Chapter 31: Pirate's Life

The pirate ship Trafalgar was moored at a small dock at the end of the cavern. The gangplank was down and it looked like there was no one guarding the ship.

More interestingly was the wooden building that hugged the far wall of the cavern. It looked like someone had cut a ship in half, inverted it and recombined it to make a tavern. The front door was cut straight into the keel of the former ship where the figurehead used to reside. The mermaid figurehead was sitting on a pedestel off to the side of the door still standing sentry for the old vessel. The other half of the boat was resting top of its inverted brother and torchlight poured out of the windows cut out of the former deck.

Music and laughter could be heard coming from inside the tavern. A jaunty tune playing on a piano.

A warning was written in blood on a sign hanging from the mermaid’s neck. It read, “Pirate’s Only.”

“Not exactly the fight to the death I was expecting,” Casey admitted, disappointedly.

“Are we pirates?” Riley asked.

“Red seemed to think so, by the end at least,” Heather said.

“Okay, here’s the plan.” Riley said, “If we’re not attacked immediately we’ll try to talk to them. If they are hostile we’ll retreat through the door and use it as a funnel. Scott, use your Spore Breath to cover us. Nermit be ready with shields. Casey, Heather, make sure none of us get caught out. I’ll hold the doorway.”

“What if the door closes behind us?” Casey asked.

“Good point,” Heather said. “In that case we’ll, want to group up. Keep an eye out on anyone falling to their hypnotic attacks.”

“Alright guys, time’s up. Let’s do this.” Scott followed his words with action, pushing open the door without another moment’s hesitation.

“Did he just walk in?” Heather asked, incredulous.

“Oh Bob, stick to the plan,” Riley said, following Scott inside. As soon as they entered the music and chatter cut out.

Along the far wall was a full stocked bar with large kegs lining the wall. Dirty glasses full of a brown liquid was kept in its own section in front of the kegs.

Circular tables were scattered around the room which uses barrels as a base with a scattered assortment of scavenged items for table tops. A ship’s wheel was use in one case, the drinks on it tiled awkwardly as they were almost falling through the table itself.

Around the room were two dozen vampirates. They had pale white skin, blood red eyes, and an eclectic mix of pirate paraphernalia. Some were wearing bandanas, other’s were wearing obviously fake beards — the strings showing where the beards were tied on — and others had wooden planks tied to one of their legs. A stuffed parrot sat on the shoulder of the captain of the vampirate crew.

He was the only one wearing a tricorne had and had a captains jacket matching Scott’s that billowed majestically as if the opening of the door had let in a breeze.

Riley tensed as he prepared for the possibility of violence. He inspected the captain while the two parties sized each other up.

Dirty Jack, Captain of the Vampirate Crew (Boss) - Level 40

“Welcome ye scallywags to me Salty Sea Dog,” Dirty Jack announced. “I’m Captain Dirty Jack, which one of ye ingrates is the cap’n?” Dirty Jack approached their group in a casual stroll. It didn’t look like things were going to dissolve into violence immediately, but Riley didn’t let down his guard. Despite their casual appearance the vampirates all had hands on their weapons, ready to draw them at a moment’s notice. A fact which didn’t go unnoticed by Riley’s friends.

“Ah, it must be the big fella with the handsome jacket and the fearsome eye patch,” Dirty Jack approached Scott, sizing him up.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

Scott didn’t hesitate, “Aye, that’d be me, the dread Captain Scott, yarr.” Heather’s face looked like she had eaten a lemon, but she kept quiet.

“Arr,” Dirty Jack returned. “Red Tongue said ye would be strong enough to challenge our crew. So what will it be, a fight? Or shall we parlay?” The tension in the room grew as everyone was prepared for the other side to make the first move.

“We’d like to parlay Captain Jack,” Heather said.

“Do ye let your crew natter fer ye?” Dirty Jack asked Scott, raising an eyebrow.

“Nay,” Scott said. He turned to Heather and whispered, “don’t worry, I got this.” Riley didn’t feel any less worried and judging by the looks on Casey’s and Heather’s faces they also weren’t feeling very reassured either.

“We’ll parlay,” Scott said. The tension in the room dropped as the vampirates all let go of their weapons and went back to their drinks. The music started up soon after and the conversations quickly followed after.

You have entered Parlay with the Vampirate Crew. You may not attack or be attacked any member of the Vampirate crew while Parlay is underway.

