"Fuck... I'm so screwed," I cursed under my breath.

I managed to oversleep for the second day in a row, but this time, I still had incomplete homework to do without a lunch break to work with.

As you can imagine, I was going to be in a rush this morning.

For now, however, I took my seat at the kitchen counter, ready to dig into the breakfast my mom prepared for me. Two scrambled eggs and cheesy grits. A breakfast this good didn't deserve to be eaten in a single gulp. I was going to take my time.

That was my excuse for not wanting to move around.

Other than getting dressed for the day, I had yet to get anything else ready, meaning my backpack had yet to be packed, my face needed to be cleansed of sleep, and my hair was still a mess.

Perhaps I could convince dad to brush it for me. He'd either understand how hard it is to manage long hair or take me to the salon to get a haircut.

"Tch... If only it was my turn to be a guy today, I wouldn't have to expend so much effort just to look decent."

"You only have yourself to blame," Shannon said as he walked into the kitchen half-dressed but a shirt away from being ready to head off to school. "It's your own fault for oversleeping and not having enough time to get ready for the day."

I took the time I spent chewing on a fried egg to gaze at his torso—nothing but washboard abs and toned pectorals.

Needless to say, I became slightly jealous of Shannon's male body.

Still, I was only a little salty.

"Well, why didn't you wake me up before the bus had already left? Shouldn't you feel somewhat responsible? Aren't you the one who woke up early to go on a morning run, you meathead?"

"Hm? Did you say something?" Shannon asked after he finished chugging a protein shake down his throat.

I went on a little tirade, and Shannon just ignored it.

All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball.

"You're such an idiot, Shannon," I said pouting. "How come you couldn't wake me up earlier? Now I have to rely on you for a ride to school."

"Aww... You're so cute, Sam. And again, I prefer to be called Shane. That said, why're you blaming me? It took me a lot of courage to shake you awake when you were completely naked."

"Oh come on. Don't bullshit me. How does it take courage to touch the naked female body of your own twin?"

"Because I'm currently a guy, and you're currently girl. I don't want to be slammed with those sexual assault charges you always hear in the news nowadays."

"You're so stupid..."

"I'm the stupid one here?"

"Yeah, you are."

"Then if I'm the stupid one, why're you eating food that isn't even there?"

"Huh?" I looked down at my plate to see nothing left. On my fork, also nothing. I was about to eat air.

Shannon let out a chuckle at my expense. "Get ready. You must need to be at school soon if you're eating mom's breakfast like a pig. I'll start up the car's engine."

"Okay..."

And with that, Shannon grabbed his car keys before leaving for the garage—leaving me behind to bury my face in shame.

***

"Sam, you look awful."

I lifted my head off my desk to see an angelic blonde-haired pale-skinned beauty gracing me with her presence.

"Don't worry about it, Jen."

Fifth period was about to start, and I was in my English class all burned-out. I had spent my first four periods juggling between finishing my homework, trying my hardest not to get caught by the teachers, and doing the in-class assignments they assigned.

Luckily, I was able to finish my homework on time.

Unluckily, I was caught sleeping near the end of fourth period by Mr. Long, so I had to spend much of my lunchtime in his classroom to receive a detailed lecture on why I should be getting a good night's sleep everyday.

"Are you having another headache?" Jen asked.

"No, Long's lecture just sapped me of the last bit of my energy."

"Damn. Was it really that rough? Do you want a hug?"

"Sure, I don't see why not."

Jen followed through, bent over my desk, and gave me a warm hug—Both of her humongous breasts were pressed into my face. She then waited for five seconds before releasing me.

I could only give her a meek thanks...

The boyish side of me might've passed out from excessive excitement, but because my girlish side was in control right now, I could only think about how soft Jen's chest was. It was like putting my head on a Tempur-Pedic pillow. It felt like absolute bliss.

Wait.

It wouldn't be weird for a guy to think that too.

"Let me know if you want another prescription hug to cheer you up, Sam. Ah! But only if you bring a girl with you."

That girl was me. After all, Jen's schedule followed mine. That is, until next year.

Jen gave me a wink before sitting down at her desk, so class could start.

"I'm so stupid."

Why did I have to remind myself?

Now, I had a headache.

***

I wanted to say that the world was going to end, but that would've been irresponsible of me. Saying my life was in a downward spiral should've been completely fine though. My friends disagreed, however.

"You're just having a bad day, Sam." Jen tried to console me, "Take another bite from my cookies 'n cream frozen yogurt, and I'm sure you'll feel better in no time."

This prompted Jen to feed me a spoonful of her soft and creamy M&M-topped dessert.

I had to acknowledge the savoriness of the yogurt, and I had to admit that the yogurt made me feel slightly better—but that didn't last for long because the yogurt soon numbed my brain before creating an intense brain freeze.

