The day of my wedding, I was a nervous wreck. I stood in my scratchy gown, as the tule puffed out under my waistline to accentuate my meager curves. The trail was so long, I didn’t know whether to admire it or tear it off. I’d been practicing all morning how to walk in that damned dress, finding it difficult not to trip over my own two feet. I felt my heartbeat in my throat, my stomach churning as I looked at the heavy birch doors to the throne room with anticipation. My eyes fell to my bouquet, a more feminine approach than I’d wanted—Lavender, Baby’s Breath, and Peonies. I felt a large, warm hand touch my shoulder and knew it was Father. His smile was nervous, and a bit bleak as I turned to face him. I almost didn’t recognize him as the mighty Al’Namir.
“I think I wore a similar expression when I married your mother.” He said softly, squeezing my shoulder ever so lightly. Pride swelled in my chest, as I imagined how Father looked on his wedding day. I wanted to hear the story once more, but as I opened my mouth to ask—I’d been enveloped by light.
He opened the doors, and the light from the throne room blinded me. Doubly so, with the amount of white in the room. My hands shook as Father guided me down the aisle, and I met Shahin’s gaze. Refined music began playing, and my eyes darted around once more to all of the nobles who attended the ceremony before they fell back on him. Shahin’s hair was slicked back, and he wore a fine suit with a gold and red pocket square. The air I was breathing hitched in my throat as I took in his features, even more prominent than the times I’d met him in passing. I was able to see them up close after a moment, when Father handed me off to him.
It felt like years had passed as we stood there, listening to the priest drone on and on about the unity of nations. Nobles of both Kingdoms sat, watching with attentive eyes as the priest continued. I kept my eyes on the floor, occasionally stealing glances of the man I could now call my husband. We’d occasionally look at each other at the same time, and he’d offer me a warm smile. I smiled back, shifting on my feet. A few times, both of us offered looks of light annoyance at the priest’s words—only to smile and chuckle at each other.
I felt bewitched by the man, completely and utterly under his spell as his handsome features were illuminated by the sunlight. Once the priest finally finished his speech, we sealed the marriage with a kiss. His lips were soft and plump, and he didn’t linger like I was expecting him to.
All of us sat at a long table—it had to have been custom built for this wedding, as the finish was freshly painted. Almost all of the guests were able to sit at it; save for security and servants. Nobles I’d never even met gave soliloquies-worth of words to us, speaking for so long that their voices became unbearable to listen to. I almost fell asleep to one of them, but Shahin nudged me with his shoulder gently. He smiled at me, pointing at the noble with his nose, and I returned my gaze to the man as he compared me to the moon. A compliment I’d heard millions of times in my life.
By the end of the reception, I’d grown comfortable enough in sharing the same space with Shahin that I leaned against him with half of my weight. He didn’t move—in fact, he welcomed it by putting his arm around me. We sat, listening to the final speeches; my Mother and Father’s. I wondered if Shahin’s family was still alive, and if they couldn’t make it to the reception. I didn’t see anyone of his likeness in attendance. After Father finished his speech, the two of us rose from the table and the guests followed suit. They lined the aisle out of the throne room, and I hugged each person I knew tightly. I got to the end of the aisle, hugging Fatiha so tight she squeaked, and noticed someone was missing: Idris.
I scanned the room for him, finally meeting his gaze and looking at him with a puzzled expression. I urged him to come over, hugging him when he finally made it to arm’s reach. He groaned as I pulled him tight, returning the hug with his usual, gentle caress. I cherished the feeling of his arms around me, and looked up at him with care.
“Take care of Mother and Father, alright?” I asked. “Yeah.” He said with a flat tone. I raised an eyebrow, and pinched his bicep. “And grow some muscle while I’m gone.” I ordered teasingly.
Idris flinched at my touch, yanking his arm away and huffing. “Modesty is beyond your reach.” He grumbled, looking down at me angrily. I couldn’t help but laugh, wishing he could come with us. He’d been the one to watch me grow—to encourage my growth, and I did the same for him. Deep down, I was worried, and I hoped he’d continue his growth after I was gone. Shahin walked me out of the palace, and helped me board the carriage with great care. His hands were chilly, but I chalked it up to nerves. When we were alone in the cabin, he smiled at me as he sat adjacent to me.
