Allura had found a number of excuses to walk past Shiro’s room several times, but she still hadn’t found the courage to knock on his door and check up on him. After waking up, they had carefully explained things to him, but it was a lot to take in. He took it well, but Allura could sense in him something that he always tried not to show in front of the others; he was overwhelmed. She knew the feeling all too well and he had every right to be so. After they brought him up to speed, Allura insisted he rest, but knowing Shiro, he would push himself to put on a smile and carry on as if nothing was wrong.
Finally stopping in front of his door, Allura knocked on his door. If he didn’t answer, she’d take that as a good sign that he had fallen asleep. She held her breath and waited for a response.
“Yeah?” Shiro called quietly from the other side of the door. He sounded exhausted. Allura’s heart beat ferociously against her chest. Shiro was back and safe; she still couldn’t process everything that had happened that day.
“... It’s Allura,” She said hesitantly. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.”
“Oh, Princess,” he said, now sounding surprised. “Come in.”
Allura opened the door and found Shiro sitting at the edge of his bed. The bed was still neat and made, appearing as though he hadn’t laid down despite being in his room for a while. He looked up at her and gave her a weak smile.
“I thought you would have fallen asleep by now,” she said and approached him slowly. His room was dim and shadows covered his face, obscuring his tired expression. He stood as she neared the bed. “How are you feeling?”
Shiro looked down, reluctant to speak. Allura had never seen him so torn before; in front of the everyone else, he put on a brave face, but not now. Allura wanted to comfort him, but they had never physically been close and she didn’t know if she would be pushing her boundaries.
“You don’t need to be alright. No one expects you to be right now,” she whispered, trying to find the right words. Shiro’s eyes softened.
“I just don’t know how to come back from this,” he said. “I’ve missed so much, how do I-” he glanced away from Allura. “... How do I just pick up where I left off? After you woke up, how did you adjust?”
Allura let out a small, bitter laugh. She was still adjusting, if she had to be honest. While she loved exploring new places and helping people, Allura was still overcoming the grief that came with losing her family and planet. She knew that it would never truly go away, and she hated having to face that truth. That was a similar truth that Shiro would have to come to accept. “Honestly,” she said, finding her voice. “You’ll never be the same person you were before you disappeared, and that is perfectly alright, but someday you’ll realize that you’re happy with your life as it is now… I apologize if that’s not what you were wanting to hear-”
“No,” Shiro gave her a warm smile that comforted her, even though she felt like that was her job to be comforting at the moment. “You would understand more than anyone, so thanks for your honesty… are you… happy with your life as it is now?”
“I-” Allura’s eyes grew large as she thought over his words. She had never really asked herself that, which seemed hypocritical to her now. There were definitely things that she loved about her life, but she still needed more. She was still chasing down a piece of happiness that alluded her, and she wasn’t quite sure what that was yet. “I’m not quite sure yet,” she said quietly, glancing down at her feet. “I feel as though I have found a new family, but it’s still difficult… I still miss my home.” She shook her head. “Sorry, I don’t want to make this about me. I wanted to see how you were doing.”
“... I think it’s gonna be awhile until I can answer the question I asked you,” Shiro said. He said it lightly, but his eyes held back his worry. “I guess one of the biggest things I’m worried about is finding my place again after so long. Everyone has grown so much, and I… haven’t.”
“You’re not going to adjust seamlessly back into your former life all at once, but what if you just took your time getting familiar with everyone again?” Allura asked. She knew that the paladins would love to spend time with Shiro; herself especially.
“What do you mean?”
“Spend some quality time with each of the paladins… when you’re feeling up to it, of course. You’ve been gone some time and it would be nice to reconnect with them.”
Shiro laughed softly. “That’s a good idea. I need to make up for lost time.”
Allura nodded, wanting to stay with him longer, but knowing she needed to go. “Well… we’re meeting with some Eioans and the Blade to explain everything that happened today. Try and get some rest?”
“I should go too, to explain myself and meet everyone,” Shiro said, stepping forward, but Allura held out a hand and stopped him. Shiro looked down at her, surprised, but he didn’t fight it or move away. Allura’s hand lingered just above his chest and she caught herself from laying it down. Her fingers trembled as she lowered her hand and she clenched her fist to maintain her composure.
“You still have plenty of time for that… what’s important now is that you recuperate.”
Shiro’s posture relaxed with relief. He looked at Allura gratefully, which she hated, because it only made her want to stay with him more. This was such a soft side to him that he rarely, if ever, showed and Allura loved it. She felt supported and comfortably vulnerable when she was with him, something about him was familiar to her; an old familiarity that she felt once, long ago and had let slip from her memories. Perhaps he was that piece of happiness that she was missing.
