Loste froze in place as though she were the stone I’d so often compared her to. Her eyes met my own and I saw my fear – and my exhaustion – mirrored in her gaze. How could this be what we had to deal with, after the night we’d both just had? But here it was, and here we were. Someone had broken into my apartments.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“What?” It took a moment to process what she’d said. My brain was barely functioning, currents of adrenaline flowing through my veins like electric ice, simultaneously freezing me in place and making me need to move, to act, to do something. “Am I sure someone broke in? Yes I mean, no one should have been in there and–”
“Are you sure you locked the door?”
My hands were starting to tingle. “Am I–? Of course I’m sure I locked the fucking door, I’m not an idiot,” I snapped, my irritation a thin mask over the sheer terror that was flooding through me. I couldn’t deal with this. Not right now. Not today.
She pulled back as if I’d slapped her. “Of course Your Highness, I didn’t mean to imply you were. I was simply seeking to establish clarity regarding the timeline.”
“The timeline?” I squawked in a manner completely ill-befitting my dignity as a royal. I didn’t care. “The timeline is that I left my rooms at nine yesterday morning, locked the fucking door,” I glared at Loste, even though none of this was her fault, “And when I got back this morning the godsdamned handle was unlocked. That’s the timeline, all two important events plotted on it just for you.”
“And it couldn’t have been a servant who’d gotten careless?” Her voice was calm, almost implacable. As though she wasn’t dealing with yet more bullshit on what was still her first godsdamned day on the job.
I drew up in surprise. Her words made no sense, and I couldn’t tell whether she was being stupid or I just couldn’t hear her properly over the thrumming in my ears and the sound of my own panting breaths. “Uh… no?”
“How do you know?”
“What?”
Still patient, she repeated, “How do you know it wasn’t just one of the servants who clean your rooms? Surely that’s more likely than a robbery in the palace.”
I laughed. It wasn’t me mishearing after all. I meant to correct her misapprehension (stupid, of course she wouldn’t know), but I found I couldn’t stop. Peals of laughter ripped their way out of me in ragged gusts, tearing my throat on their way out. I slid to my knees, unable to keep my legs straight under the force of my own hilarity.
Oh, I thought. I’m hysterical. For some reason that struck me as even funnier and I began to gasp, unable to suck enough air into my lungs between my screams of laughter.
Suddenly, a solid presence made itself known in front of my eyes blurred with tears. It was Loste of course, real concern in her eyes. It was such a perfect mirror to last night when she’d first checked I was okay after Foster broke my arm that my laughter stopped immediately, fleeing in terror of the condemnation that was sure to come.
“Your Highness…”
“No one goes in.”
She didn’t seem to understand me so I tried again. “No one goes into my rooms. No servants, no maids, no friends, no one. They are mine.”
This stumped her, I could tell. Her befuddlement was almost funny enough for me to start laughing again, but I restrained myself, sure in the knowledge that if I started I wouldn’t be able to stop until blood came up with each giggle.
“I’m not sure I understand, Your Highness.”
“What’s not to understand? It’s simple. No one goes in my rooms except me. Not even Mother.”
“You… keep the queen out of your chambers?”
“Yep.” I let myself slide fully to the ground, held up only by the wall against my back. “They’re mine.”
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
“That’s–”
“Insane?” I offered.
“I was going to say unique,” she replied.
“Same difference.”
“And you clean it yourself?”
“Sure do!” I said. The conversation was helping, Loste’s genuine confusion and curiosity drawing off the ominous tingle of my fingers, helping to calm my breathing. These were questions I could answer. “I’ve got a great broom.”
“There are great brooms?”
That got me almost upright again. “Of course there are great brooms, what do you clean your own rooms with? Some straw tied to a stick? You’ve got to have good strong bristles, the right shape of coverage, and ideally some kind of pointy bit to get under the edges of furniture.” She was staring at me, incredulity written across her face. I blushed. “I have a lot of opinions about brooms, okay?” I muttered, embarrassed.
She laughed. Stone-cold Emily Loste laughed at me, and oh it was a lovely sound. A low guffaw with just the littlest bit of snort to it at the end. She pulled herself back to her normal calm in moments, but I had seen through the crack in her armor.
“You dare laugh at your princess?” I asked, mock outraged.
“I do beg your pardon, Highness. I am not as well-schooled in the world of brooms as you are.”
I sniffed. “Very few are.”
“So, you clean the place yourself. And you don’t ever…?” She trailed off, but it was clearly a question.
“Ever what?”
“Nothing. Nothing. Excuse me, I am prying.”
“Not at all. It… it’s helping. Talking.”
That seemed to make an impact, and I could see her screwing up her nerve. “In that case… you don’t, well, take lovers?”
I burst out laughing. This was a healthy laugh, a release of tension, not that horrible boiling that had come out of me just minutes before. “Oh you must be new.”
“I am so sorry, Highness, that was completely inappropriate–” I cut her off with a wave of my hand and a chuckle.
“You misunderstand me, Guardswoman. That was not a reprimand, simply a reminder to myself. You see, no one who spends any time at the palace would ask that question.” I curled my lip in a self-satisfied smirk. “I definitely take lovers, as you so charmingly put it. And the reason no one would ask is because they have all seen me in variously clothed states making my way back to my rooms the next morning.”
“Oh.”
“Hence my laughter.”
“I, uh. I see.” She turned away, not quite successfully hiding a blush. After a moment, Loste cleared her throat awkwardly.
“So, if it couldn’t have been servants…?”
My temporary reprieve was immediately washed away by the reminder of what had brought me to the floor. Still, the cool press of fear wasn’t as overwhelming as it had seemed a moment before.
“Right. I always lock my door. No one is allowed in, and everyone knows that.” I paused for a moment, then continued, “Everyone except guards on their first day, I suppose. Which means whoever did this knew they weren’t supposed to be there. Thus, a break in.”
She stood, re-donning her stone mask of determination in the time it took to rise off the ground. “Very well. Your Highness, you will return to your mother’s chambers. I will clear the room, and report my findings to you and the Major.”
I stared at Loste, disbelieving. “Did you not hear what I just said? No one is allowed in.” If it hadn’t meant standing up again, I would have poked her in the chest. “This. Means. You.”
“Surely the circumstances dictate that–”
“The circumstances dictate that you wait out here for me to see what happened.”
It was Loste’s turn to be incredulous. “You cannot be serious.” I cocked an eyebrow at her, until she amended a sheepish “Your Highness.”
“I assure you, I am. This is not a negotiation, Guardswoman. You have completed your assigned duties by escorting me to my chambers. I am asking you to wait here in case I come across something which requires assistance. You will not be going into my room.”
“I have a duty to ensure your safety.”
“You have a duty to obey my orders. This is one.”
In better circumstances, I might have enjoyed seeing Emily Loste shrink back in the face of my orders. All I could feel in the moment was a bitter satisfaction at her submission.
“As Your Highness commands.” She assumed a perfect parade rest to the side of the door and stared directly ahead, no longer acknowledging me in the slightest.
My victory, however bittersweet, was not something I would risk on delay. I pulled myself awkwardly to my feet and made my way back to the door.