“Are you excited, Princess? To see Otlak?” He asked.
I nodded, trying to keep my words to a minimum. The maidens’ voices rang clearly in my ears, and I was determined not to be seen as annoying by my husband. I smiled at him with the sweetest face I could muster, and even used some of the poses Tayir had taught me last year throughout the ride to seem more alluring. I was a young girl, whose head was filled with fantasy—I hoped to find home with this new man, and his homeland. We’d be spending the next 11 days together, and the journey was nothing less than magical. Shahin was courteous, and nurturing towards me. Our first night in a town, we walked the streets and admired the shoppes until dusk—going to the inn and getting our room. I was almost shocked to see two beds, but saw it as a gesture of kindness.
“One bed would have sufficed…” I told him.
His eyebrows shot up as he looked at me, tilting his head with shock. “Heavens, me…” he sighed. “Do you think I’m a man who’d sleep with a child?” He asked as he shook his head.
I had no intention of offending the Duke, and I shook my own head in response. He had a point—Shahin was 22 years-old, a fully-fledged adult in comparison to me, having turned 16 that day.
“No, I didn’t mean to offend you, Shahin. I think I was just given a different idea of marriage nights…” I explained.
He chuckled as he disappeared into the bathroom with a change of clothes. I was in awe. Honestly, I was expecting him to be much more demanding of my space and body—especially with the seeds of doubt Idris had planted in my head. He’d gone as far as to warn me to not be in the same room alone with the Duke, but here we were. In a two-bedded room of an inn, and he was changing in the bathroom. I took clothing from my own bag, and changed behind a room divider into a soft robe I’d been gifted by Mother. She stitched the embroidery herself, and I knew for a fact a prayer had been whispered with each puncture of the needle through the thread.
As we settled into our beds for the night, I found myself staring at the ceiling more often than keeping my eyes closed. I had so many questions brimming within me, and I wanted so badly to hear their answers.
“Shahin?” I finally asked, keeping my voice down in case he’d gone to sleep.
“Yes, Hala?” He asked. I turned my head to find him looking back at me from his bed. The way he said my name was interesting, with his accent poking through as he spoke Mahsulah.
“Why did you ask for my hand?”
“Well, you could say I was doing myself a favor.” He replied. I looked at him with a puzzled expression, and he smiled at me. “For starters, you’re a beautiful girl who I’m most certain will become a beautiful woman.” He said. I returned his smile with one of my own, shy and meek.
“You have the same determined gaze as your father, to which I’d assume you hold a similar ability to lead. I’m not sure if you know this, but Tavuk isn’t exactly the best at decision-making. I’m afraid his family’s complacency ended up being passed on to him.” He explained. My fingers felt electric, pulsing with power as I imagined aiding my husband in making major decisions for Tavuk’s sake.
I could hear his smile as he spoke. “I’m hoping you’re also capable of tending to the palace with the servants, fixing it to how you see fit for a possible family, and guests who may visit. Do you enjoy cooking? Baking?” My smile grew wider, and I nodded.
“I can cook any dish in the Seven Kingdoms.” I said softly.
Shahin let out a small breath of laughter, and I felt even more entranced by his charm. He focused his gaze on me for a brief moment, before looking to the wall behind me. I wondered if, perhaps, he was someone who was uncomfortable with eye-contact.
“Splendid. Consider yourself in charge of whatever the servants may cook. Should you find yourself bored, or wanting to impress a specific guest, you have free reign of the kitchen.”
I was over the moon. The idea of having an entire kitchen to myself made me ecstatic. I imagined meals with my family, with Fatiha and her sisters as they admired Shahin’s home. Shahin brought his arm under his head, using it as a pillow.
“What all did you do in the palace, aside from studying?” Shahin asked.
“I did nothing but try to get out of the palace.” I said honestly.
Shahin brought his hand up, and propped himself up as he spoke. “Really, now?” He asked. “Why would a princess try escaping her lap of luxury?”
“To see the people I serve.” I replied. “Father was insistent I only leave the palace with a guard, he always thought I’d get hurt if I went out alone.”
Shahin smiled and shook his head slightly, looking at me keenly.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to send me on wild goose chases to track you down.” He teased.
