Kint felt barely anything as he entered the black, only a subtle change in temperature.
He looked around cautiously.
It was another corridor. Mage Forged like the ones he’d entered the lab through.
The Inspector wasn’t sure what he’d expected when stepping through the miasmic gateway, but he hadn’t accounted for it being so… normal.
Kint shrugged and began to walk.
He walked for what felt like hours, one hand pressed to his wounded shoulder as blood seeped through his fingers.
He was exhausted.
His well was empty, he was losing blood, and to make things worse, the corridor was on a slight incline.
But still, he pressed on.
There were no forks in the road this time. No choices to make… Even the rhythmic energy that had been calling to him, was gone.
All he had was the sound of Bootsteps on hard stone and his own labored breathing.
He trundled forth, one foot in front of the other, until he reached a set of stairs and began to climb.
At the end of the long stairway, rose a ladder.
Kint sighed, looking down at his shoulder.
Blood covered half his shirt. The rag he’d used to plug the hole in his back was now completely soaked.
He was so tired. Not only physically, but he could feel the mental exhaustion that came with the onset of Wavers Flu, meaning he’d drained his Well beyond its limits.
He shook his head, putting a hand to the first rung.
The ladder led to a porthole with a heavy lid.
He tried to push it free, but the lid was stuck tight.
Kint stepped higher, leveraging his shoulder against the heavy stone.
He heaved, straining his legs and back.
The stone moved with a shudder. The Inspector pushed harder, until it was finally free of the hole, flipping backward onto the grass with a heavy thud.
Kint caught his breath, looking around.
He was in a park, surrounded by lush green grass.
It felt familiar somehow.
The Inspector stepped out of the hole, searching for landmarks.
The fog was thick, like broth. But there was… something. A light up ahead.
He moved toward it.
As he neared, the light became clearer, it was rectangular.
The window of a house.
He approached with caution.
His brow furrowed… Then his blood went cold…
He recognized the house… It was his house.
And there was someone inside.
A female face staring at him through the window.
Panic filled his mind.
He ran, sprinting for the door, hitting it hard with his shoulder to shatter the locks, before he stumbled inside.
Warmth…
Warmth surrounded him. It subsumed him, penetrating deep into his chest.
His tension faded, anxiety subsiding.
The house was warm with a familiar comfort.
His breathing slowed.
It had to be her… Nessa.
But why?
Why would she be here?
It didn’t matter.
She was home, and this warm feeling meant she was safe, alive.
Kint closed the door gently, making his way down the hall to the living room.
He smiled as he entered, noticing a crop of raven hair poking above the back of a leather chair.
“Nessa…” He whispered, relieved.
The girl stood.
The Inspectors brow furrowed.
Was she taller somehow?
He’d never seen her wear that dress before.
She turned around.
Kint’s eyes went wide.
“Carolin…?”
His wife stared at him with joy in her eyes, freckled cheeks crinkling into a soft smile.
“Hello, Sweetheart.”
He took a step back.
“No– I—”
He shook his head.
“I–I killed you…”
She nodded, face tender.
He pointed a shaky finger.
“I– I watched you die…”
She nodded again, stepping closer.
“I know…” Carolin soothed.
Kint searched the room frantically, looking for a sign of some trick or illusion, but there was none.
He tried to tap into his well and Dowser her, but gagged when his empty well rejected his attempts to pull magic from it.
“How…” He swallowed, regaining his composure. “How are you here?”
Her eyes stared into his own, so full of understanding and patience.
“They brought me back, Kint.”
The Inspector's eyes narrowed.
“They, who’s they?”
“Think about it Sweetheart… Who has the power to bring back the dead?”
“The Shattered?” He questioned, incredulous.
She nodded, stepping in closer.
She was so near to him now. She looked so real…
Kint closed his eyes, shaking his head again, trying to dispel this tantalizing dream. But, when he opened his eyes, Carolin was still there, hearty and whole.
“But… How?”
Those patient lingered in his own.
She was so beautiful.
“They have power beyond your imaginings, Kint. But, they are not infinite.” She said, voice solemn. “They’ve sent me here as an emissary, to help you.”
