Chapter 30 - Second Match against your Trauma

The rest of the day passed somewhat peacefully, despite the children’s excited state.

Now that they knew my secret, when nobody was looking, they were talking to me directly. It was fun, in a way, as I hadn’t had any real conversation since my reincarnation beside those with Psaï and, rarely, with Lebaclas.

Talking of Lebaclas, I had ordered them to sleep 18 hours a day, to make the soul mass they had, erhm, harvested, sustain them for a longer time.

For now, they were trying to create a bio-tank, their goal being to change their body to something they liked more.

Even if I had freed myself from the Entropic Swarm, some of its effect on me was still imprinted. Although it would be more accurate to say that I just willingly kept the part I liked, so to say.

Funnily enough, I only discovered that I liked those parts when I started (re?)integrating into human society.

In the Swarm, no one gave a fuck to your body, your race, your gender, your skin tone. Those were all… accessories? Things you could swap anytime you wanted.

This… wasn’t the same in the normal society. Groups formed based on those irrelevant traits, fought each other for pointless supremacy, hurting everyone without creating anything good.

So I kept that, my love of changes. One thing I liked, though, was clothes. We didn't have them in the swarm.

I found myself having tons of fun changing my bodies and my clothes to mix and match them.

Then I discovered that gender wasn’t totally trivial. People acted inherently differently based on what gender I appeared, and from then I had lots of fun trying all possible combinations.

I had kept other parts from the Entropy, but I digress.

I let Lebaclas’ plan take its course. After all, I would need a bio-tank if I wanted to modify my family further.

And, in particular, if I wanted to give Vivianne her hand back.

This idea kept haunting me through the night. I did not know she suffered so much from her lost limb but, seeing her reaction in the Echo Chamber, there was little doubt about her mental state.

I thought she had done her grief. What a fool I was. How could a kid, or anyone really, do the grief of losing a limb in what, two months? Three?

I should have done something.

We couldn’t really know. It’s not like we could just plug ourself into her mind and start analyzing it.

...We could-

No. Privacy. Life. And it’s dangerous, you know it.

Urgh. It’s so hard to not be…

...Overprotective?

Yes.

I… disagree. It's not avoiding overprotectiveness that's hard. It's tracing the line.

...Yes. Yes! Exactly! It’s so fucking hard to know when you need to help, and when you need to let go.

Yes, but now it’s quite clear. We need to help.

Yup. Let’s think about something.

With the resources we have.

Yup. Sleep is overrated after all.

And thinking we did. A lot.

The partial solution came when we stopped keeping our mind on narrow ideas. It’s always difficult to think outside the box when your tools always worked perfectly.

***

Dad, this morning, put a lot of effort to make us an extravagant breakfast. I don’t know if I’m right, but maybe he felt that his children weren’t on the top of their game yesterday night?

If so, parental intuition was really something to fear.

I wonder now… Maybe Mom is really scary?

What? You mean it? You think Mom could be scary? Noooo, not at all. After all, the people that are scared of her, like Nicklass, Ophelia and Elody are known to be weaklings, right?

You could be, I don’t know, less sarcastic?

No. I can’t. It’s all the irony I built up over 10 years, and I’ve yet to purge it all.

I never should have let you go.

Too bad.

Mom had less to do now. Wounded people were either healed or dead, so she had more time to actually be with us.

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“So, how was yesterday’s training?”

Vivianne’s mouth started distorting but Noa quickly intervened.

“Ophelia started teaching us something new, with Elody’s help, but it didn’t go very well. None of us could do it. But it’s alright, as Ayna’s presence and cuteness heal all!” He said with strength, clowning around and exaggerating his act until everyone was smiling around the table, even Vivianne.

You could see she was so, so grateful to her twin, her smile growing beyond his fooling around and into tender love.

“But I’m sure, today will be better!” Added Crisnée, forcing herself a bit to expose her normally silent cheerfulness, putting a hand on Vi’s shoulder and squeezing softly to make my sister feel she was there for her.

Mom nodded, a bit surprised by the trio’s behaviour, but seeing that everyone was smiling, she just shrugged it.

“So, Crisnée, how are you adapting to living with us?” She asked, changing the subject.

“It’s nice. The manor was… cold. Dad too. I miss Charlotte though.” She answered with her usual, no-nonsense voice, even if a bit of loneliness could be felt when she talked about her home, her dad…

“Maybe we could invite her to dinner then.” Suddenly offered Dad. “And soon. The snow will go away in half-a-month, maybe a month. I won’t have as much time home then, as you know.” He said to the twins.

“You… would do that?” Asked Crisnée.

“Of course. The more, the merrier!” Mom answered. “Maybe I’ll even help your Dad with cooking~~.” She was clearly teasing him.

“Ah. N-no. No thanks, sweetie, I don’t want to put out another fire from the kitchen.” He teased her back, and added. “I always wonder how someone so skilled at alchemy could be soo bad at cooking…”

“Maybe if you let me try a bit more, I would be better.” She pouted, playing into his hand on purpose, and after a second of silence, they kissed deeply.

“So, let’s invite Charlotte to eat some evening!” And with Mom’s exclamation, it was settled.