"Oww..." I moaned in pain while pressing my hands onto my forehead.

"Jen, I think you're feeding Sam too much at once," said Aster, another friend of mine.

"You're barely eating any of it yourself," Gabe, also another friend of mine, chimed in.

The four of us were sitting in a booth at the mall's food court, hanging out like any group of friends would after a long, hard, and grueling day of school.

"Haa..." The brain freeze finally subsided. And yet, that didn't make me feel one bit better. "I want to die."

I think I preferred the brain freeze over the headache that had been bothering me since fifth period, but that would be like choosing between the guillotine and stoning. So out of despair, I put my head on the table to which Gabe objected.

"Sam, you're going to get your hair dirty with grease and bread crumbs."

Slightly annoyed by Gabe's reproach, I responded with a sarcastic remark, "Guess I'll die—Gahahaha..." I couldn't help but break into laughter because Jen began tickling my sides. "Stop it! Ahahaha! Please... I beg you..."

Eventually, Jen stopped, so she could give me a good scolding.

"That's what you get for rehashing the same joke about wanting to die. I don't care if school is putting you down, Sam. The reason why we're at the mall is so we can get away from the stress of academics."

She was serious.

I regretted my distasteful joke... I had to apologize.

"Sorry guys. I didn't mean to stop us from having some fun. Something's just bothering me, that's all."

"What is it?" a curious Aster asked. "Did something happen in your and Jen's class?"

"No, what's bothering me isn't school specifically. I'm past that already. It's something, but I can't say what it is."

"Hmm..." Gabe thought about my problem for a second before making a conclusion, "I think your problem is unsolvable."

Aster concurred, "Yeah... I think you're being too light on the details, Sam."

Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

"That's fine. I don't want our one group up in a long time to be me pushing my problems onto you guys to solve. Besides, who knows when's the next time Gabe can take time off to hang out with us?" I forced out a weak laugh.

Gabe replied, "Don't know. Between college and my part-time job, it's a miracle that I'm able to be here now."

Because Gabe was a college freshman and two years older than the rest of us, it was unavoidable for us to be living in two different worlds. Gabe was in the adult world while Aster, Jen, and I were still in the world of adolescence.

Aster and Jen could attest to my claim that a lot changed after Gabe graduated to adulthood, but shockingly, they already seemed to be used to some of the changes—these included the maturity, the disheveled appearance, and most importantly, the fact that Gabe was going to be a guy for the rest of his life.

In any case, I could not bring myself to get used to these changes.

"Alright! Finished my cookies n' cream!" Jen slapped the table for her accomplishment of consuming a mere tenth of the frozen yogurt she ordered—the other nine tenths went into my mouth. "What do we wanna do now?"

The four of us, devoid of ideas at first, had to take a moment to think about it in silence.

Four total minutes for each of us.

Then finally, Jen came up with one to answer her own question, "Why don't we go shop for clothes?"

"It took you that long to think of that?" Gabe asked.

"What about you? None of you spoke up, so I had to do it," Jen shot back.

"I didn't speak up because there's nothing to do in this mall but look at clothes."

"What's wrong with looking at clothes?"

Aster spoke up, "Jen? I think Gabe's saying that it's kinda hard for him to get enthusiastic about buying clothes with him being a guy and all."

"Oh, I get it! Because Gabe is now one hundred percent male, he's afraid that the testosterone in his body will kick in as soon as he takes one step into a Victoria's Secret."

"Precisely!"

"It'd certainly cause quite a controversy if our friend here got caught having sexual relations with his underage friends—"

"Please stop it before anybody gets the wrong idea," Gabe demanded after he sensed that a few bystanders were tuning into our conversation. "Also, my body feels no different from before I turned eighteen, and Aster, you're one to talk considering you're currently a guy too."

"Alright, alright." Aster gracefully acknowledged his defeat. "I'll admit that I'm also not interested in window shopping either."

"Honestly..." Gabe let out a sigh before pointing to me and Jen. "What about you two?"

Although I said he was addressing both of us, Gabe had a fierce gaze directed towards Jen, presumably so he could intimidate her into surrendering too since she also partook in Aster's teasing.

Of course, Gabe's tactics weren't going to work—Jen was simply too stubborn to let herself be on the losing end of a battle.

Anyways, I gave no thought into my response, so I quickly submitted my answer.

"Not interested," we both said in unison.

"Jinx. Sam, you now owe me a soda."

"Hold on a second."

It was my turn to ask questions.

"Or are we not playing that game anymore?" Jen squeezed in her question before I could.

So, I maintained an awkward pause for a few seconds, "..."

Okay. Now it was my turn to ask questions.

