“One man's sword is another's toothpick.”

-A first contact scenario.

***Outer Rim***

***Tex***

Volunteering for this mission was the biggest mistake of this lifetime. Not that I have exactly a good track record of making smart career choices.

I hack away at the underbrush with a small hatchet, trying to clear a path through the worst of the plant-life. During the mission-briefing, I was told that the entire planet was agriculturally claimed by the natives, but that was clearly a lie! I hope that this mission is worth it.

To be honest, I still can't believe that our intelligence service fucked up this bad!

Fuming, I continue hacking, trying to find a comfortable rhythm.

When I decided to join the Lifers in the real world, I was wasting my time in Fantasyworld, so I am not unused to dirt and hostile environments. But the medieval world with its grime and unclean conditions was ten times better than this shithole. How can the natives be content with leaving their world in such a state?

I glare at the thick underbrush of plants which is too dense for even a single person to walk through. Then there are the gigantic trees, the largest of them over a hundred metres in height. Their trunks are at least five metres in diameter and support crowns which weave so seamlessly into each other that the whole forest might as well be a single plant.

To be short, this mission is a giant pain in my butt. Seriously, I would simply force the Prip to join hands with us. No reason to ask for permission to test our newest weapon on them. They could have just dropped the weapon on them and be done with it. But no! Command has to ask for permission! Bah!

Originally, I assumed that it would take less than an hour to make it to the nearest Prip settlement. That's why I happily took the assignment, hoping for a few very easy skillpoints.

But no! They had to shoot one of their primitive missiles at me and now I have to fight my way through this sludge. When I get back, I'll make sure to grab three women beneath each arm and carry them off. We won't leave the bed until their bellies are too large to...

I stop my wild fantasies and halt mid-swing when one of my suit's sensors beeps, alerting me to the presence of a large organism.

My surroundings haven't changed much since I started the march after my botched landing. I am still covered in a thick layer of dirt and the mire of the bog is reaching up to my knees. There was no way to get rid of the stuff after I managed to go for a swim in it. The nice, shiny armour makes me look more like a swamp-monster than a demon.

I swing my tail involuntarily, still not entirely comfortable with the peculiarities of this body.

The horns and the glowing symbols on my skin are all things I can get used to, but the tail feels like an unnerving twitch in the back of my mind. Now, I know that everyone says that I'll get used to it eventually, but even after years it doesn't entirely feel like it belongs to my body.

Maybe I should simply cut it off? Though, I made quite a few upgrades to it in order to turn it into something useful.

My wandering thoughts stop when my eyes catch a movement on a nearby tree trunk. It's exactly where my armour's sensor suite is detecting the life-signals, movement and the heat source of a large creature.

I slowly sink to the ground, allowing my body to slide into the bog.

Whatever this thing is, it's too large to be a Prip.

When the creature doesn't move, I slowly reach out and pull myself through the sludge. All the while, my suit's internal alarms go off, informing me of all sorts of diseases and parasites which would pose a serious problem to anyone without an enhanced immune system. This planet's vermin are quite aggressive to be recognized by the system, and I am not quite sure if a level zero demon would stand a chance against this world's micro-organisms.

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Luckily, I don't think that I have much to worry about. I took some of the more advanced body upgrades a while ago, anticipating that I would take this sort of mission. Though, there is one type of fungus which the suit reports to be eating the camo-colour on my equipment. I might have to invest one of my precious skillpoints which I hold in reserve for an external immune system, just to keep my equipment from falling apart.

My slow approach doesn't alarm the creature, which must have been attracted by me hacking away at the underbrush.

Deciding to investigate, I slide through the deep mud, in this case, exceptionally thankful to have a strong tail, as it proves helpful in propelling me forward. By adapting the movements of a snake, I manage to cover a considerable distance, even though this mode of motion is by no means comfortable.

It still takes some time to work my way undetected around the tree trunk to where the creature is clinging to the bark. Its ugly shape turns out to be some strange mixture between an ape and a sloth, supported by the oversized claws which allow it to cling firmly to the bark.

