Harafin sat back in his chair. "Now, to answer your other question, when you returned from your visit with Akillik, you suffered a mild version of what we call a Tai Pari."

"A mild version?"

"Yes. You were lucky I gave you only that tiny bit of magic. Any more, and the Tai Pari would have been fatal."

"Explain." Kevlin spoke slowly, with forced calm to hide his rising panic. Bad enough that the Trembling Madness was trying to drive him insane, it was crazy to think the magic that he craved wanted to kill him.

Leander asked, "How is it possible?"

"You must have noticed the state of his channels," Harafin said.

"Of course. He's a mess. But with such a tiny quantity, there should not have been any danger of a Tai Pari. Even the newest Accepted could handle that much power safely by pure instinct."

"That was my assumption until now, or I would not have given him any."

"Stop it," Kevlin shouted.

The thought of Harafin refusing to grant more magic set the mindless craving stirring in his heart, but the fear of this unknown danger was quickly escalating into panic. "Stop the lectures and just tell me what's going on. Why is the magic trying to kill me?"

"I'm sorry," Harafin said calmly. "You are rightfully afraid. I will do my best to explain to you what is going on, but you must understand one thing. This is a unique situation, unlike anything we have experienced before. We were discussing it to make sure we understand it so we can explain it to you correctly."

"You gave it a name. How can it have a name if no one's ever had this happen before?"

"Tai Pari have occurred, if rarely, in the past," Harafin replied. "But not exactly the way you experienced it. That's what is unique, and what caught us by surprise."

"So what is it? What's a Tai Pari, and why does it want to kill me?"

"To understand, you must think back on our first lessons. We discussed how Sentinels use magic."

Kevlin frowned. "We talked about the nature of magic and you claimed it was light, it was tied to the power of the sun, and that somehow it is also spirit."

"Very good. What do you remember about how we wield it?"

Kevlin shrugged. "Sentinels can use their own natural magic or draw upon the latent power all around. They focus it and direct it however they choose."

"Excellent. We did not discuss the mechanics of how Sentinels focus and direct the magic due to lack of time and because your instincts proved very good. However, those mechanics are at the core of the current situation."

"As you mentioned, when Sentinels focus magic, whether it be their own inner power or the latent power around them, they concentrate that power within themselves. In that moment, the power of magic is pulled out of its natural state. Once released by the Sentinel in whatever form they direct, the unspent magic returns to its natural state,” Harafin continued.

Kevlin focused on every word, trying to understand, but convinced he was missing most of the meaning. Harafin added, “However, while in its concentrated form, its tendency is to return to that natural state, and it attempts to do so. So the Sentinel must channel and control that magic, keeping it within bounds they set, holding it in that concentrated state to do their bidding."

Kevlin nodded slowly. "That makes sense, but what does that have to do with it trying to kill me?"

"Have patience. I want to make sure you understand this clearly. The first times you wielded magic, you instinctively established adequate controls. However, at the keep, when Wayra's onslaught overwhelmed you, the magic burst those restraints with which you attempted to hold it, like a river bursting its banks."

"Aye, it almost killed me."

He shivered at the memory of the out-of-control magic uprooting his mind and nearly driving him into oblivion. Only at the last moment was he able to breach the final wall in his mind and reach Tia Khoa. The powerful presence locked in the stone had changed the magic, calmed it.

That mysterious essence that was Tia Khoa had guided him, taught him how to wield the magic. The resulting firestorm he unleashed had destroyed the keep at the same time Ceren killed Wayra. The memory of wielding that torrent of magic, of riding the tidal wave of power, burned so bright in his mind, Kevlin could remember every second in vivid detail.

"That is the key," Harafin said eagerly, enjoying the topic far more than Kevlin thought appropriate. "The magic overwhelmed your mind."

"It was like a flood."

"Exactly. At that moment, you suffered your first Tai Pari. In an ancient tongue it means literally a flood tide. It is the phenomenon when magic bursts all controls and overwhelms a Sentinel.

"It does not happen often, but when it does, it generally causes tremendous destruction and often results in the Sentinel's death. Had you not reached Tia Khoa when you did, the magic would have killed you and potentially destroyed everyone and everything in the valley."

