At Tohki’s words, Annisa, Serah, Gal, and Asa stood up. Before leaving, Anissa rested a comforting hand on her daughter’s shoulder. Priya squeezed in return. But then she was gone, leaving Priya alone with Tohki.

It’s quiet.

Priya pulls off another soft piece of bread and places it in her mouth; working it with her teeth and saliva before swallowing it. Her stomach gurgled in thanks, breaking the silence.

“Sometimes,” Tohki begins, speaking slowly, “after an initiation like this, it is easy to jump in and share about what we saw.”

“Yes, Tohki,” Priya says. “I understand. But I know what I saw.”

“But, do you know what you experienced?”

Priya is silent, turning the phrase over in her head, trying to find meaning, but coming up with none. Instead, she just repeats, “I know what I saw.”

“Seeing and experiencing are two different realms, child.”

“What do you mean?”

“What we see, or rather what we think we see, is influenced by our state of consciousness, which during your ceremony, was extremely altared. When our consciousness is altered, what we experience is more deeply rooted in truth. It pulls away from the magic and mythical constructs that our reality is built upon and roots us in a reality that has a foot in both objective and subjective realities, blending the two until they are one.”

“I don’t understand,” Priya whispered, hanging her head, and turning her attention back to the bread.

Tohki sat down in front of her and took Priya’s hand in her own. “Child,” Tohki began. “We are always dealing with concepts we do not understand. But our minds and hearts like to trick us into thinking that we know the answers. It is perfectly fine that you don’t understand.” She paused to brush Priya’s hair out of her eyes. “You said saw Eusou and The Mother, yes?”

“Yes,” Priya replied.

“Were they here, sitting beside you?”

“No. I was with them, out there.” Priya pointed through the hole in the roof to the night sky. “In the sky, in the darkness amongst the stars.”

“But you were still here, yes?”

“Yes,” Priya answered.

“Priya, so much of what you are told as a young child is about what is good or what is bad. Don’t do this or you will get in trouble. Don’t do that or you will get hurt. Don’t eat that mushroom or you will die.” Tohki chuckles. “And when we’re children, those absolutes are good for us. They keep us from doing careless things and from losing a limb or life. But as we grow older, our way of thinking has to grow too. Sometimes the truth, Eusou’s truth or The Mother’s truth or the truth of what makes us who we are, isn’t as simple as right or wrong. Truth is a language full of paradoxes that lies neither in the affirmation or the denial of either side. We have to wrestle with it, trying to understand what truth means for us and how that truth could differ for our neighbor based on the village they were raised or how their parents raised them or how deeply and fervently they believe in Eusou and The Mother. Just as Eusou and The Mother are mysteries, so is truth at the very center of its nature.”

“How can I understand the truth of my experience tonight?” Priya asked.

“You have to sit with it and let what happened wash over you,” Tohki replied. “You have to be patient. Sometimes it can take hours or days. It is easy to rush into explaining what happened, but when we do, we are only describing the sequence of events, not explaining what happened; the deeper meaning that can remain hidden.”

“What do I do?” Priya pleaded.

“You go home. You hug Anissa and Aaron. And you sleep. And when you sleep, your dreams will sort through your experiences and will provide some shade of meaning for you when you awake. And when you awake, if you can fully see—not understand, but see—yourself balanced between this reality and the incorporeal realm, come find me and we can talk more.”

Priya tore a piece of the bread’s crust off with her teeth and worked it around her mouth, disappointed and a bit angry. There was so much confusion building inside of her from the vision she saw—made only worse by Tohki’s riddles.

Tohki could see Priya’s frustration written across her face and laughed. “Priya. Priya. Priya. Priya. I still remember when you were little, you would cover your eyes with your hands, thinking that if you couldn’t see the other children searching for you, that they wouldn’t be able to see you in return. And now look at you. You’re a woman. You’re beautiful. You have your whole life in front of you.”

“But, what about—?”

Tohki cut her off, looking at her admonishingly. “Go home, child.”

Conceding, Priya bowed her head to Tohki. “Thank you, Tohki.”

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

Priya picked herself off the ground, steading herself as her muscles groaned in protest. She looked back at Tohki, offering her a smile of thanks. Lifting the flap of deerskin that hung over the opening of the sacred space, Priya stepped outside.

It was cooler than it was when she had first arrived. Goosebumps prinkled Priya’s skin and she rubbed her hands up and down her arms to warm them. Looking up into the night sky, Priya could see the stars twinkling; the edges of light touching each other. If she squinted hard enough she could see a blanket of much smaller stars behind the more familiar ones.

“Eusou? Mother? Can you hear me?” she whispered to the heavens. But this time they didn’t reply.

“Hello, daughter,” Priya heard behind her. Turning she saw Anissa and Serah standing, their arms wrapped around each other for warmth.

Priya went to them, wrapping her arms around her mother and cousin, and buried her face into the crook of her mother’s neck, breathing deeply her familiar scent.

