139. Lapse In Judgement

Michael

When Louis talked me down, I traveled to the farm. It was where it all started.

The worst moment of my life was when my better judgment failed me... Looking back on it… I have to say it was a mistake. Even wrong… For my conscience’s sake or something… After Marcus denied her first kiss at the compound… I was a little overzealous at the farm to take that spot.

***

Lots and Lots Of Years Ago

“Juliet… Please. You have to eat… You won’t even have to think about it. Your body will take over.”

Juliet was sitting on the window sill of the library. She had been staring out the window for the longest time. When someone is that far gone. Someone you love and cherish… I had to do something. I sat next to her, and she turned to me. “Michael, is there nothing you can do for me?” She was so desperate.

“You have to get over this.”

There was a lot I suppose I could have done. At that moment, my thoughts darted to the little black leather pouch I had in my room.

“I’ve already called your uncle. He is on his way.”

“My uncle?”

“Your father has a brother. This is his house.”

“Great… My life is going to become worse. Another Liam.”

“Fine.”

Her expression changed. And she seemed hopeful. “I do have something, but it will cost you.”

She was incredulous. “There is no way I’m doing you any sexual favors for… I don’t even know what we are talking about.”

My head fell forward in shame. I had phrased it so wrong and was mucking up the thing I thought would… “We are talking about three days of a drugged-induced coma. Sleep with no dreams. Euphoria. An instant hit of release and a dreaminess… You will fall back and wake up better.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line, trying to stop tears. I put my arm around her. At that point, we had been sleeping together for months, and it was normal. “I’m a little offended that you think I would ask you to do anything like that. But I won’t take it to heart… I didn’t really mean you needed to pay like that.”

Her arms wrapped around me tighter. “Then what do you want?”

I sigh, thinking back. I knew our time was coming to an end. I wanted something. When Samuel was back, it would be over between us.

“I want your first kiss….” I said softly. Eyes on the ground. The words were out before I could stop myself.

She frowned and sat back, regarding me for the longest time. “Why? And who says it would be?”

“I… know where you come from. I… know that kind of thing is….”

“Isn’t allowed….” She scoffed and peered aimlessly out the window. I wondered if she thought about Marcus at that moment. It took her a few minutes. I was already regretting asking. I wanted to take it back and drug her for free. Give her a hit of ecstasy.

“I want to take it back.”

“I’ll do it….”

We spoke at the same time. My mouth closed.

“I was going to kiss someone once… I was going to do it for a lot less….” She said heavily.

The words cut me so deep that I wanted to run right there. She had a severe issue with what happened. Marcus had hurt her to the point where she was suicidal. Not only did he violate her, but… Liam watched and walked away. She didn’t even understand what had happened or that she loved Marcus, even if he was the cause of her pain. Broke her heart. No girl should ever feel that kind of disappointment. I wanted to take it back. I didn’t want to hurt her even more. I tried to speak, and she stared at me. Her eyes were calling my bluff. “If you take it back now. You’ll only be making it worse. Don’t be a coward, please. At least you’re asking. Giving me a choice. Talking to me like I’m a person.”

My shoulders started shaking… She sat forward and turned my face to her. “Why the hell are you crying?”

I stood up and wiped my eyes. “I’m not. F-.”

She snickered with her hand covering her mouth.

“It’s a date. At seven tonight. Brush your teeth.”

She smiled so brightly that I couldn’t help myself… I was going to do it.

I left and took a shower. Got appropriately dressed and brushed my teeth. One moment with a stupid smile on my face and the next judging myself in the mirror. At seven, I forced her to sit at the dining room table. “Give me your hand.”

“What are you doing? You better freaking kiss me! Or I’ll suck you dry, which will be the end of it.”

I stroked her hair and asked for her hand. “I’m going to give you blood… It’s like a human transfusion, right? You don’t have to taste it or even feel it’s wrong. You’re sick, and I’m helping you… Watching out for you….”

She nodded. I strapped her arm and found a vein. She didn’t complain, her eyes on me the whole time…“So this is a dinner date….”

I chuckled. “I’ll eat too. You can sip on some beer or something.” She nodded excitedly.

She waited at the table. I made myself a sandwich and sat next to her.