"I believe that," Kevlin said.

The magnitude of the power had strained his limits to comprehend it. To safely release it, he'd formed a gigantic column of fire that had completely encased the keep and reared hundreds of feet into the air.

He had nearly lost control at one point. The fear of the imminent destruction he would have unleashed upon the valley had given him the courage to accept Tia Khoa's direction and regain control.

Kevlin frowned. "I still don't understand how that applies to today."

"When a Sentinel experiences Tai Pari, and if they survive, their controls are weakened, increasing the risk of future Tai Pari. It's as if the magic senses the weakness and strives to exploit to escape the controls placed around it."

"That's not how it felt," Kevlin protested. "The magic tried to kill me."

"That's where you are a unique case. Your first Tai Pari was so severe, your channels were completely destroyed. Magic has free reign to flow throughout your entire being unchecked. The only limitation you place on it is to keep it out of your mind. Since that's where you were overwhelmed the first time, that's the point of weakness where the magic must strike to break free."

"So how do I put controls back in place to keep it from doing this again?"

Harafin and Leander shared one of those mysterious looks Kevlin hated. Did they even recognize how annoying that was?

Harafin said grimly, "We cannot."

"What do you mean?" He couldn't have heard that right.

"May I?" Leander interjected.

Harafin nodded.

"Think of Light, or magic, when it is concentrated to use like a river. The controls placed around it are the banks that keep the water moving in the right direction. The Tai Pari is the flood that bursts those banks. Once a river is breached once, it is forever weakened and likely to be breached in the same place again."

"Magic in small quantities is a gently flowing river, easily contained within the banks. In greater quantities, it becomes a swollen torrent that rages against any constraint. Weaknesses are like boulders churning it into rapids and making it that much harder to control."

"You were so completely overrun by the Tai Pari at the keep that your controls, the banks placed around the river, have been completely washed away. The magic now flows through you like an unchecked flood every time you attempt to focus or concentrate it."

Kevlin barked a laugh to try to hide his fear. "First you tell me that if I don't wield magic periodically, this Trembling Madness will drive me insane, if not kill me outright. Now you say if I do wield it, the magic will try to kill me. Every time."

"It's not quite as bad as it sounds," Harafin said.

"How is it not as bad as it sounds? And what other surprises have you left out?"

He extended his boot where Tia Khoa lay hidden. "Take it back! I don't want it. Give it to someone who knows how to control it. Give it to Ah'Shan."

"I cannot," Harafin said gravely. "You know as well as I that you can only be parted from Tia Khoa through death. Do you really want that?"

Kevlin lowered his leg and glowered at the old Sentinel. "You never warned me any of this would happen."

"How could I have known events would turn out the way they did?" Harafin leaned forward and asked softly, "You knew death was possible, even likely for all of us. You accepted those risks as we rode into battle. Do not second guess yourself."

Kevlin couldn't refute Harafin's words, but part of him wished he'd died in battle. Better to die an honorable death than wait to go insane, or possibly hurt the ones he loved when he lost control.

"How to I control it?" Kevlin finally asked.

"We will work on that," Harafin said. "You must hold onto hope. As your capacity and knowledge expand, the threat of the Trembling Madness will diminish."

"But the magic's going to try to kill me every time I try to use it!"

"There is danger in the short term," Harafin acknowledged. "Leander showed you how to shield your mind, and it appears that once you prove your dominance, the magic will subside and allow you to wield it."

"But it's going to do this forever?"

Leander said, "Not necessarily. Sentinels who master themselves and their gift reach a point where they can wield magic without danger. It no longer fights them, but submits completely to their control. If you can reach that point, the threat of another Tai Pari will disappear."

"How long will that take?"

Harafin sighed. "To reach complete self-mastery takes Sentinels centuries. That is how we gain the title of masters.

"How many Master Sentinels are there?"

"Twelve."

"Great," Kevlin said sarcastically. "So there's no hope."

"There is always hope," Leander countered with a smile.

Harafin straightened in his chair and said crisply, "Enough of this. We understand the dangers now and know how to deal with them. No road worth walking is without its dangers, and getting depressed over things we cannot change adds no value."