“Thank you-” Shiro said, pulling her away from her thoughts. “For coming to check up on me.”
Allura smiled at him, though she felt flustered. “Shall I come back later to update you on anything important?”
He hesitated, but then gave her a small smile. “I’d like that.”
******
Horm had immediately taken a great interest in Shiro’s clone, already inspecting him as he lay on an operating table in a large room in the Kafa. A soft glow of Quintessence emanated from the table, keeping the body from decomposing while in Horm and Chalna’s care. Allura couldn’t stand to look at the body; the shell of a man that she trusted and respected was a mere puppet of Zarkon’s. They had all been played for fools.
“We’ll see what we can learn from this,” Chalna said, looking down at the clone. She and Horm took the news better than President Drundlo and Wunrik after the paladins explained everything. Drundlo refused to let Lotor into the room, a decision heartily supported by Zalko and Kolivan. Understandably upset, Drundlo lost any remaining shred of trust that he had with Lotor, despite Lotor insisting that he had no idea that Zarkon had done anything to Shiro.If the Galra were able to create a clone that they could use to separate Voltron, there was no telling what else they knew. Eioa was starting to feel the pressure of the Galra closing in on them.
Now that the clone had been triggered and killed, the biggest worry now was that the planet wasn’t as safe as they initially thought. Allura feared that their welcome was wearing thin in Olorin, and she couldn’t blame Drundlo for being apprehensive about them staying much longer. Most of the other districts had agreed to meet with Drundlo, but they couldn’t wait forever for the rest of the district leaders to respond. They didn’t have that kind of time anymore.
Drundlo stood and neared the table, looking at the clone with disgust. “We meet with the other districts in three days time, regardless of the response from the remaining leaders. My wife, Zati, is returning from District Bezirk with their president. Bezirk has been the district that has taken the longest to accept the Galra into our society, so I don’t want to waste this opportunity of President Rashnek coming to Olorin to meet you. Princess, I would like Coran and Shiro to attend with you. I hope he’s feeling better by then.”
“We’ll be ready,” Allura said firmly and Drundlo nodded at her.
“Good. Then in the meantime, we will continue to fortify the Kafa and prepare for an attack from the Galra. His hard expression softened slightly. “Thanks to you paladins, we don’t have to worry about repairing any new damages from the Hauhet.”
“Just doin’ our job,” Hunk beamed.
“Let me know if there’s anything we can do to help Shiro recover.”
“Thank you,” Allura said. Drundlo gave her a smile, but his eyes still shone with fury over their current predicament. Wunrik and Zalko accompanied him out room, leaving the others in a moment of tense silence.
Jinx finally spoke up hesitantly. “So how is Shiro?”
“He just needs some rest,” Allura said with uncertainty. She couldn’t speak for how he was doing emotionally, but physically he just seemed fatigued.
“He’s been through worse before,” Lance said. He sat next to Viltri who was eyeing the clone, her brows furrowed with concern.
“He just feels a bit… alone at the moment. This is quite an adjustment for him.”
“Can’t blame the guy,” Rixel piped up. “Imagine if you woke up after months and couldn’t remember anything… and this isn’t the first time it’s happened.”
“Plus, Shiro doesn’t even know half of us,” Junx said with a shrug. “He’s starting over at Eioa. It’s gotta be overwhelming.”
“Does he… blame himself for hurting Jira?” Viltri asked abruptly, still looking at the clone’s body, and Allura and Chalna shared a worried looked. Jira had managed to stay alert long enough for them to explain to Shiro what had happened to him, but she nearly passed out from the pain once her adrenaline had faded. Coran took her to a healing pod soon after the paladins got back, and they explained to Shiro that what the clone had done, but it was clear he still held guilt over it.
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“Jira will be fine,” Chalna said. “And she doesn’t blame Shiro over what happened. None of this was his fault.”
“Then what about Keith?” Viltri asked, not afraid to bring up the sensitive topic. Keith hadn’t shown up to the meeting and he refused to go into a healing pod even though Coran suspected that he had a few broken ribs among other, minor injuries. If Allura had to guess, he was probably off alone somewhere and hurting, though this time it was more than just him being in one of his moods. He had killed the clone, thinking it was someone as close to him as family. She couldn’t begin to imagine what Keith was feeling right now.
“Keith will need some time too,” Allura said quietly. “... This has been quite a day for everyone.”
“What can we do to help?” Horm said, looking up from the clone’s body, and showing genuine concern. It wasn’t often that he was so calm, but Allura was grateful for him. She was grateful for everyone in that room.