“Help me–” The Inspector shuddered, flinching away from her.
His back hit the wall hard, and he remembered the words of the Crimson eyed Shattered in his dreams.
I’m going to try to help you, Kint.
Then those of Mr. Syfeeli in the deep cells.
He said– He said he wanted to help me…
“No–No this is a trick!” Kint spat. “What do you mean help? What could you possibly help me with Shattered!”
He looked around, frantic.
“This– This can’t be real.”
Carolin stared at him as he spiraled, face full of solemn sadness, tender eyes locked on his own
She reached out, grabbing his hand.
Her fingers were gentle, skin so soft. Just as he remembered
“Does this feel real?” She whispered, rubbing her thumb along his palm.
His brow furrowed… it did.
Kint clenched his teeth, shaking his head hard, pulling away.
“No. This is a trick… it’s not real…”
His wife reached up, touching his cheek.
There was so much warmth in her gentle fingers.
“Does this feel real?”
He flinched back, but only slightly.
“It’s an illusion… It… It has to be…”
All the heat had left his voice. All the panic.
He wanted so badly for this to be true, for her to be true.
Carolin’s hand slid to the back of his neck.
She pulled his face down to her own.
Their lips met.
A gentle touch, warm tender lips, her hot breath melded with his own. The subtle taste of apples.
It was all so familiar, so real…
She pulled back.
“Did that feel real?” She said, grinning, cheeks red like a schoolgirls.
“Carolin…” He muttered, breathless.
Her smile bloomed, causing a grin to appear on his own lips.
This was her… this was his wife… It had to be…
She reached out, grabbing him by the waist and pulling him into a hug. Her weight pressed against him as he held her close, cupping her hair to his chest.
After a moment, they seperated.
“Carolin.” He repeated, amazed.
She pushed away slowly, looking up at him.
“What are you doing here?” Kint asked again, “I don’t understand. How can you be here.”
She pulled back, holding his hands.
“It’s like I said, I’m here to help.”
“Help?” Kint replied. “How? What do you mean?”
Her lips drew down, as she became uneasy.
“You’ve gone astray, Kint.” She admitted, pained by the words. “There’s something wrong with you.”
The Inspectors' brows knit together, concerned.
“Something wrong?… I–”
She put a finger to his lips with a hand, shaking her head.
“It’s okay, It’s okay…I can get you back on the path.” She soothed. “I can fix it.”
Carolin smiled, pulling him over to the chairs by the stove.
“Come.”
Fix it…
The words itched at his mind.
His wife gripped his hand harder, pulling him along until he was seated in his well worn leather chair.
The Raven haired girl sat on his lap, like she had so many times before.
Kint felt his injuries melt away as she snuggled in.
He grinned, putting a familiar hand around her waist.
Worries evaporated from his mind.
He’d wished for her company so many times these past years.
Whether it was real or not, he would enjoy this time.
They sat together in silence for several minutes, enjoying the warmth of each others arms.
“You know… I’ve been watching you, these past few days.” Carolin said.
He looked at her, eyebrow raised.
“Really?”
She nodded.
“I’ve seen what you’ve been doing, how hard you’ve been fighting… I’m so proud of you… You’ve grown so much.”
She gave a wan smile.
“I wish I could have been there for you, to keep you safe, to set you right… but I’m here now.”
I’m here now…
The words echoed in his mind. How he’d wished to hear those words from her lips, so many times these past seven years.
Kint hugged his wife close, reveling in her touch.
The Inspector's brow furrowed, as a concerning thought came to him.
“Have I changed? Or is it just the Silent State again?”
Carolin gave a small chuckle, freckled cheeks crinkling with a smile.
“The Silent State. Are you still using that?”
He cocked his head in confusion.
“Of course. I wouldn’t have gotten here without it.”
She shook her head.
“Oh, please.” She snorted, “You made it here using your wits and cunning, not some silly mental trick.”
“It’s not some trick, Carolin.” Kint grunted. “There are things I can’t do without it, things I can’t see otherwise.”
