"Hnggghhh...~" Ken moaned as he slowly opened his eyes, confronted by the white reality everywhere he loosely glanced around. He was lying down on a substanceless ground, more pure whiteness. Swivelling his neck around, he brought his palm and clutched his hair. The sped-up flashbacks of attending his hivemind soulless class replayed in his mind and relentlessly throbbed in his temples. Sped-up whispers of Alvin the chipmunk endlessly repeating a single phrase, baritones blown and oscillating in and out of his ears.
"skidibi-toilet-Ohio-gyatt-rizzler-kai-cenat!-"
Ken screamed as he sat up.
"Oh shit... Oh... Shut...up."
He slumped his wrist lax in relaxed respite before scramming for his chest. Sharp seismic waves pounded out from his rapidly pulsing heart to his ribcage, stabbing his palm. He nervously looked around the white space that had engulfed his surroundings whole.
"G-guh!"
Ken's heart skipped a beat. His roving gaze congealed at the curvaceous baddie hoisted above him with her outspread angel wings. A Goddess. Her eyes were closed, slender saint-like hands clasped before her voluptuous bosom. Breath-taking bright blonde hair fell at the hip level. She slowly opened her tender eyes, eyebrows fluttering, her lips parting a soft, yawning gasp.
Who was he kidding?
"GYAAAAaAAAAAATT!" Ken stuck out his tongue. "Wait, no."
He solemnly stood up, clearing his throat as he refitted his dropped jaw and patted his tent back into place. Stay calm, Ken. The voices of the full-of-brain-rot kids and the dangerous internet almost got to his head. Too close. He made eye contact with the Goddess, holding it for more than one second with the opposite sex before averting and furiously blushing.
Shit, it's a dream, it's a dream.
"M-Ma'am?" Ken sweated, touching his fingers. "I believe you called... Milady?"
No, what the hell am I saying? What the hell am I doing? Wasn't I teaching just a maths class back then? It's one of those isekai manwhas... right? Erm, I need... I need to go back before I get fired! Man, wake up!
Ken fell to his knees and grovelled.
"Milady!-"
"Ara... Did it work?" The Goddess said.
Huh?
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Ken remained staring at the ground before he sluggishly raised his head, inch by inch, to level with the Goddess. Her white wings perched behind her back flapped, and she mightily descended before him with a gust of wind. Tapped a foot onto the ground before she landed. The galvanising gait soothed Ken's boiling nerves. His nostrils flared, and he smelt the smell of roses lingering on her flawless, light skin. The Goddess curiously blinked as her gaze examined him as if he were a rat test subject. Then she walked around him, nodding her head and making weird affirming noises. Ken stared at the ground. Before long, she stopped in front of him and triumphantly punched a fist into the air. Excitedly said, "Yay! I've summoned and kidnapped a human for the first time!"
First... time?
"Y-yeah... Woohoo..." Ken slowly stood up and looked at the Goddess before half-assedly punching his fist towards the air. His smile abruptly flattened. "So... What happened to the old one?"
"Oh... She got fired~"
"Oh, wow..." Ken bitterly chuckled, nervously scratching the strands of hair by his forehead with a finger.
On God?
"So... C-Can I go back?"
"No~"
"What?"
"Oh, mortal~, silly question, MORTAL!" The Goddess placed her hands on Ken's shoulders and firmly grasped, cocking her head with a wide sadistic smile. She leaned in and leerly whispered in his ears, her hot breath rubbing into his ear canals, giggling. "Just stand still like a good boy, okay, UWU? I reaally want to try out my buttons on you. And maybe..."
Ken profusely sweated. He bit his lip and pushed the Goddess away. She staggered backwards, and she let out an offended gasp, cherubically pouting.
"Hey! Ugh, you stupid n-nig...!"
Uh, think fast. S-straight from the textbook.
"Suppose that f is a continuous function on [0, 2] such that f(0) = f(2). Show that there is a real number ξ ∈ [1, 2] with f(ξ) = f(ξ − 1)." Ken posed as he pointed at her.
"What." The Goddess dropped her jaw. "The fuck."
"Hey God!" Ken shouted at the sky. "She just swore!"
"W-Wait!~ N-No I didn't!~"
"Hell, you did." Ken gave her a dirty look. The Goddess shook her head from side to side, horrorstruck. She seemed to flusteredly tap at the air, sweating.
"And what was that? You were about to say the N-word too? Oh, Iago! Thou art shall be outrageously dismissed!
"YOU CALLED HOMIE?" A heavenly, powerful voice said.
"Y-yeah!" Ken nodded as he spread his arm in the sky. "Your Goddess just-"
A magic circle appeared beneath Ken's feet, and he shut his lips. Cracks and beams of light spilled and enveloped him like a cacoon, and the ground shook and rumbled. His feet staggered to regain footing on the magic circle as they shook out of kilter.
"K-Kuk..."
Oops. That was his victory laughter, almost. Had to suppress the demon swelling inside his throat, but he looked, gave his most deranged smile and waved at the Goddess.
KUHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
"Later, bitch."
"Kill yourself~!" The Goddess sweetly said as she waved at him bye-bye.
Yeeeep. I can fix her.
Ken closed his eyes as he let the heavenly sensation surmount his consciousness. And...
What a weird dream.