Abyad was burning with desire as he laid me on my bed, pulling my gown off with such ferocity I’d never expected. I felt it, for the first time in almost nine years—the deep stirring of arousal within my core. The longing, the yearning to be ravished. I was scared, yes, but the calm of Abyad’s blue eyes lulled me. Just like in our teen years when he apologized for Jamila’s actions. Just like in the courtyard as he carried me. Just as all those nights I’d awoken from nightmares and he’d been there; those still, serene eyes were an anchor for me through the waves of apprehension that hit me in fizzing wakes. The more he explored my body, roving over each peak and valley, the stronger the feeling of arousal grew. This was nothing like my husband’s ‘love,’ this was pure intimacy. Each way he tested my body made me hot, unbearably so. I craved him, just as he craved me.
“I can’t.” He said breathily, voice husky with desire. “The teasing can wait for another time. Right now, I need to feel you.” He said.
He didn’t have to tease me much, to begin with. It surprised me how ready I was for him. I didn’t know my body was still capable of such brazen displays of arousal before he began diving into the depths of my soul with each thrust. I was sent into waves of ecstasy, the way he touched me as he went. Gentle, but firm, his calloused hands grazed my skin in loving kneads. I was more prepared for this than I thought, feeling his moans on the nape of my neck as they escaped his lips in shudders. I was complete, with him inside of me.
“Hala…there aren’t words for how this feels…for how you feel.” He breathed as another tightly wound moan loosed from his lips.
My sighs came out in hoarse huffs, writhing as he meshed with me. We could have done this for hours—years, even. Back and forth, meeting and drawing away. Time escaped us, as the call for Inaad rang from the bell tower. It was coming up on midnight, and I was impressed at how we kept such momentum. We found different ways for our bodies to mesh, settling on ones bringing us both the most pleasure. One moment, I was on my side. The next, I sat atop him. The feeling of his eyes on me as I performed for him was unable to be put into any other word but gratitude, that was what flooded me. Gratitude that someone dared love my body, and stake loving claim of it despite the scars that littered my back. Despite the varnish that had worn off of me.
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Our entanglement didn’t end until the late night bell rang for prayer, Jidhaal—though our acts were unholy considering my still-very-real wedding contract with Shahin, I felt nothing short of blessed by the time he was pleased. I didn’t want him to leave between my hips, knowing I’d feel so empty without him there. He kissed my neck in soft pecks, before reaching my lips and crashing into them with lazy affection in its purest sense. There was the clumsiness, the lack of coordination that he once had when we’d known each other before my betrothal. It had manifested differently, now, in a way only I wanted to witness
Once he disembarked from my body, I let out another moan. He wrapped an arm around me, bringing me to his chest and holding me securely. My hand traced circles around his pecs, as he brought a hand to my hair.
“Hala…” he finally said, his honeyed voice coated in stupor.
“I love you.”
My heart swelled, never hearing such words after an intimate connection. I craned my neck to look at him,
“I love you,” I sighed. “Both as Idris, and as Abyad.”
There was no bristle this time, only his arms wrapping tighter around me as a tired smile painted his lips. He almost looked like he could cry in that moment, our eyes locking as doting affection filled them. I fell asleep, and by the time I’d awoken the next morning—he was gone.