He looked away, gritting his teeth.
“You never understood this.”
She cupped his chin, turning his head to look her in the eyes.
“Then explain it to me.” She pressed. “What does the Silent State give you that your normal mind does not? Is it the Dowsing?”
He nodded.
“And more. It makes my mind clear, allows me to see things others can’t, accomplish things that would be out of reach for most.”
“Oh really?” She exclaimed, raising an incredulous eyebrow. “Then answer me this, husband. With all the things you’ve done today… Building your map, making deals with lords, befriending priests, killing Crafters, and all the Dowsings in between… In all those perilous situations, have you even once used this Silent State of yours?”
“I–”
He closed his mouth as her words truly struck him.
Had he?
Had he used the Silent State even once this whole day?
Dowsing…
Negotiating with Fatcher Doene…
Navigating the tunnels with Sh’Geel…
It was difficult to believe he’d done all that without the help of his altered consciousness.
Carolin smiled, reading his expression.
“And here you are… All on your own.”
All on his own…
Kint shook his head sharply, dispelling the thought.
He grabbed his wife, lifting to her feet as he moved to stand.
The Inspector began to pace the room, anxiously.
Something was wrong.
How had he not used it?
He had to have used it at least once, right?
To do a Dowsing, or to investigate the lab…
He rubbed a hand through his hair.
“You– You’ve never understood….” Kint stammered, turning to face her. “It's special, Carolin. Not me. And whatever It is gives me an edge. It makes me better.”
Carolin sighed, looking upon him with pity.
“It’s just you, Sweetheart.” She said softly. “It’s your mind. Your edge… The Silent State is just… You.”
“NO!” Kint snapped. “It’s not. It’s different. The Silent State is smarter, more clinical, less emotional. But it’s also more dangerous. If I use it too much I start to… I become more…
“You become more you…” Carolin finished, stepping closer. “I don’t know where this it all started, but for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been like this, uncertain, unsure of yourself. But, deep down, a part of you knows what to do, knows the right path. That is the Silent State, the version of you that knows what’s right.
“No…” Kint shook his head. “No… It’s dangerous. When I use it I do things… I’ve done things…”
“Yes, Sweetheart. You’ve done Good, Kint! You’ve done righteous work! The Prophet’s work!”
The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.
She approached him carefully, eyes tender, empathetic.
“The Silent State is you.” She explained. “It’s your truest self.”
“No…” he muttered, neck twitching with anxiety.
This didn’t make sense. None of it made sense.
“It’s a tool… It’s not me… I’m not me when I use it…”
“What are you then, Kint?” She questioned, growing irritated. “Effective? Decisive? Powerful?”
She stepped closer still.
“Those are all good things.”
“It’s dangerous…” Kint stammered, voice failing.
“Dangerous how? How is it dangerous, sweetheart?” Carolin asked, taking another step. “Look at all you’ve accomplished these last few days, remember what it felt like, the control you had, the power you had, how you smiled at every tactical turn, every move you made, every outcome you predicted.”
He flinched at the implication.
He had enjoyed it. He had smiled at his success, he’d enjoyed maneuvering the pieces, and predicting the results.
“The Prophet speaks through you when you are your truest self, Kint. You feel the joy, because in your heart you know what you do is righteous. So why do you deny him? Why do you deny yourself such joy when you have the power to do so much good?”
Kint gritted his teeth, biting his cheeks till they were bleeding.
Her words cut him to the core, they crawled under his skin like bugs. They felt so true, so real, he wanted to accept them, and yet…
“Something’s holding you back…” His wife whispered, stepping closer, staring up into his eyes.
He looked away. He couldn’t handle it. The freckled face, the raven hair, those dark eyes, they confronted him at every turn… It was a face he didn’t want to see right now…
“It’s her isn’t it…” Carolin muttered, eyes flicking to their daughter's bedroom. “Nessa… She’s keeping you from growing. Keeping you from hearing the Prophet’s voice.”
His wife took him by the chin, bringing his head down to look her in the eyes.
Her face was full of pain, empathy, but there was also a sternness there.
