Malio and Femalio stood in the midst of the Jerdian army beside the court wizard.

“Are you ready?” the wizard asked.

“Sure, you could say we are. So what are we even doing?”

“We will be forming a magic shield to protect the army as we pass through.”

“Sounds cool. How many soldiers even are there?”

“Should be a couple thousand.”

“Ok yeah, that’s great.” femalio said, already losing interest. “So I just need to imagine a big shield?”

“Don’t overdo it, though.”

“Yeah, yeah.” both Femalio and Malio imagined the creation of an identical shield, then unleashed their magic. A large dome of glowing, transparent magic surrounded the warband. “Let’s get to it.” You just did magic for the first time, and that’s your reaction? “Well, it isn’t! We did this sort of thing in our sleep before you threw us down here!”

Hmph, be that way.

The army then walked through the storm, protected by the twin’s shield. About half a day later, they arrived at a river, where a fort with a drawn bridge was under siege. A makeshift bridge of stone led across the river, where the enemy’s troops funneled from, surrounding the fort, trying to starve its residents of supplies. They carried the phoenix banners of Pyroclades.

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

“Ok great, so can I summon fifteen small meteors from the sky to wreck them?” Femalio asked.

“Well, yes, you could.”

“Great, then I’ll just do that and spare you all the effort of flanking. Malio?” Don’t you dare. “Oh? What’s that? Someone isn’t happy we’re efficient?” there’s a plan, you imbecile. “A plan, huh? Malio, what do you think of plans?”

He shrugged. “Boooring. Let’s cast the ninth-level spell on their faces!”

They thought as one, then summoned a swarm of fucking meteors on the enemy army. Yeah, no.

“Whabaguddagacocah!” an enemy mage appears directly next to them, having teleported in.

My two subordinate ‘heros’ are surprised and accidentally create the giant meteor from Pokemon Mystery Dungeon atop the whole goddam fort’s head, then faint of exhaustion. The entire army, including the enemy mage, watches in horror as a meteor falls atop their comrades and enemies, killing every last one of them in a massive explosion. Are you happy now, dunces!?

What a mess.

Ok, stagia, cut after my next line. We’re ending early today.

“A-ok”

Well, come back next week when our protagonists...I dunno, face the law or something. Maybe I’ll just scrap this dumb goddamn idea and find something with some actual potential. Yeah, I can do that, right? Come back tomorrow for more of my excellent content!