We stayed until the fair closed. Even then, we lingered in the parking lot, searching, looking, calling. We never found Brase.
We spoke to EVERYONE. I wouldn’t have met more customers and employees that night if I’d been advertising free beer. Of course, many people had potentially seen Brase; he stands out in a crowd. Of those sightings, however, few could offer more than, “Yeah...maybe. No idea when. Hope you find him.” In the end, no one credibly confessed to seeing him after the group split up.
Well, there was one exception. An employee claimed to have seen,“The big hairy guy? Yeah,” LEAVING the fair.
“By himself? Did he get into a car?”
“Naw, he was with someone. A woman I think,” wryest smile. “Maybe try callin’ up his lady friend. Not sure about the car, though.”
“Thanks,” Brooke said begrudgingly. After we moved along, she confirmed, “I am CONFIDENT he is not currently involved with anyone.”
I have to say, throughout an exhausting and disappointing evening, Brooke remained very calm, dauntless. Meticulously, we moved down one side of the midway, asking every person we saw. Even after dozens of “Nope”’s and even more silent snubs, she stayed intrepid.
Brent, on the other hand, didn’t fare as well. During the search, we stayed in contact through texting. It didn’t take long for him to self-assign full responsibility for Brase’s absence, insisting it was a reaction to his earlier comment.
“Yeah, and if I hadn’t given him crap about a job again, he wouldn’t have left.” Etc. No matter what any of us said to him, he always returned to some version of that refrain. By the end of the night, with Brase still missing, he had sunken into a deep crater of self-loathing.
During our search, I learned more about the brothers’ relationship from Brooke. “They go at each other all the time; all three of us do. You’ve seen that.” I had. There had been plenty of examples of the their playful ribbing. “Neither of them have thin skin. Brent is definitely the more emotional of the two.”
“I’m sure Brase was annoyed. He only has a few vulnerabilities, but especially after the fight with our parents, that’s one of them. So, of course, Brent targets that with his teasing. But Brase gets over it. Always. He gets annoyed and then shakes them off. To just get up and LEAVE because of one comment? I’m sure he’s sick of hearing it, but that’s the thing : he’s heard it all BEFORE. Why is this the time that it rankles him enough to make him take off? And he didn’t just leave Brent, he left ALL of us. He wouldn’t do that, it’s not who he is.”
She was on a roll, so I just kept my mouth shut and listened, nodding or head-shaking when appropriate.
“If anything, he would have jumped at the chance to talk to Brent alone about it, especially when he was already feeling penitent. Brase hates conflict and lingering bad feelings.”
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
Breath. Sharp pivot.
“Where would he even go? He doesn’t have a car here. Who does he know around here? And a ‘lady friend,’ HA. My brother would be a great catch for anyone, but good luck getting hold of him long enough to domesticate him. Maybe another hiker? But, again, HERE? NOW? No chance.”
She was making valid and reasonable assertions. The problem was, identifying all the reasons in the world that Brase would’t have done something, didn’t change the fact that, somehow, it DID happen. That was the one aspect of the mystery we could certain of : Brase was gone. We spent enough time patrolling the fair and it’s grounds to be sure of that.
One thing that did eventually come out was that on the handful of occasions that Brase had become truly upset, angry or forlorn to a lasting degree, hiking WAS his catharsis. After a particularly savage row with his parents, he would just get up and go hiking. It was his defense mechanism or his safe place. When he needed to think or work through frustration, the trail was what he knew, and it was how he coped.
Where they live in Kittanning, there is plenty of forest around, so he would just stuff food into a backpack and be gone in minutes. He didn’t say anything, didn’t ask for a ride; he just got his stuff together and hit the trail. He would disappear for a few days and then returned rejuvenated.
He wasn’t incommunicado during his jaunt, though. Not long after departing, he’d text one or both of his siblings, giving them a general idea of where he was and where he intended to go. If they hadn’t witnessed the precipitating altercation, he’d give them an overview. Brase is very open and likes to talk things through.
Could it be that Brase had been so wounded by his brother’s comment that he left on one of these “Healing Hikes” right there, from the fair, without warning any of us? Brooke certainly doesn’t believe so.
Regardless, by night’s end there was no question, Brase was gone. After being “politely” reminded of the fair’s closing time, we huddled up around Laurel’s car. There were two (marginally) rational possibilities, uncharacteristic as they both seemed. Most likely : Brase got a ride through a ride-sharing company, or some acquaintance his siblings didn’t know. The took him home or he stayed with this unidentified friend. The second possibility is that he took a Healing Hike, hitting the trail to clear his head – more specifically, THIS trail. Why he didn’t contact any of us before or after choosing either option remains a mystery.
I reminded the others of Brase’s earlier comments, that he was seriously considering going further with me after the others called it quits. Maybe that’s what he did. The possibility was already in his mind, so maybe the conflict with Brent solidified his choice. He could be waiting for me to catch up at the nearest campsite. Maybe he’d text me later when he calmed down and want to join back up. His previous Healing Hikes have all been solo affairs, but there was no reason that I, a relative outsider to his current frustration, couldn’t accompany him this time.
I realize there are sprawling gaps in logic in even this scenario, but given what we have to work with, its the best option. It’s an unfortunate situation no matter how you slice it, but I’m hoping that it won’t be long until it’s resolved. We’ll find Brase and he’ll provide a detail that shifts the whole, confusing scenario into proper focus. He and Brent will make up and everything will go back to normal. Brent can stop worrying and hating himself, and I, too, can stop feeling...this.
My nightmares came back. Somehow they were even worse. Yeah. I don’t know what you call the darker side of horrific, but that’s where I ended up last night. Even better, every nightmare featured my new friends. And who was at the center of it all? Brase. My traitorous mind took what’s already bothering me, scoffed at any potential worse case scenarios and proclaimed, “Oh, I can do better than that!”
And it did. My subconscious has all the subtlety of an atom bomb. Thanks for that.