Chapter 26

[Snake Report]

I don’t much like people anymore.

Maybe some people, but as a whole my experiences with them have been hit or miss.

I’ve been riding in the back of this Wagon for a few hours, and surprisingly, my opinion on this subject has not changed.

The Mercenaries are all quite terrible.

Shocking, I know.

On a sliding scale of their personalities, one being a Megalodon, and ten being Miss Paladin, they’re all averaging a solid two. I’ve granted them that number, more out of respect for the Megalodon than anything.

The Merchants aren’t much better, but at least seem to have their own code of rules to follow, so I’m letting them sit at a reasonable four.

Out of the several dozen people I’m assuming are a part of this caravan, the only folks I actually might be able to get along with are the travelers catching a ride for personal reasons. There’s three of them in this wagon I’m hitching a ride on, and I give them about a seven or so on the likable scale.

Though, I bet if they noticed me, I’d probably have to rework that opinion.

Hasn’t been an issue.

Thankfully, there are more than enough boxes for me to hide behind, while I empty out this bottle of… some sort of liquor.

I’d call it whiskey, but whiskey doesn’t feel like lightning or make my bones tingle. This beverage of choice was set apart from all the storage-rune jugs filled with water, so I have to imagine it’s a fancy drink, for fancy people.

Which, in my opinion, makes it taste better.

“We’re stopping early.” The woman is whispering to her husband. “Onder, why are we stopping early?”

“They’re professionals, dear. We have to trust them.”

“Trust them, after what they’ve charged us? That is the last thing I want us to do.”

“We’re only a few days away, now. You heard them say it. Once we’re in the City, my brother will take care of the rest. Have faith.”

“Every night they keep asking us for more money. Onder, we barely have anything left. What happens when we run out?”

“We’ll figure something out. We'll come to some agreement.”

“We already paid them for the passage! At this point, it’s just extortion!”

“The Merchants can be reasoned with.”

“It’s not them I’m worried about. Have you even seen the way their guards look at us?”

“Have faith, dear. The Light will see us through.”

“We have to keep Rena safe.”

“Soon enough, dear. Soon enough, all this will be behind us.”

Sss…

I’m half-listening, but there’s not really much I haven’t already heard at this point.

The husband is some sort of laborer. Not very important, but on the other hand, his brother works for some powerful family in the City of the Emperor.

Which, is sort of important. I think.

Adding to that, though, apparently this important brother sent them warning to get out of the port cities, with the promise that he could get them work as servants, but only if they came quickly. Which, I guess is where the problems started for them, because the only way to cross from the ports to the City is to go with a caravan for protection. Of which, they probably could have chosen a little better.

Then again, I don’t really see a lot of other options on the road these days. It’s just Imperial patrols and a whole mess of heavily guarded supply runs that are somehow sustaining that mess of a City.

I haven’t seen the coast, but it must really suck if people think the City is going to be an improvement.

Anyways: husband and wife are stressed out people with problems, so they really don’t interest me much. I have plenty of my own problems, and I’m only here for the free beverages.

Their daughter, though, is a much more pressing concern.

“Rena, be careful.”

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Sss…

Great parenting in action, right there.

Sure, let them climb on the boxes of who-even-knows. What’s the worst that could happen?

For someone who wants their child to be safe, they don’t seem very interested in keeping her from scaling over this stuff.

She’s been at it for an hour now, weaving around through the boxes and crates.

It’s like all she does is poke and prod. Climbing up and over, peeking around in search of-

“So… blue.”

… Ah.

Shoot.

Listen, I know what you’re thinking.

Don’t do it, kid.

Seriously.

Swear to God, don’t-

“You’re pretty.”

Hey! Hey, hands off! HEY-

………….

Rena had found, much to her disappointment, her parents did not share her enthusiasm for adventure. Instead of being excited, they were always stern and quietly whispering to one another. The past few days, and they wouldn’t even let her look outside.

This was a big problem for Rena, as there wasn’t much to do, great-adventure or no. She’d had to try and find other ways to pass the time. As such, Rena had already explored the wagon several times over, and had begun pressing on into the unknown territory of the boxes farther back. These were where the most interesting things happened to be. Huge boxes, stacked tightly with whatever else might happen to fit, forming tunnels and tiny passageways. Tied down and covered as they were in cloth, there wasn’t much way someone bigger could fit between them. But someone of Rena's size, that wasn't nearly as much of an issue.

Which, certainly seemed to make her parents angry, but wasn’t much of a problem for Rena as long as she came back before they got really angry. As the wagon rolled along, she played her games. Winding and exploring, like any proper adventurer should.

This time, though: she’d found something really great.

“Will you be my friend?” Rena asked in wonder, as her grubby hands wrapped tightly around her newfound discovery, preventing any chance of escape. “Pretty please?”

“Sss.” The newfound discovery replied. “Sss.”

“Ssss.” Rena hissed back, giggling as she lifted it up. In the spaces between the larger crates and boxes, she’d made this place a fort. Her sanctuary, in the mysterious tunnels amid the boxes. Still, she’d never expected to find something so exciting. “You’re very pretty.”

