It’s quiet.

The quietness lengthens and Priya can feel the rumbling of the invisible force begin to grow.

Priya senses tickled with a notion that the fire is dying, that the inside of the prayer house is growing darker, but when she turns her eyes back to the flame, she can see that the fire still smolders. But when she pulls her eyes away, the darkness returns. She feels that there is something there, just outside their circle; that danger lurks there. A bear or perhaps a wolf or perhaps something much more sinister. The feeling remained even after she brings her eyes back to the flame. Something was here, in the sacred space with them, something that didn’t belong.

With her eyes on the flame, in the periphery of her vision, Priya could see small creatures scurrying about the space; crawling on the floor and walls. Lizards, bugs, snakes, spiders and rodents. But everytime she tried to focus on one of the creatures, it would disappear from view. It was almost as if it was a test. A game. One that she didn’t quite know the rules on. But if it was a game, Priya was determined to win it.

What mother—Anissa—had told her about tonight didn’t include this.

Eventually, after wrestling with her mind and will in this irritating and never-ending silence, Priya convinced herself that all the creepy crawlings in the space weren’t real. Normally it would have been an easy deduction, but with every line of logic Priya followed, another would sprout causing doubt on what was her subjective or objective reality in that moment and the next.

These things, these figments of her addled mind, were distractions; trying to pull her focus from the light of the fire and from Eusou.

Priya tried various methods to regain her focus.

She would stare at the fire as long as she could, willing herself not to blink. But as soon as she did, there would be a scurry of activity beside her, and her concentration would be lost.

Priya tried closing her eyes, holding the image of the fire in her mind, but a great serpent with a sideways, oval-shaped head dominated her view. It studied her, as much as she studied it. What are you? Priya asked, but it didn’t respond. Instead, it cocked its head to the side, its great, single eye blinking, seemingly asking the same question of her.

Eusou, are you there? she pleaded. But the only answer she received was a rumbling with the force. Priya tried to press her consciousness towards that force, that murmured answer that could have been Eusou, but she was suddenly overpowered. Priya felt as if she was suddenly picked up and thrown into the river, tossing and turning, head over heel, in the current and undertow; completely overpowered by this turbulent and powerful inner river.

Priya wanted out.

She wanted to pull herself to shore and heave her wet and tired body out of the water and onto dry land.

“Mother,” Priya whispered, breaking the silence of the space.

None of the women in the circle moved. That sat in their place, backs straight, hands folded or resting on their knees.

Priya’s prayer turned inward as she fought for control over the force. Mother, are you there? Please help me. Mother, can you hear me? Are you here with me?

And she heard a reply. It was as clear as if someone was kneeling beside her, whispering into her ear.

Sweet one, I am here.

And Priya was back in her seat. She was hunched over, nose to navel. Priya could feel the tightness in her lower back and straightened out.

Focus. Eyes on Eusou.

But there was something there.

It was different this time.

Priya could still feel the current of the force, rising like a cyclone above the fire, but it was somehow muted.

The strange, one-eyed snake-like creature was no longer there observing her.

There instead, at the forefront of her awareness, was a buzzing; like the soft, beating wings of a hummingbird.

Mother? Priya asked.

I am here, it replied. I am here. Within you. Beside you. Above you. Below you.

And with those words, Priya felt a warmth rush through her. And with that feeling of warmth, Priya was transported to another place and time.

While she could still feel her physical self rooted in her seat around the fire, Priya felt another part of herself back in her body as an infant. The same warmth she felt from The Mother was the same warmth she felt as an infant, held to her mother’s breast as she suckled. But just as quickly as she was an infant version of herself, there she was, in her mother’s body or perhaps as a mother herself, nursing herself or her own child. She could feel the babe’s lips around her nipple, pulling and sucking, and she felt the warmth that she had received as a baby being passed to this child from her to one day give to another. This juxtaposition continued, Priya vibrating between herself as an infant to herself as a mother and back again. Over and over.

Back in the physical realm, her breast ached from the infant latching, and she reached up, rubbing her nipple, pulling herself away from the visionary realm.