"That's easy for you to say."

"We all face dangers," Harafin replied sternly. "Do not assume yours are the only burdens, or the most grievous to be borne."

"Now," he continued in a friendlier tone, "we will continue your training."

Kevlin wanted to bolt for the door, but he needed training now more than ever. The knowledge Harafin could impart was the only defense against these terrifying threats that seemed to keep multiplying. Just as good intelligence was the best way to defeat a mortal enemy, it seemed just as true in the frightening world of magic.

Then a thought brought him up short. Maybe his future safety was a lost cause? What if Ceren was right? What if Harafin recognized he was doomed and was only trying to keep him alive until they reached Tamera and he could transfer Tia Khoa to another Sentinel?

He had to know. "Harafin, why didn't you just Choose Ah'Shan? Life would be simpler for everyone." Everyone but me.

Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

"I told you that night after the battle. Tia Khoa chose you, not me. I merely ratified the choice, as impossible as it still seems."

"You didn't have to, though, did you?"

Harafin regarded him silently for a moment. "No, I did not."

"Then why?"

"Call it an educated guess."

Kevlin stared. That answer scared him more than anything else Harafin might have said. Harafin never hesitated, never doubted. He, of everyone in the empire, was supposed to know what to do and why.

Harafin continued, "Know this, Kevlin. We are moving into difficult times, times so critical to the future of the world that prophecies were received and recorded hundreds of years ago to help us prepare to meet them."

"You mentioned something about that in Il'Aicharen."

"We have been studying those prophecies, trying to understand them. All to prepare for the bitter conflict about to be unleashed on the world. And we got it wrong."

Leander added, "Looking back at events, there were hints we could have picked up on."

"We should have," Harafin said. "While we battled in the wilderness of Hallvarr, while we chased Tanathos through the heart of the kingdom, I began putting pieces together in ways I had never imagined possible. Events were driving me to seemingly impossible conclusions. When Tia Khoa chose you, I had to make a choice too."

"You chose me," Kevlin said softly.

"Yes. More than that, I chose to believe what I had learned instead of clinging to ideas I had honed and polished over two centuries of study. I chose the unknown because it felt right and because I realized that in our arrogance we thought we could predict the future."

Harafin gave a rueful smile. "I have learned in recent weeks that we cannot."

"So what's the use of prophecy?"

"That's a question we've debated for decades," Leander laughed, slapping one knee. "Looks like it's time to start a new round."

Harafin sighed, and it looked like he nearly rolled his eyes. "Not today. Prophecy provides hints, no more, and I trust in their value. There are questions that must be answered, and much still to be revealed, but I believe I made the right choice. If I didn't, then . . ."

He trailed off, and Akillik's words returned to Kevlin. He said, "If we choose wrong, then we're at the mercy of blind chance."

Harafin nodded and scratched his beard, his eyes distant, lost in thought.

Leander said, "It disturbs me more than a little to think Akillik might have been warning us."

"Or making the first move in a mind game," Harafin said. "What better way to ensure his continuance than to misdirect us or confuse us at a critical time?"

"Then what will be his next move?" Leander asked.

Despite having seen Akillik, it still rattled Kevlin to think of the gods as living beings. It unsettled him even more to listen to these old men discussing the gods so familiarly.

Harafin said, "We will discuss this further. For now, back to your training."

"What are we going to do?"

"Drive the magic away."

How could he practice magic without magic?

"Trust me," Harafin said.

The moment of open truthfulness was gone. Harafin was once more being cryptic. Somehow, the shift comforted Kevlin as much as it irritated him.

Kevlin focused the small amount of magic inside of him and willed it to form a small, round shield in front of him. He had used the simple spell several times in the past couple of weeks, and it had saved both his and Ceren's lives.

He lacked much magic, but forming it felt natural after so much practice with this spell. The resulting shield only grew as big around as his outstretched hand. Once all the magic was consumed, Kevlin severed his connection to it. The shield flared and then faded away.

Harafin nodded in approval. "You have mastered the basic shield spell. We will study additional permutations later."

Of course he wouldn't remain on a spell Kevlin felt comfortable with.

