Honey Wine

They built a fire together as the evening lengthened into night. Fen brought sticks and they made a pile. Llan took the smaller sticks, kindled them with sparks, then gradually fed it with larger and larger pieces until it roared like an orange animal, a live thing that could kill them.

Esten was sitting cross-legged across from her, shuffling as though the grass was incredibly uncomfortable. He watched her awkwardly. She scowled at him when no one else was looking, and he stared at the floor instead.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there today," said Fen. "I've got Mercian poultices all up my sides and my back. I can barely put my arms down. Gwyn would not let me go. She promised not to tell Mother, though, so that's something."

"Glad you could join us, sister," said Llandred, passing the honey wine. Fen took a big swig and snorted. "Oh, Llan, that's really nice. Where did you get it?"

"Father brought it," said Esten, and his voice was hollow. "last time we saw him."

There was an awkward silence. Fen stared furiously into the fire.

"That's right," said Llandred at last. "Father did bring it."

"Llandred showed me your pit today," said Taliette, brightly.

"Isn't it something!" said Fen, cheering up immediately. "There was a war here, a thousand years ago. All the soldiers fell in, and that was that. How did it make you feel? Did you go in?"

Taliette shook her head. "I felt like it would eat me," she said. "I wanted to jump in, but Llan brought me back."

"There's something broken in her," interrupted Esten. "When I look, I see a coloured stone and a man pulling the wires while she dances like a skeleton. Click clack."

"Oh Esten, don't be such a horror," said Fen. "Why do you always have to scare away my friends? Why can't you just be normal? I do swear, Tamberlyn would still be here if it wasn't for you."

"Tamberlyn, I named him," said Esten, "in the same haunted voice. A drum may take another skin, yet still sound in the darkness. The heart of a drum is in its voice, not its skin. The heart of a girl, though is... elsewhere."

"Seriously though, Esten," said Llandred. "Would you mind stopping the spooky talk? You're scaring our guest. You're just going to have to go back in your room if you can’t behave. Here, have some wine."

Llan passed the bottle to his right and Esten took it, taking a cautious sip, then a big gulp. It went back to Fen, then came round to Taliette.

The bottle was green and moulded with fat, lumpy shapes of animals and fruit. Cautiously, she sucked from the neck. It lit up her throat. It was honey and summer and fire and darkness. She found herself grinning without meaning to.

"Is it nice?" said Llan.

She said nothing. She was trying to restrain a giggle. His silly white hair was all lit up in the night time.

"Make him love you," whispered her heart, softly. "He is the key to everything."

"Hush," she said. Stupid heart.

The fire burned low and the wood pile diminished.

"I'll get more," said Fen.

"Don't be silly," said Llandred. "Last time you went out for wood, you brought back a Tam."

"I'll just take some from inside the ring," she replied. "It's autumn now. There's plenty lying around."

The sounds of Fen crunching through the dry leaves diminished. Esten was snoring quietly on the other side of the fire. The flames burned low and hot. She took another swig from the bottle.

"Ask him about his father," whispered her heart.

"What was that thing that Esten said earlier about your father?"

Llandred shook his big head. "I don't want to talk about it." A silence stretched out while the flames crackled. "No, actually, fuck it, I do want to talk about it. I’m tired of everything being some big fucking secret." He took a long, ragged breath and let it go again.

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

"We don't see Father very often," he said. "He comes, he brings presents, then he leaves again. Every time he comes, he’s nice for a while, then he has some big fight with Mother and disappears for another six months. Poor little Esten is so happy when Father comes. He runs around the garden, climbing trees and bringing fruit to the table. He hasn't realised that he always leaves again."

"It's worst for Fen, though. She tries to hide it, but I see. She's always off and about doing things, trying to prove herself, trying to get into trouble. I think she wants someone to come and save her, like if she could only wreck herself badly enough, someone would come and pick up the pieces and that would be like they loved her, but there isn't anyone, only me."

Taliette frowned into the fire. "My father was a bastard, too," she said.

"He's not... I mean, he does important things. He fights Paesk in the Southern Ocean. He hunts for pirate treasure in the Belonosian Archipelago."

"Sounds like a bastard to me," she said.

"Yes, you're right," said Llandred at last. "He is a bastard. I wish things were different, but they're not so I just have to live with it."

His hand was lying on his knee. She slipped hers over it. After a minute, he laced his glowing index finger over hers. His skin was cool.

"Why am I here?" she asked.