“She’s a Sinner, Kint.”
The words hit him like a brick to the chest.
He moved to pull away from her touch, but she held him there.
“She’s our little girl.” The Inspector whispered, bile in his voice.
“She’s got the Rot, Sweetheart… She’s had it for years…” Carolin shook her head, disappointed. “And you’ve known for years.”
Kint face contorted with rage and pain.
This was his daughter, this was their daughter. How could she say such things? Why?
He tried to push her away, but she stepped closer, grabbing his face with both hands, forcing him to stare into her zealous eyes.
“This is the reason I’m here, Kint.” She explained, words dripping with passion. “You want so badly to move forward. You want to be powerful, effective, and strong… The person I fell in love with.”
She smiled.
“But it’s not that simple…” She said, “As long as you’re protecting her, you cannot possibly grow.”
“Stop this, Carolin.” Kint growled, anger lacing his voice.
She shook her head, vehemently.
“You can’t protect her, Kint. The Prophet won’t allow it, I won’t allow it.”
She pulled him hard, bringing the Inspector to his knees before her. Her strength was incredible, her grip indomitable.
Kint swallowed, blood going cold.
What was this? What was she doing to him?
“You knew this would happen.” She explained. “You knew you’d have to face this… For seven years you remained stagnant, passive. Not stepping forward in fear of leading yourself to this place.”
She stared down at him, face hard.
“Well now you’re here, Kint. And I’m sorry to have to be the one to do this, but your debts come due.”
She reached out, grabbing him hard by the temples.
“It’s time to remember what you really are.”
Kint screamed, and he remembered…
He remembered all of it.
----------------------------------------
Kint stepped up onto the porch of the Mage grown wood house.
“You’re sure it’s this one?” His partner asked.
Kint nodded.
“Go ahead and Dowse for yourself if you want.”
Phelix snorted a laugh.
“Cheeky Cunt.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“You nervous?”
“No.” Kint shook his head.
It was true. He was not nervous.
Kint was already deep inside the Silent State. Deep in the cold dark emptiness.
He would do his duty, for the Prophet and for his wife.
“Alright.” Phelix nodded. “Don’t freak out in there. Rookies always fuck it up.”
He straightened his dark tie, then pushed his hair back to tie it into a bun.
The Overseer knocked on the door.
A middle aged woman opened it gingerly.
She looked frail, fingers delicate, face pale. Her hair was thinning as well.
“Hello?” She said, eyes tired from the late hour.
“I’m sorry to bother you miss, but–”
The woman’s eyes widened as she took in their uniforms.
She turned sharply, screaming into the house.
“COLIN! They’re here!”
Kint’s eyes widened as a stone ball the size of his head flew past him, connecting with the frail woman’s chest.
She ejected backward, smashing against the far wall like a ragdoll. Blood spattered on white paint.
“Come on!”
Phelix grabbed him by the shoulder pulling him inside the chaotic house.
The two Overseers burst into a large living room, with couches and chairs arrayed for company.
Phelix pushed Kint to the side.
The Dowser flinched back as he noticed a gleaming sword hurtling toward him through the air, but his partner caught it on the bracer beneath his coat.
He looked down at Kint, eyes unyielding.
“Find the Sinner.” He commanded.
Kint stood, running through the room toward a back hallway.
He passed the mother, watching in horror as Phelix’ stone ball retracted from her chest. Blood trailed as the body slid down the wall it was no longer pinned to.
He engaged his dowsing power. Tapping into that trembling well, careful not to enjoy the sweet touch of its embrace too much.
His eyes lit up as he saw the miasma of purple and black aura emanating from a hall to the left.
He went down it, seeing two rooms at the end. Both had residues of black magic all over them, but the one to the back was clearer, more recent.
He approached the door with purpose, kicking through it.
Kint ducked back, dowsing eyes spotting a searing ball of miasma as it flew past him.
It sprayed against the back wall, melting through the wood like paper.
He grimaced, peeking his head back around the corner.
It was a bedroom, a girls' room. The walls were painted violet, matching the bed sheets.