The blood kicked in so fast… After an hour, she felt so good. We talked and spent time together. We took a walk. She loved the outdoors. I made her laugh, and she made me laugh. Juliet couldn’t sit still, walking around the house. We checked out Samuels’s secret room, which she didn’t even know was there. At that stage, he had removed everything. He didn’t want her to know. The house was Watcher-proof.

When we went in. There were candles and a loveseat. My little black tube was in my pocket. She liked it and circled the room. “I feel so much better. We could really leave it… If I could do a blood transfusion every time… I will just live like that. I sat down on the loveseat, my beer in hand, lighting a cigarette. Juliet asked for one. I gave her mine and lit another. I felt terrible doing it like that, but she would soon see the down it brought. It wasn’t like fresh, warm blood. I counted the minutes off on my watch. I gave her five more… Especially being that young… I asked her to come to sit next to me. She did and watched me with interest. “What are you doing?”

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“I’m sorry honey… I’m making so many mistakes today.”

“What do you mean? Without you, I don’t know what would’ve happened to me.”

“Let’s talk again in three minutes, okay.”

Her face was visibly distorted. Manifesting in and out. The high was gone, and she was plummeting. I pulled her onto my chest, waiting for the worst to be over. She held her stomach and groaned, pulling her knees up. Curling up. When she was human and stable, bloodshot eyes looked up at me.

I lifted her chin with my finger. She sat up. The plummeting was forgotten, replaced with anticipation for what was to come… I took her face in my hand. Her eyes closed. I tilted her head and planted my lips on hers… For the next part, I would also wait a few seconds. Her vampire lust and need would surface. I teased her lips with my tongue, and she opened her mouth. She kissed me back… both getting lost in the moment. I should feel lousy that I did that. I was scared that she would forget about me.

Her hands pulled my head towards her, and she started moaning, and I knew she had crossed over into a lust craze state. I pulled back.

“What the hell was that?” She asked innocently.

I stroked her hair… “That was attraction….” I ran my hand over her cheek… “Lust… and love….” I stabbed her in the neck. She winced, her hand jumping to her neck. “No… I wanted more…” I caught her when she fell. Her eyes were on me. She wasn’t there, but she was happy.

Samuel came back when she woke up from her third day’s sleep. After that, she ate, and everything was back to normal.

***

After I left that day… when they were packing the car… I didn’t look back at her. A guilty person never looked back. And I wanted to kiss her again. Not leave her… And I knew why Marcus didn’t kiss her.

I only saw her in person at the tattoo shop in the years to follow.

***

I remembered one particular time she came. She was getting a tattoo on her hand. I knew it was gonna hurt a little. She didn’t recognize me. I had bulked up and was gymming six hours a day, watching her… I was huge. Had gotten so many tattoos since the farm, covering myself up. Grew a beard and my hair so long that it hung under my shoulders. I wore colored contacts, and I had bought myself a Harley. Started biking. Making friends. Jerry was with her, and I kinda liked him at that point… But the two of them did make James and me leave the van a lot. I couldn’t blame her, though. I started it. I was her first proper kiss. I had given her the first cigarette and beer.

I was using the tattoo parlor as a front. She was the only client I worked on. Other than that, I sat in my office or van and watched her… Enjoyed the days she fell asleep in class.

“It’s funny that the school isn’t saying anything about all your tattoos.” I had on a face mask, just in case. Lied about hiding my face. Told them that I had a bad immune system or something.

“Yeah, I think the principal has a thing for me.” I snorted... Her principal was one of Samuel’s guys. A vamp that got off the compound for some reason and was hiding. If she only knew… She was a bit stupid back then. She glanced over at me but winced as I hit some bone. “I’m sorry. I have a heavy hand. Do you want one of the girls to do it?”

“No, I’m okay.”

I shook my head. She was trying to be strong. When she squirmed again, I held out a packet cigarette to her… “Here, take one to keep yourself busy.”

“You don’t have something… stronger?” My head snapped up. Like she knew who I was. But she wasn’t looking at me, and I knew she was only fishing for drugs.

“You wouldn’t be able to afford it, honey.” When the words left my mouth. I almost got up and ran again. Her head came around, her narrow eyes fixed on me. I tossed the lighter onto her lap and kept working.

Jerry cleared his throat. “I’m a jealous guy, Juliet.” She snickered, giving him the lighter. “And no one is allowed to call you honey….” Jerry held out the lighter to her, and she dragged the cigarette to light.