He frowned at her. "You came here by yourself."

"No, I mean, I followed my heart, and I followed the coin, but why here? What's it all for?"

She leaned back and stretched out her legs and feet. She noticed him noticing.

"There's something coming for us," he said. "Something really bad. I asked for a weapon to go fight it, and I got you. Now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with you. That's all I know. I don't know why it's you. I don't know what you're supposed to do. I can't think of anything you could do."

"You want to ride out and slay dragons with me?"

He laughed, but there was bitterness in the sound. "I don't see how I can," he said. "If Nasnarieth comes here then Fen, Esten, Mother, even Seskie and Gwynn will all suffer, and there won't be anyone to protect them. Father is never here. It's all up to me. I'm the only one."

"You could bring them."

"Mother would never agree. She says she's seen the darkness. She only wants to hide. Besides, you've met Esten. What would he do out in the world? No, I'm bound here, tighter than magic. It was a stupid idea to take the coin, although I will admit it is nice to have someone to talk to."

"And so you're going to protect them all by yourself?"

He laughed again, the short barking sound with bitterness in it. "Protect? Hah. No one can kill what's coming for us. The only way I can protect them will be to make sure they die quickly. I'll put them beyond his reach, then I'll take myself there too."

"And me?"

"I haven't decided what to do with you yet. You could go back where you came from if you want, but I don't really want you to." He reached inside his shirt and pulled out the coin. "Here, I changed my mind. You can take it."

She stared at it hungrily. Her heart remained silent. You want what every sane person wants, Gintas had said. You want to rule the world.

"No," she said. "You can keep it for a while. I won't need it just yet."

"I don't... I mean, it doesn't feel comfortable holding hands with you when I own a piece of you. It's like I'm forcing you."

She shrugged. It was a fair point.

"Keep it for now," she said. "I'm here for a reason. I want to wait to see what the reason is."

He folded it away into his pocket.

"If I were in my kingdom now," he said, "I'd make you my queen. I feel like you own a piece of me already."

"Make him love you," whispered her heart again.

"Come away with me," she said again. "Fight the monsters, I'll help you."

"I told you, my mother..."

"Your mother is a coward, sitting here, waiting for everyone to die. Never would I do that, just waiting for someone to come along and kill me like a fucking sheep."

"I'll not leave her."

A thought occurred to her. "What if she were dead?"

"She's not... That's not going to happen."

"Want me to kill her for you?"

"No! No, of course, I don't want you to kill her." He sighed. "You're joking, obviously. I can never quite tell with you. I feel like you're always on the edge of something crazy."

"Make him love you," whispered her heart again, so gently, she could hardly hear it.

"Fine," she replied in an undertone. "Stupid heart."

"What's that?" he said, but she ignored him.

"What's it like, to shine all the time?" she asked.

He laughed. "I suppose it must be strange for you. Seskie talks about the dark, but I suppose I've never really seen it. Wherever I am, it's already light."

"Close your eyes and put your hands over them."

He stared at her for a second, mistrustful, then did as she asked.

"It’s no good. I can see the brightness of my hands through my eyelids."

"Here, let me help."

She knelt behind him and cupped her hands over his eyes. "There. Do you see the darkness now? Imagine the stars." He leaned back into her, and she felt the solidity of his shoulder blades, the line of his spine against her stomach. He was trembling.

"I see it."

His breathing changed, becoming shallow and quick. She leaned forward, feeling the heat from his neck on her lips, and she was kissing him, and he was kissing her back, and he was pulling her round to face him, and the stars were a blur above her.

"No, stop," he said, pulling away.

"Why?" she said, breathless.

"It just doesn’t seem right. You’ve had wine, and I've got this coin that means something to you. It just doesn't seem right."

"I don't mind," she said, keeping her voice neutral, raising one eyebrow just a fraction, allowing the barest hint of a smile to curl at the corner of her mouth. She owned him now. He was hers, in the palm of her hand, to do with as she wished.

He smiled, and there was sadness in it. "It's just, that's how father treated mother. I don't want to take advantage. One day, I'll reclaim my kingdom, then I'll be worthy of you."

"Cross the ways with me now," she said. "I know how to do it. I can take you there. We'll fight your grandfather. Save your sister."

"I can't. I can't just leave them."

"Then when?"

"I don't know. There'll be a time."

"Meh." She rested her chin on his shoulder, and he interlaced his fingers with hers. His hand was massive, and it shone brighter than ever now the fire had almost burned down.