Act I, Part II: Remembrance

By Gandosa Arobar, Daughter of Councilor Arobar

I’m glad that Nilas is oblivious to most everything in the world or he probably would’ve noticed I was on the brink of tears as our conversation came to a close. He’s grown up so much since we were just children scurrying about the many corridors and rooms of the Manor and through the streets of Ald’ruhn Under-Skar and to think he is about to go through the Trials—it makes my heart hurt. Certainly, he’s grown into a truly respectable man and he really has become everything he’s always set off to be, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m scared. No, scared isn’t the right word. I’m wrought with dread. He’s so excited, but he doesn’t know what the Trials entail and neither do I, but I remember seeing Volene limp back into Ald’ruhn—her armor destroyed, her weapon absent, her body covered in wounds, and she couldn’t even really speak for days after she made it back. Whatever happened to her—it broke her. It destroyed her. She wasn’t the girl I had known since we were children, she was irreparably damaged in every way and that’s why she eventually fell into the care of the Temple’s Sanitarium in Molag Mar and as much as it hurt me to see Volene like that, I couldn’t bear to see the same happen to Nilas—I just couldn’t. He’s my little brother—he’s the one I used to tuck in at night and the one who I’d sneak potions to following Father’s rampages. I love him and to think that what happened to Volene could happen to him—I just can’t bear the thought; it’s just too much.

He didn’t really know Volene, nobody in my family did, because she was my little secret. Father would have never approved of me being friends with the “common rabble” because despite as much as he talks about how a Redoran sacrifices for his people, he looks down on those same people. He scoffs at the pauper in the street and mocks the pleas of those going through hard times asking for a break on the taxes levied by the House. That is why he never met Volene. Well, one of the reasons why anyways.

Volene and I met ten or so years ago during the All Saints’ Day Festival and I often wonder if it was an act of Lady Azura herself that we met, because every time I think about it, it doesn’t make sense. So many things had to play out just right for us to meet. I’m grateful though. Volene was the one person I didn’t have to put on an act around; I didn’t have to be the prim and proper daughter like I did for Father and I didn’t have to parent her like I did with Nilas, no, I was allowed to just be—me—and I think that’s why I spent so much time sneaking around with her. She was the kind of person who could always make me laugh, sometimes so hard that mazte would come out of my nose, and then she’d tease me about how “That’s not very ladylike at all, Muthsera.” I’d always tell her to quiet down, but she’d give me that crooked smirk of hers and just giggle.

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I suppose that’s why I’m so afraid of Nilas going through the Redoran Trials. Volene never had any interest in being Redoran before she met me and she only was willing to because then we wouldn’t have to sneak around and we could publicly be friends. I tried to tell her it didn’t matter though, because, even if she was Redoran—what we had—they’d never understand anyways. She could one day become Archmaster and it wouldn’t matter, because we’d still have to keep certain things secret and I was still likely to be wed off to Serjo Oran in Suran, but she was always so headstrong—like Nilas. She just put a finger to my lips before she said, “As they always say, a Redoran’s life is sacrifice and there is no sacrifice too great for the woman I love.” But she didn’t know what she was talking about. She should’ve never gone through with it, but she was so damned impatient. I told her, I have to take care of Nilas and once he’s grown, we can run away together to anywhere she wants and we can start a new life together with all the secrecy and all the lies, but she didn’t want to wait. She couldn’t stand the thought of hiding in the shadows anymore and she was willing to give her life to the House so that we could be honest about what we had; I just wish she would’ve had patience. Everything would be so much different if she would’ve just listened to me and that’s why I’m so scared for Nilas.

Before she left for those godforsaken trials, Volene was so cocky and confident all the time. She had this aura of bravado about her that made me putty in her hands, but it was counterbalanced by her poet’s heart and sense of romanticism and I miss that about her. She was so—special—in so many ways and the Trials destroyed her. The girl who left for those trial left with that signature crooked smirk as she planned to take on the world all by herself just like she always had done and the one who came back—it wasn’t Volene, not the one I knew anyways. She was a husk of her old self. She didn’t talk to me about what things would be like one day when we were finally open about our relationship or how we’d eventually have a cozy little farm in the Ascadian Isles growing saltrice and marshmerrow, nope, that Volene was gone. She didn’t talk much at all after she got back and the things she did say, they were dark and cynical as though she had simply lost the will to go on. She ate little. Drank little. Slept even less than that and often her sleep would be filled with terrified screams and cold sweat that would drench the pillow and blankets alike. Whatever happened in those trials killed the girl I was going to run away with one day and I can’t lose anyone else to them, not like I did her, especially not Nilas. He never really knew Volene, but if he did, then maybe he wouldn’t be so eager to undergo these Trials, but—it doesn’t matter. He’s probably already been taken to the Trials and there’s nothing I can do about it except pray that the Three watch over him. I can’t bear to lose my little brother too. I just can’t.

I love you, little brother, and I hope you know that as you go through the Trials. You are stronger than you know and you are the bravest man I’ve ever met and I hope that whatever happens, you know that you are more of a Redoran with or without the Trials than most can ever hope to be. May the Three watch over you and guide you through these harrowing times.

-Gandosa Arobar, Redoran Noblewoman