The ugly thing's snout is elongated and about as long as my lower arm, shining with rows upon rows of sharp teeth.

It's holding onto the tree trunk about twenty metres above the ground, its huge nostrils widening and closing as it snoops the air. Suddenly I find the sludge on me not so problematic. Enduring a little dirt is way better than having to slaughter my way through a whole host of these things. From the looks of it, it's perfectly adapted to living in these enormous trees, so there is no way to tell how many of them there are.

Another movement further up the trunk draws my attention and I allow the optics of my helmet to zoom in on the second creature. This time it's a native who is slowly climbing down the trunk, whistling some strange tune as if he doesn't have a care in the world.

The monster's head snaps around, focusing on the newcomer who is stumbling like a newly hatched demonling onto the stage.

Aw, great! I am supposed to make contact with these buffoons, and not watch them getting eaten!

Rising from the sludge, I wave my arms and call out. “Hey! Watch out! Careful!”

Several things happen at once.

The Prip stops his tune, at least I assume that it's a 'he'. The furry bastard twists around while clinging to the tree, looking directly at me with large, round eyes.

And the monster loses interest in this – probably – small snack and focuses on me.

'Uh oh...' is all that comes to mind before the creature launches itself at me with a scream of triumph, showing its incredible jumping powers and taking me completely by surprise. I wasn't expecting such agility from this beast, though that should probably be expected from something that lives in a tree.

A moment before it lands on me, instinct takes over and my tail lashes out like a whip, its serrated edge of carbon nano-fibre and spring-steel slicing neatly through the monster's forelimbs and taking off half its face.

The already dead creature lands on me, pushing me into the mud with a wet 'thud'. I curse, getting the thing off of me. It turns out that the creature isn't quite as heavy as I initially assumed. What looked like a huge mass of bone and muscles is mostly a thick layer of fur and wiry limbs.

Now free, I look up to the native. Hoping that he can take me to their leaders, I active the translator. “You okay? I come in peac-”

A gunshot rings loudly through the forest and small pellets ping off my armour.

“Monster! Ahhh! *Sounds of terror!*” my translator chirps, happily echoing the native's speech as he scrambles up the tree.

“It killed Fluffy!”

Finally, the guy disappears in the tree's foliage, still holding onto the smoking contraption which he used to shoot me.

Meanwhile, I stand there, feeling like an idiot as a few things click into place. First, I was just shot at – with buckshot. The weapon of choice for a hunter in pursuit of small game. Looking down, I peel a small leaden pellet from my chest piece, feeling a little nostalgic about the memory of a hunting-sim I played a long time ago.

Turning, I look at the monster which is lying in the dirt next to me, noticing the elaborate collar around its neck.

A hunter needs a hunting dog...

Looking up, at the foliage above me, I feel even stupider. Why am I even down here, crawling through the dirt? These trees are so large that even their smallest branches can probably carry me with ease. Hell, the natives must have a whole network of easy transit ways up there, while I am wading through what probably counts as their friggin sewage system!

Letting out a long and frustrated groan, I make my way over to the trunk which the hunter used to climb down. Then I sink my clawed fingertips into the bark and start climbing slowly and mechanically, rising to the treetops.

The first few dozen metres of each tree are empty of branches and seemingly dead, but as soon as I reach the thick foliage, my range of vision is reduced to only a few metres.

After a few more smaller branches, the thicket clears and reveals an open space which was cut out of the tree. A broad band of a clearly artificial material gains my attention. At least ten metres in width, it disappears out of sight to the left and to the right.

Mumbling to myself, I climb higher until I am able to step onto the roadway, which is made out of some kind of plastic.

My entrance is accompanied by gasps, as a crowd of natives scrambles to get to a respectful distance. They look like average civilians, their choice of clothes and accessories as multifarious as I would expect from people of that particular trade.

This time I don't waste time with trying to be nice. “I am a representative of a foreign power, and in advance, I don't like being shot at or being jumped by the local pets. Take me to your leader. Take me to Prime Minister Jannas!”