It was already past midnight and Thea still had more than a third of her commute left. That was the last time she accepted to take care of something that wasn't her responsibility. At least, that's what she was telling herself. Deep down, she knew that she would do it again. Even though she had joined the studio later than the two founders, Eric and Emma, it had become something as important to her as it was to them.
What's wrong with that traffic light? It feels like it's been red for an eternity. Both lanes on the left and right are empty, what is it waiting for!
Of course, the traffic light was following its preprogrammed cycle to the second and if her anger had to be directed at someone, it would probably be the one that had designed the traffic light in the first place.
Looking down to the seat on her right, she searched through the coat that had been thrown there as she left the company building for her phone. Finally finding it, she pushed the power button and watched it before throwing it back on the coat. She immediately went back to it and repeated her actions, taking a bit more time than the first. That was to know how late it was, after all, she couldn't look at her radio as it was broken just like the display on her dashboard.
I probably need to buy a new car at this point, it's almost falling apart. The problem is tha-
The horn of another car thundered behind her, making her jump. She caught the traffic light that had turned green at some point in the corner of her vision and held an insult toward the driver behind her.
You're lucky I don't know how long it's been green…
As her car moved forward, something caught her attention in the corner of her vision. To be more specific, it was the absence of something. The car to her left hadn't moved forward like her.
So it hadn't been that long, asshole.
She put a deep emphasis on the insult that had been held back now that she felt justified. But as she was enjoying the justification, another driver pressed on his horn. This one holding it and coming from her left. It sounded strange though, a bit too high, like the sound of a racecar as it zooms towards you. She could already imagine it zooming away, the doppler effect making it deeper. She realized that it also wasn't just pushed once but held pressed by the driver. As she turned her head left, a rush of adrenaline surged through her veins as her mind registered the car that was becoming bigger and bigger in her vision. Time seemed to crawl to a stop as the reality of the situation dawned on her.
It's probably going too fast for urban traffic. Probably even too fast for a high-way… Except if you are in Germany… Are there other places that have no speed limit on highways? Wait, am I going to die? Is this why everything is so slow? Am I going to see my life flash before my eyes?
Unfortunately for her, even with so much adrenaline in her system, her mind could only go so fast. And as the original rush of adrenaline faded, time sped back up and before she could form another thought she was drowned in pain. Only as she distantly felt that sinking feeling in her stomach did she realize that the car had finally hit her. As soon as that realization hit her, another wave of pain washed over her as her car, airborne for less than a fraction of a second finally fell back on the asphalt, now on its side. The pain continued as the car slid and every vibration seemed to converge in her body amplifying the pain that she already felt.
As the car slid to a stop, the flash of pain turned into a dull one as her ears started to ring, then the ringing was overpowered by the sound of her own blood in her veins. Her thoughts started to slow down and something cold started to make its way throughout her body. The following instant, there were sirens in the distance.
Already? That's not possible, they can't be that fast.
Again, her thoughts slowed even more.
Did I lose consciousness?
And again, even slower than before.
Not good, I need to…
Then her thoughts started to unravel.
I need…
Unfortunately for her, she couldn't remember what she needed. She could hear something in the distance, it seemed important but she couldn't muster any force to listen to it. The sound entered her mind and left without being processed. It sounded like someone was talking to her but as even the pain faded, the sounds fell away and her very being was now only made of one thing. It was an insidious cold that gnawed directly at her mind.
Finally, even the cold left her. Or maybe it was her that had left the cold.
Where am I?
A single thought echoed.
What happened?
And another.
Who am I?
And another.
And then a few became a dozen.
A dozen became hundreds and hundreds became thousands. And finally, from those thoughts, a mind came into being. Or maybe it emerged from those thoughts.
I died.
This was the first truth that this mind understood, or maybe it remembered that truth.
I like pancakes.
I was in my car.
I am a senior dev.
The same way the thoughts had become more and more numerous, the truths multiplied until they became a mass and the mass became someone.
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I am Thea Sentinel.
Becoming herself again, Thea looked around. Well, as much as someone without a body can. Strangely, the fact that she was a disembodied mind didn't bother her as much as she thought it should have. To be honest she had already accepted that she had died and the fact that her mind persisted after her death surprised her more than her body or lack of one.
Does that mean that religious people were right? I wonder which one is the lucky winner, I hope it's the spaghetti monster. Although, no matter who was right, I'm probably not going anywhere nice, with not being a believer and all that.
As her mind got sidetracked, she gave another look at her surroundings. She was literally in the middle of nowhere and even that description was somewhere in comparison. It was a void from which everything had been taken away including space and time and any concept that could be thought of. Then the idea of such a place was taken away from itself again and again. It was the absence of everything, even the concept of absence itself.
As time and space didn't seem to exist in this place, even though she managed to formulate both concepts, she didn't know how long she stayed there nor if she was moving in this void. However, after what seemed like an eternity, or maybe an instant, a thought suddenly appeared in her mind.
Maybe I'm only comatose?
She tried to go back on her acceptance of death and find an alternative to her situation but she somehow knew that it wasn't the case. The fact that she had died was a deep truth that had already been ingrained inside of her. However, this brought the question of why she would reject her death after she had already made peace with it so easily. As she wondered the reason for such an act, she realized that the void had changed around her. Rather than a black void which was the way her mind interpreted the absence of everything, the blackness surrounding her had become an inky one. Something that draped over her and stifled all of her senses.
