring.
“My eye!” She shrieked, dropping her bow and drawing her blade.
Jean-luc watched as his spell took down a dragon and blinded the elf woman. Utterly astounded by a spell named “stub toe”. A ten hour countdown appeared in his mind, labeled. He focused on it, confused about what it was for. A name appeared ‘Satharis Phearyllos Illemby”.
What? But Satharis is unconscious! Oh no, I didn’t kill him did I? Oh man! He’ll never let me hear the end of this.
Rushing to Satharis’ side he realized why the dragon was on a countdown. The old man stood over Satharis’ body. His cold eyes watching as the dragon faded into dust. Jean-luc had not seen him move, one moment he was next to the girl, the next he was over the dragon. A black bladed sword in one hand.
The orange haired girl rushed past him. Heading for the tent where their fourth man was still entangled. His screams took on a feral edge as he thrashed in the flames.
No no no! How did this happen? I was trying to stop anyone from getting hurt! Thought Jean-luc.
“Stop! Hattie! Do not get within reach!” Shouted the old man.
Ignoring the dragon’s loot he tore after the redhead, fear etched in his eyes. Hattie reached the burning tent, readying a healing spell to save the only kind man left in her life.
Eric’s axe hacked the air in front of her face. Continuing past her to crash into a beam, breaking it into splinters. At that instant, Hattie understood Nestor’s warning. Truth dawned in her mind, and she perceived why Eric was always the last survivor.
His berserker talent would keep him alive even after he reached zero HP. When that happened his reason would be lost to the bloodlust. The last vestige of his conscience would be engrossed with his lifesteal talent.
Hattie understood this fact too late. Watching as the axe swung again.
This time, it did not miss.
She felt the steel connect with her neck, passing through her muscles, tendons, and esophagus.
Pain screamed in her mind as she fell backwards, clutching at her open neck. Desperately trying to staunch the bleeding. With each beat of her heart a new spurt of blood eked through her fingers.