Novels2Search
The Wandering Calamity
Chapter 102: Uh Oh, Pain Train Incoming...

Chapter 102: Uh Oh, Pain Train Incoming...

Enyo, Appa, Allie, and Bellona returned from their outing, merrily chatting as they entered the living room and dumped a pile of bags out of their spatial rings and onto the sofa. Ares poked his head into the room from the kitchen and thanked God he hadn't gone as well. Even if spatial rings existed, for some strange reason he had a sinking feeling he would've ended up having to carry everything. That was simply the fate of men worldwide. A bag or two wouldn't have been a problem but there were enough here to cause a landslide, one that he would have been buried underneath no doubt. "Seems like you've all been having a fun time. Welcome back. Also, happy birthday Bellona! I'm am very pleased to tell you your present is ready for you whenever your ready for it!"

Bellona twitched... She was tempted to accept it now... But she wanted to eat first. She had no idea what manner of tomfoolery was in store for her so she wanted to get the good stuff today over and done with before she dealt with Ares' stupidity. It wouldn't actually end up mattering, but it was certainly a smart decision given the circumstances. "I'll wait 'till later..."

"Ah, ok. By the way, what did you all even buy? there's a lot of stuff here and I didn't have any of you pegged as shopaholics."

While picking up all the bags that belonged to her specifically, which was roughly a third of those present, Enyo responded. "Clothes. Most of its casual, but we also got our party-wear for the international ready and sorted..." She licked her lips as she looked Ares up and down. "... Do you want to see them? I'll let you see if you show me your clothes!"

Ares disappeared into the kitchen and didn't bother denying her request. Even trying to argue along at Enyo's pace was detrimental to Ares' sanity. He would be here forever if he tried to say 'no' because she would undoubtedly keep pestering him until the end of time. Negotiations, bargaining, pleading, blackmail, there was no telling what lengths Enyo would go to if he entertained her desires. It was bad enough he was going to have to sleep in the same room as her. Or rather, he wasn't going to be getting any sleep tonight whatsoever anyway. She was going to offer all kinds of 'services' to get him to spill the beans, give in, and show off his fit. Maintaining his will against Enyo was a daunting task if ever there was one, but he believed it would be worth it.

ACK

Ares almost dropped the knife he was holding when he saw Enyo's head peeking around the corner and eyeing him up with a narrow stare. He threw a potato wedge at her, which she deftly caught with her teeth, and she left satisfied for now. Allie and Bellona also poked their heads around the corner after witnessing Enyo's spoils so Ares obliged with them too, but he drew the line when Aejaz wanted some and instead threw a pan at his face. Aejaz felt wronged... And doubly so when Appa was given a Snappa... And triply so when even Leo was given a wedge... He was so indignant he even resorted to stealing one, at which point a round of 'run away from the psychotic murderer Ares like it was some kind of horror game' was played. In the end, Ares found Aejaz hiding in a closet and very thoroughly taught him a lesson that only big brothers were qualified to teach. He then shoved him back inside the closet and left him there as he returned to his cooking. While he'd been gone, everyone had snuck in and stolen more food, but they weren't Aejaz so it was acceptable. Allie went to go free Aejaz and cook up a pill to heal him as Ares started serving food.

Nothing of note happened during dinner other than Appa discovering a love for milkshake Snappas, so it all went well. Bellona in particular was like a hamburger hoover. Ares had just cooked a bunch of ingredients and left them in front of everyone in a sort-of create your own style set up. He could have asked everyone individually like with the pizzas, but this was equally acceptable. It was Bellona's birthday so, even she said he could choose, he felt it was better for her to pick. She ended up trying many different types of burgers so Ares patted himself on the back for making the right choice. Regarding the milkshakes, he just made multiple vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate ones for today and that did the job as everyone had whichever took their fancy. Maybe one day Ares would make some personalised milkshakes for everyone, just like the pizzas, but that didn't need to happen today as this was enough. The meal was enjoyed by all and everyone chatted amongst themselves as they ate until they were done. Everyone hung out in the living room for a while as Ares washed up in the kitchen and time passed until it got a little late; at which point people started leaving and saying goodnight. Appa and Leo were playing tag in the back garden before bed; it tired them out so they would inevitably conk out the second they came back inside. Allie and Aejaz had already gone back to their room, leaving Ares, Enyo, and Bellona alone in the living room.