"Now Kevlin, I want you to connect with Tia Khoa like you did at the keep."

Kevlin grinned. He had yearned to re-connect with Tia Khoa in the past week, but Harafin had commanded him not to try it alone. Now he eagerly reached for his boot.

"Not that way. At the keep, you connected with it using only your mind. You were not holding it at the time. Try doing that again."

"Is that how the other bearers of Tia Khoa used it?" It thrilled Kevlin, and scared him, to include himself in that group that comprised some of the most powerful Sentinels of all time.

Harafin shook his head. "To my knowledge, you are the first to have ever connected with Tia Khoa without direct physical contact."

He'd done something those other Sentinels had never done? That bolstered his confidence a little. Maybe they just got comfortable doing it one way and never considered trying something new? He knew so little about what he was doing that he'd never know if he was doing it wrong until after the fact.

Kevlin leaned back against the hull of the ship and thought back to when he had connected with the stone, the one time he had managed to do so. At the time, the magic had been flooding his mind in the Tai Pari.

Having a name for the experience did little to minimize the remembered terror. He'd nearly died. It had felt like the magic had driven his mind outside of the confines of his body.

He refused to try that again. He didn't think he could survive it a second time. And yet, in that moment, he had reached out with a thought and somehow touched the stone. Was it that simple?

Kevlin closed his eyes and focused on Tia Khoa. He tried to extend his thoughts toward it like he had at the keep, but nothing happened. He envisioned it lying in his boot, and imagined his mind connecting with it.

Nothing. After a couple of minutes of focused effort, Kevlin sat up and shrugged. Harafin and Leander both sat patiently watching him. They looked content to sit there all day.

"I can't do it. Why not?"

Harafin said, "No matter. Each failure helps better define the path leading to success."

With the recent near-Tai Pari, it was clear failures concerning magic led to destruction.

"Try holding the stone," Harafin suggested.

"I thought you said not to."

"I had to test a theory."

Kevlin removed his boot. He then whipped his left arm down hard and twisted his wrist. The movement popped a slender stiletto out of its hidden sheath between the layers of his leather wrist guard. He caught the razor-sharp blade and used its fine point to carefully cut the stitches holding Tia Khoa in place inside the overhanging top of his boot.

The slender blade, excellent for throwing, proved a good choice. His belt dagger was too big for such fine work. The enchanted silver dagger that hung in a hidden sheath at the base of his neck would have cut the top right off his boot.

If Harafin was going to have him take out Tia Khoa very often, he'd have to find a better place to hide the stone. In the meantime, he tried to minimize the damage.

He extracted the little bundle and unwrapped the outer soft leather cloth. His fingers shook with anticipation as he pried open the rune-covered pouch and dumped the stone into his hand.

He was startled anew at how ugly the misshapen rock looked. When Antigonus had handed him the stone for the first time, he'd envisioned many fantastic things Tia Khoa could be. At first he hadn't believed the rock was the powerful talisman.

Kevlin flipped the stone in his hand to reveal the interesting side of the rock. He instinctively shifted the stone until his fingers slipped into the grooves along its top edge.

On the front face, a raised emblem that looked to be made out of blue crystal glowed in the bright daylight. It was shaped like a double-edged sword with tongues of flame twisting around its length and extending out toward each of his fingers and his wrist.

The Flaming Sword. He still didn't know what the emblem meant, but both Harafin and Tanathos had been shocked to see it. When Antigonus had given him the stone, it had born the emblem of a six-pointed star. At Kevlin's touch, it had shifted to the flaming sword. Apparently, the emblem was tied to the whole prophecy business.

Kevlin didn't just hope to connect with Tia Khoa again. The powerful, strange presence that resided in the heart of the stone had granted him peace and knowledge. He craved the peace and hoped it would share more knowledge. Perhaps it could show him how to deal with the Trembling Madness and Tai Pari.

As Kevlin stared at the flaming sword emblem, it drew his gaze deeper. He welcomed the unique sensation of falling into the stone's blue nothingness.

As his mind was drawn into the stone, distant will-o'-the-wisp lights glittered at the edge of his vision and seemed to beckon him on. With a thought, he willed himself forward. He expected to flash past the lights like he had the last time, but gained only slowly on them.