“I kinda like it….” I smiled behind the mask… “My first kiss was a guy that called me honey.” My smile broadened.

I knew I wasn’t really well in the head. But I had made peace with it… The moment Marcus wanted to kiss her, and she had turned away from him. At that exact moment, actually… I made peace that I would make us end up together. In the long run, it would be the little pieces we had.

Jerry didn’t like it and flopped down on his chair. “Thanks for telling me.”

“Nasty habit…” I couldn’t help myself. Try at least to fix your mistakes, Michael… Every few months, she came for some or another tattoo. A small one, but she was addicted. So, I made sure I was the only place in town. I was so rich that I bought everybody out in all the encompassing cities.

“I don’t really have a choice.”

“What do you mean… You always have a choice.” I said softly.

She dragged the cigarette and put her head back onto the soft black material of the bench, blowing the smoke into the air.

I had a hard time concentrating that day. She had her seventeenth birthday a while back, and she was anything but sweet that night… Everything she did kept playing over in my mind… I saw things that I shouldn’t have. Jerry eyed me skeptically. I stared him down. I knew he would turn eventually… His watcher was just behind me... Glad that he didn’t need to stare at a screen for a while.

James walked over and squeezed my shoulder, sitting next to me. We had become friends. There was really little else we could do. He took the packet from her and pulled her into a conversation, taking the focus off of me… Letting me chat to her without it being weird.

“I have too many daddy issues.” She said at last.

I scoffed at her.

She glanced at me. “What?”

“Every time you come in here, you complain about your dad… I think it’s time you move on… Get over it and forgive him.”

“I’m too young to drink.” James and I shared a knowing glance. She drank like a fish… “You’re like my bartender. Have to listen to my sad story… I’m sorry I’m boring you.” She was squirming again. “Must be those wrinkles on your forehead. What are you? Almost forty… Letting an underage girl get tattoos at your shop... Isn’t it illegal…? If you weren’t the only shop in like two hundred miles, I wouldn’t even come here.”

She was ranting because I brought up Liam. Poor guy. I stopped working and sat back, giving the pen to James. “I can’t finish here. You do it.” He moved in quickly. She wasn’t meeting my gaze.

Before I left out the door, I pulled down the mask and turned… “You’re turning into a real….”

Her head snapped up. “Bitch? Is that what you wanted to say?”

“You always have a choice….” I stood ready to leave.

“I don’t… If it’s not this, then… I might as well go back to where I came from….”

“Your father made one mistake. Before that… You guys were probably really close, and you loved him so much, just like a little girl should… Now you’re the worst cliché I’ve ever met.”

Her eyes were already tearing up. “Your hatred is going to eat you alive, honey!”

She flung her legs off the chair and headed for the front door. James wanted to talk to her. “I know how to take care of a tattoo. Idiot.” When she said it. Her hand sprung to her mouth. Juliet had always respected everyone. The compound and leaving had thrust her into a world she knew nothing about. She turned to him. The tears ran down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

Jerry sat staring at her. His gaze traveled from me to James.

“Get lost, Jerry, before I send you home in a body bag.”

“What about paying?”

James kicked him out the door. “Never mind that. Go after her, idiot.”

The girls in the parlor and the other clients stared at us. We were swamped because I had spent millions… on that one fight. She left, and I never saw her again. I didn’t really need to… We would meet in a year at the embassy in France… For real and permanently.

That night, she dug out the present I gave her… She never had the guts to open it. It was a pink journal with a unicorn on top. She opened it perplexed. On the front pages, I had written her a lot… Small messages and ways to cope.

After she read all of it. She walked over to Liam. He was on his bed watching TV. She stood at the door a long time, watching him. He sat up, and they stared at each other. It had been years of conflict and silence.

“I need self-help books on how to forgive people… Let go of anger and all of that. Getting through… trauma…” her voice broke, and I cried. Liam cried… and she cried. She turned around, but he ran after her, picked her up, and held her. She let it all out that night… But she was in his arms.

For the next few months, Juliet changed… Spent time with Liam. Listened to all he would tell her about the brandings and how it would affect her life… She worked on herself. Journaled. Bought more and read so many books… But… she didn’t stop drinking. She didn’t stop smoking... Or doing drugs… She lost Jerry, and the one thing she wasn’t dealing with was stuck in the desert.