Around the corner, Kint spotted the girl who’d thrown the rotten projectile.
She was tall for her age, but she couldn’t have been more than fifteen.
The teen trembled, tears falling from her eyes. Snot running down her nose.
She was terrified.
Another projectile was growing tenuously in her shaking hands.
Its aura glowed purple with flecks of black. He didn’t know what it was, but he knew he didn’t want to get hit by it.
Kint grabbed the Stalwart Knife from its sheath at his side.
With serene precticed movements, he threw the blade at the girl.
She screamed as it slammed into her shoulder.
The fledgling magic dissipated as she clutched desperately for the deep driven knife.
Her screams rang out through Kint’s frozen mind, threatening to break the blessed silence within.
“Mommy! Mommy! Please!” She cried, as the Overseer approached with solemn purpose.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to Mommy please! I don’t know what I did? What did I do?!”
Kint grabbed the girl by the head, slamming it against the back wall.
Her screams ended.
The Dowser reached out, clutching the rough handle of his Stalwart blade, pulling it free.
He took a breath, then placed the knife to the girl's throat.
“Be free now, Child. Your sins are forgiven.”
Blood sprayed across violet walls.
----------------------------------------
“Nooo!”
Kint gasped, tears flooding his eyes.
He fell to his knees, clutching his chest.
“God’s, why!” He cried.
At the time, it felt like another person had done those things. At the time, it had all felt right, righteous.
But now…
How had he done those things?
He had killed that girl… Like it was nothing.
Kint was devastated.
He spewed forth from his lips, pressed from his stomach by the weight of his guilt.
Carolin bent over him, rubbing his back.
“I know, sweetheart. I know.”
He gasped again, catching his breath.
“I know it’s hard… but be brave, Kint.” His wife advised.
She reached down, grabbing him by the temples.
“This is just the start.”
“No–”
----------------------------------------
The Overseers entered the home wearing cloth masks across their faces.
The aura around the house was black as pitch.
Extremely toxic.
They stepped inside.
Immediately, they were assaulted by thousands of buzzing flies and an unholy stench that penetrated their masks.
Kint raised a hand, swatting the bugs away.
Phelix moved inside without preamble, more experienced with this sort of situation.
Eventually, Kint followed, trying to ignore the insects as there were far too many to kill.
The house was a place of horrors. Everything in the room was decaying rapidly. The walls were rotted to crumbling, the ceilings were falling in, termites spilled to the ground like rain. Black mold grew on every surface. Kint could see it growing, eating the floor like acid.
His Dowsing eyes could see it, the black aura was feeding everything, infecting the whole structure.
“Kint.”
Phelix tapped him on the shoulder.
“Parents.”
He pointed to a couch on the side of the room.
Two grotesque figures sat there, holding each other. Mold and insects infected pale pockmarked skin. The eyes were gone, nails and hair grown like weeds. Muscles and flesh were almost disintegrated. Their mouths were wide with silent screams, like they’d been decaying as they died.
“Find the boy.” Phelix said, voice solemn. “I’ll get the oil.”
Kint made his way toward a door at the back of the small house. The pitch black aura was emanating from that room. Bursting forth like waves of corrosive sewage.
“Be quick.” His partner called from outside. “I’m itching already.”
Kint nodded his agreement. He could feel a rash already forming on his uncovered wrists.
The young Overseer approached the door cautiously, reaching for the rusted handle
He pulled.
The handle came free, wood crumbling like sand around it.
Reaching out a gloved hand, Kint pulled the door open by the hole.
The room was dark, crumbling like an ancient tomb.
There was a hole in the ceiling where a sliver of moonlight shone through, alighting on a teenage boy crouched in the corner of the room.
His clothes were rotted, falling away.
He looked up as Kint entered.
“Careful.” He warned. “The floors won’t hold.”
The Dowser froze, testing the landing spot of his next step gingerly before putting his weight behind it. He could go no further.
The boy looked at him, unblinking, eyes filled with horror.
“Did I do something wrong, Overseer?”
Waves of miasma rolled off him. It was almost blinding to Kint’s eyes.