"Jen, why'd you suggest that we go clothes shopping if you weren't interested in the first place?"

"Because nobody was saying anything for four whole minutes, so I had to break the silence. Plus, you didn't look like you were having that much fun hanging around here in the food court, so I thought giving us a reason to walk around the mall would help cure your headache."

How did she know about my headache when I denied having one earlier? Was it obvious that I was having one? On the other hand, Aster and Gabe were suddenly expressing mild concern that wasn't there before, so it probably wasn't that obvious.

Perhaps Jen knew me too well to not notice it.

What a shame because apparently, I didn't know Jen as well as she knew me.

Meanwhile, something in my chest tightened up.

"Well..." I had trouble finding the right words to say, so it took me some time to gather my thoughts. "I guess I don't have anything against buying some more clothes. There were some cute shoes that caught my eye on the way here..." Then a crucial memory from yesterday resurfaced. "But I'm running low on allowance money and currently in need of boy clothes, so we don't have to go window shopping today if we don't want to."

The fact that Shannon had been stealing my t-shirts gave me an excuse to politely reject Jen's suggestion—except she wouldn't be in any way offended even if I didn't give her an excuse.

What was I doing?

I quickly changed topics.

"Actually, you know what's been bugging me?" I said in a frenzy.

"What?" Aster, Gabe, and Jen replied collectively.

"What're we doing at the mall in the first place? There's nothing here but a food court and apparel stores."

"Yes, this mall is boring. We established that fact already," Gabe said.

"But it's not like the mall changed in any way since we met each other in elementary school, right?"

"Sam, what's your point?' Aster asked.

"So why did we change?"

"Sam..." Jen was giving me a concerned look.

"Why did we change our hang out spot? Before Gabe went to college, we would always go to his house to play video games in the basement, eating Doritos and drinking Mountain Dew just for the meme while roasting each other in Smash. Why can't we do that again?"

Back then, those days were nothing short of bright and fulfilling. They were days to look forward to. I wished that they would never end.

"Why can't we go to Gabe's house right now and start up the Wii for old times sake? I'll even bring over my copy of Melee for us to play!"

But now, those bygone days were nothing but a dream. All good things had to come to an end. And as it turned out, the reason why we couldn't hang out at Gabe's house anymore was because his parents sold it once Gabe started college.

"Gabe, remember when you juked the three of us as Fox before sending us to our doom while being at a hundred and fifty percent damage? Aster, remember when we played Mario Kart that one time, and you were behind me in second place? We could both see the finish line, and it looked like I was definitely going to win. But at the last second, I was hit by a blue shell, knocked off the track, and then struck by another shell to put you in first and me in last. And Jen, do you remember when we finally beat Grandmaster Galaxy's prankster comet to complete the Super Mario Galaxy 2 run? I think both teams wasted over a hundred lives each, but in the end, we ended up doing what Gabe and Aster failed to do."

I couldn't lie. Everything that happened back then was pretty stupid, but I didn't care if it was stupid because it was also so much fun. It was stupidly fun.

There was nothing wrong with that.

"Are we never going to be able to relive those memories ev—"

"Sam, your makeup is running."

"Huh?"

I lifted a finger to touch the underside of my right eye—it was damp.

"Did something get in your eye?" Jen said in false wonderment even though it was quite clear she knew what was up. I could at least say for sure that was the case from her worried facial expression. Apparently, the fake smile I wore could not deceive her. "Come on Sam. Let's go to the washroom."

***

"I'm fine... Everything's fine..." I murmured to calm myself, and for the most part, it was working. My pulse had returned to normal—the only issue was that it still felt like my heart was in a clutch...

Looking at the mirror, a light grayish streak still marked my face and needed to be cleaned up, but after musing, I had to appreciate the fact that I wasn't one to wear an excessive amount of makeup. Otherwise, I would've looked much worse than I did currently. I say this because I didn't want to give off the impression of being some heartbroken teenage girl after a difficult breakup. On a related note, I prayed that Gabe and Aster bought the excuse Jen made up for me.

They were the last people I wanted with weird ideas about me—the last thing I needed was for them to treat me differently.

Besides, I already spoiled enough for one day.

"What's gotten into me?"

Was I sad? Was I happy? I was neither—or at least it didn't show on my face that I was either.

I simply looked frustrated.

An unfamiliar feeling was welling up inside me, and everything around me was changing for the worse—the things Aster, Gabe, Jen, and I valued in the past were slowly disappearing.

"Hmm..."

They always say change is a good thing. Meet new people, find new hobbies, and explore uncharted territory and all that to lead an exciting life. That's why New Year's Resolutions exist.

I can accept change.