Riley dismissed the system message, lowering his guard a little bit. He didn’t fully trust the message — the mimics had shown system messages weren’t entirely foolproof — but the rest of the vampirate crew were acting as if they were now safe from attack.

“Ye’ll be wanting to complete yer quest, I reckon,” Dirty Jack opened the conversation.

Scott nodded in response returning a quick, “aye.”

“There’s four ways this can go.” Captain Jack put up four fingers, counting them down as he listed off the choices. “The first, you can flee like the pox-faced craven ye arr. The second, we fight crew to crew, and you die like the bilge rats ye be. Three, we fight, cap’n to cap’n.” Dirty Jack’s smile was vicious, as if the fight was already a foregone conclusion. “Or four, we settle this the pirate way.”

“Option four,” Scott said with all the confidence in the world.

“Bro,” Casey warned in a hissed whisper.

“Wonderful,” Dirty Jack’s predatory smile grew wider. “Usual terms then?” he asked.

“Aye,” Scott said, nodding along as if this was all perfectly normal.

Parlay complete! The terms of the engagement has been set. The protection against violence will continue as appropriate to the nature of the contest.

“Bro,” Casey hissed again. “What did you just agree to?”

Scott’s eyes moved back and forth as he read the system message. “Now obviously I know the answer already. But just for my crew’s sake, what is the pirate way?”

“That would be a classic Pirate Games Day of course,” Dirty Jack said.

“Of course, but for my crew’s sake, what exactly is that?”

“Our crews will compete in a series o’ challenges t’ see which crew arr the better pirates.”

“Great, no surprises there. And the standard terms?” Scott asked.

“Well if ye win ye clear your quest, of course.”

“Naturally, and if we lose?”

“You walk the plank,” Dirty Jack said. “And join the rest of the crews we’ve defeated in defending our tavern.”

“Oh great,” Riley said, under his breath.

“Bro,” Nermit said.

Scott rolled his eyes at everyone, “What? We just have to win.” He shrugged. “You guys are acting like we wouldn’t have agreed to option 4 anyways. I just sped things up a little. We need to clear the quest anyways, right?”

“I mean, do we even need to clear the quest? We don’t even know what we’ll get for doing that,” Heather said.

“Eh, too late now.” Scott said, smiling. “Don’t worry guys, it’ll all work out. It always does.”

“Yeah, because I make it work out,” Casey replied. Scott just waved her comment off.

Nermit elbowed Riley in the ribs, getting his attention and pointing towards the top of the piano. Sitting on top, watching the piano keys play themselves, was a familiar furred creature.

“Is that Dr. Funk?” Riley asked the group. “How are they here? Didn’t we leave them up at the oasis?”

Dirty Jack followed where Riley was pointing. “Oh, little Polly? We love Polly here. “He’s a regular customer at the Salty Sea Dog. Great at killing the rats too, almost a little too great if you know what I mean.” Dirty Jack winked at them with his statement and then mimed biting into a rat to suck out its blood.

“What?” Riley asked.

“Nevermind the cat,” Dirty Jack said. “Let’s play our first game!” Cheers went up around the tavern and the vampirates sprang into motion, clearing the center of the room of all the tables and stools, pulling them to the walls.

A single table was left in the center of the room and a dirty bottle of the brown liquid was brought out along with two shot glasses.

“We’ll start simple. An essential skill all pirates must have. Can ye handle yer rum?”

The vampirates around the room cheered. They stomped their feet in excitement and raised their mugs of grog cheersing each other and dowing their own drinks in preparation.

“Who wants the chance to show these weak-kneed dogs what for?”

The vampirates all jumped at the opportunity and Captain Dirty Jack picked one out of the crowd. He was one of the ones with a fake beard on his face, an eye patch covering one eye, and was wearing a white and red striped shirt.

“Gil the Guzzler has it!” Dirty Jack announced. His crew cheered for him. “And for our challengers?” Dirty Jack passed the buck to Scott.

After a moment’s consideration Scott sent Nermit up for them. Nermit cracking his neck twice and approached the table. He gave the vampirate opposite him the stink eye as he sized him up. Without further fanfare Nermit grabbed the class of rum in front of him and downed the whole thing. Gill the Guzzler followed suit to the cheers of his crew.

Another shot was poured, and the game began in earnest.