September 6, Sunday, 2013

Nox

The summer holidays are over now and secondary school starts again tomorrow. bit if my previous years of school are anything to go by, I'm not looking forward to what's to come, rather I dread it. with the teachers playing favoritism, helping Adam even though he'd be the one bullying me, it was tiring. Life, in general, was tiring ever since my family had died, everything felt like a chore and I lost motivation to continue, even contemplating why I was alive at points.

I'd do what I could to fill the numb hole left behind by them, from watching football like dad used to, watering the plants, and feeding the cats like my mother. Watching anime like my brother or cooking and experimenting with foods and drawing like my sister. But none of this would help and I'd continue to feel numb.

My room is set up so that my brothers bed is right next to the window, neat and tidy, with a desk at the end of his bed where he would game or do homework. he had posters near the desk from anime like Grand Piece which was the first anime he watched and told me to watch too. Between his bead and mine was my desk, a smaller wooden one where I would do homework or read the story and historical books my mother used to get me. and then it was my bed, with the door into the place at the end of it. On my desk was a box knife that I used when I contemplated life, whilst uncle wasn't here.

I wouldn't cut deep, just enough that I would bleed and it would distract me from my emotional pain t a physical pain that I had some sort of control over. on top of the desk and on the wall though was my poster. Something younger me made for future me so that it would be one of the last things I see when the day ends and one of the first things I see when the day starts.

"Nox wake uppp!" Uncle's voice called from below the stairs, a familiar voice that bought me peace over the years and helped me. But he wasn't alone, he would often call his Australian friend Arthur and Sam, Arthur's niece. they were the two I met before my birthday and before that happened. Though sam wasn't present much during the summer holidays, Arthur was someone who helped me and distracted me. it was nice to talk to and hear him, with his cool accent.

The floorboards creaked with each step as I walked past my parents' room and sisters and as I went down, I could feel the rough carpet against my feet. Once I entered the sitting room, I saw my uncle sitting on the settee on a video call with the two I mentioned earlier. Sam and her uncle Arthur. I was surprised to see Sam back considering she was gone a while but I was too tired to say anything. I sat down next to him, resting y head on his shoulder.

In a tired voice and with my eyes half closed, still adjusting to the light I looked at the camera and whispered a "hello".

"Good morning to you Nox," my uncle said as he pats my head, "did you have a good sleep?"

"You aright mate?" Arthur said over the phone and I just nodded in response to what he and uncle said. Arthur flipped the camera from his face to Sam, who was sitting there with her brunette hair covering her face and looking down.

"Go on Sam, say something to Nox."

"It's alright Arthur, welcome back Sam. enjoy your summer?"

she only nodded in response.

"Are you back now? or will you be going again?"

she looked up to the camera, moving her hair from her face, and all I could do was look into her blue eyes.

"Other than school, yeah I'm back." Her response caused a smile which I didn't realize I was doing until Anton pointed it out. Out of embarrassment, I went to the bathroom, to freshen up and brush my teeth. Before I could excuse myself, Anton asked if he could go up and it was strange but I had no reason to say no, so he took them up and showed them around while I freshened up, watered the plants, and fed the street cats.

By the time I was done and making my way upstairs Anton was already in my room. it looked bright when he opened the curtains, in comparison to me who always left them shut so I could be sat in darkness. Uncle Anton sat on my chair and pointed the camera to my poster, the one I made to encourage myself.

"Keep going, you can do this. Be strong, for them. Keep the hope Nox" uncle read to the two on the phone and I could feel my cheeks flush red in embarrassment but thought it would be a good time to join in and see what they were up to.

He seemed proud when he was talking, but when he noticed I entered, he turned and looked at me with the knife in his hand.

"So, Nox. What's the knife for?" his voice which was usually calm changed to one that was more serious, keeping Sam and Arthur quiet on the other end of the line.

I didn't want to lie to Uncle but I didn't want to tell him how I contemplated life and such, it would only worry him. so I used the greatest excuse I had stored in my mind.

"Ah, you found my box knife thing. I use it to open packages uncle. From Scamazon. You know I don't have my card yet so I pay with cash. Even if it's an outdated system."

He sighed in relief before putting it down. "Do you want your card, Nox?"

I shook my head no.

"You start school tomorrow, right? Nervous?"

I nodded and we spoke for hours with the two Aussies before Anton presented me with a phone, and told me to use it and carry it with me everywhere. it was a smartphone, similar to the tablet my parents gave me and he told me i could take it outside and leave it in my pocket. it was a nice gift and I thanked him profusly. Sam told me that when she could she would also add me to a group chat that had her friends.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

with that the day came and went, welcoming the first morning of my secondary school life.

My breakfast was a single slice of toasted and buttered bread with a cup of tea. I was nervous and It was strange wearing the school uniform, consisting of black smart shoes, smart trousers (which were nice and smooth), a white button-up smart shirt, a black blazer, and a striped tie.

You're anti-social, shy, and awkward but remember the poster. Everything is going to be ok. You got this.

I closed the door and left the house, locking it behind me and began walking to school. the street was lined with cars parked outside of the terraced housing and there were many parents holding the hands of their little kids as they went to school. It was great to see and very cute but it also hurt as a reminder of what I didn't have and could've have.

So during these years of school, I walked with my eyes down not looking at them, every now and then I'd notice chavs and roadmen sat in the parks, with their puffer jackets and baggy trousers but I didn't pay attention to them.