Kevlin willed himself to move faster, impatience driving him forward. A gentle surge washed through his mind, and he welcomed the the slow, steady Rhythm of Life. It was a constant in the formless domain of the stone, and finding it again was a good sign. He'd used its universal cadence in the effort to subdue the huge column of fire that had nearly burst from his control at the keep.

Without warning he collided with an invisible wall. The impact jarred his mind. The next pulse of the Rhythm of Life helped him gather his thoughts and he pressed his against the barrier.

He didn't understand. The barrier had blocked his way the first few times he had tried to connect with the stone, but not the last time. On the far side dwelled the powerful essence that was Tia Khoa.

Tia Khoa, can you hear me? Kevlin threw out the thought and waited, expecting the barrier to fall.

He waited for several long minutes but sensed nothing, felt nothing. In the past, Harafin's voice had called him up from the depths of the stone, a lifeline he had followed back to reality.

This time, Harafin didn't call. Kevlin had never tried to leave Tia Khoa on his own and was surprised to find his mind awaken almost instantly when he concentrated on withdrawing.

The two old men sat unmoving, like two statues.

"What did you find?" Leander asked.

Kevlin shook his head. "It's not use. I can't reach it." He voiced the fear he'd carried since the battle. "Did I break it?"

Harafin smiled, and Leander chuckled. "No, my boy, there is nothing you could do to break Tia Khoa."

"Then why can't I reach it? I thought it chose me."

"That it did." Harafin looked far more pleased than worried by the setback.

Kevlin frowned. "What are you not telling me?"

"First, let me test my hypothesis."

"I thought you already tested it."

"That was a different one."

"How many are you planning on testing today?"

"This is the last, and the most important."

"So what do we do next?"

Harafin held out a hand. A shimmering butterfly of amber magic formed over it and flitted across the tiny cabin to Kevlin. It settled daintily on his knee. Then it imploded as his amulet captured the magic and poured it into him.

Kevlin took possession of it and re-formed the mental image of the fortified castle around his mind in case it assaulted his control again.

When nothing happened, he grinned. "Hey, I'm okay."

"Very good," Harafin said. "Once you have the Trembling Madness controlled and your mind guarded, it appears it will not rise against you again so soon."

Kevlin breathed a sigh of relief. "We can work with that. If I keep magic with me all the time, I won't have any more problems."

"It's not so easy as that," Leander said.

"Why not?"

"As we explained, concentrated magic like what you feel right now is Light pulled out of its natural state. You can hold it like that for a time, but not indefinitely. Over time, it will flow back to its natural state despite any effort to hold it, like water draining from a sieve."

"That's not fair."

Harafin chuckled. "Much in life is not fair, my boy."

Kevlin glowered at nothing in particular. He'd thought for a moment that he had the answer. They didn't have to crush his hopes so fast.

"Now, try to connect with Tia Khoa again," Harafin said.

"Why? I just proved I can't do it?" Harafin's games were getting annoying.

"Just do it. I need to know."

"All right." He did want to connect with Tia Khoa, so was happy to try again. Once again gazed into the stone's crystal emblem and allowed his mind to be drawn into its depths.

This time it felt different. He flashed past the will-'o-the-wisp lights like he had at the keep. Without interruption, he connected with the essence, the intelligence that resided in the heart of the stone.

This time he knew better than to probe that connection too closely. The first time he had touched Tia Khoa, his mind had been drawn in too deep. He had sensed a vast power, a depth so incomprehensible it had felt like he teetered on the edge of a bottomless chasm. Falling off would have shattered his mind. Some things were too foreign for a mortal to comprehend.

Tia Khoa's presence touched his mind. Light and power flooded through him with the force of a waterfall. Had he been standing up, he would have staggered under the force and sheer brilliance of it. Unlike the raging magic that had nearly destroyed him at the keep, the stone's pure magic carried with it a deep and abiding peace.

Kevlin felt immensely powerful, as if he could single-handedly lift the entire ship out of the water. At the same time, a deep calm filled him. The fear that had been nearly choking him vanished, leaving an absolute confidence that he could control this magic without danger.

