Aegis Benedict shook like a fearful mortal in a caldera lit hallway. His transparent body seemingly lacked nerves, but he was full of them.
He had just promised Charlotte O'Scara, the unlove of his life, the mealy apple of his worm infested eye and other musty old metaphors he liked to use that he would rid her mansion of these living Interlopers, but to be truthful, he was far from the war hero he had promised her family he was.
For Aegis absolutely loved the aesthetic of being a gentleman soldier. He adored wearing the gaudy outfits of ruffles, leather with the golden buttons running down his lapel, and he absolutely loved musing to fine ladies that he would gladly perish for their sake and his country. But the one thing he couldn't stand was war itself.
The filthy mud and squalor, the blood and guts spilling out onto the battlefield, the way the generals barked commands into his ear. It was all too much.
One accuraed day, he decided he would flee the battlefield and return home, but when he did, he was felled. Not by an enemy soldier, but a general who has firmly promised his army that all deserters would be shot on sight.
As his blood seeped out and life force ran out, Aegis reflected on how he had received his just desserts for being a deserter.
His red badge of courage, received from behind was rather a red badge of cowardice.
When he returned to Evergarden as a spirit, he never told Charlotte or her family about how he had died. He returned a war hero and he had remained one in their eyes ...until now.
"Ohhhh fiddlesticks, how can I do this?" Aegis moaned like a specter centuries older than himself. "How can I finally prove myself to Miss Charlotte? If I don't get rid of them, she'll know I was nothing but a yellow bellied coward."
His beady eyes darted around the hallway lit with blue embers. He ran his ghostly hand through his curly blond pompadour and groaned. He could hear voices laughing from the parlor room down the hallway. So bright and cheerful and full of life.
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Despite missing a pair of lungs, Aegis took a deep cold breath.
"I know…" he said at last. "I'll do what I do best. I'll be a perfect gentleman and politely ask them to leave…I'm sure my air of debonair will swoon them just as easily as Miss Charlotte."
His ghostly face turned bright pink and he grinned widely. "Then I will finally be her in her good graces and she'll be my fan girl…literally!"
L
He chuckled to himself over his corny joke about Charlotte's accessories as he politely inched himself down the hall. The voices grew louder and more abrasive as he got to the end. Not only could he hear the voices, but he could hear what they were saying.
"Gentlemen, thou do-est believe this parlor will be an excellent room for us to practice our sonnets and show off our arsenal to the ladies!"
Aegis's ghostly ears perked up. "Egads. Charlotte didn't tell me these men were gentlemen too. She made it seem like they were untamed ruffians. This will be a piece of rotten eclair!"
The man's snooty upper class voice was finely played classical music to his undead ears. He rapt gently at the door. "Excuse me, fellow gentlemen," Aegis said, his voice polite and not wavey like a typical ghost. "May I ask you something?"
The door didn't open, but the pompous voice answered. "Yes? I had no idea there were other upper crust gentlemen in this mansion."
"Well…er…I uh…yes I am!" Aegis said. "I am of the highest order of crust! My mother said I was golden rye!"
"Well then, Mr. Bread…" the man asked. "What can thou do for thee?"
Aegis cleared the ectoplasm from his throat. It was now or forever. "By order of Miss Charlotte O'Scara, head mistress of this manor, I order you to leave Evergarden!"
There was silence for what seemed like an eternity. "Ho ho ho. Thou art quite cruel, Mr. Rye. We spent a fortnight and a half reaching this manor and we don't intend to leave it."
A glowing bead of ectoplasm slid down Aegis's forehead.
The not-so gentle ruffian's voice grew more irate. "Perhaps, you, Mr. Rye would like to see our arsenal!"
Aegis let out a whimper. "Oh Nelly!"
The door swung open to reveal three men in powdered wigs clutching giant silver rifles. The largest man in a blond pageboy's bob chuckled. "Nowest the time to showeth our guns! Open fire!"
Aegis let out a mortified shriek like his living days and began to head for the hills (or rather Miss Charlotte's bedroom again) as fast silver bullets fired through his transparent body.
It didn't matter that he had already died…for he had GTSD (Ghost Traumatic Stress Disorder) and it permeated his whole afterlife. He didn't stop until he was safe in Charlotte's chamber. Unfortunately, he would now have to explain his folly to someone scarier than death itself!