When I came to, I was floating in a sea of colour.

Everyone had that one friend in their late teens or early twenties who did LSD or mushrooms or something hallucinogenic like that for the first time, and who grossly exaggerated their trip. Or perhaps they didn’t do anything stronger than weed, but they swore they were seeing dragons and or some shit like that after trying what they claimed to be Moroccan hashish that their cousin managed to source from "a guy he knew."

I felt like I was living that exaggeration. All of my five senses melded in and out of each other, turning my brain into mush. I couldn’t think or even be aware of myself. All I could do was just exist and feel. Time didn’t seem to pass, or it crawled at a snail’s pace. I couldn’t tell either way.

After a while, the intensity of feeling and experience started to fade and I was able to remember who I was once again. I wasn’t floating anymore, but falling like a feather on a windless day.

Finally, my surroundings changed and I found myself sitting on my front porch. The sky above was a Technicolor carousel, shifting through hues every so often. Still, I could tell that the night was drawing closer.

The most curious part of the whole experience was the big grey alien sitting with its legs crossed in the chair next to mine, where Mom used to sit. It looked just like the stereotypical alien with a head too big for its thing, a long body. It had big black eyes, two small holes where its nose was supposed to be, and a tiny mouth. It cradled a wine glass in its hand, between two out of three fingers, the third being the opposable thumb.

I was disturbingly calm, given that there was ET right there, drinking my rose. Not even that thought could get a rise out of me.

“You’ve got a nice view here,“ it started with a surprisingly nasally voice.

I didn’t know what to say, so I kept quiet. The Vineslasher’s poison was still coursing through my body and it didn’t exactly make my head clear.

The alien took a sip of the rose and made what I assumed to be a satisfied sigh.

“This alcohol is superb. I wish we could have snagged a few cases before the integration was initiated. “

The wine was bottom shelf rosé that gave you wicked headaches if you had too much of it. But that didn't seem like a pertinent detail to mention.

“You’ve been on Earth before? “ I mustered to say. My breath was laboured and it hurt to talk. I guess that came with cracked ribs.

“Oh, yes, of course. I’ve been on the planet's surface for nearly 60 Earth years. “

It took another sip and expertly swirled the wine in the glass. It must have seen the confused expression on my face because it continued:

“Well, someone had to do field research and catalogue the cultures of the sapient species, before the System initiation started. It’s the standard procedure.”

“Is that why we started having so many alien movies since then? ”

“Exactly. ”

“I guess all those UFO nutjobs weren’t that nuts after all,” I said and then groaned in pain, my head throbbing. I tried to pull up my sheet to see how many HP I had left after that extremely stupid encounter with the Vineslasher, but I wasn’t able to. Then I noticed that the green eye that was perpetually hanging in the corner of my vision was gone.

“You won’t be able to do that while we’re here. You’re not technically awake, and I’m not actually here,“ The being said and paused. “Well, not in the physical sense of the word here. “

“What do you mean? Who are you anyway? “

“Those are all very valid questions. “

The big grey alien sighed and finished its wine.

“ My name is Blyb. You can think of me as a project manager. As I said, we were sent here to catalogue the cultures of sapient species before the integration started. It was a routine procedure, and we were supposed to be in and out. The process was supposed to take about 10 Earth years at most, and that was pushing it. “

I stayed quiet, hoping that the alien called Blyb would give more information if I stayed quiet. Some people can't deal with silence so they fill it with the sound of their voice.

“We were a small, experienced crew who’d done many cataloguing jobs together before. What we didn’t expect is that we would like this planet. There were just so many things to do and see. So we kept delaying our final report for a few decades because we were having so much fun. Also, we haven’t had a vacation in a while, so this place seemed good. The Integration wasn’t on schedule until the beginning of Earth’s 21st century, after all. “

“Why are you telling me all of this? “ I asked. I was growing more and more suspicious

“I was getting to it! ” It snapped at me. However, it quickly collected itself and drew a deep breath. “Look, the System… It’s been around for a while. Nobody is sure where it came from, how long it has been here, or who created it. However, a clever Lawyer-type bastard figured that they could exploit it as a legal loophole for colonizing planets with adequate resources."

"Okay..."

Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

"Several big corporations bid on planets for their precious gases, metals, and all that. Sometimes, those planets have sentient beings. There is a System-enforced protocol for how to approach those particular planets. First, you have to wait for them to reach a certain social and technological threshold. Earth had coincidentally reached it with the invention of the electric can opener in the 1960’s. “

My eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“The electric can opener?“

The being in the chair next to me waved its hand dismissively. Its skin was changing colour slightly by the second like someone was moving the slider on the RGB picker in character creation.

“I don’t know how these things are calculated. It is all very technical and boring. “

I was intrigued by the idea that electric can openers were the revolutionary thing to get us into this pickle, but I wasn’t going to interrupt any more.

