I finished the inventory system in a week of sixteen-hour days and spent another week teaching museum staff how to use it.

I completed my contract on a Friday evening, and Jeeves made a shameless KA-CHING noise as the payment hit my account, plus bonuses, minus the advance I negotiated when I came back on the job.

Lydia was in the kitchen when I got home that night, and the whole place smelled incredible. “It’s been so long, I forgot how good real food smells.”

“Exactly the meal we agreed to, although I don’t really understand why this is special to you.”

“First meal I had in the compound when we arrived. The guys fired up the grill and made it a party. Steak, green beans, and a baked potato. I guess this was nothing special last time you were on Earth, but I haven’t had real meat since I was a kid. I’ve eaten so much vat meat, it’s a miracle I don’t have tits.”

I sat down and let her serve me but was disappointed when she went back to her perch.

“I can’t sit here and eat this in front of you, and I can’t stand that ridiculous demon costume. Change into something comfortable and come eat with me.”

“You’re about to break a rule you set for me, Timothy. Are you sure? We do not want a repeat of last time.”

“I’ll deal with it,” I said. “I have to deal with it, especially if we’re gonna be walking around in the real world. I can’t flip out every time I see you in blue jeans. Please grab a plate and split this with me. There’s no way I can eat this by myself.”

Lydia flashed into a new outfit, but I immediately made her change it. “Oh, hell no, I cannot handle a little black dress. You gotta take it down a notch.”

“T-shirt and jeans?” she asked. “Better?”

“Better. How do you pick outfits? Is that a shirt from the ‘80s?”

You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

“I saw a woman wearing this at the store. Timothy, can your machine pull up pictures of how women dress now? I really need to get my hair right.”

I laughed. “There is nothing wrong with your hair.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to see it, but women are very particular about these things. If I’m seen in public with the wrong clip or too much hairspray it’s going to draw attention, and we can’t have that. Anachronisms are the most common way demons get caught.”

“I’ll pull up some channels for you after dinner. I really need to teach you how to pull up TV. You could just ask Jeeves for this stuff. He can interpret commands in plain English, once I teach him your voice.”

“Please don’t tell that thing who I am. Just tell it to ignore me.”

“Are you afraid of my computer?”

“I’m not afraid of anything,” she sniffed. “I just don’t trust it. But thank you for the offer, I really do need to see what women are wearing. I hope hats come back soon. I really miss hats.”

I had forgotten Lydia and her hat thing. “Why do you like hats?”

“Think about it. If you were a demon, would you want God staring down at your naked head?”

I cut my first bit of steak and took a bite. “You really did this in my kitchen?”

She nodded. “Everybody thinks you need a grill, but you don’t. Pan works fine. This is the most pleasure I have ever seen on your face and I’m beginning to take it personally.”

I smiled through a mouthful of green beans and bacon. “People in my century, we don’t get to eat like this anymore. When I lived in that corporate octagon? They tried to feed us roasted grasshoppers. Served them like hors d’oeuvres in the lobby, with dipping sauce. Sat there untouched for a week until they finally gave up. So yeah, this is pretty special for me.”

“I’m just glad to see you enjoying something,” Lydia said. “I was afraid you’d be like Jacob. It was like pulling teeth to get that man to enjoy a reward. No matter what he accomplished, no matter how brilliantly he succeeded, he would always find something to nitpick, some hesitation or misplaced word he could hate himself for. Good to see you enjoying this.”

“Oh god, we got real sour cream. I forgot we got real sour cream.”

“You beat your deadline,” Lydia said, “so save room for dessert.”

I hadn’t noticed it before, cooling on the counter. “You made apple pie? That’s a little on the nose, Lydia, even for you.”

“Wait until you try it with ice cream.”

“You got me real ice cream?”

“You got yourself real ice cream, I just pointed at it.”

Lydia was on her best behavior, right until she cleared the plates. On the way to the kitchen, she leaned down and whispered. “We could make this night perfect. I would be so good to you the first time.”

I stood up and threw my napkin down. “Couldn’t resist, could you?”

“Are you going to yell at me?”

“No. I am going to thank you for dinner and call it a night. It really was a perfect meal.”