“We need to make sure that we help Shiro adjust here and that Keith doesn’t feel isolated,” Coran said with a smile. “I know it may seem odd because you have gotten to know a different Shiro, but you’ll like this one too.”
Jinx perked up. “Well I look forward to meeting him… again?”
“Shiro is awesome,” Hunk said, bringing a much needed lightheartedness to the conversation. “He’s more than just a leader, he’s like a cool older brother that you actually want to spend time with.”
Pidge suddenly stood up and headed towards the door. “I gotta tell Matt everything that happened!” She sprinted out the door excitedly.
The atmosphere in the room was now more relaxed, thankfully, but worry still ate at the back of Allura’s mind. While the others had caught up in their own conversations, Chalna approached Allura quietly.
“If Shiro wants, we can see what we can do to help recover any memories.”
“I can ask him… and I know this may sound odd, but I’m glad that we used the Quintessence on the clone… if we hadn’t, I don’t know when or if we would have gotten Shiro back.”
Chalna laid a comforting hand on Allura’s arm. Though she had come to find that not every Galra was cruel and cold, it still surprised Allura that Chalna could be so motherly. She hadn’t felt that kind of comfort since her own mother passed away.
“I’m very grateful for everything you’ve done,” Allura said. There were still many uncertainties that they would be facing, but Allura was glad that they came to Eioa. She knew that in the days to come, the paladins and Eioans would need to rely on each other even more than they were now.
***********
The Blue Lion had always been a great listener for Lance, and after everything that had happened today, he needed someone talk to. Although he was no longer Blue’s paladin, he still enjoyed sitting in front of her, legs stretched out and leaning back on his hands, talking to a trusted friend.
“Things have been… weird,” Lance said, looking up at Blue. “Well, you were there for most of it, so you get it, but it’s a lot to wrap my head around. Not gonna lie, sometimes I just wish things would be a little less crazy, you know? I’m glad Shiro’s back, though. I feel bad for him… This is gonna be kinda weird for awhile, but I guess I should just be grateful that everyone is safe right now.” Lance sighed. “Do you ever just wish that you didn’t have to worry about things so much? Well probably not, considering you’re a giant…. Metal lion, but you get what I mean. Since being here, there’s just a few things that I’m not quite sure how to handle... I just wish that I knew what to do-”
Footsteps echoed behind Lance and he clamped up, turning his head to see who had interrupted him. Viltri, uncharastically timid, approached him and smiled.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” She said. “I just noticed you disappear after we were done talking at the Kafa, but I can go if you want to be alone.”
“No, you’re fine,” Lance said, his heart pounding fast as she came closer. It was nice to have some alone time with Blue, but he wanted to see Viltri too. After how patient she had been with him, she had certainly earned the right to disrupt his quiet time. She sat down close to him, her bare shoulder brushing his arm. When she wasn’t wearing her white Elite suite, she was usually dressed casually and in loose tank tops and shorts and always looked effortlessly confident.
“You’ve had a busy day. How are you holdin’ up?” She asked.
“I'm okay. I uh…” Lance found himself hesitant to speak. He had been wanting to talk to Viltri, but he hadn't really thought about what to say. There was so much he wanted her to know but he found it hard to express his feelings. Viltri’s dark eyes bore into him, urging him to continue; he cleared his throat before trusting himself to speak again.
“I wanted to thank you,” he said quietly and Viltri have him a confused look but she said nothing. Lance took it as his que to continue. “When dealing with the Hauhet, I remembered what you said about the Zeloo and how they attacked when they felt threatened? I thought that maybe the Hauhet was attacking the same way because it thought the lions were threatening the Quintessence.”
“Oh, so that’s why you did that,” She grinned. “I saw you lay yourself down in front of the Hauhet from the Kafa. But that was all you, not me.”
“Yeah, but if I hadn’t remembered what you told me-”
“Your idea is what stopped the Hauhet. Good job, Red Paladin.”
Lance looked to her hand resting beside his and in a brief moment of courage or stupidity, he couldn’t tell, he reached over and brushed his fingertips across her knuckles. Viltri looked more pleased than surprised and took his hand, weaving their fingers together. She laid her head on his shoulder and Lance took in a shaky breath.
“That wasn’t the only thing I wanted to talk to you about,” Lance said, feeling his face burn.
“Hmm?”
“It’s… It’s about the other night, when we were talking about uh, me being insecure.” Viltri raised her head and looked at him, which only made Lance more nervous to continue. “I’m not… or I guess I should say…”
“You’ve changed a lot since becoming a paladin?” Viltri offered.