Kevlin rode the wave of power back to consciousness and met Harafin's gaze. He could feel Tia Khoa's light shining in his eyes.

The old men shared a triumphant look.

In his mind, he felt Tia Khoa say, "It is well." With the thought came a wave of happiness.

Harafin said, "That is enough for now. Can you let it go?"

Kevlin hesitated. For the first time in days he felt calm and at peace. He didn't want to lose that feeling.

"Don't worry, you will be able to reach it again."

"Thank you." He directed the thought at Tia Khoa before slowly withdrawing his mind from it.

The connection broke gently, like the setting of the sun. The stone, which had warmed to the touch slowly cooled.

A fraction of the power that had infused him remained, and it felt right. The fear of having to battle potential Tai Pari every time he reached for this place faded, and for a moment he felt confident he could survive these challenges.

He took a deep breath. "Finally. Something went well. Can one of you tell me what just happened?"

"I believe we have unraveled at least a part of the puzzle," Harafin said. "It appears that you can reach Tia Khoa only through magic."

"That's not very encouraging. I'm not a Sentinel. Someone will have to give me magic every time."

Harafin said, "It is a start. Now, drive the magic away."

Kevlin reluctantly did so. He opened the nearby porthole window and focused the power into a spear of magic that he threw out the window. It streaked away from the ship, not splashing down until it had neared the distant horizon. It left him feeling empty.

Harafin gave him an encouraging nod. "That is enough for today. Well done."

# # #

Kevlin knocked on the captain's cabin door. All of the ladies in the company had been assigned the cabin together. Lady Miren's handmaid Sitara opened the door. Behind her, the ladies were seated around a small round table, talking over hands of cards.

Kevlin smiled at Sitara. "I'm glad to see you're looking better."

"Thank you, my lord."

"Just call me Kevlin. The title's so new I keep wanting to look around for this Lord Kevlin who keeps following me."

Sitara smiled and made a little curtsy.

"May I speak with Lady Ceren for a moment?"

"Of course."

Everyone heard the request. Indira had already risen and taken a step toward the door. Now she paused, a look of surprise on her face. Ceren joined Kevlin and they climbed the ladder to the main deck.

Only as he stepped out onto the aft quarterdeck did Kevlin realize his stupidity. Indira had been coming to greet him. He'd blown his chance. He hadn't even acknowledged her, but only asked for Ceren. What must she be thinking?

By the Lady's temper, he was a fool. He turned back toward the ladder, intent on clearing things up immediately, but Ceren caught his arm.

"Kevlin, what's the matter?"

"I'm an idiot."

Ceren laughed, "That's news to you?"

Kevlin managed a smile. He couldn't tell her, not after that kiss in the palace at Diodor.

"What did you want to talk about?" Ceren asked.

Kevlin forced his worries aside. He'd seek out Indira later and explain everything. So he lead Ceren to the stern, far enough from the helmsman that they could enjoy a little privacy.

The ship still ran south at a brisk pace through a light sea. The salty air smelled crisp and clean and the ship rolled with the gentle swell. The sails boomed and the masts creaked. Every sense drank in the feeling of being aboard ship again, and it helped center his mind.

"Have you learned anything new about Trembling Madness?" Kevlin asked.

"Not yet."

"What about Tai Pari? Have you ever heard of that?"

Ceren looked at him sharply. "Why do you want to know about that?"

"Just tell me. Have you heard about it?"

"A little. At Il'Aicharen, apparently one old Sentinel suffered a Tai Pari trying to defend the villagers." She placed a hand on his arm, scanning his face. "Kevlin, he blew himself up. The explosion weakened the wall. That's why Tanathos managed to breach it where he did."

Kevlin's fear, which had lain dormant since his connection with Tia Khoa, spiked to new life. If he lost control, he'd destroy everything and everyone aboard the ship.

He nearly asked her about Akillik. She was from Freyarr and although Akillik had many followers throughout the Six Kingdoms, his most numerous and devout were centered in Freyarr.

Ceren already looked worried, so he decided not to convince her beyond any doubt that he was insane.

"Kevlin, I worry about you."

"Thanks."

"Be very careful."

"I'm glad I have you to help."