In truth, however, I would much rather maintain the status quo. I wanted to preserve the same friendship I shared with Aster, Gabe, and Jen since our elementary years. I didn't want that to change.

I didn't want our friendship to change just as strongly as I didn't want ourselves to change and grow up, and in a way, these two desires went hand in hand.

If we were to grow up, there would certainly be less time for our friendship. Gabe becoming an adult this year only exemplified this reality. And like the Beatles, we will eventually go solo.

At that point, can you really call it a satisfying friendship?

Sure, as we drift apart and head our own ways, we find new people to make friends with. Whether it be going to a new school, working at a new office, or starting a new family, there'll always be someone to talk to. But for me, how am I supposed to keep myself from longing for the friends I leave behind?

I guess I was purely allergic to change because that was all I could think about recently—fearing change.

How pitiful.

"Why am I such a kid? Everyone my age has to go through this. I just have to suck it up and not let it bother me—enjoy the present and not worry about the past or future. Besides, I should be considering myself lucky for being blessed to have those guys as my friends for so long," I encouraged myself. "Come on. Let's have some stupid fun with Jen and the others already."

***

Coming back from the washroom, I happened upon my friends' idle chatter.

That wasn't quite right.

If it made me hide around the corner so I could overhear their dialogue without being detected, it was probably anything but ordinary idle chatter.

Aster, Gabe, and Jen were talking about their love interests.

"So did you find a G.F. yet?" Aster asked Gabe with an apparent keen interest.

Gabe, on the other hand, sounded reluctant to divulge any information. "Err... Let's just say there aren't many girls for me to introduce myself to in the Comp Sci department at my school."

"I wonder why," Jen made a snide remark probably as payback for his attitude earlier.

"Dang you!"

"Dang you? What the hell? Is your mommy following you around and making you put a dollar in the swear jar?"

"Shut it. I'm just trying to moderate my language in public ever since some family on a college visit got pissy at me for cussing like sailor one time."

"So what if some random family got mad at you?"

"Well, they made me and my classmate late for class, and I definitely don't want to deal with that mess again."

"But it's so unnatural to see you not cuss like usual."

I had to agree with Jen.

"Look. I'm trying my best to break my habit, but it's difficult enough when I have to debug code for my shitty-ass projects—Fuck."

"There we go. Classic Gabe."

Meanwhile, Gabe was looking awfully disappointed with himself for his blunder. "Fuck this... Aster, do you have someone in mind?"

"None in particular. I just can't decide on what I want. Like seriously, what is it do I need from my future?"

"I can relate, Aster," I said under my breath.

"I've banged so many bitches and sucked so many bastards' cocks that I've become numb. Honestly, all the degenerates I've fucked with always turn out to be complete assholes. I think I have to stop hooking up with everyone confessing to me."

I could not relate to playboy Aster.

"What about you, Jen?"

As soon as Aster asked his question, Jen tensed up—huh? Jen was looking rather bashful.

My chest tightened again.

"Does Jen actually have someone she loves? She never told me anything about it. This... This will be interesting."

But for a whole minute, Jen didn't say a word.

Gabe grew impatient, "Well? Do you have anyone in mind or not? No need to keep us in suspense—we're not in some romantic comedy."

"That's not my intention!" Jen snapped back.

"Then what's the hold up? Gabe and I answered and so should you," Aster pushed forward.

"I'm hesitating because the one I love is Sam... and you should know she doesn't handle these kinds of conversations well."

"..." no one spoke—I didn't dare to speak. I just couldn't.

"Jeez... Quit giving me those looks. Here's the deal: If you see Sam coming, you are to shut me up—I'm sure you'd be more than willing to comply Gabe. I mean, do you really want Sam walking in and something I say ends up hurting her more than she's hurting now?"

Oww...

"Yeah, I'm in love with Sam. I've been in love with her for a while now, but I can't tell her that. I have to hold it in because if I don't... I'll just say that Sam treasures the current relationship we have. I'm sure she's fine if it stays as is. Especially at this point in time, I can only imagine that being boyfriend and girlfriend is the last thing on her mind since she doesn't want to change the dynamic in our friendship. After all, the last thing she wants to see is any one of us getting excluded. Plus, if a serious conflict were to arise between me and Sam because of this love, it would certainly ruin the fantastic four's run. Of course, I would never let it happen, but Sam would probably lose sleep worrying over the possibility of it happening since we might be going to different colleges."

I couldn't breathe...

"So until Sam is ready, I'll keep my feelings for her a secret—even if it means she ends up falling in love with someone else before then."

I needed to go back to the washroom.

"Aster, what kind of question is that? I want to be a wife for the rest of my life, so obviously, I hope Sam chooses to become a guy when she turns eighteen. However, I can only hope that is what she chooses after I make my decision..."

My head...