“Can I ask why I’m here… And why you want to know my secrets?” I shuddered, taking another step back as my instincts started screaming at me to run. Even if I did though, the door was closed… Of course, knowing that only made me more anxious.

“Of course you can, but I won’t answer. I have to tease you a bit to make up for you never coming to any of my shrines.” Plutia joked, sticking her tongue out at me.

‘I knew she was mad…’ “I really don’t think I’m hiding anything though…”

“Of course you are… Like… What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you.”

My breath stopped in my lungs as I blankly stared straight ahead and my heart skipped several beats in a row. “H-how is that relevant?” I started shaking as I tried to resist answering. ‘If I just don’t say anything at all maybe I can avoid the effects.’

Aurelia patted Posy on the head, deciding to give her a moment to process things as she walked back over to me. “There's no point in resisting, sure, if it was a lower-level divine circle you could get away with just not saying anything, but this is my magic, so you’ll end up talking whether you want to or not.”

“That’s… Not fair…” I muttered, starting to hold my breath again. ‘I can always just make myself black out.’

Plutia started to chuckle “Oho, I was just joking, but if you're trying to hide it so bad it must be really embarrassing. Now I’m really curious, come on, what did you do that was so embarrassing?”

I felt my chest start to tighten even more. ‘I don’t want to tell you that… I’ll tell you anything else…’ I calmed my mind. ‘This is my resolve… I can’t believe… I’m using it for something as stupid as this…’ My vision started to go black and I felt the dull thud of my head bouncing off the ground.

‘This is stupid… When I wake up I’ll still have to tell them, won’t I… Besides, I’m sure there are more important things for the guild master of White Light to be doing than sitting around waiting for me to stop acting like a child…’

As I opened my eyes I saw the guild master looking down at me, and her divine grace wrapping around me like a cocoon.

The moment I became fully conscious though I started feeling compelled to speak, and sure enough, nothing had changed. My chest tightened up again and I started to feel short of breath. I clutched my chest over my robes. It wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been in the past, but it still hurt. For once my breath was actually clear too, I was just breathing quickly out of habit my mind expecting my throat to close up even though it wasn’t.

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“A-Auly, what's happening? Your barrier around the guild hall should instill calmness and a sense of ease right?”

I started stumbling over my words, finally caving in. “W-when I was fourteen…” I muttered. Growling, still trying to hold back, at that point just doing it out of spite.

They were too wrapped up in their own conversation to notice I had spoken at all though. “It does… But if her feelings are too strong it won’t force her to feel and act calmly. Instead, it will force her to try and relieve the stress in other ways, like crying for instance...”

“You're saying she’s so anxious that even a calming spell isn’t doing anything?” She looked at me, almost as if she was the one about to cry. To put it into words, it was as if her face was saying “I messed up.”

“No, it’s still doing something… That’s probably why she’s shaking, and why she teared up earlier. She said she was good at hiding how she felt… The spell is esentially making it so she can’t do that.”

I sat up, taking my head off the guild master’s lap and wrapping my arms around my knees, hugging them close. ‘I’m just making it harder on everyone at this point…’ I slowly stopped shaking and relaxed. ‘I guess maybe I do have a secret… If you can call it that…’ “When I was fourteen… I learned my first tier two spell…”

They suddenly quieted down, listening intently, making me pause and want to start fighting back again, but I didn’t. “I finally had enough mana in me to use magic in a real fight, and not just for chores. I was still getting some help from the orphanage back then, so I had plenty to eat, so I was strong and healthy, so… So Anyway… I thought maybe I could finally get a party and go do a few monster hunts.”

Whatever warmth I had felt before was still there, I could feel it on my skin, but it was like everything under my skin was frozen to the bone. “I went to the guild hall and asked around, and a few people said no because I was too young, or a girl, or because I wasn’t good enough, but eventually I found one. A group of three guys, a thief, a knight, and a ranger if I remember right. They told me I could join up with them.”

Plutia squatted down next to me. “Kid I just asked what happened you don’t have to tell me your life story.”

Aurelia slapped her shoulder “This is your fault you know, at least be a little more sensitive. The least you could do is listen to the whole thing.”

“I was! I thought maybe if she got it over with faster it wouldn’t be so hard for her!”

“If that’s what you’re worried about then you should leave and let her just answer the question without anyone around to hear it!”

They both stopped and looked back at me, considering it for a moment before Plutia abruptly stood up. “You’re right let's go.”

“Well, I can’t. It’s my sacred duty to hear all of the words of those under this spell, and it’s too late to break it… Even if I did leave I would still hear everything she says… Which would then ironically be kind of like lying to her…”

I grabbed at the collar of my dress, trying to pull it down so there would be less pressure on my neck, but it still felt like I was choking as I watched the two of them argue. It was like the longer I went without speaking the more magic built up in my throat.

“Just breathe… Stop trying to fight it. No matter how embarrassing it is, or whatever you end up saying, neither of us will laugh at you.”

Plutia sat back down. “If you’re staying then I am too. Although I can’t promise I won't laugh.”

Aurelia smacked her again, this time in the back of the head.

‘Just say it… Don’t fight it… But… I don’t want to say it… Don’t fight? Fighting is all I’ve ever done… Why would I give up?’ “No…”