In her mind’s eye, she could see herself as a baby, but it was no longer an out of body experience. And then rapidly she saw her mother, Anissa, as a mother, then as a little girl, and then as a baby at her mother’s—Priya’s grandmother—breast. Then Priya saw her grandmother. She first saw her as she remembered her—old and wrinkly and always smiling—then as a young mother, then as a child, and then as a baby at her mother’s breast. And on and on it went, through the ages: crone, mother, maiden, babe, crone, mother, maiden, babe. On and on until there was nothing. Just a vast emptiness. But then, there was Eusou and there was the Mother. Priya could feel the love they had for each other radiating from these formless beings. She could see their joining, their coupling that gave birth to the universe, and as their ecstasy exploded around them and existence began to form the formless into somethingness, Priya felt herself being pulled back through time once again. From the first mother, to the first child being born. Over and over again: babe, maiden, mother, crone, babe, maiden, mother crone. Until Priya was her grandmother again, then her mother, and then herself as a babe, then finally into her present form as a maiden.

It felt good to be back in her body, but what did all these visions mean? What was the point of this ritual, the songs, the cup that they drank from (just the thought of it caused another shiver to pass through Priya)?

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Mother, what is it that you want of me? Priya asked.

What is it that you want? the warm presence replied.

Priya paused. What was it that she wanted? She remembered the glow Serah had the day she was joined with her partner Zachael. She had always felt that she was on a predetermined path as a woman in her village. She could find a partner, bare children, raise them in the faith, and eventually grow old and die. Or remain barren and support the village in other ways.

What did she want? What she wanted more than anything were those quiet, still moments when she would look for the stillness within.

There was a strange familiarity between this feeling of warmth Priya could feel emanating from the presence of The Mother and the stillness. Were they related or one and the same? If they were the same, what was it? And as Priya’s mind voiced that question, she saw, frozen in time, the moment where Eusou and The Mother birthed the universe; the sudden explosion of life and existence and soul and matter. And in that microcosm of time and space before time really existed, there it stood, the essence of the stillness: their Love.

I want that which you and Eusou have, Priya said.

That already lives within you, The Mother replied.

But I want to be able to give it—show it, live it, gift it. I want to be that Love to everyone around me and to be able to teach others how to be that Love so that we can live in Love. All of us. Not just our village, but everyone.

Who is able to know Love, except the one who is loved? The Mother asks. Open your heart, dear one. Open your heart to praise Eusou. Let your love abound from your heart to your lips; from your heart to your hands. Eusou will not turn his face from those who are his own, because he knows them. Open your heart so that you can receive the words of truth; the knowledge of the Most High. Give yourself fully, so that Eusou and I can give of ourselves to you. Drink from Eusou’s cup of knowledge. Drink from my breast that which has been prepared for you. Drink my holy milk and live by it.

Priya felt her consciousness slip away from her physical body. She no longer was in the sacred space, but floating above it, far above it amongst the stars. She felt warm hands and arms enveloping her and when she opened her eyes, she saw, watching her, the incorporeal form of The Mother. There was an energy emanating next to Priya’s head and when she turned she sensed that The Mother was offering her her full breast to drink from. Priya brought her head closer to the source of energy, her lips opening to take in The Mother’s nipple, and she began to suckle. Warm, life-giving milk filled her mouth and throat. And she drank it down.

And as she drank, she saw Terra burn.

Like a cry emanating from the depths of Terra, the ground split open. Fiery liquid spewed forth, covering the land. Trees turned from a lush, vibrant green to blackened, charred skeletons standing rigid across the horizon.

The spring that fed their village gurgled no more. It dried up as did the water sources further and further downstream: creeks, rivers, lakes, great vast expanses of water that stretched further than Priya could see, all gone.

She saw giant insects descending on crops, stripping them bare. She saw starving cattle and starving children, collapsing in heaps.

Everywhere she looked there was a wasteland; a land without Eusou.

A fire covered the land, turning it into a never-ending hellscape.

No life dwelled here, whether mankind, animal, or plant.

Her village was no more. There was no more Anissa or Aaron or Serah or Tohki or Galia. No Priya, either.

Terra was no more.

Priya pulled away from The Mother’s bosom and began to cry. Tears coursed down her cheeks and she let them remain without wiping them away. She grieved for the vision that she saw and the horrors that vision held for her. And The Mother grieved alongside her for the loss of her child, Terra.