“I thought I was good…” The boy continued. “I thought we were a good family. I– I–”
He paused, voice cracked, emotion breaking through.
“What did we do?”
King shook his head, gritting his teeth at the child’s power.
“I don’t know, son.”
“Everything happened so fast.” The boy stammered. “They went so quickly– The sickness and the tumors… What did I do?”
The boy stared at him, tears spilling from broken eyes as he pleaded for an answer.
An answer the Dowser could not give.
“I don’t know, boy.” Kint repeated. “But, if you stand up and turn around, I’ll make sure it stops with you.”
The boy paused, eyes widening, then softening with acceptance.
He nodded.
He knew what this was.
The child stood, turning around on rotting floorboards.
Kint threw his knife.
“Be free now, Child. Your sins are forgiven.”
Blood spilled down blackened walls.
----------------------------------------
“Ohh, Gods!” Kint cried, gasping for air once again.
He’d killed that boy… that sad little boy.
He could have been Nessa’s age…
That could have been Nessa…
He’d killed that boy… So much life… He could have lived…
Slender fingers gripped tight around his temples.
Again, he remembered.
----------------------------------------
Phelix and Kint sat on a rickety couch in a dilapidated low distinct home.
A Kadenite woman approached with a wooden tray of tea. She handed them each a cup.
The woman looked haggard. Her eyes had purple circles under them and her skin was pale. It looked like she hadn’t slept in days.
Kint glanced at her hands as he accepted a cup, they were covered in blisters.
The husband was in the kitchen, cooking dinner.
Kint looked down at his tea. There was something floating in it he didn’t like.
Something in the Silent State was telling him not to drink it.
He glanced at his partner, shaking his head.
The Overseer stood, setting down the tea.
“Mrs. Dayson.” Phelix called, “My partner is gonna have a look around the house, is that okay?”
There was a frantic bustling from the kitchen.
Mr. Dayson came around the corner, brandishing a knife, eyes panicked. He was blocking the side hallway.
“You can’t go back there.” He seethed, “Alain’s playing right now. He will not be disturbed.”
Kint frowned, dowsing them immediately.
He could see that the Dayson’s had been contaminated heavily by Rot. Their heads were shrouded in a translucent haze of magic.
He looked at his partner.
Phelix nodded, pulling his Domination stick from its sheath, pointing it toward the wooden floorboards. There was a thump, then an explosion as a thick stone ball, the size of a man’s head, burst through the floorboards rising to connect with the gray stone at the end of the black stick.
He swiped the domination rod toward Mr. Dayson and the stone shot straight into his chest, throwing him backward through the home’s wooden wall.
Kint didn’t need a queue.
He jogged down the side hall before Mrs. Dayson could get her own ideas.
Dowsing quickly, he found the Sinners room at the back of the hall.
Kint burst through the door, knowing he had no fear of physical attacks.
The Overseer stumbled immediately, tripping over plates, toys, and half-eaten buckets of food.
He regained his balance quickly however, and began analyzing the room.
The Sinner was hard to miss. He was enormous, sitting astride a beautiful hand carved rocking horse. There were chocolate and other food stains on the boy’s shirt and face. He looked grotesque and unclean.
Rotten.
“What are you doing here?” The boy cried, voice petulant. “Get out, now!”
Kint advanced on the sinner, crossing the room with purposeful strides.
“I said lea–”
The Overseer rushed forward, seeing a thick tentacle of hazy aura extending from the boy toward his mind.
He pulled the Stalwart blade from its Sheath, and drove it forward.
The blade penetrated deep into the Sinners chest.
He breathed out a wheeze of air.
“Mom–my”
His voice was quiet, filled with terror. He’d died almost instantly. But still he’d cried out in terror. Calling for his mother even after the way he’d treated her.
“Be free now, Child. Your sins are forgiven.”
He rubbed his blade on the boy's shirt, staining it with blood.
He was cold inside the Silent State…
So very cold…
----------------------------------------
“No more!” Kint cried. “Please! No more!”
He wretched again.
Nothing came out this time. Only pain in his gut and salty tears from his eyes.
