A few days later, Lydia caught me cursing and stomping and jabbing at my screens until she finally said, “Timothy, talk to me. What has got you so upset?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“How can you possibly know what I understand? Try me. There are all kinds of ways I can be of use to you. Let me prove it. Tell me your problem and let me help.”

“My problem is, I’m fucking broke and I’m pretty sure I’ve lost my job. I’ve got living expenses for a year tied up in this museum contract, but I’ve completely blown it off. I haven’t been back there since the attack. The director’s left a hundred voicemails but I’ve been dodging him, and now it’s blowing back on Judy.

“That’s the real reason I’m cursing this morning. I woke up to an angry voicemail detailing what a useless lump of shit I am, and how much I’m hurting her reputation. Not in so many words, but that’s the gist of it. She’s calling me a loser and she’s right. Losing my soul to demons should be a pretty good excuse, but I can’t exactly tell people about you.”

“Has he actually fired you?” Lydia asked, “Or is he just threatening to?”

“It’s not a fired or not fired situation. I’ve got a contract to finish the inventory and tagging system before the new term starts. I’ve got a couple weeks before the deadline, but I haven’t done a lick of work or even been to the office in so long; naturally, he thinks I won’t finish it. He’s threatening to turn it over to campus computing and sue me for breach. Worst case, I could end up owing him money.”

“And this man knows what happened to you? He knows you shed blood in his domain?”

“Sure.”

“And does he have normal human emotions? Could he feel some guilt about what happened to you?”

I shook my head. “The museum’s not liable for anything that happened. I got that email before the blood dried.”

“I didn’t ask about blame. I asked about guilt. You’ve talked to this man, how likely is he to feel sympathy for you, or feel responsible for what happened?”

I shrugged. “I have no idea. And honestly, the window to take advantage of his guilt probably closed three days after the attack.”

“So, exaggerate, and make up a lie.”

I laughed. “Wow, you don’t mess around when it’s time to be evil.”

“And I never will,” she said. “I despise the way men do evil now, hemming and hawing and making excuses to hide from themselves. Everyone pretending they’re doing evil by accident. It’s all so… feminine. I don’t ever want you to lie to yourself or hesitate when it’s time to do something evil. That will be critically important going forward, so let’s start with something small. Leverage whatever guilt this man may feel for the attack and make up a lie to explain your absence. I saw your performance the night I got here. This should be the easiest thing in the world for you.”

“Besides,” Lydia said. “You’re not lying because you want to cheat this man, you’re lying because you need a second chance. Could you complete this work by the deadline if you made it your priority?”

“Sure, but you wouldn’t see me very much. I’d have to put in twelve, fourteen hours a day to catch up.”

“Entirely worth it,” Lydia said. “Timothy, you need things, and I will not be the excuse for you neglecting your life. You’re still a mortal man in a mortal world, and you have to play by the rules of your old life until you’re ready to start a new one. Half the appliances in this home are broken, and you have no food. I don’t understand the corporate kingdoms that rule this place now, but this is still America, and Americans still need money. Please go get some. I’m willing to spend a few nights without you, if I can get you in the habit of honoring contracts.”

I leaned on my desk and put my head in my hands. “This guy is so pissed. I’m gonna have to sit there and let him yell at me.”

Lydia smirked. “You’ve got a demon in your living room, and that’s what you’re afraid of? The wrath of a balding bureaucrat?”

“How did you know he was… But yeah, I get your point.”

“Let’s make this a real Bargain,” Lydia said. “You’re about to make a deal with a demon. Please stand up and honor the forms.”

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I was more intrigued than annoyed, so I stood up.

“Not like that. There can’t be any weakness in your posture. Head up, shoulders back. Stop fidgeting and don’t look at the ground. Look me in the eye and force yourself to move slowly. You don’t have to scowl or look tough. Smile if you want to but keep your head up. Make it look casual, because you make deals like this every day.”

I straightened my back and looked her in the eye.

“Good. Remember, you are not asking for favors. You are offering an exchange. No quavering, no hesitation. Always practice what you’re going to say before you start and never deviate from your plan. The moment you show weakness, you’re dead. The moment the demon thinks they can cheat you, you’re dead. And the moment you get greedy, and try to go for more than you planned, you’re dead.”

I nodded.

“Now, tell me what you want.”

“I want my damn job back.”