“ Anyway, where was I? Yes, first the planet needs to reach the specified threshold, and then you have to catalogue the cultures and species and all of that crap for all the intergalactic nerds out there. Then, you can’t just go all out and genocide the natives before you start drilling for goods. Are you following me so far? ”

“Yeah, I am,“ I said, even though I wasn't. Man, whatever was in that poison would've been a major hit in the 60's.

“The System comes to all the worlds, whether they like it or not,“ The being continued, its expression darkened. “ It seeds the planets with flora and fauna from all over the Universe. Then the planet gets about three Earth years of a grace period, where corpos can't go in and do any of the digging and harvesting of stuff. They have to wait for the natives to adapt and give them a fighting chance, more or less. “

“I guess the all-out genocide makes some people nervous up there,“ I was beginning to question why I wasn’t freaking out more about this whole conversation. Perhaps the Vineslaher poison worked great as a mood stabilizer, as well as an inducer of groovy vibes.

“Yeah, but not nervous enough to stop the practice altogether. The Universe is not a pleasant place, even on its best days. “

“The Universe welcomes the strong,“ I echoed the closing words from the intro video that was broadcast at the beginning of this nightmare.

The alien nodded in understanding.

“Exactly. Anyway, about six months ago we got the notification that we had to wrap up our cataloging. And so we did. Then I found out that the corporation that hired us had sold its contract to another one. It was the same one which integrated my home planet. “

A wave of sadness radiated from Blyb, a sadness I thought I would know all too well, not too far away into the future.

“Barely a few thousand of us survived the integration. I have been furious ever since. And I thought I’d find a way to give them the middle finger, as you humans like to say. That’s where you come into play,“ It turned its face towards me.

I froze.

“Me? “

“Yes, you,“ The being made a gesture with its three-fingered hand and produced a big glowing golden coin that hovered above its palm. “This little thing will give those assholes some really bad headaches. “

“What is that? “

“It is a land claim token,“ Blyb said proudly. “I’ve been saving my credits to get this for my retirement. They don’t exactly grow on trees and cost a pretty penny. “

“How much?”

“Ten million credits. “

“Ten million credits?!” I half-shrieked. My voice must have gone half an octave up. “I think I managed to gather about 10 with all this Vineslasher culling. ”

“Yeah, the System doesn’t reward you for killing monsters. You’ll get 1-3 credits per kill usually. The real money is in trade. But let’s keep on topic here, okay?”

I nodded and filed that particular bit of information to unpack later.

“I will give you this land token to claim your cabin and the land around it. “

“What? “

The alien smiled at my reaction, baring a row of tiny needle-like teeth. It was really, really unsettling.

“Why would you give me this? I’m nobody. ”

“Exactly, my dear Diana Mond. You’re a nobody. And that’s going to piss some bigwigs off even more. “

I started at my name, but I wasn’t going to question that. If I were to start questioning things, I wasn’t sure I’d like any of the answers.

“You just said that thing is worth ten million credits. “

“Yes. “

“Isn’t that a lot of money? “

“Yes, but… “ the being smiled mischievously. “In my role as a project manager, I haven’t exactly been totally… Above board, let’s say. ”

“What do you mean? ”

“Let’s say that I have some very wealthy acquaintances who like to collect things. Those acquaintances like to collect stuff from pre-integrated worlds. You know how it is. “

The alien went silent and just blinked at me with its huge black eyes.

“I see. “

“I’m not ready to retire yet, and I’ve become independently wealthy from my activities. I will be fine. So, do you want this? “ It extended its hand with the token towards me.

“What will it do?“ I had to stop myself to reach towards the glowing object.

“Well, it will let you claim this land, a thousand square meters to be exact. It will become a safe zone that you will be able to extend by paying 10 credits per every additional square meter, according to the rates, since the last time I checked. “

“Alright? And how exactly will this give headaches to the corporation that bid for Earth’s resources? “

“There comes the fun part,“ The alien was giddy with malicious glee. “They won’t be able to harvest any materials from the area that you own. We’d hit them where it hurts the most!“

Blyb then burst into maniacal laughter that hurt my drugged-up brain. The high was notably going down, but I wasn’t up to operating any heavy machinery any time soon. It was not a fun time, no matter what your hippy uncle would claim.

The Gray one ended its laughing fit with little hiccups. It poured itself some more of Mom’s wine, not bothering to ask me for permission or even offer me any.

It inhaled deeply over the glass with its eyes closed and downed the wine. Then it turned towards me, eying me expectantly.

“We don’t have much time left. I have to get back to my ship, and projecting into your consciousness is a lot of work. Do you want the token or not?”

The alien extended its arm towards me once again, the golden token hovering above its grey palm.

I thought about it for a moment. Well, as much as I could with my brain being actively fried by the Vineslasher’s poison. I had no reason to trust Blyb, and even in my current state, I could see that this would come to bite me in the ass. But the future seemed bleak, and dying was a certainty.

“Oh, why the hell not?“ I said and grabbed the token.

Blyb went into another laughing fit, the sound of it echoing in my head as the world went dark again.