“Sss.”

“SSS!” She tried hissing again, as her new-found friend stopped its protests and stared at her. The tiny serpent reminded her of the lizards that lived near the beaches, only the snake a much better color. And in this particular case, much easier to catch. “SSS!” She tried again.

“Sss…” It bobbed its head side to side.

“Ssssss! Sssss!” Rena laughed, as the pretty blue glowed, ever so slightly.

“Sssss… Alright, fine. Honestly, not a terrible imitation, but your accent needs work.” Her new friend hissed back. “I’ll give you passing marks.”

Rena blinked in surprise.

“You can talk?”

“Of course I can talk.” The snake replied.

“Wow.” So far as Rena remembered, none of the lizards she’d ever caught could talk. More importantly, though. “What’s an accent?” She asked.

“Sss… Never mind that. Put me down. You shouldn’t pick up snakes you don’t know. Didn’t your parents teach you anything?”

“If I put you down, will you slither away?”

“…Probably.”

“Hmm.” Rena opted not to put her new friend down.

“You know, sometimes snakes like me will bite people. Right on the nose.”

“Oh.” Rena paused for a second, pondering that. “Will you?” She asked.

“… you smell pretty bad, so no. Probably not.”

“I don’t smell!” Rena protested, before frowning. “Well, maybe a little.”

“More than a little.” The snake flicked its tongue at her. “Trust me.”

“Well, I haven’t had a bath in awhile.” She admitted. “But, the Ro’ smell worse! And they snort, and sometimes they even poop- right on the road! I’ve seen it!” Rena nodded, proudly.

“That’s fair. Those do get pretty stinky.” The snake replied. “Ro’ are like horses and water buffalo had a baby, but with too many legs.”

“What’s a buff-alo?” Rena asked.

“Just a funny name for a funny animal that poops a lot.” Her new friend replied. “You should go back to your parents before they get worried.”

“Okay.” Rena sighed, as she began her climb back out of the boxes.

“You… going to put me down?”

“Will you run away if I do?” She asked.

“Uh… well…”

“Then, no!” Rena laughed, as she slipped through the nearest gap in the crates. It was a big wagon, so there were a maze of turns and spaces, but Rena had explored almost all them. Down two more boxes, then she had to scoot along on the floor before climbing back over a single oddly shaped crate. Which Rena didn’t like, as it always scraped her knee. Still, she didn’t mind much this time. Ever since finding her new friend, her knee didn’t hurt at all.

“Sss… slow down, kid.”

On her friend’s warning, Rena stopped short as she reached the place where the boxes ended. From beneath a loose sheet of cloth, she heard her parents voices growing louder.

Arguing with someone else, she realized.

“I told you, we won’t pay another coin until we’re at the gates.” Her mother spoke coldly, as boots approached. Each step, thumped heavily on the boards. “We’ve been extorted quite enough, thank you. Any further, and I’ll go fetch Conner.”

“You think he doesn’t know?” Another man chuckled. “He doesn’t give a damn about you.”

“I told you, enough. Now, leave.” Her mother’s voice grew louder.

“You know, if you can’t pay in coin, we can find some other arrangement-”

“Now, what in all the Light do you mean by that?” Rena’s father cut in. “I don’t much like your tone.”

“Don’t like it? Well, you had best pay, then.”

The voices got louder, as Rena slunk back into the boxes.

“I thought an adventure was suppose to be fun, not scary.” She whispered, softly.

“Me too, kid.” Around her neck, blue scales glowed with a gentle warmth.

“I thought there was going to be Magic and stories.”

The voices grew louder, argument spiraling into something worst, as they waited.

“Is it like this every night?”

“Only sometimes.” Rena whispered. “The men outside come and bother us. Mother doesn’t like them, but father gives them money so they go away.”

“Interesting strategy, on his part.”

“A single silver! You think that’s enough?” The man’s voice shouted. “You wouldn’t want something to happen, would you?”

“Enough is enough. Begone!” Her father shouted back. “You-” Rena heard a loud “thump” that made his voice wheeze.

“Dear!” Her mother shouted, and Rena tucked her head to her knees. “You brute! How dare you!”

Louder and louder, shouts and voices.

“I don’t like it here, Mister Snake.” She whispered.

“Sss…” Slowly, the snake spun about. Head bobbing, it almost seemed to dance for a moment. “I’ll tell you what. If you let me go, I’ll do you a favor.”

“A favor?” Rena wiped her eyes, looking up at the serpent. “What kind of favor?”

“I’ll bite that guy on the nose.”

“Really?” Rena’s frown wavered, just a little bit. “I thought you said you don’t bite people who smell.”

“Oh, fine.” The snake almost seemed to huff. “I’ll throw in some magic and give him a bath, too.” It bobbed, in emphasis until Rena stopped sniffling. “Then, do we have a deal?”

“Real magic?” She asked, quietly.

“Real magic.”

“You promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

“Okay.” Rena smiled. “Deal.”