Wait, my senses? Did I get them back? When? Why?
It was hard for her to remember the absence of her sense, her very being seemed to reject the memory of the experience and act as if she never lost them. A few seconds later she was convinced that she at least had a sense of hearing because she felt like she could distantly hear her own heartbeat. She also realized that she could faintly feel her own heat and the heat of the space around her. However, as her senses started to become more defined, the inky darkness that surrounded her became more and more oppressing.
Finally, as it almost completely muted her rediscovered senses, unconsciousness came to claim her, though it was different from the cold disconnection from her body she had already experienced. It was closer to a blanket surrounding her and lulling her into a warm, deep, and comfortable sleep. Ultimately unable to fight it as even her mind started to be slowed by the darkness, her thought stopped for the second time and she fell into the softest sleep she had ever experienced.
Suffocating.
The thought echoed, almost like a complaint.
It's like I'm stuck in a box that's a hundred times too small for me…
Hunger.
A hunger that seemed so great that it would consume everything.
When was the last time I ate? No, wait. In the first place where am I?
The hunger again, stronger this time. And it was mixed with something else. Sadness? Or Anger?
My stomach can wait, I need to know where I am!
Hungry!
What was that?
HUNGRY!
Who are you?!
However, instead of an answer, the unknown voice started to wail like a fire alarm that had been put on top of a flaming volcano. And mixed to the wailing, there were these feelings of anger and sadness that were blasted a hundred times stronger.
What the hell is happening?
As the question stayed unanswered, a sudden warmth enveloped the body.
Body? Wait, that's right, I died!
Uncaring of the inner revelation that was going on in that mind, the warmth continued to cover the whole body and brought it closer to itself.
So I died, then what? Is this the afterlife?
As the body was now directly connected to the warmth, it tried to latch on to something, the act fuelled by pure instincts.
I guess this can't be the afterlife if I have a body. Maybe-
The thought was never brought to completion as the body finally managed to latch onto whatever it was that it tried to latch on. This brought with it an uncontained feeling of bliss that drowned everything else. This continued for quite some time, though she would be unable to tell how much. But as the feeling of bliss fell away and she could think normally again, a feeling of drowsiness started to take over.
For fuck sakes! This is starting to get annoying!
Understanding that she wouldn't be able to win against the feeling, she decided to let go, hoping that falling into unconsciousness wouldn't become a habit.
It had been quite some time since the first time since she had come back from the dead. And the small windows of consciousness had slowly grown larger and more defined though it was still a mess. She still had understood a few things.
First of all, she had been reborn.
She had searched for a less ridiculous way of saying it but that was the hard truth. Though after existing past her death, reincarnation really shouldn’t be that surprising. Anyways, the bouts of unconsciousness were simply her drifting to sleep after either eating or staying awake too long.
However, she didn’t think that she had been awake for the totality of her admittedly short life thus far. She was almost sure that she had missed a few of her awake phases and that brought with it a disturbing idea. But she would get to that later.
The second truth that she realized was that she had probably been reincarnated in a quite poor family. Although her sight was bad, the rest of her senses were better, and through her sense of touch, she realized that her clothes, or at least what was used to cover her were not the best quality. It wasn’t like she was covered using hemp but it wasn’t even the usual softness that you could easily find in any shop.
Or maybe that’s just how you take care of a baby and too fluffy things are bad. After all, I’m anything but an expert on the subject.
As she was thinking that, a feeling of stuffiness washed over her.
Well, that’s perfect timing.
That feeling of stuffiness wasn’t coming from her or at least, it wasn’t coming from Thea Sentinel. That was the last disturbing truth that she had learned. Although she had called it reincarnation, it was more correct to say that her soul, a term she had started to use to describe her state just after her death, had been thrown into someone, a baby.
The problem was that this baby already seemed to have a soul and now there were two souls stuck in one body. The feeling of stuffiness was coming from that other soul and Thea had a gnawing fear that her adult soul was slowly crushing that newborn one.
Although that’s just a theory. I don’t even know whether an adult soul is bigger or stronger than a newborn soul. After all, if reincarnation is the norm, every newborn soul is, in fact, an old soul. Which brings to the final question, why do I remember my life?
As more and more questions were born from her musing, the feeling of stuffiness grew even stronger, mixed with irritation but also a bit of fear. Ultimately, that was what pushed her to try and give as much ‘space’ as possible in whatever metaphysical place they were. After all, this newborn didn’t even understand what was happening. She shouldn’t have to bear that kind of thing.
It had happened a lot of time, enough that she had kind of understood her situation. And each time, she got better and better at making herself tinier and entering a sort of dormant state. However, once she came back the feeling was back and she didn’t want to stunt the growth of this soul if that was a thing.
I already lived my life. And it’s not like I’m doing it for a stranger, this is literally my soulmate! Badum tss…
After a few more seconds of silence and the growth of the feelings of the other soul, Thea finally decided that it was time. Unlike the other times where she folded herself until she fell asleep, this time she tried to make herself as small as possible, further than anything before. She tried becoming a mathematical dot with no volume. Before she even got close to that objective, she felt oblivion claim her. Unlike the other times where she fell asleep, this time, the feeling was stronger and it felt like she would stay asleep for a long time.
While trying to convey a feeling of good luck to the only person she had known that close in both of her lives, she let her thoughts fall away and drifted to unconsciousness.