“Not so long as you let me leave on my own volition.” I chuckled. Shahin nodded in understanding. Our banter was enjoyable, and I could tell he felt similarly.
“I’ll make sure to keep that in mind.” He said softly.
————————————————————————————————————
I had no idea what Idris had tried warning me about when he told me to be cautious of Shahin. Over the course of our travels, he was nurturing and kind. Each morning, and every couple of hours he’d ask me how I was doing. It was the most someone had ever checked on me, and I felt prioritized. Each night, we slept in separate beds—and each morning he’d greet me with a hug and bring me to the inn’s café for breakfast. I dined on countless fluffy pancakes and muffins, adorned with fruits and different drizzles of icing.
On the carriage ride, we discussed many things. I learned that Shahin had been particularly fond of psychology and anatomy; taking great pride in helping the people of his land overcome illnesses and ailments of all kinds. He spoke for two hours about the different parts of the spine to me, and what the nerves did. Shahin had an air about him that was just mesmerizing to be around, as if the air he breathed was a deliriant. I saw him as a man of many accomplishments, and even virtue.
A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
I took particular interest in seeing the surroundings change to more of a woodland environment, peeking through the window and catching white-ringed foxes as they made their way from their holes. Finally, I saw what I’d been so prepared for: a bunny, sitting right next to the carriage as it strolled forward. I leapt up from my seat, eyeing the rabbit with pure joy.
“Look!”
“Easy, Princess.” Shahin said in Otlank. He sounded a bit harsher when he used the language, but the rigidity of the language itself made it understandable. His chuckle broke the tension of his voice, and I smiled at him.
“I’ve always wanted to see one in person!” I whispered, speaking in Otlank as best I could. Shahin smiled back at me, and tugged my sleeve softly to get me to sit back down.
“I’ll make sure to have someone bring one to you, then.” He replied.
I nodded vigorously, excited by the idea, and sat down. He seemed to enjoy my excitability, letting out a small laugh as I watched him with great joy.
“They don’t have any rabbits in Mahsul?” He hummed.
I shook my head. “They have Hares, but they’re much too leggy, and ugly.”
“Noted…” he said, raising an eyebrow and leaning back into the seat with amusement.
“Do you promise you’ll actually bring one?” I asked.
“I promise, Song Bird.” He replied. Such a pet name made me look at him with a hint of confusion. I echoed the name as a question, and he smiled. “You seem to flitter around a lot, twittering when you get excited. Fitting, don’t you think?”
I nodded, and accepted the pet name with a smile. I didn’t know what to call him yet, but I’d think about it eventually.
————————————————————————————————————
When we finally arrived at Shahin’s palace: it was a fleck of dust in comparison to home, but the building was nothing to scoff at. I was excited to get out of the carriage, as Shahin got out first and then helped me descend the steps. My body had grown stiff from the day’s ride, and the sunset illuminated the palace from behind. I eyed the small windows, and the servants out in the courtyard as I stretched my legs once I fully exited the carriage.
“I know it’s small, compared to what you’re used to…” he began bashfully. “But I hope you find yourself able to call it home.”
I smiled back at him, nodding my head and walking up the steps with him at my side. The coachman carried our bags in, and the reality of my situation seemed to set in: I was wedded to the main advisor of Otlak’s Kingdom, and someday he was going to help me rule Mahsul.
“It’s beautiful.” I replied.
Shahin opened the doors of the palace, and the Pine wood floors shone magnificently as the golden rays of sunset lit them. I was amazed, taking in the grand decor that was minimalistic yet sophisticated. I was used to busy, almost gaudy, decor in Mahsul—seeing such tasteful and elegant adornments in the halls felt rather refreshing. Shahin started the tour of my new home with the basics: living room, kitchen, dining rooms, and different common areas. As we made it towards the steps, I insisted on taking my bag from the coachman. Shahin chuckled at the notion, and took the bag himself. I sighed inwardly, and let him do it despite my pride. My eyes traveled up the foyer as we made it to the second floor, and I eyed the chandelier that hung from another floor up. Its large crystals reflected the evening sun, making small prisms and reflecting dozens of small rainbows on the eggshell walls. Shahin guided me up the second set of steps, showing me the different rooms on the third floor. He had a room for each hobby, one for his piano and other stringed and windpipe instruments; another room for painting and the arts; and finally, an expansive library that encompassed a third of each floor—connected by a separate set of steps. The library also lead out to a wide back deck, overlooking a vast garden.
