The training schedule of an Elven royal guard was brutal.
Sebastian started the day by helping unload a shipment of supplies, hauling large sacks of grain from one end of the camp to the other with Lieutenant Landriel shouting in his ear the whole time.
He barely had any time to rest before he was moved on to kitchen duty, peeling mountains of potatoes for the soldiers’ lunch.
And he wasn’t even given the chance to eat any of those potatoes before he was assigned to… the latrines.
It was one of the most harrowing mornings of Sebastian’s adult life.
Sebastian lay flat on his back under a tree, watching the sunlight dance on the leaves, and feeling every muscle in his body ache.
“You should eat something while you still have the chance,” said Landi. “We’ve got a long afternoon ahead of us.”
Sebastian pulled himself upright and picked up his bowl of potato stew. It was almost cold now, since he’d had to wait until after everyone else ate to get anything.
“Am I going to have to do all this every day?” asked Sebastian, forcing down a bite of the cold soup.
“Not every day,” said Landi, who was having no difficulty eating her cold soup. “The first few days of training are intended to get you familiar with all of the important jobs around the camp. Not only will this give you a greater appreciation for the work that your colleagues do on your behalf, but it will also give us a chance to evaluate where in the camp might be the best fit for you.”
“So eventually I’ll just have to do one of these jobs… forever.”
Landi shrugged. “Not forever. Just while you’re staying with us.”
Sebastian sighed and flopped back down again, giving up on his soup.
“Hey, buck up,” said Landi. “The job you’ll be doing this afternoon is actually pretty relaxing.”
“And what’s that?” asked Sebastian, miserably.
“Hunting,” said Landi.
The word hit Sebastian like a punch to the chest.
Hunting, he thought, and his mind was filled with the sight of a pretty little bird in a pretty little cage.
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GREETINGS BROTHER,
I HOPE THE SACRED TREES KEEP YOU AND WATCH OVER YOU WELL, AND THAT YOU DO THE SAME IN RETURN, FOR IT IS OUR DUTY TO PROTECT THE FOREST AS MUCH AS IT IS THE FOREST’S DUTY TO PROTECT US—A DUTY FOR WHICH, IF WE PERFORM IT WELL, WE WILL BE REMEMBERED AS TRUE HEROES FOR ALL TIME!
YESTERDAY I WAS ONCE AGAIN THINKING ABOUT THAT FASCINATING ASSASSIN, AND HOW MUCH I’D LIKE TO FACE THEM ONCE MORE ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE. IF PERHAPS—
Elyon skimmed through the rest of the letter as quickly as he could before tossing it aside. As usual, Zaos had little of substance to say, but every once in a while his letters contained important military intelligence, so Elyon couldn’t just ignore them entirely.
Elyon sighed. He would have to write back, too. Or Zaos’ feelings would be hurt, which would just make him act even more annoying.
Elyon pulled out a clean piece of paper and wrote in an even-handed script:
Greetings Zaos,
It’s not good to wish for battles to occur, especially battles against a foe who nearly bested you once already. Take care.
-Elyon
Elyon folded the letter and sealed it with the royal seal, then set it on top of a pile of documents meant to go out later that afternoon.
Elyon turned his attention to other important administrative matters, but as he worked he found himself somewhat distracted by thoughts of the human prince.
Elyon had spotted him briefly during the morning, peeling potatoes for lunch, and it looked like he was really struggling. It was unsurprising that an imperial prince would lack basic culinary skills, but Elyon had genuinely been worried he was going to cut himself, which wouldn’t do.
Of course, Sebastian could learn how to safely peel a potato, given time. Anyone could. But seeing that had made Elyon worry that his plan might backfire. Perhaps throwing too much new work at the prince all at once would make him lose confidence, rather than gain it. He didn’t want to break the prince’s spirit.
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I should have Landeriel change the itinerary slightly, move stable-work up to tomorrow morning, thought Elyon. Sebastian did say that he’s good with horses, after all. Perhaps he might enjoy that work more?
Elyon stared at the supply-line report in front of him, feeling a slight headache come on. The recent supply shipments had been a bit short of what they should have been. Was his father diverting funds away from the war again and hoping he wouldn’t notice?
Elyon removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. It was exhausting, being the only reasonable adult in the royal family. There were so many important details to worry about in this war, and Elyon often felt like he was the only one worrying about them. Zaos was constantly distracted by thoughts of heroism, and the King was always distracted by his parties. Only Elyon had a clear focus on the things that were really important.
…maybe I should go check on him, just to make sure he’s doing okay.
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The first step in going hunting was getting horses. Sebastian quite enjoyed that part. The elves let him borrow a beautiful little chestnut mare called Izzie, and Sebastian took his time pampering her and feeding her handfuls of oats as he got her ready to ride.