“Well I guess you could put it that way… When Shiro got back, I mean the not real Shiro, I had a hard time knowing where I fit in. Allura was doing great with Blue and Keith didn’t want to pilot the Black Lion. Keith left soon after for the Blade, but a part of me wonders what would have happened if he hadn’t left… it took me awhile to find my place with Red… and the team.”
“And now?” Viltri asked.
Lance smiled weakly. “I had to step up when I became the Red Paladin, but I’m learning more about myself and what I bring to Voltron.”
“Sounds like you’re growing up,” Viltri said, resting her head back on his shoulder. Lance leaned his head down, taking in the sweet scent of her hair, and enjoying the peaceful silence between them. He knew he had to tell her how he felt; now was the best time for that, but he still had his hesitations. Lance still clung to his feelings for Allura, but he could feel himself falling for Viltri, but he still wasn’t sure if those feelings were completely genuine. Regardless, he needed to tell her. Lance pulled their hands and rested them on his lap. He took a deep breath, trying to find his voice.
“There was one more thing,” he said in a hushed tone. Viltri lifted her head again, her face just inches from his and he briefly forgot what he wanted to say. Viltri looked at him patiently with a hint of a smirk. “I uh…” He tried to find his words, but only felt more lost the longer he looked at her.
“I sure hope it’s important,” Viltri whispered, moving closer to him, her eyes moving down to his lips. She stopped just shy of the kiss; testing him. With his free hand, he held her face and committed to the act. This time he was determined to follow through, and he closed the small gap between them. Viltri let out an amused sigh as their lips pressed together. Lance pulled away, embarrassed that she seemed humored by his kiss, but Viltri took his face with both hands and kissed him back; this one stronger and deeper. Lance relaxed and searched for a place to rest his hands, settling on wrapping his arms around her waist.
He pulled her closer to him, trying to find any excuse to bring their bodies together. Viltri responded eagerly by leaning into him and folding her legs underneath her into a kneeling position. Lance’s hands ran from her waist, down to her bare thighs at the hem of her shorts and he explored the soft skin of her legs. He wanted more from Viltri, finally giving into the strong attraction that he had been feeling towards her, ignoring the guilt that he didn’t tell her what he needed to. Viltri pressed into Lance and he leaned back, pulling her onto his lap.
Their breathing became heavier between their kisses and Lance found himself easily surrendering to the gentle yet knowing touch of Viltri’s hands. She brushed her fingers through his hair and down his neck before wrapping her arms around him. She broke their kiss, catching her breath and resting her forehead against his.
“So I’m guessing whatever you needed to tell me wasn’t all that important?” She asked while laying soft kisses along his jawline and running her hands down his chest. Lance bit his lip in an attempt to suppress a moan. He needed to tell her, but his mind was clouded and he didn’t want to pull himself away from the moment.
“Well, I-” he said feebly. Viltri found her way back to his lips and pulled him into another deep kiss.
“I...” he tried again breathlessly. Viltri looked at him triumphantly, her dark eyes shining. He fought the urge to kiss her again. But she was so close, and to be with her excited him… Lance closed his eyes and bent his head down. “... It is important,” he said quietly. “... I really like you-”
“But you still have feelings for Allura,” Viltri finished. Lance looked up to try and read her expression. She didn’t seem surprised, or angry even, which made Lance feel worse somehow. Of course she knew. Viltri had been able to see through him since they first met. Lance dropped his hands from her thighs, deeming himself undeserving to touch her.
“I want to be sure that my feelings for you are genuine, not just there because you’re giving me what Allura won’t…” Lance’s face burned with embarrassment as he said it, but it was the truth and the truth pained him.
Viltri laughed. “That’s true, I don’t want to hang around just because you’re lonely.” Lance dropped his gaze, too ashamed to look at her. “Lance, I’ve shown interest in you from the beginning, so you know what my intentions are,” Viltri continued, her tone a bit firmer. Lance timidly looked at her. “You’re not going to be in Olorin forever, and neither am I. I know what I want, but I can’t wait forever for you to decide what you want.”
“No, you’re right,” Lance said miserably. “... I shouldn’t have kissed you, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I kissed you, knowing you weren’t fully committed. It was fun and now I know you’re a good kisser,” Viltri shrugged and smirked at him. She leaned down and gently kissed him. Her lips lingered against his after breaking the kiss. “Once you’ve figured things out with Allura, let me know,” she whispered. “Until then, I don’t think it’s a good idea we spend a lot of alone time together.” She chuckled and pulled herself off of him. Lance watched as she walked away, leaving him alone with the Blue Lion once again.
Lance sighed and laid back on the floor. “Sorry you had to see that, Blue…. Quiznak… I’m such an idiot.”