Chapter 9 - Come Undone
Larena found herself in the dark, out of breath. The only thing illuminating her room in the Royal Palace was a lantern light coming from the balcony.
It was the same nightmare again. How many years has it been since that day? Eleven? Twelve? She couldn't remember. Even the pain had gone away, at least as much as time could heal it. But the nightmares, they remained, and they brought back those faded away memories and suffering every single time.
She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm her racing heart. She had become quite good at recovering herself after a nightmare over the years—most of the time she would not even open her eyes and just fall asleep again. Tonight, though, was different. Combined with the stress of the recent events, she felt her chest tightening. She also felt a wet area in her abdomen. Her bandage probably needed changing, so she stood up.
There was a big map of Runodar lying on the study table—a big, almost perfectly circular continent with two walls surrounding it. There were small drawings and scribbles on the map and small pieces xxx armies and armadas were occupying all around the map. It didn't look tactical, it was more like someone hit the table in frustration and scattered the pieces everywhere.
The likely culprit was standing on the balcony, watching the city. Togan was wearing nothing but his comfortable knee-length shorts. His toned back was full of cuts that were mostly healed, courtesy of his fight with Vante Reiz. Normally, Togan always looked strong. He kept his shoulders high, his chest puffed. Aside from his skills, it was also his confident demeanor that gained him a lot of ranks, and also what made a lot of people safe around him. Right now, however, not even a trace of man was on display. He looked weak—he was slouching, his head lowered. He was nervously tapping his fingers on the railing. His white hair that made him look exalted now made him look older and sick.
Larena stepped onto the balcony, cold marble send shivers through her legs.
"Hey," she said and hugged Togan from his back, startling him.
"Oh, did I wake you up? Sorry."
Togan raised his shoulder and put on his usual confident appearance.
"Don't," said Larena, kissing his back. "You don't have to look strong when you're with me."
"Sorry," said Togan, returning to his melancholic state. "Just a habit."
"I know." Larena kissed his back one last time and leaned against the railing, watching the city beside Togan. "Is it the war?"
"Huh?"
"The thing that's been bothering you, silly."
"Oh. There’s that too but no, it isn’t the war.”
“I was thinking about my brother. Lewiht. You met him before, haven’t you?”
“I did.” She and Togan visited his family’s home a few years ago. Normally Togan would visit them often, but he usually didn’t bring Larena with him. His reasoning was he didn’t want Larena to experience that toxicity in his family. Still, he brought her one time when his father wasn’t there, and it was quite enjoyable as far as Larena could remember. Togan’s mom was a sweet person and Lewiht was just like… Togan but eight years old. “He was an adorable little kid.”
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“Yeah,” Togan smiled. “Yeah, he was. I was already working for the Kel’daras army when he was born, so we were never close. But I remember this one time when we were playing in the backyard. He was six or seven at most and there was this really big apricot tree. I saw a big jar beneath it, full of apricot seeds. I asked what it was and he said he was collecting the seeds of the apricots that fell from the tree. I asked why and you know what he said? ‘Apricot seeds have cyanide in them, I’m collecting them so that stray cats don’t eat them and die.’ He always had a pure heart and I… I tainted that heart.”
Togan slouched even further. “It should have been me. It should have been me that killed that son of a bitch. He used to spend all our money on drinking when we were poor, and he’d beat my mom. When he first raised his hands to me, I… I ran. I ran and thought I could get away from them, be free. But the thing is, I just left my mom, and eventually little Lewiht with that bastard. I was free but they were not. I have all the power in the world and I ran like a fucking coward!”
Togan started crying. He was talking more to himself than Larena right now. “It is all my fault. I put all the burden on Lewiht’s shoulders. What kind of brother does that? I’m the reason for all his pain and suffering and yet… Yet he’s stronger than me. He did what I couldn’t, and he’s going to be even stronger than me one day. If he’s alive, that is.”
Larena hugged Togan tightly without saying a word.
“I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”
“Oh, my love. Don’t be sorry. Don’t ever endure in silence. Or it will grow inside you like a plague and harm you more than any blade can ever do.”
Togan sighed. “There’s also the war. I don’t know what to do. No matter how I think, no matter what we do, there is no way we can supply a campaign to Runodar. It’s just too far away. We need to get hold of a strategic location like Atraketh or any other Circle Nations and gather our strength there. We need to build a colony to supply the campaign, and that can take years. If we can defend that colony against the enemy, that is. Then we can start to work on destroying those damn walls.”
“Do you think it is possible? Destroying the walls, I mean.”
“We’re working on something with the Minister of Technology, but it’s too early to tell anything. In theory, though, we should be able to do it. But we need hundreds, maybe thousands of Artists to help us to even put a dent on those walls. We need every single Falcon to help us.”
“Fholas wouldn’t give them all, you know that.”
“He will have to. He will after hearing my plan. And… You’re going to help me with that. I need you to go to Falcon Island to deliver my message.”
“What? But my place is your-”
Togan placed his hands on her cheeks, slowly caressing her skin with his thumb. “You’re the only person in this world that I can trust with this message, Larena. I hate it when we’re separated too, but this concerns the lives of millions of people, not just us.”
“You know I’m going to do it.” Larena looked at Togan’s teary, brown eyes. This man was her everything, and now he was telling her that they need to separate during a war. “But I’d be lying if I said I wanted to do it.”
“I don’t want you to do it either. But I have no other choice. That message… I can’t trust anybody else with that.”
“What are you planning to do? What will be in that message that makes it so important?”
“I did some planning and, if everything goes our way, if we can destroy those walls smoothly… we can advance to Luglozran. It is the biggest city in the Mid Rim region of Runodar, and I don’t see any way of advancing further. Maybe we can conquer Luglozran too, but that’s about it. Pushing the army to the Inner Rim will be a suicide—we will be too susceptible to flanking. We need to conquer the entirety of the Outer and Mid Rim if we want to prevent that, but that is even more impossible than destroying the walls. Luglozran. That’s where our fates will be decided. We will get obliterated and Runodar’s going to conquer Kel’daras as easy as a child’s play. Our people will try to defend their country and millions will be slaughtered, Larena. And I’m not going to allow that.”
Togan turned his gaze to the city. “Luglozran will not be the end. It is only going to be the beginning.”