Enyo nudged Bellona and nodded to Ares. Bellona turned to face him and immediately tried to dart out of the room and top speed. Leaving the room wasn't even her end goal, she wanted to escape the damn sect if she could! Getting as far away from Ares as possible was the only thing on her mind because the devilish smirk he was wearing oozed trouble. It could only mean one thing... He was going to give her a present... She almost made it... She was so very close. She could feel the cooler air in the corridor and the smell of fresh grass that had wafted in through the open door to the garden. She could even faintly hear the giggling of Appa and Leo from outside. She could taste freedom, and she was this close to savouring it... Alas...

THUD

"EEEP!" A hand blocked Bellona's path and a body leant over her as she yelped in a cute voice that tickled Enyo's ears.

Enyo had never heard her sister make such an adorable noise before as she really wasn't the type too. Inwardly, Enyo praised Ares for digging deep into Bellona's core and yanking that noise out of her. As for how he'd done it, exactly, he'd performed a kabedon of all things. He was hovering above her as she scrunched up like a scared kitten. Again, this was new territory for Enyo. Bellona was usually just as steadfast as she was, albeit in a different manner but it was true! Enyo had a kind of prideful stoicism, whereas Bellona had very 'me against the world' type of boisterous stoicism. To watch it crumble tingled Enyo's brain and she wished she had popcorn for whatever it was Ares was doing right now.

"Bellona, I'm not letting you run from me." Suave, smooth, deep, and clear; that was the voice Ares chose to bully Bellona with.

"W... What do you want?..." Timid, shaky, quiet, and bashful; that was the manner in which Bellona mustered her mumbles

"I want you to be a good birthday girl and accept my present." Ares had to ignore Enyo practically wetting herself off to the side. Bellona gulped as she looked away, but a hand with thick fingers cupped her chin and brought her face back in front of Ares'. He guided her to look him in the eyes as he leant in closer and whispered. "For your birthday, I'm going to give you exactly what you want..." Ares breathed softly as he inched closer. "... Me."

Bellona nearly fainted on the spot and Ares paused for a second, directly in front of her...

"I..." Bellona stuttered as Enyo watched on with wide eyes, but Ares had other plans compared to what the two sisters were expecting.

"So here ya go!" He jumped back and brought out a large, cylindrical shaped object.

""HUH?""

Ares rolled around on the floor laughing as the two sister's brains played catch up. Oh what a good day today was! He'd originally only planned on getting Bellona's reaction, but he got a two-for-one special! His efforts had truly, truly been rewarded big time. And the best part was that he was fulfilling his promise! Sure the wording implied one thing, and he was definitely still giving himself away for his present, just not in the way the two sister's were edging themselves over!

It took Enyo and Bellona a few seconds to fully take in and understand the gift but, when they did, there were two stares of pure, unfiltered hatred directed at Ares. Enyo's didn't last quite as long as she went back to staring at the present and secretly wishing she had one as well. Actually, Enyo was going to demand Bellona share it because it was seriously too good to let her keep it to herself. As for Bellona, although she wanted to turn Ares brains, if he even had any, to smoosh, she too had calmed down... On the surface, anyway, her heart was still beating away far faster than it normally should. Also, although she was never going to be able to admit it... She really liked this gift too.

"TA DA! It's me, but portable!" Ares used both his hands to present his gift; a body pillow with a picture of himself on it! The front was Ares with his hand draped over his brooding face with his shirt slightly lifted and some of his pecs exposed. His shorts were pulled down slightly at the waist and his pelvic region, but not his junk, was just barely visible. On the flip side, Ares was lying on his stomach and peering over his shoulder with a sharp gaze. He was completely shirtless and one leg was bent up, putting the sole of his bare foot right in the centre of the pillow. For such a sleazy gift, it was actually really well made. The fabric was soft but firm and the detail of the picture was seriously top notch. From far enough away, you could easily confuse the real Ares with the fake pillow if you weren't paying too much attention. That wasn't all, though, Ares had really gone above and beyond with this stupid thing... "And it gets better! I put some runes on it too, look!" Ares placed his palm on his false brethren's chest and the pillow became visibly tinged with red. "If you stroke me, I get warmer! If it's ever cold, you can hold on to me tightly and I'll keep you nice and steamy! But that's still not all! There's even a rune to make me colder in hot weather!" Ares pointed at the pillow Ares' crotch and grinned maliciously. "I'll let you figure out where that one is in your own time!" Genius! If she wanted to play with his pretend junk, she would only wind up making herself colder! And then she would have to stroke his chest and hug the pillow tighter! It was a perfect loop he'd engineered! There was also a completely irrelevant rune that would light up his eyes with a golden light in a way that was reminiscent of Omniscience if he was poked on the nose, kinda like a really lame action figure, but he didn't mention that because he was too busy toying with Bellona right now.

Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.