Instead I opted to look at nature, something my mother would say helps her feel better. I'd look at the tree leafs dancing in the wind, the bright blue sky with the warm sun and then I'd look ahead and just see roads full of litter and sidewalk being used as garbage dumps, with bin bags. It was disgusting..

"Finally. I'm here." There were probably hundreds of other students, some like me, looked nervous, others who were taller seemed more relaxed but I found them somewhat intimidating, with their beards and mustaches. It reminded me of Arthur.

The school was a large building, 3 stories tall and.. very big horizontally. If I was to guess I'd say atleast 1000 people go here, but I knew little about the place because Anton was the one that applied me to this place. I stuck to myself at the school and every morning my left eye would hurt too but there was nothing I could do about it at the moment. I wouldn't eat lunch and would instead go to the library to read whatever books were there.

There were already rumours about Adam a week in, the guy from my primary school came here too, but these rumours were about his brother. A man named Ibrahim. The kids wouldn't hide that they were talking about them because Adam would enjoy the fame.

The rumour went along the lines of; their parents died while the riots occured all across the country, when the financial crash happened. The parents were rich and since they passed Ibrahim inherited the wealth and used it to his advantage to give himself a better life. He'd buy houses, upgrade them and sell them for profit. Or rent them out and earned a stable amount of money.

He's earned the trust of the neighborhood where I stay in because he owns many of the houses there and is lenient with the rent repayment. He's improved their quality of life for the houses apparently but because of his upbringing of taking care of Adam. He wanted Adam to have a somewhat humble background too.

But this is nothing to do with me so leave it. Adam is the most popular kid and we're only a week or two in.. with 5 years to go.

He was popular because of his wealth and teachers loved him because he was so well behaved in class. Listening to these rumours in the library got boring though so I went out for a walk.

Adam

The playground is full of idiots. People who only know how to spread rumours, gossip, or play some sort of game. It's littered with rubbish everywhere, and was disgusting but I have to come here for 5 years.

5 years and I'm already the most popular. The king of this place. While walking around in the MUGA It was clear that other students would avoid me. Behind me was Arah and Musa.

Musa is an Asian kid and has brown eyes and came from a somewhat poor background. But we're friends because he helped me with an issue one time along with Arah. He looks like your generic south asian with brown skin, wide eyes and somewhat fat.

Meanwhile Arah like the middle ground between me and Musa. He has brown eyes like Musa and black curly hair that turned an afro, dark eye bags and her wasn't fat, but he wasn't skinny like me either.

While we we're walking, I had my drink in hand, something the teachers would never dare complain about because I was a model student and they told other students to be more like me. Who wouldn't want to be? Everything's perfect.

Or it was, until I bumped sliders with done kid who made me drop my drink. He made me drop my drink. Does he not know who I am? Doesn't he know he shouldn't get in my way?

I was going to be nice to him but, I need to make an example of him so that others know in the future. I grabbed him by the neck and lifted him up. He was apologising constantly and it was getting annoying so I decided not to take him somewhere private.

The teachers walked away pretending not to see anything so I used this opportunity and picked up the drink. Pouring it on his head. He stopped talking, staying silent and looking to the floor.

"Who are you?" Arah asked.

But the kid stayed silent. So I kicked him in the stomach and Arah asked again.

"Who. Are. You?" Arah asked once more.

The kid struggled to speak while gasping for air but managed to get out what I assume was his name.

"N-Nox.."

I lifted him up and punched his stomach. His back hit the metal fence and I looked into his eyes. Eyes that were dull and cheeks dirty from being on the floor, with hair that smells like trash. I punched him again and he stayed silent. Taking it.

"I'm s..sorry... Adam. Please.. p-please stop.." he stuttered and stammered covering his stomach and burying his head between his knees.

"It's sir. You don't have the right to call me by my name" Musa this time hit him. "You rat. You made me drop my dri-"

"I said I'm sorry.. " he cut me off mid-speech. It was disgusting that someone so lowly could dare do this to me. So I thought I'd embarrass him a little of his first week at school.

"Oi you two. Wasn't this the guy in English that sat next to that cute girl and she looked away disgusted?"

The two laughed and looked down on him while I continued talking. " Swear you said hello, but she just aired you hahaha. You know my boy Is interested in her, right?"

But he continued to remain quiet, looking at the floor.

Arah, agitated kicked Noxs on the head and it looked like it hurt. His mouth was bleeding but didn't seem broken. Everyone around us watching stayed silent, older kids and those in our year group. A teacher was coming so I spat on him and we went away. Listening to the teacher shout at Nox for his appearance as we left.

Nox

After what happened. I didn't go school for a week, I didn't tell uncle what happened and I tried not to cry too. I cut a little and used plasters for them and was worried about my eye.

After a week the house phone rang telling me to go in on the next Monday coming so I agreed, not wanting it to grow out of control to the point uncle gets involved.

After returning and staying to myself. Not taking to anyone, not sticking out in class, I noticed there was more voices in my head.

"They're talking about you."

"Maybe it's because you look like shit?"

"You're bothering them"

"They don't like you"

I'd sit alone at the front of class in each subject. With most teachers looking at me in dirtiest with my bruised skin and dirty clothes.

"They already have friends. Everyone does. You can't be friends with them. Give up. This is your secondary school life."

The voice was right though and that hurt. A couple weeks into school and in sheesh the most unpopular.

it really does hurt..