Everything is made out of ones and...
Zero.
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[GOD: SUP, UH, I HUMBLY APOLOGISE ON BEHALF OF MY APPARENTLY RACIST... MISOGYNISTIC, HOMOPHOBIC, MANIPULATIVE, PSYCHOPATHIC, PERVERTED... *godly sigh* GODDESS FOR THE TROUBLE. BE BLESSED FOR WHO YOU ARE. ALSO LOVE YOU, NO HOMO. AMEN.]
[★SKILL: Byproducts of The Universe (LVL 1) has been obtained!]
[... has been obtained!]
[... has been…]
[Loading 'isekai' SYSTEM...]
[SYSTEM: ■■■■]
[WARNING: You are in the ■■■■■■■■■ ■ealm. ■ve■yth■ng aroun■ ■ou ■s■■■]
"Ohhhhhh..." Ken moaned. "Ohhh~..."
Wha...
Ken felt the back of his head rubbing against the cold, coarse grit of a rocky surface. Palms pressed on the rigid ground, and he unknowingly sat up. A splitting headache heralded a bombardment of tinnitus, ruthlessly zinging through his ears as he slowly opened his murky, bloodshot eyes. Murky vision. It became painstakingly clearer and quieter with every passing tick.
No, no... NO!
The reality...
He clenched and breathed through gritted teeth. Clenched his fists. The faint echoes of his moans traversed through the cavern chamber and returned to him, accompanied by the neverending jarring yet steady sounds of droplets dropping. Ken chuckled. He covered his face with his palms, sliding down its skin with his fingers in despair.
"This isn't my maths class... That fucking bitch..."
Ken emptily stared at the glistening stalactites hanging at the ceiling above him, his palms heated by the gentle cadence of his breaths. It felt warm. It felt too cold here. He hugged his knees to himself, recalling that stupid... fucking... but busty Goddess. He wondered if he should've silently complied like a good boy. Fuck no. Ken wasn't a pushover anymore. After Life threw an egg on his face with his principal, before Ken could desperately sip its tasty, fresh, raw yolk, it was already fried by his year seven class, with that embarrassing, ridiculing... G-guh, enough...
"Kukukuk..."
Besides, that newbie Goddess was already acting out of script should he be isekai'ed to a new fantasy world. Why would anyone, a normal human being, Ken included, trust her? Buttons? What fucking buttons? Hello Goddess? Are you stupid?
"Kuk... kuk.."
If anything, she deserved to get snitched on and get fired for acting like a creepy, crazy bitch. Judging by the maths problem he slapped at her, which she couldn't answer, she was, unfortunately, absolutely ludicrous.
But now, here he was, homeless, sitting in a cave alone and inscrutably muttering to himself. It didn't matter if the Goddess was an airhead or got fired on her first day. It wasn't a dream. She had sent him here. He already had looked at his fingers and pinched himself and tried to cry himself to sleep. Ken Troden was, indubitably, fired on his first day. And that was a fact.
I'm tweaking, I'm tweaking...
Ken rocked himself back and forth, creepily chuckling. Maybe he should kill himself.
"Damn you, oh beautiful Goddess... DAAMN YOU!"
Ken stood to his feet and lunatically laughed at the ceiling, spreading his arms wide. He swore he would get revenge on her by finding her house in heaven and pulling up and spinning back with the Almighty Glock. Then he abruptly stopped when he recalled the miffed heavenly, powerful voice announcing... What was it again?
G-God..? Byproducts of the-
"Stats," Ken calmly said as he thrust his palms in front of himself and threw a pose. Nothing showed up. Hmph. He waited one second, two seconds, sweating...
Clap, clap, clap.
"Who!?"
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Ken flusteredly spun and looked around before he laid his eyes on a mysterious, petite loli, slowly clapping her hands. Pause. There was an arrogant, pompous smirk etched across her face. Her long dark hair matched with her dark kimono. Her abyssal irises contained an incandescent infinite symbol each. Those eyes... Though the infinite symbols seemed to stay in place, the innumerable influx of strings within the loops was endlessly spiralling. Infinitesimal to unfathomable numbers begging to break free, their desperation for freedom illuminated by the imperceptible flickering in her eyes.
"Infinite-chan?" Ken muttered. An aura of calculations oozed from her body, and Infinite-chan stopped clapping.
Wait... But I'm schizophrenic. Holy shit.
Infinite-chan harrumphed and cleared her throat, spreading her arms wide.
"Lowly human! Bow before the Great one, for I am bigger than you can imagine!"
Ken rubbed his chin with his thumb and index finger, staring down at her with disdain.