Speaking of Bellona, she and Enyo were utterly dumbfounded by the perverse-yet-oddly-fanciable gift. Enyo didn't need explaining, this woman would kill for Ares merchandise. Even Bellona wasn't completely off the chopping block. Ares could have sworn he saw Enyo drooling at one point, although he had no idea why as she had the real thing of she wanted it... then again, Ares wouldn't exactly be any different if he was offered an Enyo body pillow, so who was he to judge? As for Bellona, this would do! She had to pretend she didn't want it, and she couldn't be caught dead with this thing, but she would absolutely keep it! Ares aside, the pillow was seriously comfy looking and the runes actually made it a adaptable piece of furniture that were really handy! Of course the Ares part was her favourite aspect of it... But the utility couldn't be ignored either! This detestable bastard had cornered her real good. He'd put a lot of effort into this, plus it was highly usable so she literally couldn't turn him down without being the rudest human in the history of the planet. She, according to decent human-being consensus, had to take it! For Bellona's birthday, Ares had forced himself on her; and although that phrasing was indicative of what she actually wanted, it unfortunately wasn't what had really happened. She was still stunned from before, though, when he'd been up and in her comfort zone, so she could barely stammer out any words. "T... T... This..."

"Hahahahaha, incredible right! Like I said, I got you me for your birthday! Who wouldn't want me after all? I'm pretty much already the greatest person to ever live, so a body pillow of me should logically be on everyone's wish list, right?! What did I tell you yesterday? I warned you I would expose your perviness; so go on, take it and go have fun in the cultivation room!"

Ares shoved the pillow onto Bellona who very nearly almost suffocated in joy when pillow-Ares' chest was planted on her cheek. Of course she had to outwardly act otherwise so she stumbled to her feet and weakly fired off a retort before leaving the room in a hurry. "I'll be sure to treat it like a voodoo doll..." And that was half true, she would absolutely do all sorts of unspeakable things to, and around, it; also partly hoping it could happen to the real Ares but she wasn't going to be poking him with needles, that was for sure... After Bellona had scarpered completely, Ares heard Enyo finally burst out laughing herself and she even had tears in her eyes.

"Hahaha, that is single handedly the best thing I've ever seen. God I wish Rhea could have seen that. There's a technical that lets you share memories, and I am so gonna have to learn it just for this moment!" Enyo got up off the sofa and hugged Ares. "Thank you for making my sister's birthday a great day. You cooked her favourite food, made her a cake and some candy that she loves, and even gave her the perfect present. She was embarrassed, but I could tell she was over the moon today. It's rare she gets to celebrate her birthday in a way that actually makes her happy, so thank you Ares. You went above and beyond but can I ask you to do one more thing? Not that you won't enjoy it too."

"Sure. What is it?"

Enyo kissed him on the lips and led him to the bedroom. [I want us to have fun while Bellona listens next door in the cultivation room. I sent her a mental note and told her not to play with herself just yet so she could hear us and let her imagination go wild while she holds 'you'. Let's not keep her waiting, she looked really eager and that's rare for her.]

Ares just smiled and shook his head. Who was he to deny his future wife's fun? Either of them, for that matter. He'd given Bellona the pillow knowing full well what she was gonna do with it, so adding this on top was hardly an issue at this point. Hell, seeing as how it was her birthday, he might even do her a favour and be a little louder today with his groans too. Apparently, according to Enyo at least, she really liked hearing them. Ares understood Bellona's preferences because he too liked the sound of his partner writhing in pleasure. On that note, he and Enyo slaved the night away while Bellona enjoyed her unusual birthday gift thoroughly. As Ares went to sleep, he made a mental note to borrow Aejaz' concealed serpent and stalk Bellona until she pulled out the pillow and tried to wash it. He would then jump out of hiding and point out, in great detail, how she'd been careless and 'spilled drink all over it'. Look, ok, no one ever said Ares was a good natured man. He had an incredible amount of brainpower to spare, he just unfortunately wasted it all on stupid pranks like this...

A few days passed and finally the date for the inner court disciple exam was set. The Red Sun group kept practicing under Sadie, but they weren't the only ones working hard as everyone in the neighbourhood was eligible to climb the ranks too. Dirk, the Lighter Duo, Onno. Even Appa was preparing herself. All the usual suspects. The only regular who wasn't taking it was Allie, but she would just live in Enyo or Ares' house depending on whichever one they moved into. Also, as an alchemist, her exam would be different from everyone else's anyway so her competing was pointless. Zhang's influence also meant she might not even have to bother with that. Ah, the perks of nepotism are truly wonderful...