“You’re a sweet little thing, aren’t you?” said Sebastian, patting Izzie’s neck. Izzie responded by leaning her head closer to him, which made Sebastian feel both happy and proud. Horses were naturally timid as a species, and nothing felt better than quickly earning a horse’s trust.
“Hurry up,” said Landi, already mounted on her own horse. “The best hunting spots are some distance away, and we need to get going if you want to be back here in time to get any supper.”
Sebastian sighed, burying his face in the horse’s mane. “Well, a single moment of happiness is better than nothing, huh, girl?”
But even the ride through the forest was pleasant enough. Of course, the Sacred Forest still felt slightly eerie to Sebastian, like the trees were somehow too alive. Which felt like an insane thing to think, because of course all forests were full of living trees, but he felt it just the same. Still, even with that eeriness, the sun was warm, and birds were singing, and it just felt nice to be riding a horse again.
When they finally arrived at the spot, which to Sebastian looked exactly the same as all other forest clearings, Landi began teaching Sebastian how to construct traps for small animals out of various forest materials.
Sebastian wasn’t very good with his hands and he had a hard time getting the knots right, but it wasn’t actually that bad.
Maybe everything will be okay after all, thought Sebastian. No one has asked you to kill anything. Sure, these traps might be used to capture and kill some poor innocent forest creature at some point down the line, and you will have in some way contributed to that. But you haven’t actually been asked to personally kill anything, and that’s the most important thing, right?
After some struggle, Landi finally approved of Sebastian’s trap and showed him how to set it up.
“Okay…” said Landi, examining the setup. “That should be alright. Someone will be around in a few days to see if anything’s been caught.”
“That’s it then?” said Sebastian, tentatively hopeful. “We can head back now?”
Landi shook her head. “No, this was only stop one. Now we need to check on some traps that have been set previously.”
Sebastian suddenly wished he knew some more colorful swear words. If only so he could think them to himself.
At their next two stops the traps were empty, but at the third stop Sebastian was horrified to see a little white rabbit caught in a rope trap, hanging upside down by its paw.
“There we go,” said Landi, quickly dismounting from her horse to go inspect the catch.
Maybe it’s dead already, thought Sebastian. Then I won’t have to worry about—
But as Landi approached it, the rabbit started kicking and writhing, trying desperately to escape.
Sebastian closed his eyes. Whatever was about to happen, he didn’t want to watch it.
“Here,” said Landi.
Sebastian opened his eyes again. The rabbit must have exhausted itself, because it was hanging still again. And Landi was holding a knife out to Sebastian, handle towards him.
“I—I can’t, I—“
“It’s an important skill,” Landi insisted, helping Sebastian down from his horse and pressing the knife into his hand. “There’s only so much nutritional value in long-lasting preserved foods. Being able to hunt and prepare small game is essential to long-term wilderness survival. Don’t worry, I keep my knives sharp—grab it by the scruff and slit its throat and its suffering will be over quick, I promise.”
Sebastian held the knife in his hand. It felt like it weighed more than all those sacks of grain combined. But Landi was staring right at him. He had to do something. He took a step forward, toward the trapped, trembling rabbit.
What was this knife made of? It was as heavy as his father’s broadsword. And he could swear the rabbit had his mother’s eyes. He imagined himself slicing its throat, he willed himself to take that final step to do it, and he felt his father’s sword tear into his own guts, cutting his life short for no good reason, because a little child didn’t want to kill a little bird.
Sebastian dropped the knife into the dirt and fell to his knees. He couldn’t breathe. His chest hurt so bad he was fairly certain he was actually dying. Was that possible? Could a memory hurt so bad that it killed you?
“Prince Sebastian? What’s wrong?” Landi’s voice sounded far away, like he was hearing it through a pool of water.
I can’t be this pathetic, thought Sebastian. I can’t be this useless anymore, I have to—
He tried to grip the knife again, but it was like his fingers had lost all their strength. He tried again, and again, but he couldn’t pick up the knife.
“I have to…” he said, barely squeezing the words out of his lungs. “I have to…”
“Sebastian!”
Sebastian was wrapped in an embrace. He couldn’t see the knife or the rabbit anymore, just the shoulder of someone’s green cloak. The embrace was warm. It reminded him of how his mother held him when he was very small. It reminded him of how Anne hugged him in greeting sometimes, with a bright and welcoming smile. It reminded him of when he was with some lover or another, when in the throws of passion, for just a moment, there was a shining window in time where the only things that existed in the world were their two bodies and everything else was briefly, blissfully quiet.
“It’s okay, Sebastian, I’m here with you,” said Elyon. “Just breathe, please. Slowly. In and out. Everything is going to be okay. I promise. Just breathe.”