What the hell? When I said "stats", did I summon her? That little shit? A byproduct of my imagination? I-Impossible. Let me try again. Maybe it's just a bug in the system...haha...
Infinite-chan continued boasting.
"For you cannot comprehend how huge I am and how big!-"
"Stats."
Infinite-chan swiftly disappeared. Ken alarmingly cried out.
Wait a second... And I thought she was the demon king for a second, but who is actually a girl and looks like a twelve-year-old, BUT is actually two-thousand-years-old. So.. about the stats-
"Actually, I'm infinite years old!" Infinite-chan shouted right behind Ken's ear, who had given herself a precarious piggyback ride.
"Who the hell are you?" Ken jolted as he held onto her legs carefreely hoisted over his shoulders to not let her fall. The surreal warmth lingering on the touch of his fingertips and from his upper traps to the back of his head left him bamboozled. Infinite-chan giggled.
"H-hey... You're kidding, right? You're real?"
"Hmph! Since when was I not ‘real’? Ignorance, lowly human! When God created the heavens and earth-"
Ken put her down.
"Eh?" Infinite-chan tilted her head.
"Stats."
Infinite-chan disappeared.
"Stats."
She appeared, eyelids twitching.
Stats.
Gone.
Stats…
"Stop this insolence at once!-"
“Stats!”
Infinite-chan disappeared. Ken clutched his hair, stomping the ground with his feet.
There's no fucking way... This useless familiar! Stupid bug! Let me be the main character for once! OR let me go back to my fucking world!
Ken let go of his hair and sighed.
There could be only one conclusion...
"Stats."
Infinite-chan reappeared, pouting with her arms folded. Ken half-assedly raised and pointed a trembling finger at her.
"H-hey... I wish to check my stats."
"No."
"W-what?”
Infinite-chan closed her eyes and looked away from him, harrumphing. Ken's head rapidly trembled as he resisted the urge to pick her up and start spanking her.
"Why!? Show me my stats now!"
"No."
"You cheeky..." Ken grabbed her collar. His heart froze when he heard a snarling screech, uncannily resembling that of a goblin from Clash of Clans, and the hurried footsteps of a pack travelling together echoing through the tunnel ways, rapidly approaching them. Ken let go of her, eyes widened, horrorstruck, swivelling his neck around to find an exit.
We're fucked, we're fucked, we're fucked- There!
He desperately started towards the single tunnelway. Instead, three green goblins appeared out of the darkness, patting their clubs on their hand, and Ken pushed on the brakes. His twitching smile flipped to a dark frown.
Tch, this shitty ass luck! Shitty ass spawn!
He spun around and grabbed Infinite-chan, who still closed her eyes, pouting. Pushed her towards the goblins and threw the peace sign.
"Yo guys! Itadakimasu Arigato Gozaimasu!"
"Wha-!" Infinite-chan opened her eyes before she staggeredly arrested her momentum and regained her balance. She stood between the three goblins from the side and rear and looked at their burly figures and blunt clubs in fear, but they didn't bat an eye at her. The goblins cocked their heads and grunted.
"Eh..." Infinite-sama curiously touched her lip with a finger in awe. She slowly spun around and stared at Ken with schadenfreude, chuckling with dark impish. He took a step back as his jaw dropped.
"Huh? T-they can't see you, Infinite-chan?"
"Baaaaaka. Only you-"
The goblin at her left cut her off.
"NGHHGHAHHGHGHAH-"
A game-like UI swiftly appeared in front of Ken’s face for a few seconds before disappearing.
[SYSTEM: Foreign monkey language detected!~ Turning on Auto-translate to User's Preferred Language: British!~]
T-thats!-
"-AGHGHAHGH! (Well, well, well! What do we have here? A most delightful, scrumptious and spectacular, rare delicacy of the human specimen unexpectedly residing in my quarters?)"
WTF!
The goblin behind Infinite-chan prodded his monocle into place, doffing his top hat at Ken. Said,
"NGHAHHHHHHHGHAHAHHA...NGA! (Indeed! Sincerely, human entrails are quite my personal favourites to the liking. Nonetheless, to be or not to be… Hm, shall we, my original gangsters? Go forth, Sir Bertram Bartholomew Worthington Cornelius the Third!)"
The goblin at the Infinite-chan's right started to slowly approach Ken as it brandished its club around, screaming, crazily sticking out and twirling its tongue around, performing Indian Omegle tongue tricks.
"NGHYHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT-
"Hey, hey, hey..." Ken swept his gaze on the ground, looking for a weapon. Nothing. Not even a rock.
“E-easy there…”
Is this h-how I am going to die?