Anyhow, everyone trained in their own way up until the exam and, before any of them knew what hit them, they were all standing around in the outdoor training area and waiting for further instructions on the day of the test. The sect had taken painstaking efforts to rebuild this place after Ares had his way with it. That was to be expected though, as a space this large going to waste was nonsensical. Also, as most of the damage had been done inside the Training Field when it had been up and running, most of it reverted back to normal afterwards. The sect still had to tidy up the outer rims but that was simple enough.

Ares was chatting with the Legion sisters about how his present for Bellona was very nearly a 'blow up' doll, for which he was 'inexplicably' beaten up on the spot for his war-crime of a joke. After a few minutes of loitering, Rud appeared and walked in front of everyone who was here. The full list of combatants, minus a group of ten outer court disciples no one here had ever seen before, were as follows: Ares, Aejaz, Enyo, Dirk, Li Li, Esme, Onno, Lighter Duo, Appa, Charity, Gladius, and Bellona. Well Fate, Eagerton, and Sadie were also present just not as competitors, but rather as spectators. Eagerton was his usual degenerate self as all he wanted was to see mind blowing explosions. Fate was basically ever-present wherever Ares was in an attempt to dig up dirt on him. And Sadie was very interested in this exam as she'd been informed prior to the event regarding what it entailed. The event itself was simple, and basically anyone who's name was worth remembering had basically already passed before it had even begun, but the spectacle of it all was what would be worth sticking around for.

Ares stuck his tongue out at Rud and the poor man very nearly had an aneurysm on the spot. The damnable robo Slick had come demanding a raise in pay and, as he'd done so, he'd mumbled something about 'the price of having to put up with Ares' being more than he was currently being paid. In a roundabout way, despite not having seen the insufferable bastard in a good while, Ares had still managed to pester him. Just when Rud was starting to regain his sanity, that infernal name popped up again... He'd even devised this test just purely for the sake of watching Ares squirm, and yet the tables had been turned on him before the exam started! A cruel fire ignited in Rud and he, then and there, made the executive decision that the core disciple examination would be the disciples sparring against him! Why? So he could legally beat up Ares himself, obviously! It was a shame the thought hadn't occurred to him prior to setting up this exam, otherwise you can be damn sure he would have implemented here instead. he vigorously shook his head to get Ares out of it as he coughed to himself and begun explaining the rules for the exam. "Alright, listen up because I'm not going to repeat myself. The rules are simple, so simple, in fact, that even an idiot like Ares can understand them."

"OI! RUDE!"

"Quiet in the peanut gallery!" Rud flicked an Echo at Ares who'd just interrupted him and Rud snickered when Ares was knocked onto his rear. It didn't feel good having to use the bastard's own art, but hitting Ares around with it was somewhat satisfying so it evened it out as far as Rud was concerned. "Anyway, let me explain. We have evaluated all of you and come to a decision about whether you currently belong in the inner court or not, this exam is simply a chance for you to prove us wrong. Long story short, you will all fight each other and we will assess your capabilities. If we previously thought you were lacking but you show commendable prowess here, we will change our mind and let you into the inner court. If we previously thought you were acceptable and your showing is miserable, we will deny you entry to inner court. In other words, show us what you can do and don't hold back otherwise you may end up losing out on a good opportunity. Also, we will evaluate you higher if you willingly take fights with the stronger combatants. We're more interested in seeing how you lose gracefully against an opponent like Enyo than seeing how you bully a weak opponent like Jackie." Rud pointed at one of the random outer court disciples nobody had even heard of prior. "We will assign each of the combatants a number which we believe represents their position in the strength hierarchy. The higher the number, the better the evaluation you will receive if you do decently against them. Other than that, there are no rules. Fight as cleanly or as dirty as you wish. Form groups, gang up on people, betray others. We don't care, we just want to see you fight as optimally as you can."

The rules were simple enough, just beat up everyone around you... Or so it should have been. In fact, for someone like Ares, that really was all there was too it. It's not like anyone specifically would give him more points because he was bound to be top dog in that regard. But that was the problem. He had no specific target in mind but, as he looked around, he realised something and gulped nervously with a wry smile on his face. He might not have a target, but everyone else did. He was like a piece of juicy, raw meat thrown into a dog-fighting ring. If he was worth the highest evaluation just for even attempting to fight him, then surely that would mean everyone else would be clambering over themselves to pummel him! No wonder Slick had said he was the only person that was almost guaranteed to die! Look at the line up here! This fight was going to be a nightmare.... Ahh, at least I can trust my trusty wife, Enyo the most faithful woman the whole world, not to betray me... WHY IS SHE STARING AT ME AS WELL?!