“No. If you phrased it like that in a real negotiation, the demon would find this director and kidnap his children. Be specific and ask me for something that is easily within my power to give. Or you can tell me to make an offer, but don’t make it a question. Never make it a question.”

“Lydia, you want me to get my job back and earn some money, but I need an incentive. Make me an offer.”

“You won’t let me use any of my usual inducements, so let’s try this. If you get your job back, get paid, and bring some fresh food in here, I will cook you a meal with my own two hands. Whatever you want. Ah, you like that,” she said. “Never let them see how much you like it. Do you accept my terms?”

“I accept your terms.”

“Now repeat what you have agreed to do and give me your Word that you’ll do it. That’s the most important part. Everyone thinks it’s a kind of magical compulsion when wizards deal with demons, but after the first few times, you won’t need magic at all, because you’ll have a relationship. The demons learn that they can trust you to hold up your end of a Bargain, and you will learn which ones deal with you fairly.

“You think Jacob made all those deals with brute force? He sat in that chair every day, staring down things that could kill him, protected by nothing but the power of his Word. So, say it for me and understand what it means.”

“I will get my job back and finish on deadline. You have my Word.”

“And now we have a deal.”

I grabbed my phone off my desk and went straight to the museum. Twenty minutes later, I had my job back.

* * *

It was one of the best lessons I ever got. She changed my whole attitude in two minutes. After Judy’s message, I was feeling weak and stupid. I was ready to walk in there and grovel, to admit my fuck-up and beg for mercy. I had already pictured how it would go, sitting in the director’s office, getting scolded like a child.

My tone was still apologetic, but my posture stayed strong, and thanks to Lydia’s little reframe, now I was just pretending to be weak, while I actually felt in control. I sat down and looked him in the eye like I had nothing to be ashamed of, because that was the role I had decided to play.

I told him I had been deeply shaken by the attack, traumatized by exposure to demons because of my family history, and that I had been seeing a therapist for PTSD. But I was back now, and I was ready to resume work immediately.

I apologized, sincerely, and told him my plan to still finish ahead of schedule. Then I told him if I didn’t deliver ahead of schedule, I would cut another three percent off my fee, as a show of good faith. Then I spent the rest of the night catching up, returning to Lydia at some ungodly hour of the morning.

“I can already tell you did it,” she said.

“It was… much easier than I expected. I even negotiated an advance. Oh, and you’re my therapist now. If he pushes me, I may actually have to get you on the phone. You can do that, right? Imitate some older woman and handle a video call?”

“Easily,” she said.

I had been so obsessed with the sexual parts of her job; I had never considered the other things Lydia could do. “You’re pretty handy to have around. I can think of a hundred ways to use that disguise thing. Can you imitate anyone you see or hear?”

“Anyone female.”

“Seriously, you can only turn into other women?”

“Yes,” she said. “I cannot imitate a male in any way.”

“Wait, so you couldn’t grow a penis, even if I asked for one?”

“There are certain workarounds,” she swished her tail, “but no, I could not.”

“You can’t or you won’t?” Lydia was profoundly uncomfortable with this question, and I was loving every minute of it.

“Both.”

“Oh, that is some fucked up sexist bullshit right there. Really disappointing. I’m sorry, this is going on your performance review.”

Lydia was so annoyed now; she was struggling to keep it out of her voice. “If you really want to try a male, I can get one here in about ten minutes, but I should warn you, when previous generations have tried this, it did not go well.”

“My ancestors tried men? Which ones?”

“I will not divul—” She sighed. “I’ll tell you about Laurence because he wouldn’t mind. Laurence tried a couple different men a couple different ways, just long enough to figure out it wasn’t for him, but he made some good friends, and played cards with one of them well into his dotage.”

“I was expecting Laurence. Who else?”

“I will not share what your ancestors did in the bedroom, and I will never tell anyone else about you.”

“Boring!”

“And before you make me bring an incubus in here,” she snapped, “I would really appreciate it if you would try me first!”

* * *

But that wasn’t the best reframe Lydia pulled off that day. The real magic was how she took my petty concerns about money and used them to teach me the power of doing evil on purpose, the way she shook me out of my mundane rut by teaching me how to talk to demons, and the way she turned the trivial problems of daily life into practice for bigger things. Because when every little thing is practice for a big thing, there are no little things anymore.

She even snuck in a lesson about posture and negotiation, right before I had to use it for real.

And the fact that she had blown through my defenses in ten seconds, by switching to a non-sexual form of temptation? I didn’t notice that at all.