Rolling out of The Mother’s embrace, Priya knelt, feeling The Mother do the same. Together they raised their arms to the expanse of stars and offered a keening prayer, a song, to mark their loss.

Eusou, heal me

Eusou, heal the land

Eusou, come

Eusou, take me to your kingdom

Eusou, heal me, heal the land

And he came.

Eusou knelt in front of Priya with a golden cup offered for her to drink from.

With shaking hands, Priya reached for the cup, bringing it to her lips and drinking of Eusou’s knowledge.

And there, in the barren wasteland of a broken Terra, buried in the firmament and ash, a seed cracked open, a tiny sprout springing forth, growing, ever-growing, branches forming, leaves sprouting, fruit blooming, growing and shining.

All across Terra a rebirth was taking place. From the ashes, life rose up.

Where there was death, hope bloomed.

Where there was decay, joy blossomed.

Where the fire burned, love grew.

Priya cried out, praising Eusou in all his glory.

Eusou, you are my Sun

Your rays have lifted me up

Your light has chased

The darkness away

The vision faded and she found herself laying on her side in the sacred space. As she lifted her head, she saw Tohki kneeling next to her. A hand squeezed her shoulder and when Priya reached for it she recognized it as her mother’s. Turning she saw her mother, Anissa, kneeling behind her and next to her, Serah.

The brew stil coursed through her, but she felt more conscious and aware of her own body. Priya no longer saw the web patterns, but the light in the space still shined a little brighter; the firelight sparkling in the eyes of the women gathered around her.

Tohki pushed herself up and tottered over to a bench that rested against the wall. Picking up a deerskin bag, she pulled out a bundle of herbs and came back over to Priya. Tohki knelt in front of the fire, holding the herbs next to an ember until it lit. Fire began to quickly burn through the herbs, but Tohki blew it out, letting the smoke spiral.

Moving next to Priya, Tohki began to work the smoking herbs over Priya’s body, making rapid movements, with some flourishes—finger-snapping, whistling, and clicking. Occasionally, as Tohki moved over Priya with the smoke, Tohki would pause as a sudden semi-seizure rippled through her. Priya responded in kind with a tremor that ran through her body, ending in her legs and toes.

As her body shook, Priya tried to center herself with her breath. A slow and steady inhale that became shakier as her lungs filled up. As she exhaled, her breath shook, vibrating through her as her body continued to tremble.

I am like a deer, Priya thought and indeed she was like a memory of a deer, recently frightened, and trembling in the meadow as it looked towards Priya wondering if she was a predator.

Gradually, Priya felt her body become more quiet, calm, and centered. Eventually the tremors stopped and Anissa and Serah helped her sit up. Gal and Asa came over with water and torn off pieces of bread.

Priya slowly drank the water, lifting the cup to her lips. It was cool and provided comfort to her parched throat. With the bread, Priya dug her fingers in, separating out a soft piece from the crust and put it in her mouth, chewing, breathing, breathing, and chewing.

A quiet sigh escaped her lips and Priya heard Serah laugh lightly at the sound.

“It was the same for me, cousin,” Serah whispered.

“What was that?” Priya asked.

“Tsch,” Tokhi admonished them, shaking her head. “Talking is easy. Harder still is our ability to not talk and to sit with our experiences.” She turned, addressing Priya directly. “What you experienced is for you and you alone.”

“But what did it mean?” Priya asked.

“That is for you and you alone to sort through,” Tohki replied.

“But, I saw—”

“Tsch!”

“But, Tohki. I need to know. I need to understand what I saw. I need to know why I saw what I saw.” Priya turned to Serah. “Did you see Eusou when you did this?”

“I felt him,” Serah whispered.

“Did you see The Mother?” Priya asked her.

“I felt her,” Serah whispered.

“I saw them,” Priya said, turning to Tohki. “I didn’t just feel them. I saw them. I was there with them. I saw the creation of Terra and I saw its end. I saw it burn.”

Priya is quiet, pleadfully looking at Tohki, begging her the silence shared in the space to help her.

Tohki holds her gaze and speaks without looking away. “Everyone out.”