Regina seriously started thinking about her self-murder options when she was invited to a tea party with her future mother-in-law, Queen Natasha.

The preparation itself was torture, but that was nothing to the actual tea party itself.

RAVISHING RULER RESCUED BY RECKLESS RESCUER RIDING ROYAL RACEHORSE RILING RACKETEER WITH RADICAL DUCKS

“I thought they were finished with alliteration,” said Regina numbly as she stared at the latest newspaper headline.

“The reporters are never finished with alliteration,” said Henrietta, casually twirling a vase on her fingertip. “They might temporarily stop, but that is just to make you let down your guard.”

Regina was still pondering the horror of her alliteration filled future, when Henrietta asked the question Regina had been desperately trying to avoid.

“Though you know,” said Henrietta slowly. “I am a bit confused. You hate riding. So how-”

“It was not me,” said Regina miserably. “I had nothing to do with what happened but-”

A sudden vision of both her mother and her future mother-in-law appeared in front of her and she closed her mouth with a snap.

“All I was trying to do,” she said in exhaustion, “was to save Artem.”

“That is,” said Henrietta dryly, “how your problems normally happen.”

“I was just having tea,” said Regina, feeling even more aggrieved than normal. “It was just supposed to be myself and Artem’s lovely mother Queen Natasha-”

“But then,” said Henrietta softly, “both Artem and your mother arrived.”

Regina started, wondering how on earth Henrietta could possibly have known-

“The vase?” she said.

Henrietta shrugged. “Thankfully, urns are fashionable for gazebos this season.”

Regina felt even more annoyed. “Well, why do I need to tell you about it if you already know what happened?”

Henrietta raised an eyebrow. “I could see what the vase could see which was-”

Regina winced as she remembered the… chaos. “No, that would not have been enough to understand.”

Regina hesitated for a moment before she reminded herself that Artem was attending to his mother that day as payment for the… incident and they were surrounded by vases.

“It is safe to speak, if that is what you are asking,” said Henrietta. “I have not seen any… issues in the near future.”

That did not mean the issues did not exist, but Regina was willing to overlook the risk because she was so badly shaken by the events.

“Do you,” Regina slowly said, “know the history of Artem’s mother?”

Henrietta let out a long low whistle. “You really do want to speak of topics better left unsaid.”

Regina ignored the warning, despite her keen awareness that people who spoke of Queen Natasha’s past tended to… disappear.

“Nobody officially knows where Queen Natasha came from,” said Regina, because she needed someone else’s thoughts, “but one day she emerged with the King from his bedroom and he said that she would become his new Queen, several years after the death of Prince Aaron’s mother.”

“The assumption,” said Henrietta slowly, “was that he was infatuated but…”

“Her name and Artem’s name make it clear she is from one of our Western rivals,” said Regina. “No amount of infatuation should have allowed that connection.”

“She has behaved as someone with training,” said Henrietta, “and never promoted her son over the crown prince. But there is something else about her that bothers you, is there not?”

“Well, Queen Natasha is so polite and kind and-”

Henrietta’s eyes narrowed while Regina’s own closed.

“Terrifying,” Regina admitted. “She is absolutely terrifying. She reminded me of the Sheridan elders in the questions she asked, except more skilled. Then Artem appeared and he-”

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

Regina shook her head.

Surely she had imagined the look Artem had given his loving mother.

Surely she had imagined the look his loving mother had given Artem in turn.

-Regina had seen them once, the one time she had tried to flee the estate. The wolves who lived in the forest-

-Artem and Queen Natasha across the table, like two wolves facing one another, a struggle for who was in control, and who would eat the prey between them-

It was then that the assassin, posing as a disgruntled embezzler, had appeared and-

Regina shook her head, trying to force the images away.

-the way the Queen had moved, had spun the assassin as if he were a leaf as if she was as fast as the air itself, the way she had seemed as if she could tear him apart with just her hair pieces-

“Regina?” said Henrietta, sounding distinctly worried.

