Darkness.

It was the last thing I saw. Its cold embrace surrounded me as if I were its own. The muffled voices of nurses disappear with the background.

I’m not scared. I have always been ready for death. Ever since I was diagnosed with FFI at the age of 15, I have always wanted to rest, to close my eyes and dream of a never ending paradise, only to wake up in a harsh reality.

And now it’s happening. I could finally get away from the shackles of tubes and medications.

I was born as the youngest daughter, named as Yokota Sakiko, in a family of 5. My brother got diagnosed with FFI at 26 and passed away. My older sister was involved in a car accident with mom. My father was the only one alive with me, or rather, is the only one alive in the family.

I was 6 years old when my parents decided to move to the US. My mom worked as a professor in an academy while my dad stayed in Switzerland, as an engineer. My brother was a doctor-in-training and my sister was interested in becoming a fashion designer. And of course, I was interested in psychology.

My parents didn’t really take the topic seriously. My mom told me that I should just become a surgeon as the earnings are much higher and also because I have a “chance” of going crazy. My dad said that he supports me. Hearing that, my mom had a scuffle with dad. I appreciate dad’s help but I wouldn’t want to ruin their relationship.

Stubbornly, I ignored what she had said and continued psychology. At first, she was hesitant but, eventually she overlooked it. She said she would allow me as long as I also study biotechnology, medicine and chemistry. I didn’t expect her to add more work to my already full schedule. But hearing at what the subject offers me, I gladly accepted.

Things got a lot harder. I was always sleeping at 2 am just so I could study, read and do my homework along with my own hobbies. You can just say I’m a workaholic. My father told me to take it easy; nevertheless I emptily accepted his advice and continued studying. You don’t know when you’ll need the knowledge anyways.

Nights got a lot longer. Sleep was a lot harder. My mom told me that I may have insomnia and gave me sleeping pills and tea, which is mostly chamomile and valerian root. It did work. It made me feel sleepy but that’s it. My parents were quite worried since my brother got diagnosed with FFI the year before. My parents sent me to the doctor for a diagnosis.

After the diagnosis, my parents sorrowfully revealed the results…

My father decided to work harder and my sister stopped her studies to take care of us. It was hard for her, dying so young without achieving her own dreams. If only she just continued studying, then I would’ve been satisfied dying with that.

Me and my brother decided to let mom and sis have some fun and spend time together. We never expected that they’d finish the day to drinking. It ended up as a disaster. My mom ended up drunk, so as my sister. My mom was the one who drove the car. They ended up crashing with another car.

In the same year, my brother passed. My father and I were left with each other. It was hard to accept my brother’s death as my mother and sister died the same year, but I guess the Grim’s next target was me.

My father left after my brother died. He left me alone in the US so that he could support me financially. He knew I wouldn’t survive, like my brother, but he did so anyway knowing I’m the only one left for him.

I feel bad for my father, but I’m also quite relieved he could work without someone taking his earnings. I wish he would find another love, build another family and be happy. But wishing is useless. Wishes are just words from people that can’t do it for themselves.

…

Shaking myself from all the flashbacks I just had, I look around the surrounding darkness. I’ve grown quite tired of it already. Does the concept of time stop here?

I close my eyes and give myself a twirl, my hand pointing at a certain direction. I stop and open my eyes only to be disappointed at the same darkness. “Well, here goes nothing.”, I say as I approach the direction I chose, hoping to find some light.

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“So this is where you were.” A deep voice said from behind me. Panicking, I started running to wherever my feet would take me from this dark abyss.

“Of..course...” His voice said, inaudibly and with a bit of sadness. I feel bad for him however that voice was unfamiliar to me. I admit I was a bit harsh but my alarm was going off. It would also be scary for other people knowing he came from behind, like those in horror movies. I, at least, admit I want to be chased and get stabbed at the back than see my murderer’s face before death.

Out of nowhere, a figure appears in front of me. Alarmed, I turned away and almost started to run. Before I could make my escape, he holds my hand and says, “Don’t be afraid. I’m just a passing Reaper. This is the place where souls wait for their rebirth.” I look at him, a bit confused.

“You can ask anything.” The reaper says, with a hint of satisfaction on his deep voice.

“Will I not remember anything after rebirth?” I ask woefully.

“Sadly, yes. It is to prevent bringing any regrets onto the new life.” He replies.

“So, is it every memory including our meeting?” I ask, hoping I would at least remember this last bit of information.

“Yes.” He says. I smile dejectedly.

As he notices this, he asks curiously, “Why do you want to remember our meeting? You were scared the moment you heard me”.

I laugh awkwardly and reply, “I’d rather have some memory left after I get reborn. Also, you have given me some useful information.”.

He chuckles and replies, “Information?”.

I giggle and say, “Of course, and your company is what I needed after being alone for a long time… Though you should’ve approached me more subtly.”

Chuckles echoed around the quiet abyss.

…

The reaper had left, saying he has to take care of business. He said he will come back. I doubt it would take a while. It would probably after a few months, judging from his ‘career’. As the loneliness settles in, I decided to take a walk, admiring this nothingness.

“My.. darling.” A woman’s muffled voice echoes in the darkness.

Did you hear that? I might be going crazy being surrounded by darkness and all. I mean, I am talking with my mind. Still, it’s a welcoming voice.

“Katherine..” A man’s soft voice whispers back.

Katherine? That’s a cute name but who is that?

As the voices keep whispering, a light suddenly shines through this never-ending darkness, though faint. It’s a warm light, a light I’ve been waiting for. I approach the light that has drawn me, ignoring the now faint voices.

…

Saki, she’s the one that made me like the humans. She was a soul without a husk, waiting for her new life. She was the soul I was told to guide. I led her to the dark abyss, that the other humans called the afterlife.

Afterlife was a place for the deceased, as the humans say. It was a paradise for the tired. Little did they know, that the afterlife they call is also known to us, reapers, as rebirth; the place reapers dream to go. And in the abyss, was where the souls wept to go back to their husk. They had beg their reapers, but the reapers always leave with the answer, “You can’t.”.

After leaving her in the abyss, I erased her memories of meeting me earlier, as it was an unspoken rule. She had always wandered the abyss, hoping to find something or someone only to end up knowing she was all alone.

Our first meeting was when her soul had left her body. She was quite confused, at first and then she looked amazed at her transparency. She looked at the nurses that had given up to save her, as FFI was incurable. It was better than to suffer. I felt bad for her. The Lady Luck frowned at her family and gave them misfortunes.

Then, she smiled while looking gloomy and cried. Seeing her cry had made me uncomfortable. As it did, I didn’t approach her until after she had calmed down. I watched her for a while, looking at the tears fall down her pale cheeks. She settled down after a while and I advanced to her. I introduced myself as the Grim Reaper and she looked at me, not bothering to hide her amusement. Before asking, she had told me she doesn’t have any regrets and held my hand. She smiled and said, “Take me to the afterlife, Grim!”.

Yes, Grim was the nickname she had given me after knowing that our real names are a secret. I thought she was extraordinary. She was not scared of me, even seeing my paper white skin, dark hair and purple eyes. She said I was beautiful. She didn’t even realize that she, herself, is a beautiful being.

And now, I’m watching Saki cross the afterlife using invisibility. As she took her final steps to the afterlife, flashbacks were shown to me; which are memories with Saki. I whisper a quiet goodbye, remembering that our paths may never cross again.