A small shack sat in the corner of the property, overgrown by jasmine and different fungi. I eyed the building with interest, and Shahin spoke up.
“An old barrack building, from when my parents ran the property.” He explained.
I nodded, wishing he’d indulge me more about his past. I didn’t dare ask him more about it, as I knew better than to ask my new husband prying questions at the time. Maybe if I’d asked him, I’d have understood the psychology behind that mind of his.
Finally, we closed the tour of the estate with my room. A simple, yet mature room with mostly white decor, though the bedspread and accent pillows were muted shades of pastel green and brown. I loved it, and enjoyed the few pink accents hidden in the room—pink roses on the curtain tails, and pink bows on a pair of white rabbits on a shelf. I knew it was a coincidence, but the rabbits made me smile foolishly as I took them in.
“This,” Shahin said. “Will be your room.”
“I love it!” I told him, wrapping my arms around him. I put great effort into restraining myself as I hugged him. He chuckled, and patted me on the back. When I looked up at him, he wore the same warm smile that I’d familiarized myself with seeing. “I’m glad, Song Bird.”
—————
Most of my first year with Lord Shahin consisted of learning the ins and outs of the palace. I learned the names of the servants, eunuchs, and maidens who lived on the property; finding myself especially fond of the presence of a set of 12 year-olds, Uyum and Melodi. The girls were so sweet, and I often helped them fold laundry or tend to menial chores like dusting. They didn’t enjoy cooking as much as I did, so I took on the task of handling the kitchen with the maiden in charge; Madam Denge. Madam Denge was a blunt woman, who I had no issues with. She doted on me, and taught me shortcuts on how to make different dishes. Her adjustments were delightful, adding more flavor to the dish that I’d been hoping to add myself—I just couldn’t quite grasp how, back in Mahsul. Shahin spent the most time with me during dinners with other guests, introducing me to them as his wife and courtesan. The nobles he invited to dinners were stunned by my proficiency in Otlank, and I carried conversations with them effortlessly.
With time, I found myself feeling slighted by some of the guests. Each time they visited, they’d repeat how good my Otlank accent was; some commented on how ‘exotic’ I looked, and Shahin would give me a glance that begged me to glaze over such comments. I smiled and bore through them, for his sake, and earned their praises with my baking. One night, when tensions were especially high amongst a tradesman and vendor; Shahin urged the servants to bring out one of my cakes. The tradesman was a prickly man, insistent that the vendor was asking too high a price for his shop to buy the goods. By the fourth time of the tradesman balking at the seller, and asking Shahin the same question—we were both massaging our temples in short intervals.
“Gentlemen, you simply must try my wife’s cake…” he deflected after the fifth time the tradesman asked Shahin if the vendor’s price was too high. “I assure you, it will make you rethink your position.”
I looked at the men expectantly as the cake came out, offering my sweetest smile as I cut into it. They fell quiet, watching as their lips shone from the drool piling in their mouths. I placed each slice onto the plate with an almost provocative expression, having just turned 17 I felt more mature—and recalled Tayir telling me that men would listen to a woman more often when they put on a show.
“Please,” I said, handing the plates to each of them. “Dig in” I smiled.
The men were putty in my hands, taking a bite from their plate and melting at the taste of cream cheese icing as it danced across their tongues. Shahin looked at me, proudly, and I couldn’t contain the joy in my smile as I looked back at him. The men had totally forgotten about their quarrel, and came back to it an hour later; their bellies full and happy. Afterwards, as I was cleaning the table and the men had left after coming to an agreement, Shahin hugged me from behind and planted a kiss on my neck for the first time.
“That was…” he said, kissing the crook of my neck softly. “Exquisite.”
I felt my shoulders stiffen as I drew in a breath. My core shook, heavy with arousal—I was touch starved, barely getting more than a hug from him in the year we’d been married. I pressed my body into him, and for a moment I though I felt something stir beneath his pants.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” I said in a gentle, playful voice.
“I can’t wait to see how you mature, Song Bird.” He murmured into my ear.
I chuckled at the statement, finding it more endearing than creepy.
