I remember waking up, and it was this amazing feeling like I'd been reborn. At the time, it was more like "grow, grow, grow" or "zzzzzz." But I do still remember seeing how amazing my first leaf was. As that leaf sprouted, I remember thinking, "What the fuck is that, and why does it feel so good?" I mean, not in those exact words, but close enough. The sun. OMG, THE SUN. It felt so good shining on me, like in a human sense, if I were to imagine drinking 5 coffees at once just by laying out in the sun. It. Was. Heaven. Without a doubt.

Now, you may be thinking, "Why would I care about some random tree sapling?" Well, fuck you, that's why. I was an amazing and unique sapling, I'll have you know. Jokes aside, after a few months of gaining leaves and growing taller, I started to be able to sense my surroundings. I get a feeling that most trees wouldn't be able to do that, but fuck you, I'm unique, remember? I mean, I even had some thoughts back then like "Ooooo, buzz buzz thing" and "creature of nut hoarding." Again, the details aren't important. What is important are the awesome things I could do. Have you ever read something's mind? Well, I have. Apparently, I'm some "spirit tree"? And that's supposed to give me special powers, I guess. I mean, reading minds is cool and all, but when you live with a bunch of bugs and rodents... There's not much mind to actually read beyond "bury seed, find nut, buzz buzz, etc." It's a lonely life out here.

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To be fair, at the time, I didn't really care. Can you really blame me, though? Try sunbathing 24/7. It's awesome. That peace that I felt all changed when some random bird that I had never seen before landed on ME. Who did they think they were, huh? AND THEN, it had the AUDACITY to start bashing its beak against my fucking trunk. HOW RUDE. So obviously, I tried to do something about it, willing my branches to do SOMETHING. But no, I'm. A. TREE!!! I can't do anything, no matter how annoyed I get. So I just SAT THERE and watched as this little shit pecked away.

Now, this would be fine and all, but the next day, it brought some friends with him. Because he hadn't fucked me enough himself. That day was TORTURE. Till I amazingly figured out how to zap the bastard, yeah that's right, me: The tree. I figured out how to use MAGIC. I'm just the greatest tree to ever live. Now you'd think that would be that. But noooo, this bigger bird seemed oh so mad the smaller ones died that it ATTACKED ME, and credit where it's due; That HURT. I didn't even know I could feel pain, let alone that much. I mean, I was offended before, but now?! I'm outraged!! I gathered as much power as I could claw at and zapped the jerk. I then immediately passed out.

On the bright side, when I woke up, I felt AMAZING. I have no clue where momma bird's body went, disappeared at some point, but I didn't really care. I'm just a tree basking in the sun. Just a tree basking in the sun. Just a tree... basking in the sun...