He hit his head against the floor.
“God’s, why?”
Why had he done those things? How could he not have seen?
They were children!
“This is what you asked for, Kint.” Carolin cooed. “This is what it means to move forward.”
“Please stop…” He begged, pulling at the hem of her dress.
She placed a hand atop his head.
“I’m sorry.”
----------------------------------------
Phelix knocked on the door.
A young woman opened it. She was in her early thirties, maybe.
“Oh…” She said, a solemn smile on her face. “Come inside. We’re in the living room.”
She turned around and Kint grimaced. There was a large lump on her neck… a tumor.
They followed her inside.
Entering the small living room, the woman moved to sit down beside her daughter.
She was thirteen or so. The two looked strickingling similar.
The husband laid on a couch beside them, breathing labored.
He was covered in similar lumps.
They’d called the Overseers themselves.
“Well… Let’s be done with it then.” The woman said, gripping tight to her daughter.
These Sinners were good people.
They knew what needed to be done.
They were good people…
These Sinners…
The Silent State shuddered.
Phelix lined them up in the center of the room.
He put his judgement stone through their heads. It was quick.
“Be free now, Child. Your sins are forgiven.”
Blood spatter across clear windows.
----------------------------------------
Over and over, Kint’s sins were laid bare.
Over and over, he watched them die.
Over and over, there was blood on the walls.
Over and over, he smelled sulfur and burning flesh.
Over and over, he heard the screams… Always for the mothers…
They sat there for hours, maybe days...
His darkest moments shown over and over and over again. There were so many…
Blood on the walls, sulfur in his nostrils, and screams… endless screams.
They echoed through his mind unceasing, overlapping in a cacophony of fear and pain.
He curled into the fetal position, tears, snot, and bile covered the floor around him.
He wept.
Oh how he wept.
The Dowser was a wreck.
A broken man.
Shattered by the things he’d done.
Why had she done this? Why had she done this to him?
He wished for numbness….
Wished for the blessed quiet of the Silent State.
But it would not come…
There was no Silent State…
Only him…
Carolin sat next to him, her desolate hand resting atop his head, threatening.
“This is it, Kint.” She whispered. “This is who you are…”
“This is what it means to accept yourself, Sweetheart… no lies, no falsehoods…”
She leaned in, her lips just above his ear.
“This is your Truest self.”
Kint shuddered at the words.
“I’m evil…” He sobbed.
Carolin rubbed his head comfortingly.
Her voice had a soothing tone, but her words…
“You are evil. You have done evil.”
She petted his hair like a dog.
“No one forced you. All the choices that led you here were yours and yours alone. You did evil… and you enjoyed it.”
Kint whined. A pitious sound from his cracked lips.
She was right.
“There is no excuse.” She continued. “There is no ‘Silent State’ that separates those things from you. You did them because you wanted to, because you were good at it, because you needed a purpose. The Silent State was just your shield… It shielded you from silly morality.”
Carolin shook her head, pityingly.
“And now you’re moving forward.”
She leaned in whispering.
“But just because you move forward, doesn’t mean you get to move on, Kint. You have to carry the weight of what you did. And ohhh how heavy it is…”
“Ohhhh, Gods” Kint groaned.
She shook her head, moving to stand.
“I want to help you, sweetheart.” She said, “Truly I do… I want to see you move forward without burdens, to be born anew.”
She paced the room.
“But these things you’ve done…” She frowned, eyes sad. “No one could carry all that.”
She approached him again, crouching down to where he lay, catatonic.
“You need forgiveness, Kint.” She whispered. “But all those people… all those children… How could they possibly forgive you now?”
Forgiveness… Yes… that was what he needed…
“Forgive me…” He muttered.
She gave a derisive laugh.
“How? Who? Who could possibly do that? You?”
“Could you do that? Forgive yourself? Are you so full of pride? So hubristic?”
She scoffed.
“With all the evil you’ve done, knowing the evil that you are, would you shrug those deaths from your shoulders, like it’s nothing?”
She crouched before him, trying to look him in the eye.
