I prepared the meat with a combination of several different magics. First, gold magic to disinfect. You’d be surprised how different it tastes removing the bad stuff with magic instead of cooking it out. Then I ground up the meat by forcing water into the fibers and zapping it with electricity to rupture and soften them, drying it with fire and air before grinding it down properly with several spiraling wind blades. ‘It’s still draining, but kind of cool I can do all this in one go now. First, my mana got stronger because of how much I practiced my magic while I was starving, but then I learned metal magic too. I wonder how much I’ve really gained.’

After grinding it down I was short of breath, but I went ahead and finished it off, using a magic of my own invention to trap all of the nutrients in the meat so they wouldn’t boil out during the cooking. It was by far the most draining, but also the most important for the flavor, combining plant, water, earth, silver, and now metal magic. When I was done another wave of exhaustion set in and I sat back down on my bed, quickly falling to sleep.

Before I even opened my eyes, a wonderful smell filled the air. Somehow… I couldn’t smell the meat though, or hear it sizzling. “What did you end up making? I groaned, still refusing to open my eyes just yet.

“Soup, with coconut. No meat. It'll just make you more tired.”

I rolled over on my bed, untwisting my body to relax even more. “Is that really a bad thing? Maybe I could just sleep for a week. Save money on groceries…” I let out a long sigh. ‘After all that work you didn’t even cook the meat?’

I heard her let out a disappointed sigh. “You should have taken your boots off before you went to sleep. You're hopeless.”

I let out a yawn. “I know,” I said plainly. I didn’t care much what she thought of how I lived, not when she had a personal maid back at her mansion... ‘Why are we eating at my place anyway…’ I hugged my pillow and closed my eyes again. “And you should have cooked meat…” I groaned, going back to sleep. It wasn’t even worth eating if it was just a bunch of vegetables… They might make me feel better, but they weren’t going to help me get my muscles back or help me get stronger…

Before long I felt the straps on my leather boots loosen. They slid right off my feet leaving my bare legs suddenly exposed to the cold air. “What are you doing? You're so weird…” I mumbled, pulling them under the blanket.

“You need to take better care of… Well, everything. Your boots have dust and dirt on them. You're ruining your sheets. I bet you have dandruff again too don't you?”

I let out a sharp breath of air. “No.” She rubbed her hand through my hair like I was a child and I quickly shooed it away as my hair roots ached from having to move around.

“Liar,” she said, crossing her arms.

“Cut it out already, it's not like I can do anything about it. Soap and junk is an expensive waste of money.”

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She sighed and went back to cooking. “It's done.” She said, putting the pan on the table.

I sat down and served myself, waiting patiently for it to cool so I wouldn't burn my mouth. I looked across the table to her as she dug right in. “You know… You could always just buy me that stuff if you really–”

“If I really cared?” She cut me off.

“That's not… Well, whatever.” I understood that she cared about me, at least I thought she did in some weird way, but I certainly didn't understand how.

She continued eating. Before long she finished, and I was still just staring blankly at my food. “Aren't you hungry? You'll need energy for your next quest so you should eat now that you have the chance.”

I let out a soft groan “I know.” ‘next quest… That's right. I have to go back there and do it all over again. The wargs and the spiders… It's the area I'm most familiar with and one of the easier ones even with the infestation. Most importantly though, it’s familiar, so the chances of me panicking are lower.’

I looked out the window for a moment. ‘I could always just clean the spiders instead of taking more quests… If I cared about safety that would be the way to go… But… Then I’d never become an adventurer.’

I reached up and gripped my chest over my heart, remembering the pain and the tightness. ‘Even if I am more familiar with the area, that place feels suffocating right now.’

“Is it because it has coconut in it? You should be less picky about your food.”

I continued staring blankly. “I don't want to go back to the forest.”

She had been serving herself for seconds, but as I opened my mouth everything fell silent and she froze stiff, the serving spoon slowly dripping onto the table between the pot and her bowl.

After a few moments, she slumped back in her chair. “It happened again, didn't it?”

I nodded and began eating. ‘I’ve never been so close to being a real adventurer, so why now of all times am I starting to feel like this… I showed off skills from how many classes were on my last hunt, I harvested everything myself, I used my healing magic and knowledge of alchemy to help the healers, and I even showed off my cooking skills… I know that meat is going to taste amazing. I have so many skills at this point, I’m so close. I’m only one magic away from knowing every base element.’

I chewed and swallowed, trying to ignore the awful taste of the gritty coconut shavings. “It's… good,” I said. Taking another bite. “Thanks…”

She narrowed her eyes, looking at the food, and then back at me. “I'll make you something better next time…”

“No, it's fine,” I said. It was free after all, and there was enough for more than one meal.

“Chika, are you doing ok?”

I almost laughed at the question, thinking back to when Ted asked me something similar. “I'm alive.”

“That's not what I asked.”

“Well, erm… I guess I don’t know how to answer that… Like, what do you mean by ok? I have all my fingers still.”

She took a deep breath and moved her hair behind her ears. “For starters, let's talk about what happened in the forest.”

I served myself another helping, pacing myself as I tried to eat as much as possible. “What if I don't want to talk about what happened in the forest?”

She sighed. “Well… too bad.”

I let out a groan taking another bite. “You’re so annoying, next time you want to grill me you should at least grill the meat too…”

“What triggered it?” She asked, completely ignoring me.

Thinking back, the fight replayed in my head. “Talking about it won't help, I already know what I'm afraid of. I know what it takes to not be afraid anymore too. So there's no point in talking about it.”

She paused again. “If you've got it all figured out then why is it still a problem?”

“I'm…” I turned away, “I'm working on it ok…”

“It was different this time wasn't it.”

I looked down at my fingers to notice that I had been fidgeting with them and quickly separated my hands. “Well yeah, I was in combat, and there were several wargs nearby. It all worked out, sure, but well… You know...”

She sighed standing up and taking another look around the house. “Chika, I thought you were doing good finally. Now it almost seems worse than ever.”

I chuckled. “I mean, there's a reason people join guilds, you know. The money is one thing, but having people to look out for you and make sure you don’t get mugged helps out too…” ‘Of course, if I was stronger I wouldn’t need something like that. That’s the easier solution than making friends.’