“How was it, cousin?” Serah asked.

And all Priya could do was laugh, shrugging at first then throwing her hands up in the air in disbelief. Serah pulled her in for a hug, kissing Priya on the top of her head in sisterly affection.

“I was impressed you didn’t purge,” Serah said, laughing.

“Oh my,” Priya said. “Did you?”

“O Eusou, I did,” Serah said, dropping her voice to a discrete whisper. “I had a horrible knot in my stomach after the second cup. Tohki saw that I had my arms wrapped around my middle and she came to me and asked, ‘What are you holding on to?’ And I didn’t know what she meant, but as I thought on it, I noticed a shift and I started to feel all hot and sweaty and then I was throwing up in the dirt next to me.”

“Shhh. Hush, children,” Anissa admonished. “What happened there is between you and the women there, not for anyone listening in the dark. Come. We should go home.”

“Are you coming home with us?” Priya asked.

“Aye,” Serah said, nodding. “It is too far to journey at night. I’ll sleep next to your hearth tonight and leave tomorrow to join Zachael by midday.”

Priya threaded her arm through Serah’s, pulling her close, as they began to walk back to their house. “How is your life with Zachael?”

“It is good,” Serah replied. “He is very serious, yet very sweet. But he is a good man. Our farm is well. Crops were strong and our sheep grew very thick wool. We will be ready for the cold months.”

“I hope I can come visit,” Priya said. “Anissa, do you think I could?”

Anissa sighed. “Yes, but now that you’ve gone through your passage, you need to discern your path so that your place in the village can be determined. Then and only then can you leave the village.”

Priya laughed. “Who knew becoming a woman would be so much work?”

“Becoming always takes work,” Anissa said in reply.

“What do boys do when they become men?” Priya asked.

Anissa stopped walking so that she could face Priya. “Boys do not become men in the same way your body changes and you become a woman. Boys go through their own passage to be made men.”

“Zachael went through his five cycles ago,” Serah whispered. “He still cries out in his sleep, but won’t talk of it.”

“Their passage is their own,” Anissa replied. “Just as tonight was your own, Priya. Your passage. Your journey to discern wisdom from.”

They were near enough to their house that Priya could see the outline of her father, Aaron, standing outside with a lantern in hand for light. Priya waved to him and when he waved back, she broke away from the other women, into a run, crushing into him.

“Hey. Hey there,” Aaron said, wrapping his arms around her. “You made it. I was worried that Tohki might have turned you into a rabbit or something.”

Priya laughed. “No long ears.” She held her hands up above her head, pantomiming. “It was just a really horrible tea.”

“So I’ve heard,” Aaron said. “Anissa, how did she do?”

“Our daughter did well,” Anissa replied.

“She did great,” Serah added. “She didn’t throw up.”

“Well, there’s something to be proud of,” Aaron said, laughing.

Lifting the door latch, Aaron ushered the three women inside. Priya sighed at the sudden heat from the fire. Serah went directly to it, sitting down in front of it, rubbing her bare arms for added warmth. Priya huddled next to her, realizing suddenly just how tired she was, stretching her mouth wide in a noisy yawn.

“You should go to sleep,” Serah offered.

“I know,” Priya replied. “But I don’t want to. I have so many thoughts and questions about what happened, what I saw.”

“I was the same way. And I am sure every woman who has gone through the passage will tell you something similar. That power that was present there was strong. Feeling it vibrate through you—” Serah pauses at a loss for words. “Oh, and then The Mother. I hadn’t felt that sense of love since my mother had passed away. All that love emanating from her being. It was so beautiful. Even now, talking about it, I can feel that same feeling of warmth that I had felt from her during my passage.”

“I felt that too,” Priya said. “But did you see things?”

“What do you mean,” Serah asked.

“There were all of these little creepy crawling creatures scurrying about the space. There was this one-eyed snake creature. But there was The Mother and Eusou and things they showed me.”

“Tsckh,” Anissa admonished. “The passage isn’t something to be shared in idle chatter. What did Tohki share with you, Priya?”

“That I was to keep my passage to myself,” Priya replied. “To let my dreams sort through them.”

“Exactly. Now, to bed.”

“But I have to go relieve myself.”

“Then what are you doing in here having idle chatter about something you shouldn’t be idly chat about? Go. Go!”

Priya hugged her cousin and ducked outside the front door. Ducking below the fence, she stepped into the animals’ pen. Lifting her shift above her knees she squatted slightly, relieving herself in the dirt. When she was finished, she let her skirt drop.

It was so quiet. In the stillness of the night, in the stillness within her, Priya could feel a rustling within her soul; a rustling that was if to say, I am here.

A few moments later, lying in her bed, Priya could feel that same rustling. “Eusou?” she whispered. “Mother? Are you there?”

And in the stillness she heard: Yes, my child, I am here. I am with you always. I am within you. I am above you. I am beneath. I am always here with you.

“Thank you,” Priya whispered. And she closed her eyes and slept.