“Well? Would you?” She whispered.
“Noo…”
Spit dripping from his lips.
“I can’t!” The words left as a wail, quivering, and shaking in his ragged throat.
His wife took in a deep breath, letting out a satisfied sigh.
“Good.” She whispered, rubbing his shoulder.
He leaned into her touch, eager for it. Eager for any sort of comfort.
Carolin got back to her knees, pulling him in close.
“You are a sinner… Say it.” She commanded.
“I am a sinner.” Kint whispered, throat raw.
“You’ve sinned a thousand times and you will sin a thousand more.”
“I’ve sinned a thousand times and I will sin more.” He repeated, hands gripping tight to his shoulders.
“But you can still be saved.” Carolin whispered.
“I– I can be saved?” He questioned, looking up at her.
She smiled down at him, eyes full of hope.
“You can be saved.” She assured him. “By the Prophet’s grace.”
“The Prophet…” he repeated, unsure.
“Of course, Kint. You are not strong enough to carry this burden.” She grinned, eyes full of passion. “But the Prophet. He is everything. He can save you from the weight of your sins. Through him, you can be forgiven.”
“Forgiveness…” He muttered, not daring to hope.
She shook her head, like he’d said something silly.
“Kint… You believed in all this once. You even said it to that Overseer boy, Shel.” She soothed. “You accepted your duty as a Dowser, and your faith in the Prophet kept you clean… But then you lost that faith… It’s my fault really.”
She shook her head and sighed.
“After I died, you strayed from the path and all those cleansings turned sour in your soul.”
It was not her fault, how could it be her fault.
“I—” He sputtered, frustratedly wiping tears and snot from his face. “They made me kill you.”
“They are not the Prophet.” Carolin chastised. “They are just silly men in an old tree. The Prophet is so much more than them.”
She frowned.
“I tried to tell you this. I tried to warn you that without faith, you would be lost. And now… Here you are…”
Kint blinked hard, mind reeling.
She was right.
She had tried to warn him. The night he’d killed her, she’d warned him against losing faith. Even in death she’d tried to help him.
Carolin had always right, about everything.
How could he have forgotten?
“I’m sorry, Carolin.” He muttered, gaining confidence as he spoke. “I– I lost the faith. I– I was too prideful, I couldn’t do what you asked of me… I strayed from the path.”
His beautiful wife smiled.
It was such a glorious smile. He could live in that smile forever, be at home it. He had been once… How quickly he’d forgotten.
“It’s alright, Kint.” She soothed. “As long as you know it now. You can still be saved.”
“I can?” Kint whispered, eager. “Will he forgive me? With all I’ve done? All that I am? Will the Prophet forgive me?”
Carolin stood, brushing tears from her dress.
“Of course he will, sweetheart.”
She reached out her hand, her loving face glowing like that of a Goddess.
She was so graceful, so wise and kind.
“All you have to do is accept him. Accept yourself, accept the righteous voice inside your heart. Do that, and there is no need to be forgiven, for you have done nothing wrong in the eyes of the Prophet.”
He reached up, toward the light of her beauty, the light of the Prophet.
The Dowser was unsteady, but eventually, he found his balance.
Carolin held him still, then pulled him into an embrace.
The weight of his sins melted away at her touch. The pain and anguish of moments earlier was boiled away by her light.
He remembered this feeling.
Faith.
Not in the Prophet, but in her.
She had always been the one to believe in the Prophet, but he had only ever believed in his wife.
And now he was back at home in her firm hands. Confident in her guidance.
She pulled back from him, eyes solid, stalwart.
“You okay?” Carolin asked, a small smile still wrinkling her freckled face.
Kint nodded.
“Yeah.”
Her smile grew, overflowing with pride.
“Good.” She turned, gripping his hand tighter.
His wife began to move, pulling him toward the hall.
She approached a door, opening it, pulling him forward.
“Because there’s one last thing we need to do.”
It was his daughter’s room…
Kint’s eyes widened as he saw Nessa’s serene face, covers pulled around her sleeping shoulders..
“One final sin, to forgive all the rest.”