***

“I… I don’t know. I don’t know what happened.”

***

After Dad’s copious and extensive breakfast, we had bid farewell to Mom and Dad for the day.

Fresh snow made the walk a bit more difficult than usual, but I really enjoyed looking at how the children used their Shi to bulldozer through it.

Crisnée had created a pair of large snowshoes, and was actively using it to train.

When she put a foot down she expanded the surface of the shoe, and when she took it back she shrank it, all to try and walk the easiest way possible.

Vi was doing the same, though her own shoes weren’t as large as Crisnée, because her Silk Shi was much harder to produce. Yet, her mastery was better, and what one had in quantity, the other made it up with quality.

Noa did not even bother doing this, instead choosing to project tiny platforms of Shi on the surface of the snow, compensating the mass the white blanket couldn’t hold with his own power. You could say the Shi platforms were semi-floating? Maybe.

Ophelia, as always, was waiting with us in the lobby of the barrack.

“You feeling better, lass?” She asked Vi, who nodded, a bit unsure, then smiled. I think she remembered her brother’s fooling and Cris’s hand.

“And you two?”

“Yes!” Directly answered Noa, Crisnée nodding energetically beside him.

“Good. Let’s go. Elody is waiting for us.”

“Ah?” Exclaimed Noa.

Ophelia started walking, the trio behind her, me in toll. “She wants to be there when we talk about…” She looked a bit at me, but quickly switched her gaze to Vi. “...yesterday’s event(s?). No harm letting her stay, right? At worst, she can’t help, at best she can.” She shrugged, keeping walking, the soldiers crossing our path quick to stand at attention, back against the walls, to let pass Ophelia and the children she was teaching.

We soon reached one of the large training rooms, where the white-haired Shi master was waiting for us, sitting cross-legged in her usual pristine-white garb, back toward us.

Ophelia stopped dead in her track and, with a mischievous smile, whispered at us.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea. Try to walk as silently as possible, then surprise-hug her, okay?” She winked at us.

Is this really a good idea?

Don’t ask me. I’m no Shi master specialist.

Right.

The three children looked at each other, then turned their heads toward me.

“...Abu?” What?

“Do you think we should do it?” Asked Noa. His smile showed clearly that he at least wanted, even if the two girls were a bit more reserved.

I shrugged and nodded. “Abu.” Why not?

The four of us started walking like ninjas (well, not me, I stayed in Crisnée’s arms), and quite quickly, we surrounded her.

Vi counted to three with her fingers, and we all jumped on Elody.

She did not move but her eyes shot open, completely startled. With three children hugging her from all around, she was totally lost.

A tiny pearl appeared on the side of her left eye, I think I was the only one seeing it, but what was visible to everyone was her budding smile.

Up to recently, she always had stayed stoic, no emotions showing, but since Ophelia started training the children, more and more emotions started appearing on Elody's face.

I don’t know if it was good or bad.

“Okay, okay, it’s enough. You’re scaring her, the poor thing isn’t used to love and cuddling.” Ophelia shooed us and we all quickly sat in front of Elody, Ophelia joining by her colleague’s side.

“Hello children. I take it you’re in a good mood, seeing how lively you are.” Elody was talking with a blank voice, yet her smile did not go away, you could see it lingering around her eyes.

“Yeaaah, more or less?” Vi’s own emotions were a bit scrambled right now, and she was grasping her stump, if not with too much strength.

“Let’s not beat around the bush. Could you tell me what happened yesterday, hunter girl?”

Her naming sense is…

Even worse than yours?

Yes. And it’s something to say.

Indeed.

“I… I don’t know. I don’t know what happened.” She grasped her stump stronger.

“I… was anxious. I needed to succeed? I think. Because…” Tears started blossoming on the edges of her eyes, her six tiny eyes looking a bit everywhere as the two main were gazing at the ground.

“Because… if I can master Shi, I can maybe use it as a hand?” I felt tears budding on my eyes just by feeling the sadness filling her voice.

All of Vi’s eyes suddenly focused on Elody, all expressing the same emotions: loss, pain, sorrow.

“I just… really miss it. My hand…” She looked at Cris and Noa. “Some things, I can’t even do them. And even if Cris and Noa help me all the time, a lot, and they’re with me, it’s not the same. It’s just not the same. Nothing’s the same…” She then looked at the two Shi users, her eyes divided between them.

“I liked school, it was nice playing with my friends. Now they hurt me.” I wanted to float and nestle in her arms, yet I stopped myself, unwilling to interrupt her heartfelt explanation.

“I don’t go outside, because people look at me like I’m bad. Someone said I was a monster, and threw a stone at me.”

She was no longer only talking of her stump, but of her eyes too.

She had finished talking or, should I say, she couldn’t talk any longer, sobs conquering her and making her unable to do anything but cry.

This time I did not hesitate and rushed to her side, nestling my arm against her neck, as I used to do the first few days after her, erhm, operation, all the while rubbing my head at her chest. Noa and Crisnée quickly reacted and, following my lead, they wrapped the sobbing girl in their warm embrace, as if protecting her by creating a cocoon with their own body.