————————————————————————————————————
After my 18th birthday, Shahin began moving things into my room as he stripped them off of me. We tangled endlessly, as he took in every inch of my body. I was a ravenous lover, hungrier for him than I think he could comprehend, or handle for that matter. I loved the way he looked as I put myself on display for him, just as entranced by me as I was with him. He had his hooks planted firmly in me. If I were capable of rational thought, I’d have wondered why my parents hadn’t written me a single letter; why Idris never came to visit. The only time I ever thought of my family back home that year was when I sat with Dukhan, alone in the spare bedroom that I’d made into her playpen.
One evening, I walked in on Uyum and Melodi, now 14, as they folded laundry in a spare viewing room. It was fall, and the sun had begun setting earlier than it once had. Just as the light had begun to fade, I overheard the two discussing new arrivals—eunuchs who would be coming from around Otlak. During my time in the library, I had noticed a new building being constructed; but never bothered to ask Shahin about its purpose.
“Do you think the eunuchs will be our age?” Uyum asked Melodi.
Melodi shrugged apathetically, much more engrossed in her work than the idea of new arrivals. I raised an eyebrow at the comment, a little perturbed by both Uyum’s interest in the men and Shahin keeping me in the dark about such a topic.
“Eunuchs?” I asked. The girls’ eyes met mine and they almost looked scared of me. I tweaked a brow at them as I approached, taking note of Uyum’s shoddy job at folding her pile of clothing.
Just as I reached for Uyum’s pile, she snatched it back from me. Her eyes were filled with worry, and her voice twinged with concern.
“Al’Haya, you can’t fold this!”
“And why not?” I asked with a teasing tone.
“Madam Denge told us to fold these alone…” Melodi murmured.
“I can help.” I reassured her. “Lord Shahin hasn’t ever taken issue with my aid in keeping things orderly.”
There was enough laundry in that pile to keep them busy for hours, and I felt bad making them fold it all alone. I took some towels from the pile, folding them quickly.
“What’s this about eunuchs?” I asked, my tone almost sounding like my mother had delivered such a question. I cringed at myself.
“There are eunuchs coming to the palace, tomorrow!” Uyum said excitedly.
I smiled at Uyum, finding her enamor with the eunuchs endearing. “Tomorrow?” I asked.
“Yes!” She replied.
“And why are you so excited?” I asked.
“Uyum his puberty last month.” Melodi said, sticking her tongue out a Uyum and gauging her reaction.
“Puberty…? At 14?”
The thought almost shocked me, as women in Mahsul tended to hit puberty as early as 10. I had begun cramping at age 12. It was hard for me to comprehend, being a half a year away from 19.
“Melodi!” Uyum hissed. “Why would you say such a thing in front of Royalty?!”
“Relax, Uyum, your secret is safe with me.” I interjected, winking at the maiden.
I finished folding more of the laundry, and turned to leave the girls to finish the rest. I was unsettled by the idea of newcomers in the palace without my knowledge, and thought it time to finally see if Shahin were capable of problem solving. I wandered the palace for a while, until coming across his art room. There he stood, painting a rabbit of Dukhan’s likeness. It was rather adorable; a man with such dark, beautiful features, and an aloof demeanor painting such a small creature. A rabbit he’d gifted me the first month I came to Otlak.
“Dearest?” I asked, calling for him softly.
Shahin set down his palette, looking behind him with a slight smile. “Yes?” He asked.
I wrung my hands together. “Why am I hearing about eunuchs coming tomorrow from the maidens, and not you?”
His brows knitted together with worry as he wiped his hand onto his shirt, a new smear of cerulean on the white cotton. “Is tomorrow not a good day?”
“No, no,” I said, waving a hand. “I just would like to know about such things before they happen…” added.
“I’m sorry, Darling, I’ve been rather busy lately.”
Liar.
“Tavuk has had nobles down his throat all week, they’ve been rather upset with him, you see…”
I smiled at him, and shook my head. “I understand. Let’s not have it happen again, okay?” I asked.
“Of course, Dear.” He said, taking a couple of long strides towards me. His short sleeved shirt was stained with dried paint, a shirt he wore often when painting. He wrapped his arms around my waist, bringing me in for a hug and a kiss. “Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?” He asked.
“You tell me every day.” I said with an innocent smile.