“Artem dodged the assassin’s first attempt,” said Regina flatly. “Then when the assassin tried for a second, my mother ran him over with a race horse.”

“What?” said Henrietta.

“My mother ran the assassin over with a race horse,” said Regina, in a calm, detached monotone. “Stabbed him with a knife, handed the knife to Queen Natasha, who also stabbed him with a knife, and then threw me on top of the race horse and called out for the reporters to report on my glorious feat.”

Henrietta stared at Regina.

“What about the ducks?” she said finally.

“I am not,” said Regina, her mind finally giving up in sheer horror and taking a nice, peaceful vacation, “going to tell you anything about the ducks.”

~♦♥♦~

HOT OR POT: ARE UGLY VASES THE TREND OF THE FUTURE?

Regina stared at the latest broadsheet headline.

“That,” said Artem with a distinct frown, “is not a headline about your brilliance in foiling that robbery with your use of panniers and ducks.”

“Oh,” said Regina with a wave of her hand, “they talked about that too, but this one is much more interesting.”

“Are you,” said Artem hesitantly, as he carefully chopped the cake into small pieces and placed a piece in Regina’s open mouth, “interested in… ugly vases?”

Regina’s smile broadened even more. “I am very interested in… ostentatious pottery.”

After all, Regina could count her reliable allies on one hand. In fact, Regina could count her allies on two fingers of one hand, since she could only expect support from Artem and Henrietta.

Artem, for all his… whimsy, was as sweet a soul as ever existed and would always give Regina his support. Besides being her spy-glass into the future, Artem was always ready to do whatever she needed him to do, no matter how absurd or difficult her requests were.

‘Actually’, Regina wryly thought, ‘it is a lucky thing that Artem’s abilities are far more powerful than anyone expected them to be before I entered his life. Even if he never used them for anything but making jewelry in the past, they have saved my life at least a dozen times by now.’

“Toast?” said Artem.

“Yes, please,” said Regina, obediently opening her mouth as he provided her with literal food for thought.

The combination of cake and toast fueled Regina’s mind to realize something she had long ignored. Even though Artem was Regina’s most powerful card and the source of her future foresight, he was not the only card in her hand.

There was also Henrietta… and Henrietta’s ability to see the future. If Regina could make her own bizarre future-based power work, should she not attempt to use Henrietta’s ability as well?

“Do you want me to order that the manor should be filled with vases?” said Artem, looking up at her from under his unfairly long eyelashes.

“Oh, a few per room should be sufficient,” said Regina absently, thinking about her most recent problem.

The truth was that Henrietta’s powers were more flexible than Regina’s own. Regina could only see the future through Artem’s eyes… and she had a feeling her ability was narrowing as time went on and she grew closer to Artem.

Where Regina could once see him go about his daily life without her direct involvement, she now seemed only able to see the future when he was directly with Regina.

In some ways, this strange… evolution of her magic was useful because it gave Regina more useful visions of threats on her life. Yet it also meant that she could not see experiences that did not involve her… even if they might involve people plotting against her.

Henrietta’s power, however, was a stranger yet potentially more useful one. After all, Henrietta could apparently see the future through the vantage point of vases. The uglier the vase, the more powerful the vision.

So if this newspaper article suggested there was a trend around festooning one’s manor with ugly vases… and Regina could get those vases into the royal palace as well as the manors of prominent nobles…

Well, Regina thought as a wicked smile spread across her face. One does not look a gift horse in the mouth… or an ugly vase in the lip.

She rose from her chair and gave Artem a very thorough investigation of whether he had any leftover crumbs on his lips with her own mouth.

Then, flushed and feeling more optimistic than she had in a while, Regina went off to find her cousin instructing some of the orphans living with them on the fine art of smashing vases across a skull.

After politely waiting for Henrietta to finish and hoping that her future husband would not be foolish enough to displease her, Regina asked her most beloved cousin a question.

“Henrietta,” Regina said sweetly. “How open are you to commissioning a few new vases for yourself and others?”